Touch Me Gently (8 page)
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He heard that deep voice shouting from across the distance, and Kaden saw Logan racing toward him, causing him to back away from the advancing figure in fear.
“Didn’t I tell you to stay away from him? He’s dangerous!” He was shouting at Kaden and without thinking, reached out to grab Kaden’s arm lightly.
Kaden froze. He wondered if Logan intended to hit him and closed his eyes tightly, seeming to scrunch in on himself. Logan realized with horror what Kaden thought and immediately let him go, clenching his hands into fists at his side. “I would think after being around me for the last four weeks you would have figured out by now that I would never, ever hit you, Kaden.” His voice was dangerously low, and Kaden sensed that he’d hurt the older man.
“Stay away from that horse.” With that, the cowboy spun around and stomped to the tool shed behind the barn.
Anger radiated from Logan as Kaden watched the stiff, broad back moving away from him. He didn’t understand how he had the power to hurt Logan like that. It wasn’t like he was anything other than an employee to him. But he knew guilt made him think that, and he tried to repress his mental voice telling him to run, fast and far. Maybe it would just be better if he disappeared from their lives. He had brought nothing but problems and trouble to the siblings, even though they had been kind and gentle from the start. His hand rose instinctively to his cheek, his fingers drifting over the ragged edges of the scar there. It had been awhile since he’d remembered that it existed, and touching it made him remember why he shouldn’t get too close to anyone.
Resolve stiffening his spine, Kaden went into the house, packed the duffel bag he’d brought with him and headed back into the kitchen to make the lunch for the men. He set it out on the table with covers over it to make sure no flies landed on it. Then he threw together dinner and placed it in the oven before quickly writing instructions on paper for Logan to finish up. Knowing that he owed the man a lot, he sat down to write an appropriate thank-you. He wrote of how much he’d loved the time he’d spent on the ranch, and how sorry he was for all the trouble he had caused. He went on to explain that the horse had come to trust him, letting him touch him willingly, and even anticipated his visits each day. He apologized for disobeying Logan’s orders, but he had been drawn to the horse because they were a lot alike. Trust did not come easily.
He propped the letter against the oven timer in the middle of the stove, grabbed his duffel bag from his room, and walked out the front door, but not without looking back for a split second. With a heavy heart, he began his long walk to town. Logan had given him his pay each week, and it rested in the bottom of his duffel bag. He had enough to get back to New York and find an apartment. Maybe it would be a good idea just to go somewhere else. Terry would probably be mad at him for abandoning another job. The sun beat down on him, sweat popping out over his forehead, upper lip, and beneath his arms, but Kaden trudged on, shrugging the bag higher up onto his shoulders. Damn, it was hot. Hopefully, he would be back to town and gone by the time Logan came back for lunch. Only Kaden didn’t count on the fact that Logan would come back to apologize to him.
Kaden reached the town about a half-hour after he left the house because someone stopped to pick him up, giving him a lift. When he hopped down out of the truck, he thanked the guy behind the wheel and turned around to find the dark-haired lady from that night at the bar coming out of a beauty salon. “You’re Kaden, aren’t you?” she asked when she spotted him, heading his way with a smile.
He nodded mutely, wondering what she wanted. “I’m Helen Chambers. I saw you that night at the honky-tonk. We didn’t have a chance to meet because of that bastard Franklin.” She held out her hand, and he shook it cautiously, studying her. “What are you doin’ in town? Charlie bring you in to get more supplies?” She looked around to see if she could spot the ranch truck.
“No. I’m going home,” Kaden said softly.
“Oh? How come? The roundup isn’t over for another couple of months, and I know for a fact that Logan would never fire you. He loves your cooking too much. He told me how happy he is that his cousin Terry suggested he give you the job. It’s been hard getting someone in to do such a heavy load.” Helen laughed lightly. She saw the haunted look that Logan spoke of the last time they had talked. And she had a feeling this young man was the reason that he hadn’t been around lately. Something in the way he spoke about him, and the look he got in his eyes, gave her that impression. She would never figure a big, masculine man such as Logan would be interested in another man, but it appeared that way. Granted, the kid did look a little on the feminine side.
“I just need to go home is all,” he lied, not wanting to tell her the truth.
“Well, that would be a real shame, baby, because those Michaels siblings really like you, and I think they’d miss you like crazy if you left. Of course, it is your choice, but at least think about sayin’ goodbye before you do.” Her voice held a serious note, and she reached out to lightly touch his unblemished cheek. “If you need someone to give you a lift to the airport, Walter Moseby’s headin’ that way to pick up his daughter. I’m sure he’d be willin’ to give ya a lift.”
Kaden looked down at the ground, his mind turning over her words and the implication behind them. Was it true? Would they miss him? No one had ever missed him before, and it caused an uncomfortable feeling to settle over his heart. If you listened really hard, you probably could have heard the ice cracking as it slowly melted a tiny bit more. Tears threatened, and he blinked hard, forcing them away. Lifting his head, he smiled shyly at her and nodded. “I think I’ll go back, like you said. Thank you, Miss Chambers.”
“It’s Helen, and don’t mention it, kid. You want a lift back?” she drawled, smiling at him and motioning to where her truck sat nearby.
He nodded enthusiastically and followed her to the truck. He spotted Logan’s truck as he reached to open the passenger door. Closing his eyes for a split second, he hung his head, knowing Logan would most likely start yelling at him. He opened his eyes to smile weakly at Helen and indicated Logan with a toss of his chin, stepping back from the truck. “I guess he found out already. Thank you for the offer, Mi…uh… Helen.”
“You take care, Kaden. I’m sure he’ll settle down. He’s a good man with a very big heart in that broad chest of his. Don’t worry too much if he acts like a bear with a thorn in its paw. He likes you a lot.” She winked at him before laughing at the I-swallowed-a-fish expression that came over the man’s face because he’d sensed the meaning behind her words. She climbed up in the truck and pulled away from the curb, waving at Logan as she drove by.
Logan pulled up to the curb beside Kaden, leaned over, and shoved the door open roughly. “Get in,” he demanded in a low voice.
Kaden winced and stepped up into the truck, saying immediately, “Before you yell at me, I couldn’t go. Helen offered me a ride back to the ranch. I’m sorry.”
The cowboy stayed quiet for a few moments, his hands clenched on the wheel and his knuckles white from the tension. Finally, he broke the silence. “Why?” That was all he said, one word.
It flooded Kaden with guilt, and he looked down at his hands resting in his lap. “Because I don’t want to cause you and Shea trouble. I’ve already caused more than one problem in your life, and you guys don’t deserve that after all the wonderful and kind things you’ve done for me. I didn’t want to pay you back by doing something to make it harder on you.”
“And you think that by leaving like that, without a word or without even saying goodbye, that it wouldn’t be making it harder on me? Dammit, Kaden. I—” He stopped himself, tightening his jaw and biting his tongue.
“I’m sorry, Logan. I really am. Give me another chance, please? I promise to try harder,” Kaden pleaded, wondering if maybe this would be his final chance to be with the cowboy.
“I’m not going to send you away, Kaden, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Logan sighed. “I already told you that before, and I’ve already told you that I want to help you. I… didn’t tell you this before because I didn’t want to scare you or make you want to leave sooner, but I want you to stay on after the roundup. We’ll continue with the same arrangement, except you’ll just be cooking for me, Shea, Charlie, and two other hands that stay on year-round.”
Kaden stared at him in amazement, floored that Logan would be offering him something so wonderful: an opportunity to become part of a team, a chance to become friends, and a place to heal. It left him speechless, and he saw the furtive glances Logan sent his way, as well as the worried look that crossed the older man’s face. “I… I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe that you actually want me to stay around even after all the trouble I’ve already caused you.”
“You aren’t trouble, Kaden. I’m sorry I yelled at you like that. I should have controlled my temper a little better. But things happen, and that’s everyday life. For about three weeks now, nothing happened, right? And besides, you stated in your letter that Mantacor seems to like you. Well, if that’s true, then maybe you can help me with him, and that way you can earn your keep, hmm?” Logan teased, noting the tension easing from Kaden’s body and the happy glow that started to invade his eyes. Relief swamped him. If he hadn’t come back to apologize, Kaden might have already left. The idea of Kaden not being around with his sweet smile and lilting voice didn’t sit well.
“Really? That would be great! He’s such a sweet horse! He truly is! And I know that if he got to know you, he’d like you too!” Kaden practically bounced in his seat and looked over at Logan, grinning widely.
Logan nodded, just listening to Kaden chattering about the horse and how every morning he went out with a treat to greet the horse, spending time with him. It made him feel good to hear that voice, because it sounded so cheerful and carefree. His heart had gone out to the boy when he’d first arrived, seeing the scar on his cheek and the ones on his feet. He knew that the kid hadn’t tried to hurt himself again because the wristband had been removed after the cuts healed and hadn’t been replaced. Throughout the past month, he’d been getting to know Kaden a little better and learning a teeny bit of his life in New York, at least whatever the kid would tell him. He’d slowly lost the objections that had gone through his mind when he’d admitted his attraction. He’d come to accept the fact that he wanted Kaden, and that he desired him more than any woman he’d ever been attracted to. It scared him a little, the intensity of his feelings for the younger man, and the lust he felt whenever he saw him, but he’d accepted it. He found it getting harder and harder not to act on his attraction. Especially when the man looked like he did at that very moment. Happy.
He wanted to touch him, hold him, and kiss him. Fear of scaring or upsetting Kaden kept him away. But it frustrated him, and he was taking it out on the men. They’d been complaining to Charlie about his attitude lately, and the way he rode them hard about their work, especially how he snapped at them for the littlest things. It wore on his nerves, and they were beginning to fray, ready to snap at any moment.
The
truck pulled into the ranch, and Shea stood on the porch, anxiously awaiting their return. As soon as she saw Kaden in the truck, she felt the tension leave her body, and she raced down the steps, launching herself at Kaden as soon as he stepped down from the truck. He staggered at the weight against him, and he hugged her, breathing the scent of shampoo in deeply. “I’m sorry, Shea,” he whispered into her hair, holding her tightly.
When she pulled back to look at him, there were tears in her eyes, and he immediately felt worse. “Please don’t cry, Shea. I couldn’t bear that. I’m sorry. I wasn’t really going to leave. As soon as I got to town, I knew I made a mistake. I had to come back.”
“You jerk! Don’t ever do that again!” She hugged him again, sniffling to try and keep her tears from falling.
He laughed. “I won’t. I promise.”
“I need to get back out there. They’re probably wondering where I am. I’ll see you guys at dinner,” Logan said, leaning out of the window, and then he drove off to wherever the men went every day.
Kaden stared after him, still wondering if everything would be okay between them. He gave Shea a smile and walked up the steps beside her. The first thing he did was put his things away again. Shea didn’t seem to want to let him out of her sight, so she trailed him to his room, sitting on his bed and watching him while he unpacked. She questioned him on the notebooks, but he just shrugged it off and put them in the top drawer of the dresser. Once he’d completed putting his meager belongings away, she’d followed him to the kitchen and helped him set up the preparations for dinner. She insisted on eating lunch with him. He washed up the few dishes they’d used, and then motioned for Shea to follow him from the house.
He took her to the corral that Mantacor was in. “The reason I left this morning is because Logan found out the secret I’ve been hiding. I… have been coming to see Mantacor every day, and he’s started to trust me.”
He indicated for her to stay near the end of the corral, and he walked further away, waiting patiently for the horse to come to him. Although it kept its eye on Shea, it approached Kaden slowly. He held out the sugar cubes in his palm, and the horse lapped them up before bumping its head against his shoulder.
Shea stared in surprise and awe. Her brother had been trying for months and months to get the animal to trust him, but to his frustration and unhappiness, the horse refused to come near him. She couldn’t believe that the boy had accomplished in a month what her brother had been trying for almost a year. “I cannot believe it. How?”
“I guess he could sense that we’re a lot alike,” Kaden explained gently, looking up at the horse and smiling, running his palm down the length of its face. “And I kept coming out here every day, talking to him and giving him treats. Eventually, he started to look forward to my visits, even calling to me or racing to the fence every time he saw me.”
“Wow. That’s so amazing. Do you think that he would be able to do that with Logan?”
“I… don’t know. It will take a lot of time to gain his trust. He’s been treated really badly.”
“Like you?” Shea questioned softly.
Kaden stiffened, leaning his forehead against the horse’s, before slowly and hesitantly giving a small nod. “Yeah. Like me.”
He spent the next hour trying to show Mantacor that Shea wouldn’t ever hurt him, but he kept shying away from the girl, or would run to the other side of the corral unless she backed away. So Kaden finally gave up after the tenth attempt, and bid the horse goodbye before heading back into the house. Shea stayed as he prepared dinner for everyone. He was just finishing up when the first truck arrived back in the yard. It would still be about fifteen to thirty minutes before everyone came inside, and he hurried to have everything on the table by then. Once again, Shea and Logan sat in the kitchen while the men sat in the dining room.
Exhaustion from the seemingly endless day set in, and Kaden collapsed into his bed gratefully once the dishes had been washed, asleep almost instantly. About two in the morning he jolted awake at a strange sound. Lying there, he waited for it to happen again, and he realized with horror what had caused the sound. A storm raged outside the house, and rain beat against the clapboard side of the building. Lightning lit up his room, and a loud rumble literally shook the windows, causing him to let out a cry of fear and to leap from the bed. Storms terrified him, even now, after all these years. He lunged for the closet, opening the door and slamming it behind him. He scrunched down into the farthest corner, bringing his knees up to his chest, and covered his ears with his hands. Whimpers issued from his throat, because even with his hands over his ears, he could still hear the thunder and feel it in the energy around him.
Logan had also been awakened by the storm, a few minutes before Kaden, and had gotten up to use the bathroom. He’d pulled the sheets back to slip in between the covers when he heard what sounded like a scream. His heart started pounding, and he rushed to Shea’s room, quietly opening the door to find her sleeping, curled up beneath the sheets. He took the stairs as quickly but softly as possible, heading toward Kaden’s room. The door wasn’t locked, and he twisted the handle, easing the door open to peer inside, but the sheets were thrown back and the bed sat empty. He stepped inside and looked around the room. Panic set in, along with the fear that Kaden had decided to leave again. Calming himself, Logan reasoned that Kaden might be somewhere else in the house, so he turned to go look in the kitchen and living room, but a sound stopped him. He realized that it had come from the closet.
Lightning lit up the room again as he opened the closet door and spotted Kaden sitting in the corner of the closet. “Kaden? What’s wrong?” He kneeled down in front of Kaden. He could see the shivers wracking the boy’s body, and that his eyes were scrunched closed in terror. Reaching out, he gently laid his hand on Kaden’s knee. “Kaden? Are you afraid of thunderstorms? Is that it?”
Kaden felt the hand on his knee and looked up to see Logan on his knees in front of him, and without a thought, he launched himself at Logan, his arms wrapping around the man’s waist. He felt Logan’s arms come around his back, and then he felt himself lifted into Logan’s lap like a child as the man adjusted himself to lean against the closet door. “Shh. It’s all right. It’s only a thunderstorm. It’ll be over soon.” Logan soothingly ran his hands up and down Kaden’s back, almost groaning at how good the younger man felt in his arms and against his body.
Logan could feel the teen shuddering, and when a particularly loud rumble of thunder shook the house on its foundation, the boy let out a mewling cry of fear, pressing tighter against the cowboy. “Kaden, shh. It’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m here with you. Calm down.”
The storm slowly rolled away, leaving the rain pelting the windows, as Logan continued to hold Kaden and try to comfort him. He tried to concentrate on anything but the firm rear against his crotch. Exquisitely painful, the contact only made him desire Kaden even further. The thin body lying against his was so fragile in his arms, and he almost trembled at the thought of someone hurting such a delicate being. Kaden had buried his face against his throat, and he could feel the warmth of his breath whispering over the skin there, causing his body temperature to rise, and he gritted his teeth, trying to keep from getting aroused. Eventually, the only sounds left in the room were the gentle tapping of misty rain hitting the window panes and the breath issuing from their lungs.
Kaden became aware of being held, and the person who held him. Next he became aware of the deep, earthy scent on the flesh beneath his nose, and he licked at his suddenly dry lips, accidentally brushing over the salty, sensitive skin on Logan’s neck. He felt the older man shudder, and Logan’s arms tightened briefly. He pulled back to look up at Logan, and tried to smile at him, but it didn’t quite make it. Logan’s head dipped down close to his, his lips brushing lightly over Kaden’s before pulling back. Surprise coursed through Kaden, and he could only stare at the other man, his lips tingling from the slide of skin over skin. Logan reached up a hand to caress Kaden’s cheek, ignoring the feeling of the scarred flesh beneath his fingers. Seeing no resistance from Kaden, he leaned forward and pressed his lips more firmly over Kaden’s.
He felt the response from Kaden in the soft movement of Kaden’s lips under his, and he moaned, flicking his tongue over the plump bottom lip, caressing the skin there. Kaden’s eyes opened wide, and he let out a small gasp, heat filling his veins like liquid flames. “Kaden?” Logan questioned hoarsely, his green eyes searching Kaden’s violet ones.
Eyes slowly closing, Kaden leaned forward, this time returning the kiss and increasing the intimacy by using his own tongue hesitantly, almost fainting with the sensations that flooded him at the feel of Logan’s tongue rubbing along his. It felt so good to be able to kiss Logan. They slowly, languidly made love to each other’s mouths, forgetting everything around them as they lost themselves in the kiss. Their hands stayed where they were, just their lips connecting them intimately. They only broke the kiss to gasp for breath. Kaden buried his face back in the crook of Logan’s neck, his face flaming in embarrassment.
Logan chuckled softly and ran his fingers through Kaden’s hair. “Did you enjoy that?” he asked curiously, and he felt Kaden nod against him. “Good.”
He nuzzled at Kaden’s ear for a moment, and then reluctantly set Kaden aside and stood, holding his hand out to pull Kaden to his feet. “We should get some more sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” He dropped a small kiss on the top of Kaden’s head.
Kaden watched in a daze as Logan left the room, his hand unconsciously reaching up to trace the outline of his lips in wonder, but then doubt set in. Had the cowboy only kissed him because he’d been upset? His mind demanded that he believe that, but the half of his heart that had been released from the cage of ice he’d formed around it years ago demanded he acknowledge that the kiss had come after he’d calmed down. So the man must have kissed him because he wanted to. Kaden crawled into bed and lay there until the alarm went off, thinking about what had happened. He’d felt the kiss all the way down to his toes.
Crickets were still chirping when he started preparing breakfast, still slightly bemused from those shared moments with Logan in the darkness. It had been the gentlest, sweetest kiss he’d ever experienced. It left him bewildered that passion could make him feel good, instead of the pain he’d always associated with it. Would Logan regret it once the light of day began to shine? No matter what happened, Kaden would never regret it, or wish it had never happened. He was just setting the plates out for the ranch hands when he heard Logan’s boots on the stairs. A flush dusted his high cheekbones when the cowboy stepped into the room, the man’s eyes immediately settling on him, and the sensuous lips that had pressed so heatedly against his last night curved up at the corners. Kaden nervously pushed a lock of hair behind his ear before returning the smile, dropping his eyes to the floor.
Logan felt his heart leap in his chest at the shy actions, and he moved toward him, intent on repeating the early morning’s events, only to stop in frustration when the sound of boots and men’s voices filtered through to him. Kaden darted into the kitchen to get everything set out on the table before they reached the house. Logan gave a strained smile and good morning to his ranch hands. He wanted to speak with Kaden and hoped that Shea would sleep in so he could over breakfast, but as he sat down at the kitchen table, he heard Shea calling a cheerful greeting to the hands, and then she appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.