Tickle His Pickle: Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing (4 page)

The Penis: Your Guided Tour

Penises are fascinating—and fun to play with! And just like vaginas, penises have infinite variations in size, color and shape.

Some are big, some are small, and some will surprise you by how big they become. Some are one shade. Others are two. Some get stiff and point to the sky. Others aim at your toes. Some have big heads. Others are knee-slappers. A few swivel around like human joysticks. Others veer to one side. A handful curve up like bananas. Others are straight as arrows. Many are circumcised. And all the rest are not.

The average penis in the USA today measures between 2 to 4 inches soft, and 5 to 7 inches erect, with an erect shaft girth (circumference) of about 4 to 5 inches—all engineered by nature for your pleasure, comfort and satisfaction.

The Official Dick-tionary

Glans
(“Head”) The top part of the penis that’s designed for penetration—and pleasure. (glanz)

Frenulum
(“V-Spot”) The ultra-sensitive skin that forms a “V” on the underside of the penis, between the head and shaft. (FREN-you-lum)

Corona
(“Ridge”) The tender ridge that encircles the base of the head where it meets the shaft. (ko.ROW.nah)

Meatus
(“Peehole”) These two tiny lips at the tip of the head are the very tip of the urethra, the tube that brings his come and pee to the outside. (me.A.tus)

Shaft
The longneck of the penis, from the corona to the scrotum.

Prepuce
(“Foreskin”) The loose hood of skin that covers the head of the penis on an uncircumcised man. (PRE. puce)

Tender Spot
The sensitive area where the bottom of the shaft connects to the scrotum.

Scrotum
(“Sack”) The soft wrinkly pouch that holds the testicles. (SKRO·tum)

Testicles
(“Balls”) The two round glands that produce the sperm. (TES-tickles)

Ball Seam
The vertical line along the middle of the scrotum.

Prostate
(“Male G-Spot” or “P-Spot”) The muscular gland that creates slippery fluid for the semen—also a potent pleasure zone. (PROS-tate)

Pubococcygeus Muscle
(“PC Muscle”) The muscle that encircles the base of the penis and the anus, that pulses involuntarily at orgasm. (PY00·bo·cock·SID·jee·us)

Perineum
(“Taint”) The nerve-ending-rich area of skin between the anus and testicles. (per·IN·eum)

Anus
(“Butthole”) The nerve-ending-rich opening at the very end of the rectum. (AYonus)

Rectum
The pleasure zone just beyond the anus that responds to pressure. (REK·tum)

What Is “Penis”?

If you look up “penis” in the average dictionary, here’s what you’ll find:

The external male organ of copulation that in mammals (including humans) is usually used to expel urine from the body.

Yuck! Who’s going to put THAT near their mouth! But why is this fun, sensual, erotic plaything so often described with tongue-twisting clinical terms and pictured with scary medical illustrations?

Perhaps you’ll find this definition from Sadie’s Dictionary a tad more inviting:

The male love muscle designed to give you the most intensely satisfying gift in the world—orgasms. Your sensual playground to please your lover with extreme sexual pleasure.

Ahhh.
Now bring that penis over here, baby!

Our Friend, The Foreskin

Whether or not they get to keep it, every baby boy is born with a foreskin—the small hood of skin that covers the head of the penis. Usually for religious or cultural reasons, parents choose to have their baby’s foreskin surgically removed shortly after birth. This is called circumcision, and it doesn’t reduce penis size, thankfully. In the USA, about 60 percent of newborn males are now circumcised—compared to approximately 15 percent worldwide.

The foreskin actually serves several purposes: it acts like a rolling bearing during intercourse, keeps the head of the penis soft, moist and protected, retains the pheromone sex scent and can give pleasure to both partners during sex. Since foreskins come in varying lengths, some will be visible but most will stretch and
“disappear”
during erections.

If your lover’s penis has foreskin, remember these simple precautions:

Be tender.
Foreskins will glide up and down along the shaft with each stroking motion, but always be careful—it’s thin and delicate and can tear easily. Never grip it too hard, or stretch it too fast or too far.

Go easy.
Start pleasing him slowly to avoid sensory overload, since the foreskin is loaded with thousands of nerve endings—and the head of his penis is soft virgin-skin, since it rarely chafes against clothing and zippers.

Wash thoroughly.
Cleanliness is ultra important: your partner should glide the skin back and wash underneath with soap and water every day, being sure to rinse out all the soap.

Wipe up!
Remind him that if he wipes the head of his penis each time he pees, he’ll stay cleaner and fresher for you.

Penis Facts You May Not Know

Most guys naturally “hang” right or left.
They say it feels more comfortable that way. It’s okay to ask your guy, “How’s it hangin’?”

Guys can keep an erection for 40 minutes
. Even longer when they’re teens—although it’s not an Olympic event Yet

Most guys name their penises.
President Johnson. Pope John Pole III, Donald Pump. Ask your guy for his... or name his penis together.

Many guys think they’re smaller than they are.
When they look down, the pubic hair hides some of it—and the perspective from above gives a smaller impression.

“Shrinkage” is a real phenomenon.
Swimming in cold water shrinks the penis in a New York second!

You can’t tell penis size by looking at a guy’s hand
size.
Or foot size. Or nose size. Or car size. It’s hereditary.

The human penis is among the largest of all the
world’s primates.
But only when compared to body size (sorry, everyone!)

Soft size is no indication of hard size
. The smallest penis can grow huge, while the hugest penis can just get stiff.

Ejaculations can exit the penis at up to 28 mph!
Some guys can actually hit the ceiling, too.

The Land Down Under

There’s an entire theme park of pleasure right under his penis. And you’ve got the ticket to admission.

The “Balls”

Hanging directly below the base of the penis is the scrotum, and inside are a pair of testicles. Scrotums come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes and textures, and testicles feel like small, round rubber-band balls. All together, this package has generally come to be known as the “balls.”

Testicles stay busy night and day producing sperm—200 to 600 million microscopic gene-carrying swimmers for each ejaculation. Testicles are also responsible for pumping out testosterone—the powerful hormone that gives guys beards, deep voices, muscles, sex drive and erection-ability.

Do you know why balls hang outside the body? To keep them cooler and at the perfect temperature for creating sperm. That’s why balls tuck themselves snug into the body when it’s cold outside. And have you ever noticed that one ball always hangs lower than the other? This keeps them from bumping together when he walks or crosses his legs. Mother Nature thinks of everything!

Expert Ball Handling

With every guy, there’s a fine line between erotic and psychotic when you’re playing with his balls. Cross that line, and you’ll know about it.
Pronto.

Your best bet is to treat his balls like they’re a pair of eggs. Very very delicate eggs. Then you can start getting more playful. Caress them slowly and gently. Listen to his moaning. Read his body language. Be careful not to squeeze too hard or tug his pubic hair. I’ll show you plenty of fun ballplay ideas later in this book that’ll make you the best lover ever!