Torn (Devils Wolves Book 1) (26 page)

She nods, her eyes dancing with the same happiness I'm feeling. "I really am. It's beautiful up here."

"It is." I reach for her hand and she immediately slides hers into mine like we've been together forever.

And maybe we have.

We walk a ways into the woods, following the beaten trail to where there are groups of small waterfalls running down the mountain. The air is cooler up here than it was down in our town, and it makes me want to pull her closer to me and put my arm around her. As if reading my mind, she looks up at me and leans her head against my arm.

"I'm glad you asked me to come." She says softly.

"Me, too. I've been wanting to do this for a while."

When we reach the first waterfall that pours over the cliff, we sit next to each other on a huge rock nestled into the side of the mountain with large tree roots twisting around it. I'm glad no one else is here today. Most times when I come up here there's other riders or couples here, and sometimes kids running around making a lot of noise.

"You glad to be back home?" I ask.

"Yeah, I always get a little homesick, even though I love being with Aunt Katherine. She asked me to come back and stay there. Like permanently...to live there and work with her."

A flash of hot pain seers through my gut and up into my chest. "Is that what you want to do?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even.

She runs her finger along a soft patch of moss on the rock. "It's tempting. I like being there and meeting the new guests is always pretty cool. And she would teach me how to cook more meals so I can be more helpful," she raises her eyes to mine. "But I also was looking forward to working with you at the shop like we talked about and volunteering with your mom at the shelter and helping you with the rescues."

"I'm sure there's an animal shelter near Katherine's where you could volunteer."

"Yeah...that's true but you and your mom are like family, so it means more to me. Before I left for Maine, your mom and I were talking about things we could do to raise more awareness about the shelter and rescue, and how we can help people more who have lost their pets like printing lost posters for them. If we had a high speed laser printer we could print off a few hundred lost notices in just a few minutes and start hanging them around town right away. For most people, it takes them days to print those things and they only print like twenty. I wanted to buy the printer and donate it," her thin shoulders shrug shyly. "I don't know, I was just thinking of ways to help. It makes me feel good."

I try to speak but I can't because I'm too busy fighting the urge to kiss her again. She's so damn perfect for me. And maybe I made her that way by spending too much time with her over the years. I meshed her into every part of my life, and now she's grown into someone who cares as much about the things that are important to me as I do. Sydni never invested herself into the pet rescue with me and often rolled her eyes when I talked about it. And she definitely wouldn't be caught dead at my mom’s shelter bathing dogs or walking around town hanging posters of lost pets. It always bothered me to not have someone who would be involved in that part of my life with me. Especially after growing up with two parents who were so dedicated to their mission that they built their entire lives around it.

Kenzi continues to talk, completely clueless to the fact that she's crawling even deeper into my heart and making me want to run home, dump my jar of change onto the floor and stick a monstrous ring on her finger. My head starts to feel dizzy and I gulp my water, hoping it will wash away the fucked-up thoughts and feelings I'm having.

"And I was thinking it would be nice to maybe have some sort of grief counseling available for the people who have a missing pet that we find out has passed away while it was missing. Like that poor lady whose dog got run over. Remember how devastated she was?" She blinks back a tear. "When Snuggles died it, took me days to stop crying. I can't imagine what those people feel like that lose their pets so suddenly and tragically, ya know?"

I nod and drink more water.

I will not think about proposing to an eighteen-year-old girl.

"What? Is it all stupid?" She asks.

"God, no."

"Then why aren't you saying anything?"

"You just sorta amaze me sometimes, that's all. I love how your mind works." I put my water bottle on the rock next to me again.

"So you like my ideas?"

"No, I
love
your ideas. So will my mom."

She beams. "Really? I was going to talk to her next week."

"Seriously, she'll love all of it, Kenz. I'll even split the cost of the printer with you, how's that sound? It's a wicked cool idea for us to do that to help people. The faster the posters go up, the better chance they have of finding the dog."

She nods with excitement. "I like being able to do something that makes a difference, ya know? It makes me feel important and like I'm doing something that actually matters. I don't want to be the rich rock stars kid that does nothing. I want to help."

"Yeah. It's kind of an addicting feeling."

"It really is. And what about me working at the shop? Do you still want me to when Gretchen leaves?"

Yes, I want you with me every moment of every day of every year.

"I do but I have to admit, I think working at the Inn is way more glamorous and will give you more of a future. Why would you want to work in a dirty bike shop answering phones and doing mundane shit all day?"

"Because then I can be close to you. And it's your family's business. It's not just a random job to me. It means just as much to me as the Inn."

I nod slowly and listen to the rush of the water that's barely drowning out the screams in my own head. She's doing everything she can to be part of my life, and I can either let her or I can put a stop to it. I can end this all now and watch her run back to Maine. I know she'll be okay. She'll forget about me eventually and will meet someone her own age, and I'll move on and find someone who isn't her and we'll both be fine. Things will go back to how they were before.

Right. Keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll believe it.

"Let's think about it," I finally say. "I want you to do what's best for you, and not do things just so you can be near me. No matter what you choose, we'll still see each other. Maine is a nice, easy ride. I can visit you whenever we want to spend time together. You don't have to get involved in all my stuff just to see me."

"I know that, but I want to be involved in your 'stuff'. And not just to see you. It's more than that. I wouldn't get involved with the shelter and work at your shop just to stalk you, Tor. I'm not that crazy."

Chuckling at her stalker comment, I grab her hand and thread our fingers together. "I know you're not. I just want what's best for you. That's all."

"I want what's best for you, too. I want you to be happy."

That statement throws me. "You don't think I'm happy?"

She tilts her head and quirks the corner of her mouth as she thinks about that. "Honestly? Not really. I don't think you are. I watch you a lot, like at the bonfires, and I hardly ever see you smile. You've always kinda have this dark broodiness about you."

"Dark broodiness?" I repeat, slightly offended. "Get outta here. You've been reading too many of your grandmother’s romance books."

She smacks my shoulder playfully. "Don't make fun of me. I'm being serious."

"Then don't call me dark and broody. Fuck. At least give me some better words."

"Hmmm..." she studies my face, seriously trying to come up with words to describe me. "Okay, I'm gonna go with tortured and romantic." She says triumphantly.

"Wow..." I look away from her, not really wanting her to see that she's so right that it hurts.

"What? You don't like those words either?"

"I think you're pretty spot on. As usual." I keep my eyes on a butterfly fluttering around by the waterfall. It reminds me of her, so beautiful and free, innocently playing so close to something that could suck her right into its depths and consume her.

"How would you describe me?" Shyness laces her voice, which is not something I hear in her often.

Taking a deep breath, I turn to face her. "There's a million words I could use to describe you, Angel. We could be here for days. Weeks, even."

She giggles. "Just pick two like I did."

Damn. If I pick the wrong words I could hurt her feelings and I don't want to ruin the good day we're having. She watches my face with hopeful anticipation as I search my brain for exactly the right words.

"Okay. I have three."

"I get a bonus word?" She asks.

"Yes, because you're that special. So, I'm gonna go with enchanting, adorable, and loving."

She breaks out into a huge smile. "Enchanting! I love that! I sound like a magical fairy!"

"Something like that."

Leaning closer to me, she kisses my shoulder, her mouth so close that I can smell the strawberry gloss on her lips and I want to taste it so bad my mouth is practically watering. She wore same stuff the day I kissed her on the couch. The taste stayed on my lips for hours afterward, tantalizing me long after she stormed out and slammed the door in my face. I ache to push her down on this rock and kiss her again right now but I'm fighting that hard. I wanted today to be a day of us spending time together alone and just enjoying each other without any sexual or emotional turmoil.

I was stupid to think that could happen, though, because I can't be within twenty feet of her now without wanting to kiss every inch of what I glimpsed in her pictures. Or wanting to just stare into her eyes for hours on end and tell her how much I love her.

Now she's looking out at the river in front of us with a faraway daze in her eye. A few strands of her golden hair have come out of her braid from the ride and are blowing lightly across her cheek. She looks beautiful.

"It's so pretty and peaceful here," she says dreamily. "Don't you wish we could live here, up in the mountains in a little log cabin with the sound of the water around us?"

"Yeah. I do."

"It might even be better than the little house with the porch and the picket fence." She adds.

"They both sound great, Angel. And I have no doubt you'll have one or the other. Or maybe even both someday."

She turns to me. "It would only be great if you lived in them with me."

I try not to fall off the ledge we're sitting on. I hate that she has the ability to completely rock me with just words.

"You're only eighteen, Kenz. You've got lots of time to think about where you want to live and who you think you want to live with, trust me."

She lets out a short huff. "You're never going to think of me as an adult, are you?" She accuses, trying to pull her hand out of mine. I hold onto her, not letting her go.

"That's not true, Kenzi. I
do
see you as a beautiful, mature, sensual woman. But I also see the little girl I watched grow up, and sometimes it’s hard for me to
not
see her when I look at you. It's hard for me to let her go. You have to cut me a little slack and try to understand that."

She nods and chews her lip. "I'm sorry. I know this is harder for you than it is for me in a lot of ways. I guess I'm a little bit of a brat; I just want to be with you and forget everything else. So that probably
is
my immaturity showing."

"I wouldn't say it's immaturity. I mean, how can you help yourself when I'm so fuckin' insanely irresistible, right?" I joke, trying to lighten up the mood.

Her mouth falls open and she starts to laugh. "Look at you, all in love with yourself." She teases. "It's true though. There's definitely something about you, Tor. Every girl I know drools over you."

I lift our hands up and press my lips against her knuckles, holding her hand there. "I really only care what you think. They don't see me like this. Only you do."

Her hand starts to tremble with nervousness in mine, and I wonder if things ever went further with us if she would be a shaking bundle of nerves. I have to admit, a part of me likes that I make her so shaky. It makes me want to make love to her until she explodes and then calms in my arms. I want to watch and feel that transition something fierce.

"Can I ask you something personal?" She asks.

"Sure." I kiss her hand again and wait for the shaking.
One...two...shaking starts.
My cock hardens like a rock in my jeans wondering where else she's quivering.

"You're not like this with anyone else? This sweet?"

"No. Not like I am with you. Not even close."

"I'm glad," she says. "I know I'm being a brat again, but I want that part of you all to myself."

"Well, you got it."

Her eyes settle on my mouth as it rests against her hand, and she licks her lips, wanting me to kiss her. I can feel it emanating from her like white heat.

I fight the temptation. "Just so you know...I'm not seeing anyone else. And I haven't been physical with anyone in a long time. I don't want you feeling like some side toy for me."

Her gaze shifts up to lock with mine as she absorbs my words, and I watch the way the color of them changes in the sunlight from light green to a deep forest green.

"Are we seeing each other?" She asks, her voice wavering.

"I think we're way beyond seeing each other in a lot of ways, Kenzi."

"What are we, then?" I can barely hear her over the sound of the water, and I almost wish I hadn't. I don't know the answer to that question, and that's what's been shredding up my insides for months.

"I'm trying to figure that out, love." I answer quietly.

That seems to satisfy her for now as she nods slowly and then looks back out at the water, but I feel like I have to say more.

"The thing is...I'm afraid of how much I want you. And need you. I want a lot, Kenzi. And with you, I think it's going to be way beyond anything I've ever felt before."

"Is that bad?"

"I honestly don't know. But I do know I'm looking for my last relationship, and you haven't even had a first yet."