Threesomes: For Couples Who Want to Know More (18 page)

You and your girlfriend may be at the point where you don’t use condoms anymore, but use them anyway during any kind of three-way combination. I emphasize this more when you’re bringing in another man. It’s just good manners to do this, because if you’re not using a rubber and the other man is being told to, he may feel unclean and left out. Just because this man isn’t your lover or friend, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be sensitive to his feelings. And when you wear a condom, he will not question having to wear one too, so have a box of your favorite brand handy.

Remember this:
Curiosity does not spell gay. It’s just that, being curious.

There’s nothing homosexual about having a three-way with another man. Like everything else in life, it’s what you make of it.

Men, if you want to have such an experience but are worried about how it might look to your girlfriend, to the other guy, or most important, to yourself, think twice about doing it. Bringing home a man whom you think might be bisexual is not a good move if you’re feeling a little hung up about the issue. If you think he is as heterosexual as you are but just looking for some sexual adventure and a new experience, then chances are nothing that can be construed as gay will occur.

But remember, you’re going to be naked around another man and the two of you are going to be stroking your respective cocks and checking each other out while you share your girlfriend. If that alone feels uncomfortable to you, than a man-man-woman three-way isn’t for you. If you’re worried about being turned on by the man who is manhandling your girl, guess what? You’re supposed to be. That’s the point. But acknowledge that what is turning you on isn’t the man as much as it is watching your honey satisfying and turning on another man. Keep those feelings in check and it should go smoothly.

I’ll admit it, the first time a man brought up the idea of bringing another man home, my eyebrow did go up. I felt suspicious. Why would my boyfriend want to bring another man home? Is it some sort of weird setup to see what I will or will not do? Is this the same concept that my parents had the time they said I could drink as long as it was under their roof and watchful eye? Does he know I’m curious about being with other men and so he’s bringing the idea up himself to keep control of it? And then there is the dreaded: Does this mean he’s bisexual or bi-curious?

Ladies, unless he tells you during your talks about this three-way that he is bisexual or bi-curious, then rest assured he probably is not. If he says he may want to get his dick sucked by the man you bring in, then you have a bi-curious man on your hands, and that may or may not sit well with you.

There is a huge double standard with these things. Girls can say they want to explore their girl-on-girl sexual leanings and be applauded, loved, and cherished for it. When a man expresses this type of curiosity, even in the vein of kink, he’s immediately emasculated or branded gay. That’s not fair and you know it, so if this is perhaps the case, then remember this: Curiosity does not spell gay. It’s just that, being curious. And if your boyfriend just thinks it’s hot to have another man watch and perhaps jerk off while the two of you go at it, that’s not gay either, he’s just being an exhibitionist.

Your boyfriend could very well want to please you and keep you by changing things up with another man, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Many men who have threesomes get the most satisfaction from watching the sheer pleasure their girlfriend gets. I see nothing sinister in that. Instead, I see a confident and secure man who wants to give you as much sexual satisfaction as possible.

So whether it’s your cup of tea or not, there’s no reason to pooh-pooh him but every reason to applaud and be thankful that he is thinking of you and your sexual need to explore. This idea can come up when a man knows you have a limited sexual history, or at least one that is a lot smaller in numbers than his.

Some men just flat out think it’s really hot to watch their sexy mama take on two cocks and it’s as simple and basic as that. The turn-on of primal three-way sex is transforming their girlfriend into the nympho of their dreams.

He may be turned on by you being slutty, a woman who can’t get enough cock, a whore who needs to take on two men to be fully satiated. The man who wants to share you and/or watch you with another man is the same man who enjoys calling you a dirty bitch right before he’s going to come. And that’s just part of sex play. It doesn’t mean that’s what he thinks of you outside the realm of sex. When he calls you those names during sex and sex play, that’s just part of the fantasy and a big part of what’s getting him hot and hard. It’s the same reason he wants to see you working it with another man.

Guys, if you want to better ensure that nothing sticky will happen, then a stranger is the way to go, and heading to bars and clubs is fine. I wouldn’t scout out during a party necessarily, unless you want all your friends to know that you and your girlfriend brought a mutual friend that you all hang with home. Gossip runs in small circles, and that’s something you and your lady will probably not want.

The kind of man to bring home is a man whom both of you feel comfortable with and trust. This doesn’t mean you should choose a wishy-washy wimp of a man who will just go along with anything because he is lonely and desperate to get some pussy. In fact, that would be the last man I would pick, because needy people can be the most dangerous of all. That’s the type of guy who will try to worm into your lives and make the two of you a trio. You don’t want that guy. Rather, pick a man who is friendly, happy, talkative, and fun-loving—a regular guy’s guy, but one with an edge. You’d be surprised how many regular jeans and T-shirt/pint of beer men have done some pretty wild things. I wouldn’t choose the posing/preening wanna-be rock star/model either, because he won’t be enjoying anything but having the two of you as an audience, which translates into a shitty lover for your girl and a smarmy jackass for you.

Choose a man who is just shooting the shit with you guys for the hell of it, and then over time and drinks and lots of storytelling, the two of you will be able to connect on a more sexual and intimate level. Even though this man in question knows that the two of you are a couple, try to make things as equal as possible, like all three of you take turns buying rounds. Have your guy play pool or darts with him, and then you can take him to the jukebox to pick out tunes. If he smokes and both of you do too, take turns going out for a cigarette with him. He will notice you each making efforts to bond with him separately and he will wonder what the deal is. And that’s when you tell him.

Play this one carefully. If your boyfriend tells him you two are feeling frisky and fishing for cock, he’s going to run, and run fast. This kind of combination could look creepy to strangers, and you really can’t blame the guy. He doesn’t know what he is walking into, and you read about these setups all the time and it turns out that he will get nothing but to be beaten and robbed. He could feel the same way if the girl is doing the initiating. He might think you’re using him to play some sort of a jealousy game on your boyfriend, which could also result in a beating.

So the best tactic is for the both of you to do it together, once trust and rapport has been firmly established. After you’ve talked about some of the wild and crazy things you’ve all done, and after you’ve lightly flirted with him (in front of your boyfriend) and you’ve stayed at the bar/lounge/club long enough, you could just say, “Hey, do you party? We’re going to head back to our place and want to know if you’d like to join us.” Even if he’s not exactly sure about what’s going on, if he says “yeah sure,” that means he definitely wants to find out.

So you brought your chosen guy back to your place, put on some music, made drinks, and maybe passed a joint around.