To Tame a Renegade (25 page)

“What makes you an expert?” Chad asked harshly.

“I’ve been there,” she reminded him. “I suffered the same kind of guilt you’re feeling. For a long time I thought I was responsible for what Freddie Jackson did to me. I felt that he must have seen something in me I wasn’t aware of myself, and that I deserved my fate. In time I came to realize it
wasn’t
my fault. I guess having Abner made me realize I had to lose my guilt and live for my child. Having to work to support Abner left me little time for self-pity.”

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Sarah, but you’ve never killed anyone. You don’t know what it’s like to see innocent people die because of something you’ve done.”

“I’ll go with you to the Rocking D,” Sarah offered, deciding not to belabor the point with Chad. It was going to take more persuasion than she was capable of to convince him to set aside his guilt.

“I’ll go tomorrow,” Chad said. “Maybe Pierce will return before then and handle it for me.” He paused in the doorway. “Thank you, Sarah. I don’t deserve you.” Then he was gone.

Sarah hugged Chad’s words to her as if they were a precious mantle. She wanted to be the kind of woman Chad needed, even if she had to convince him that he
did
need her.

To Chad’s chagrin, his brothers didn’t return to the ranch, not that day or the next. Whether he liked it or not, he had to go to the Rocking D himself. He was in the yard hitching a horse to the buckboard for the trip when Sarah walked up to him.

“Have you seen Abner?”

Abner ducked from beneath the buckboard. “What do you want. Mama?”

“Time for your nap, honey.”

“Aw, Mama, I’m too big to nap. Besides, Chad’s gonna take me for a ride in the buckboard.”

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come along,” Chad said. “It’s a decent day. Maybe the last one for awhile. Abner could use an outing.”

“You’re going to the Rocking D.” When Chad did not refute her words, Sarah said, “Of course, I’ll come with you. Give me time to get warm wraps for me and Abner. Is it far?”

“No, not far at all. Get your wraps while I finish up here.”

“I wish I had my own pony,” Abner said wistfully.

“Perhaps that can be arranged,” Chad said absently.

“Did you hear that, Mama?” Abner said, jumping up and down with excitement. “My very own pony!”

Sarah heard and didn’t like Chad’s raising the boy’s hopes. It was unlikely they’d be around long enough for Abner to own a pony. “Well see,” she hedged.

A short time later they were seated side by side on the wagon’s unsprung seat, jostling over a rutted dirt road skirting Delaney land. The days were growing colder; there was a promise of snow in the air. Abner was too excited to notice the chill.

They had been on the road less than an hour when Sarah noted a long line of freshly painted fences and a ranch house beyond. Suddenly Chad drew rein. Sarah watched him closely, wondering what he was thinking. She didn’t have long to wonder.

“That’s the Doolittle ranch up ahead.”

It occurred to Sarah that not all of Chad’s demons were inside him; many of them existed in that house. His reluctance to continue down the rutted road gave Sarah a hint of what was going on inside him and her heart went out to him.

“It’s too late to turn back now,” Sarah said quietly. Chad must have agreed for he took up the reins and set the horse into motion.

A man came out of the barn to meet them as they pulled into the yard. “Are you Chad Delaney?” he asked. Chad nodded. “Mr. Zigler said you’d be coming around. A good thing, too. Winter is coming on, there isn’t enough work around the place to keep the hands busy and they’re starting to drift off.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Griff Henry, the foreman.”

Chad dismounted, lifted Abner from the buckboard, and shook hands with Henry. “I won’t lie to you, Henry. I don’t intend to keep the place. I’d prefer to sell it, but if I can’t find a buyer, I’ll lease it.”

“I reckon you’ll want to have a look around,” Henry said. “The Zigler boys kept the place in fine shape.”

“I’m cold. Mama, can we go inside the house?” Abner asked.

The wind was coming out of the north, giving a definite bite to the air.

Chad handed Sarah the keys. “Go on inside and warm up. Build a fire if you can find wood in the house.”

“There’s wood stacked next to the back door,” Henry said. “There’s plenty of food in the bunkhouse, too. I’ll send one of the hands over with something to hold your family over until you return home.”

Sarah wondered why Chad didn’t correct Griff Henry when he referred to them as a family. She let it slide as she took Abner’s hand and led him to the house. Truth to tell, she was more man a little curious about the place that held such unspeakable memories for Chad.

Sarah shivered as she entered the house. It was cold inside, but not cold enough to cause the chill that ran down her spine. Despite being occupied by another family after the Doolittles, the atmosphere literally reeked of misery, of sin. Now she knew how Chad must feel, for she could almost touch the corruptness that permeated every nook and cranny of the dwelling.

Shaking off her disquiet, Sarah found her way to the kitchen. The wood was piled outside the back door, just where Griff Henry said it would be. Abner helped her carry in enough wood to start a fire. In no time at all she had a blaze going, dispelling the bone-numbing chill in the room. A few minutes later, one of the hands appeared at the kitchen door with a plate of roast beef sandwiches, a bowl of potato salad, and a pot of coffee. There was even a mug of cider for Abner.

“Thank you,” Sarah said as he set the food on the kitchen table. “Has Mr. Delaney finished his inspection?”

“Don’t know, ma’am. He’s still in the corral with Griff.”

“Would you ask Mr. Delaney to come up to the house for a bite to eat?” Sarah requested.

“Sure thing, ma’am.” He doffed his hat and departed.

Suddenly Sarah realized that Abner had disappeared. She wondered what mischief the little scamp had gotten into. “Abner, where are you?”

“Upstairs, Mama,” Abner answered. It sounded like his voice was coining from a long way off.

“Come down this minute!”

“I can’t. I’m stuck.”

“Stuck where?” Sarah asked on a note of panic.

“Up here. Come get me.”

Sarah raced up the stairs two at a time. “Where are you, Abner?”

“Here, Mama.”

Sarah had no idea where “here” was. She could only go by the sound of his voice. “Keep talking, honey, I’ll find you.”

She found him in one of the bedrooms, wedged between the wardrobe and the wall “What are you doing back there?” Sarah wanted to know.

“I found a ball and wanted to play with it. It rolled behind the wardrobe and I tried to get it. I’m stuck, Mama. Can you help me?”

Clucking in exasperation, Sarah attempted to move the wardrobe but found it beyond her strength. Then she tried pulling Abner out from behind the heavy piece of furniture and ended up hurting him, he was wedged in so tightly.

“I’m going to need help, honey. I’ll go find Chad. He’ll have you out in no time.”

“Hurry, Mama.”

Sarah could tell he was trying to be brave, but the catch in his voice told her he was close to tears. She turned in a rush and flew down the stairs. She opened the front door and ran headlong into the solid wall of Chad’s hard chest. He caught her up in his arms.

“What’s the hurry? Has something frightened you?”

“It’s Abner,” Sarah said breathlessly. “He’s gotten himself into a tight place and I need your help to free him.”

“Where is he?”

“Upstairs.” She grabbed his arm. “Hurry, he’s frightened.”

Chad balked, reluctant to step into the house. “I hadn’t intended to come in. It’s time to leave; I’ve seen all I want to see of this place.”

A mewling sound drifted down from the upper floor. “Dammit, Sarah, I never intended to enter this house again. I swear fate is conspiring against me.”

“Hurry,” Sarah urged, grasping his hand and dragging him toward the stairs.

“Is Abner hurt?”

“No, just scared. He’s gotten himself stuck behind a wardrobe and can’t get out.” The cries were becoming louder now. She pounded up the stairs; Chad was right behind her. “He’s in there,” Sarah pointed, leading the way down the hallway.

Suddenly she sensed that Chad was no longer following her. She glanced over her shoulder, skidding to a halt when she saw Chad staring into a vacant room as if it were occupied by ghosts. She groaned with dismay, fearing that his demons had just caught up with him.

The sobbing grew louder. “I’m coming, Abner. Don’t cry,” Sarah called to her frightened son as she returned to Chad’s side.

The lack of color in Chad’s face worried Sarah. He appeared to be in shock as he pointed to the bed. “That’s where it all started.” His voice sounded as if it had been scraped raw.

“It’s over with, Chad. That happened a long time ago.”

“Hal died first,” Chad continued as if he hadn’t heard her. “My shot hit a vital spot; he died almost instantly. Ed Doolittle died right where I’m standing. The sight of his dead son brought on a fatal heart attack.”

His eyes were glazed over, so Sarah gave him a vigorous shake. “Dammit, Chad! If you won’t help me free Abner, I’ll have to get one of the hands to do it.”

Chad blinked and shuddered. He reached deep inside himself for the strength to overcome this crippling journey into his past and found it. The glaze left his eyes, but not the darkness. It felt as if he were coming out of a bad dream.

He mentally shook himself, searched for sanity, and found it. “Where is Abner?”

“He’s down the hallway. The little scamp got himself wedged behind a wardrobe and it’s too heavy for me to move. I don’t think he’s hurt, but he’s mighty scared.”

Chad followed close on Sarah’s heels. He took control the moment he entered the room.

“Are you hurt, son?” he asked in a voice that was still thick with emotion.

“Chad! Get me out of here. I’m not hurt, but it’s awfully tight in here.”

“Hang on, Abner.”

Chad put his shoulder to the massive wardrobe and heaved against it. It moved an inch or two, but not enough to free Abner. Chad tried again, this time making considerably more headway. The wardrobe slid several inches away from the wall and Abner literally popped out. Sarah caught him in her arms.

Chad straightened slowly, working the kinks out of his back. “Are you all right, son?” Abner’s smile answered the question.

“Let’s get out of here. It’s spitting snow and I want to get home before it turns into a blizzard.”

“I’m hungry,” Abner complained.

“Griff Henry sent over some sandwiches and coffee,” Sarah pointed out. “It wouldn’t be polite to leave them. Why don’t we eat a bite before we leave?”

Sarah wasn’t too surprised by Chad’s lack of enthusiasm, but when he offered no objection, she took Abner’s hand and descended the stairs. She found coffee mugs and plates in the kitchen cupboard, then removed the cloth from the food. Abner dug in with gusto, but Chad’s appetite appeared to have deserted him. Sarah’s attempt to engage Chad in conversation was met with marginal success.

“Did you decide to keep on the ranch hands?” Sarah asked.

“Winter is a slow time. I let them all go except for the foreman and one cowboy. I don’t want this place, Sarah. It came to me through a tragedy. I’d like to get rid of it as soon as possible. Once I’m gone, Pierce can deal with it. I washed my hands long ago of everything having to do with the Doolittles. I’d just as soon give the place away.”

There was nothing Sarah could add to this, so she concentrated on her food. When they’d eaten their fill, Sarah wrapped up the leftovers and sent them back to the bunkhouse with Abner. They left the Rocking D in the wake of a brewing storm. It had grown bitter cold, but Sarah didn’t complain. She was happy to leave a place that caused Chad so much pain.

Chad’s brothers had returned from their trip during their absence. When he saw them striding from the house to greet them, Chad’s mood lightened considerably. Bear hugs were exchanged all around. Sarah and Abner were introduced, then they all hustled into the warm house, where Sarah met Zoey and Robbie.

“Chuck told us Chad brought friends with him,” Pierce said, smiling at Sarah. “Sorry we weren’t here to give you a proper welcome, Sarah.”

Pierce is a handsome man
, Sarah thought,
but not as handsome as Chad.
He was every bit as tall and broad as Chad, but his hair was darker and his eyes were a vivid, compelling green. Sarah wondered if Zoey loved Pierce half as much as she loved Chad.

“How long have you known Chad?” Zoey asked.

Leave it to a woman to get right to the heart of the matter, Sarah reflected as she studied Zoey’s lovely features. She thought Zoey breathtakingly beautiful, but wondered why she insisted on dressing like a man. Her snug denims hugged a pair of curvaceous hips, and her flannel shirt could not hide the fact that her breasts were unfettered by a corset. Sarah wished she had the courage to flaunt convention and dress like Zoey.