This Girl Stripped (20 page)

It was clear that her underlying depression she has been suffering and ignoring all these years only got worse during her pregnancy. She needed help. She needed medication. The next day we all sat around like zombies trying to make heads or tails of everything that happened.

“This is all my fault,” I’m crying while I sit and talk to Levi on Star’s living room couch. “If it wasn’t for me going to you all those months ago after everything happened, she would’ve never gotten involved. She would’ve never known. She would never have ended up where she is.” Now safely admitted into a small hospital only a few miles outside of Woodstock.

“Paisley, Seven has been struggling since she got pregnant. She thought getting away was going to help. She thought it was the stress of me and work. It clearly was much more. You can’t blame yourself. No one is to blame.” Levi took my hand, and pulled me in for a brotherly-like hug.

A throat cleared in this distance, and River stood in the doorway. Not someone I needed to deal with after all of this. But, I know he wants to talk to me about everything that has happened over the past two days. Shit.

His brother is dead. And it’s all my fault.

“Can we talk upstairs for a few?”

I nod and make my way back to my old bedroom. Someplace I hadn’t returned to last night when Star and Chrome got back. I had to escape to my own home.

I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be comfortable in Star’s house again.

“Whats up?” I ask River as the door closes. He doesn’t say a word. He just takes a handful of steps until we are toe-to-toe. My back is pressed up against the wall and memories of him fucking me right here flash through my mind. I can’t do this with him again. I can’t go down this road.

I push off of the wall and walk across the room to the small chair by the window.

“Not happening. I can’t do this River. What do you want to talk about?” I’m cutting to the chase. I want to get this conversation out of the way so I can hopefully escape back to my house for the rest of the day. A nice hot bath sounds really good right about now.

“I’m sorry, Paisley. I just can’t help myself sometimes. I just wanted to see how you’re doing with all of this. I know you feel responsible and you need to know you aren’t. Chrome put a hit out on him before Seven got ahold of him with Diesel. It was only a matter of time before Zane died.” I am jolted by the news. Chrome put out a hit on his own brother. And it was all my fault.

“Why would Chrome do that? He’s your brother!” I’m yelling. I am sure we will attract the attention of people in the house if I don’t tone it down.

“There’s a set of rules those guys live by, Paisley. Zane broke those rules repeatedly. You were just the icing on the cake. When Chrome learned about it, he knew Zane had to go to ground. There was no way around it anymore.” River shrugs his shoulders like his brother being killed and buried somewhere in Star’s backyard was just a typical day.

That little voice in my head began screaming at me. How did I get involved with these people? What had my life actually become that I could be so connected to people who thought about death with such a nonchalant attitude?

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!” I scream. I completely lose it. I run from the room and make my way to the front door before a strong hand wraps around my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

Diesel holds on to me, before pulling me against his chest. I struggle to pull away, and eventually free myself. I turn to the room packed with people. Star, Chrome, Diesel, River, Levi, and a vast array of bikers.

“You people are all FUCKED!” I walk out of the front door and slam it in Diesel’s face. Unbelievable. Maybe I should’ve never fucking come back to this shithole of a town.

My phone buzzed with another text from Diesel. It’d been five days since I said a word to anyone who was at the house that day. I needed the time to myself. I needed to process everything. Which I did.

Can I see you? Paisley, I love you.

No matter how much I didn’t like it I was staying in this town because this is where my roots were. My job and home where here. The art store had become such a big part of my daily life. I had no desire to leave it. I continued writing my story, including everything about Zane’s death. I thought about publishing it under a fake name. It all would make such good piece of fiction, even if it truly wasn’t.

I love Diesel and I love River; but both in such different ways. The paternity test is what would decide the fate of all of our lives. The more I thought about it, I wanted Diesel to be my little nugget’s dad. I could see a relatively uncomplicated life with him, as long as I stayed away from the club. Well, me and our child.

Even though I hadn’t replied to anyone in days, I decide it would be a good time to break my radio silence. I need Diesel to know I’m okay at the very least.

I love you too. I just need time to process this all.

When I go to hit send, a phone call interrupts the sending of the text. The number is strange, but I answer it anyways.

“Hello?”

“May I speak with a Miss Paisley Bloom?” a kind woman asks on the other end.

“This is.”

“Paisley, honey. It’s Sarah. I have your test results for you if you would like to come over to the office and pick them up this afternoon.”

It feels like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. Except for the fact that I have no way to get to the office, so I’m going to have to call someone.

“I’ll be over shortly. Thank you Sarah.” I smile just talking to her. That’s the kind of impact she has on me. She’s just that damn sweet.

My heart hammers against the walls of my chest. It won’t be long before this mystery is laid to rest. I start second guessing my desire to know. Would it be better off to leave it a mystery and just go with my heart? Stupid adult decisions.

I open up a text to Diesel.

Can you drive me to the midwife’s office this afternoon?

I really need a car. Maybe if I didn’t freak out on my sister, I could have asked her for one. There’s no way I can ask her for anything else now. I’m just going to slowly pay her back with the money I make from my Etsy store and call it a day. Although, I really should apologize.

Is everything ok? Are you sick? Is the baby fine?

His concern is heartwarming. I love that about him.

Test results are in.

I’m sure he wants to know his own fate.

I sit across from Diesel in the truck holding onto the sealed envelope. He hasn’t asked me to open it, but we also haven’t left the small parking lot.

“I don’t want to open it.” I’m honest. I feel like I can let him know how I feel about it all. I hand him the envelope. “You do it.”

He looks at me questioningly. He stares at the envelope, and then tries to hand it back to me, but I push it back in his direction.

“Paisley, are you sure you don’t want to open this yourself?”

“Diesel, if it was up to me, I wouldn’t open it at all. I don’t want to know.” My feelings pour out of me. I continue to tell him about everything I’ve pondered over the last couple days I spent inside my own head.

“I don’t want to stay in Woodstock, but I’m stuck here because of the baby and my family. Nothing good ever comes from this town. Pain is the only thing this area has ever brought me. I hate that fucking club, if you weren’t a part of it we wouldn’t have any problems. But seeing how emotionless you all were with Zane. I can’t live around that.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me that Paisley?” He runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes and gripping the steering wheel. “If you would have just come out and said that, shit I would walk away from all of this. I would leave Woodstock in a heartbeat. I miss my family, and my home in Mississippi. I don’t wanna stay around here forever.”

My heart slams against my chest harder. He would give that all up for me?

“It doesn’t change anything, Diesel. That envelope could keep me tied here for the rest of my life!” I’m being irrational by yelling at him, but it’s the truth. What’s the point of even having this conversation when we don’t even know the results of the paternity test.

“Open it! Just open it already, Diesel!” I’m still yelling at him. I don’t know why he deals with my crazy ass behavior. Maybe it’s true love? His finger runs along the seal of the envelope ripping it as he goes along. His strong fingers slide inside and pull out the results. The piece of paper seems so small and inanimate in his big hands. But, it holds all of our future.

“The probability of donor A being a paternal match is zero percent. The probability of donor B being a paternal match is ninety nine point zero zero eight percent.” He reads the words without any emotion. His bleak expression only leads me to believe he was donor A.

“Donor B, Daniel Michael King is the paternal match for the baby in question.” As he reads the words, a smile slowly spreads across his face.

“It’s you.” I say in a whisper as disbelief courses through my body. My life is never supposed to be this simple. I was almost certain that River was the father and I would be forced to deal with him on a deep level for the rest of our lives. Is this the universe’s way of apologizing for the shit that’s happened in the past couple months? Is this finally my opportunity to turn my life around and do good?

Diesel’s hand slides across the bench seat of his truck, and his fingers lace between mine.

“The baby is mine. That’s my baby. Paisley, you’re having my baby.” His words are stating the obvious, but he’s still in awe of what we learned. Everything that we’d worried and stressed out about is gone. The biggest problem that ever stood in the way of our relationship is gone. Now, if we could only get the hell out of this town and away from that shitty ass club, I would be the happiest girl on earth.

“Yes, I’m having your baby.” A tear rolls down my cheek. Life is so damn uncomplicated now. We can mend what was broken and we have the opportunity to move on for a real future. There’s no way I’m going to let this slip from my fingers.

I’ve screwed up so many times in the past couple months. There is nothing I would let ruin this now. Nothing.

“I love you, Diesel. I really do.” I start crawling across the bench seat until my legs are straddling him. We are face to face and my back is against the steering wheel. I am trying my hardest not to lean on it and beep the horn. Ha!

I place my hands on his cheeks and cup his chin before I lean in and press my lips against his. I’ve miss the feel of his mouth on mine. I’ve missed the feel of his touch. My body craves him, and I’ve been ignoring it for too long. At least in the manner I need him.

“I’ve missed this so much.” I pull my lips from his and just stare into his beautiful brown eyes. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was about to cry, but he did one hell of a job hiding it. I press my lips to his again, before lying against his body, resting my head on his shoulder.

“So now what?” he asks.

“I don’t know. Now what, Diesel?” Does he want to leave? Is this where we pick up our conversation from before we opened that envelope? I leave the ball in his court. I need him to guide me through this. I need him to make the big decisions. It’s almost as if I need him to tell me what our next move is going to be, because I can’t handle that right now. Honestly, I need him to take care of me in the worst way.

“Do you want to stay in Woodstock? Or do you want to leave?” I’m torn because I know I came back here for a reason. I’ve been helping Star so much with the store, but all the jewelry stuff I could do from anywhere. Maybe a new beginning someplace else would be what we need? Far away from all the bullshit we’ve gone through in Woodstock. Far from the memories of Zane in the basement. Far from the drama with River and the emotional turmoil and memories of the life I took before I even met Diesel.

Could we be happy anyplace but here?

“I want to leave, Diesel. Can we go to Mississippi? Can we make a life there?” I’m sure he would do anything for me. I could ask him to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel and he probably would. I wonder if he could leave the club and his friends. What about Ryker? I haven’t ask about that situation as a whole. I realize we have so much we need to talk about.