Touch Me Gently (6 page)

“Kaden?” He heard Shea’s voice behind him, and then he felt her gentle hand on his back, rubbing it soothingly.

He collapsed to the ground, his hands fisting in the dirt beneath him. Sobs wracked his body as he cried. Shea gathered him close to her, the softness of her body pressing against the sharp angles of his. The scent of her natural perfume and flowery shampoo drifted over him. It reminded him so much of his mother. He buried his face in her neck and just let out his emotions. She whispered soothing words to him, rubbing his back and rocking him. “If you keep this up you’ll make yourself sick, Kaden. Please stop crying.”

Logan stood there, his knuckles bruised and aching, and his stomach clenching at the shattered cries coming from the boy in his sister’s arms. His eyes met hers, and they shared a look of utter helplessness. How did you stop a heart from breaking? How can you change someone’s past? Murderous rage raced through Logan’s veins, and he closed his eyes, sending a prayer heavenward. He’d fired Franklin right after he’d punched the man and warned the bastard to stay away from the kid.

“Kaden,” he called quietly, stiffening when he saw how Kaden trembled and pressed even closer to Shea. “Let’s go home, okay?” He stepped closer, squatting close to his sister and the boy.

He reached out and gently placed a hand on Kaden’s shoulder, almost crying as well when the teenager seemed to shrink even further into himself. He started to rub his shoulder and remembered the night that Golden Star had her foal. The words that Kaden had sung to him afterward came to mind, and he started to sing softly. His voice low and calm as the words flowed from his lips. He almost smiled with relief and joy when he felt the boy start to relax. The tension eased from Kaden’s body, leaving him limp and weak against Shea. Shea gave Logan a questioning look, but he just shook his head and continued to sing Kaden’s song.

Kaden heard Logan’s voice from a long way off. He was singing his mother’s song! The voice was smooth and low, calming his emotions and bringing him back from the edge he’d been on. That awful man’s actions had triggered the memories of things he wished he could forget. The oily skin pressing against his, the hard length digging into his stomach, and the scent of sweat and alcohol on the man had gagged him. But now Logan crouched beside him, his hand tenderly caressing his back and his voice crooning to him, calling to him. Everything called Kaden back to him. His tears slowed and his sobs began to quiet, drifting off to nothing but hiccupping sighs. The song faded away, and he lay there, exhausted. Embarrassment came fast on the heels of his panic attack, and he couldn’t face them as he pulled away from the girl. “I’m sorry,” he whispered ashamedly.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Shea said fiercely. “That bastard forced himself on you, and had no right to touch you when you so obviously didn’t want it. I’d have killed him myself if Logan hadn’t already beat him up.”

Kaden jerked in surprise and brought his head around to look at Logan. His eyes were wide with wonder as he stared at the larger man, who was still squatting beside them. The man gave him a sheepish look and reached up to rub the back of his own neck. “The bastard deserved it!” Logan exclaimed, his eyes shifting toward the ground and away from the gaze locked on him.

“Thank you,” Kaden said, his expression one of gratefulness.

“You’re welcome. I just wish I had noticed sooner,” Logan replied his voice filled with guilt.

Baffled, Kaden protested, “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have left the bar like Shea told me.”

“You shouldn’t have to worry about a man like him,” the cowboy growled. “He was warned to stay away from you. Well, he won’t get another chance because I fired him.”

“Eh? But… but… why?” Kaden panicked at the thought that he might have caused too much trouble.

“Because he went against my orders and touched you.” Logan spoke without thinking and then realized how that sounded. “I, uh….”

For the first time since they’d met, Kaden initiated contact between them and reached out to touch the older man’s cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered, his fingers flexing slightly against the hard cheek beneath them before he pulled away.

Logan wanted nothing more than to snatch Kaden’s hand and bring it back to his face, but he shoved the urge away. Not only would that not be appropriate, it would probably frighten the kid again. It humbled him that Kaden felt comfortable enough with him to touch him like that. “Come on, let’s go. I think we all need some rest.”

Kaden carefully stood, his legs somewhat shaky, and helped Shea to her feet. His eyes were red-rimmed, and dirt streaked his clothes. He brushed off as much as he could before climbing into the passenger seat beside Shea. Logan walked back inside to tell his date good night and back out to his own truck. Logan followed behind Shea and Kaden, making sure that they got home all right.

Kaden was on his way to his room when Logan called his name. He tensed, wondering if this was where he finally got fired. He made a mental decision that if that was the case then he would go with as much dignity and as little trouble as possible, so he swung around to face Logan standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“I know that we’ve only just met and that you don’t trust me just yet.” Kaden went to protest that statement but Logan cut him off with a wry smile and a look. “I know you don’t trust me. And I understand that. But when you’re ready to talk, and you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you. Always.”

Kaden’s breathing deepened at the implication behind Logan’s words, but his own voice seemed lost to him. He didn’t know if he would ever be ready to reveal his past to Logan. But he gave a small nod and a smile to show he understood before continuing on to his bedroom. He was already beginning to trust the older man, even though his brain was screaming at him not to. For some reason, he felt a tiny bit of his heart opening to the man, and wondered if it would be another mistake on his part. He stripped his clothes off, tossing them into the trash can. There was no way he could wear those again without remembering that slimy man’s hands all over him. After dressing in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, the urge to retreat to a place he felt safe overwhelmed him. He grabbed his notebook and the small flashlight in his nightstand drawer before going into the closet and shutting the door. It was a childish action, he knew that, but he’d never been able to beat it. It was the only place he felt he was able to hide.

Once
his nerves had calmed, his hands had stopped shaking, and he was successfully able to lock his memories away, Kaden exited the closet and sank down on the edge of the bed, the book open beside him. It was almost time for him to get up for preparing the breakfast meal, so he didn’t bother trying to lie down and sleep. Instead, he went to his duffel bag and dug through it to find his cigarettes and lighter. He didn’t smoke a whole lot, but whenever he had the urge he gave in. Carefully opening his bedroom door, he listened to see if anyone was awake, but there was no noise. He tiptoed barefoot down the hallway toward the front door. He nibbled on his bottom lip, wincing when the lock clicking open sounded loud in the deafening silence around him. He quietly pushed open the screen door just enough to slip through, catching it before it could bang against the jamb.

Settling easily into the porch swing, he set it to gently rocking with his toe and lit up the cigarette, inhaling deeply. He almost sighed with pleasure as he felt the smoke invading his lungs, that first pleasant sting after being without one for so long. He could hear some crickets that were still awake in the early morning hours, and the subtle shifting of horse hooves on the ground from Mantacor. The horse intrigued him. Every day since Logan had told him about the horse, he’d gone out after cleaning up the breakfast dishes and stood with the horse, watching him move around the enclosure. He always brought something—a carrot, apple, or sugar cube—with him for the horse, and the animal had begun to realize that. Every day the horse trusted him a little bit more, and just that morning Mantacor had raced over to the fence when he saw Kaden approaching.

Once the horse ate the treat, he would back away from him, but Kaden would stand there and watch the animal. Eventually the horse would make his way to him like that first day, letting Kaden stroke his muzzle or neck. He felt a little guilty for not saying anything, but if he told Logan, he might get mad at him for disobeying his words that night. He didn’t want to make the older man mad or cause him to worry. It wasn’t like he actually went into the paddock with the horse. He just liked to watch him. It comforted him, like watching a poem or beautiful song in motion—the strong graceful neck, the long strides, the tail rising high in the air as the horse pranced with its mane flaring out behind him when he chose to run. The sheer beauty of the horse more than defied the ugliness of his scar.

A noise to his left brought his head around, and he saw Logan standing in the doorway, the screen door casting deeper shadows over him. “Couldn’t sleep?” the man asked huskily.

Kaden shook his head and sheepishly showed him the cigarette. Logan pushed open the screen door and stepped out onto the porch, moving over to settle his long length beside Kaden. “Those are bad for you, you know.”

“I know. I don’t smoke very often. Only….” He trailed off and looked away.

“I used to smoke, but I quit about three years ago. A close friend of our family wound up with lung cancer from smoking for twenty years. We watched him slowly wither and die. It was a terrible thing to see and made me realize that I wanted to be around to see my family and friends. I didn’t want to do that to them,” Logan said meaningfully, looking out into the inky blackness surrounding the house.

Kaden smiled ruefully and leaned over to stub out the cigarette on the underside of the railing, setting it aside to take it to the trash. Logan gave him a pleased smile, and pleasure invaded Kaden. He didn’t understand why, but he wanted to make the cowboy happy. They sat there in companionable silence for a while, just occasionally setting the swing to rocking. Logan broke the silence to explain about Sunday being his day off. “Sundays are your days off. You won’t need to cook, and you can do whatever you want. Read, swim, or Shea mentioned she wanted to teach you to ride, so maybe you could do that.”

“Swim?” Kaden asked, surprised because he hadn’t seen a pool on the property.

“Yeah, I know you haven’t exactly explored much, but we have a pond nearby where you can swim. Maybe all three of us can go, and we’ll make a day of it, picnic lunch and all,” Logan said excitedly.

Kaden shook his head furiously. “I…can’t swim,” he confessed, embarrassed to admit that to the larger man.

“Well, then, we can teach you,” Logan said proudly, smiling encouragingly at Kaden.

“I… guess that would be okay,” he said, caving, letting the man have his way.

The big man grinned broadly and gave a pleased nod. They lapsed into silence again, but then Logan astounded Kaden. “And who told you to go in my room?” he asked suddenly.

“But… uh… I thought I am supposed to clean too!” Kaden exclaimed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do anything wrong. I—” But his tirade of words cut off when he saw the teasing glint in Logan’s eyes. “Don’t be mean,” he admonished softly. “I thought I did something wrong.”

“Aww. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist. Thank you. I know I’m a bit of a slob. But it’s mostly because of lack of time to do everything.” Logan sighed. “I appreciate it. A lot. You don’t really have to clean. I’m sure Terry told you that because he knows how busy we get at this time, and I never have the chance to do the house cleaning and all. Usually one of the ladies from town will come in a couple times a week. But she’s been ill so it’s been piling up.”

“I don’t mind. If I just had to cook I’d go out of my mind with nothing to do. I enjoyed it. And I have to say, your room had to be the worst of them all.” Kaden wrinkled his nose at Logan, unaware of how cute it made him look or the thoughts suddenly running through Logan’s mind about wanting to kiss him.

Logan cleared his throat and grinned sheepishly. “I told you. I’m a bit of a slob. Mom always had to threaten me to get me to clean my room when I was a kid too. I prefer to be outdoors instead of inside on beautiful days or even rainy days.”

They continued to talk for a little while longer. Kaden loved being able to see a side of Logan that he hadn’t seen yet, the playful side. The more he learned about the bigger man, the more attracted he became. It occurred to him that when he left Montana it would be more than probable that he would be leaving his heart behind. In the past week, he’d seen Logan treat everyone around him with kindness and respect, treat the animals and horses with gentle hands, and even treat Kaden with that same tenderness. Ignoring his thoughts of leaving, he stood up and stretched, yawning. “I need to get breakfast going, otherwise I might upset the herd.”

Logan watched the boy for a moment, studying the slim form and graceful way he moved. The impulse to lean over and kiss him had been strong, but also shocking. He didn’t know how to handle these thoughts and emotions he had around this young man before him. It was new territory to him. That, and the boy wasn’t exactly open to being touched. He still had more than two and a half months to figure it out and to gain Kaden’s trust. Hopefully in that short amount of time he could gain the boy’s affections too.

“I think I’ll go take a shower and get dressed. Long day today.” With that said, he stood and allowed Kaden to enter the house first. His eyes were drawn to his slender backside, a backside that his hands would love to fully explore.

Saturday passed peacefully. Kaden finished up Logan’s laundry, folding and putting everything away, including his boxers and underwear. It still felt weird handling the older man’s drawers, but he supposed that it was all part of the job. He felt exhausted by the time he’d finished the dishes from the dinner meal. He could barely keep his eyes open as he washed. As soon as the last dish had been put away, he trudged into his room, fell crosswise across the bed, and passed out into a dreamless, deep sleep.

The sound of someone knocking on his bedroom door woke him from the first restful sleep he’d had in a long time. Stumbling from the bed, he opened the door to stare blankly up at Logan. Logan smiled softly and slowly reached out to brush a lock of his hair back into place. “Time to get up.” Kaden nodded dumbly and turned to go into the adjoining bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Logan chuckled quietly at the image the teen made. The sleep-softened expression, his hair disheveled as though… his breath hitched at the idea that had just run through his mind, and he shook his head to clear it. He turned around and headed to the kitchen to make up the lunch for the three of them. Shea bounded down the stairs a few moments later. “Where’s Kaden?”

“Still getting ready. I think he actually slept the whole night last night,” he told her quietly.

“That’s great! I hear him at night, moving around in his room sometimes,” she confessed, her expression troubled.

Logan nodded and continued with constructing several sandwiches, wrapping them up, and placing them in the old-fashioned picnic basket his mother had always loved. Then he added some of the leftover potato salad from the other day, paper plates, napkins, forks, and some of the cookies that Kaden had baked yesterday. Placing that by the front door, he grabbed the small cooler and put in some cans of soda and bottles of iced tea before covering them with ice. He added that to the stuff by the door, which already included a blanket for them to sit on and towels to dry off with. He was loading the truck when Kaden came walking down the hallway, yawning tiredly. He blinked owlishly at the sight of everything already completed. “You should have let me do that,” he complained.

“Everyone deserves a day off. Don’t sweat it,” Logan replied, slinging the blanket and towels over his arm. “Are you ready? Wait, don’t you have shorts?”

“Huh?” Kaden looked down at his jeans, one knee torn and the other frayed. “Oh… no. I don’t like to wear shorts.”

“Here, hold these and wait a minute.” The cowboy handed him the stuff in his arms and took the stairs two at a time back to the second floor. Thirty seconds later, Logan came dashing back downstairs. He thrust a pair of shorts at Kaden. “These should fit. They’re from when I was in high school.”

Kaden stared at the blue and white shorts that Logan held out to him. The thought of wearing something that had been close to the man’s skin sent a shudder of awareness through him, and he reluctantly took the clothing from him. He swiftly turned around, racing back down to his room, and slammed the door behind him. He leaned his back against the hard wood and stared down at the shorts again. A shiver raced down his spine. Trying to ignore it, he stripped off his sneakers and jeans and stepped into the shorts before putting his jeans back on over them. In the middle of retying his shoes, he froze. Swimming meant that he would have to take off his shirt. And then they would see. No, he couldn’t let them. Not that. He’d just leave his shirt on and swim with it. That decided, he grabbed an extra T-shirt from the closet before going back out into the living room.

“All right, then! Let’s go,” Logan said happily, glad to be able to spend some time with Kaden. Maybe this would be his chance to get to know the kid a little more. “Since you can’t ride yet, we’ll take the truck.”

Kaden was thankful that Shea sat in between him and Logan. Trying to keep his relief from being obvious, he kept his expression carefully blank and stared out the windshield as the vehicle started rolling. It didn’t take more than five minutes to get to the pond by truck, and he gazed around curiously as he slid down from the seat, taking in the large body of water, a couple of trees around it, and the mountains in the back. He was awed by the breathtaking beauty and couldn’t help but stop and stare. “I look at it that exact same way every time I come out here,” Logan said bemusedly, coming to stand by his side to stare out over the land with a prideful expression.