... Then Just Stay Fat. (4 page)
Read ... Then Just Stay Fat. Online
Authors: Shannon Sorrels,Joel Horn,Kevin Lepp
Regular folks trying to lose weight
:
We are NOT starving and we n
eed to quit worrying about it.
If we calorie restrict, which is what we have to do to lose weight, we w
ill not wreck our metabolisms.
All those studies we hear cited were done over years or people really did starve.
Have you ever, ever seen a fat person behind Sally Struthers askin
g for money to feed the world? No.
Have you ever known of a person who starved to death a
nd was buried in a piano case? No.
If you are not losing weight or are gaining weight, you ar
e eating too much.
Period.
The end.
No discussion.
Please
,
please
,
please… everyone stop it with the “starvation mo
de” and start worrying about 68 percent
of us being overweight or o
bese (yes, that number is up). We are not starving.
We are eating too dang
ed
much.
References:
G
eez Louise
…
The stuff out in the world that drives me
nutso
.
Most of you need a good whack. You are writing books, appearing on TV, tweeting and doing op-ed columns for magazines and newspapers, supposedly helping disseminate helpful information to the unhealthy and overweight masses. But believe it or not, you’re not helping as much as you think, unless your goal is to bolster ratings
.
I don’t believe you realize what you are up against out here in the trenches.
To make the headlines enticing, you latch on to any seductive, weight-loss tidbit popping up in journal articles – this gene causes cravings for sugar, marathons can cause injury, fat people are
dehydrated,
and eating too little causes starvation mode. Maybe you truly believe you are providing a service to the world by trumpeting these cases, but I suspect you are merely desperate for content to feed the 24-hour news cycle (and we’ll own our part; we watch it, read it and forward it to friends).
I prefer to be optimistic and assume you are trying to help. But regardless, you are not aiding most of
us.
When it comes to healthy living, we, the overweight and obese, are inundated with eat this, avoid that, take t
his vitamin
—
doh
! Never mind
later you
will run articles and shows telling us
don't take it.
You've reported we should eat low fat, which resulted in high carb.
Now you're pondering if high carb has resulted in a diabetic epidemic. You are releasing books and articles throwing barbs at each other, arguing who's right and who's an idiot.
You guys are yanking on our leash every other day with a new discovery, only to have to recant it later.
We're getting dizzy out here.
I know, I know
—
scientific discovery progresses like this... in fits and starts.
The problem is now you are taking US along for the ride. I'm telling you, shouting from the rooftops about patients residing in the tails of the curve do not help the people in the hearty middle.
MOST people need to cut down on their food intake and increase their activity
—
MOST PEOPLE.
We aren't gluten-sensitive.
We don't have a thyroid problem.
And we are not geneti
cally doomed to an obese life.
There are people out there who can't eat wheat products, who are challenged by hypothyroidism, and who come from a lin
eage that would make a circus sideshow lady
pale in comparison
.
Sure.
But it's not MOST of us.
Add to the leash-yanking a phenomenon I like to call “fat ears” and you’ve got an audience that isn’t hearing the message as I assume it was intended. When you encourage us to eat more small meals in a day, us heavy people hear “eat more” because small is a relative term. A small meal for Junior might mean a medium pizza instead of an
extra-large
– as a snack. When you report findings on water’s role in weight loss, Little Lulu starts lugging around a pony keg of water to help wash down her Big Grab bag of
Doritos because she believes her weight is a result of dehydration, not caloric overload. When you report
that
various phytonutrients, vitamins and minerals are essential to weight loss, two-ton Tim starts poking down the pills waiting for the miraculous scale drop, between doughnuts and chili cheese dogs. Hell, if we took every supplement ever mentioned on your shows, we’d be shoveling down sauce pots of pills everyday… and still not losing any weight.
Also remember that when you guys publically argue whether or not “calorie-in and calorie-out” is how our bod
ies
maintain weight, you give us folks out here with “fat ears” all the ammunition we need to avoid eating less. Yeah, yeah, I get that the body’s hormonal systems are overwhelmingly complicated, that there are a multitude of factors at play, and that the model is ultra-scientific – to simplify the human weight-management system so plainly is a direct strike at your life’s work. But I implore you to remember your audience when you are not arguing at a science convention among your peers, but duking it out on prime-time TV repeatedly touting that “it’s not a simple as calorie-in and calorie-out” – ‘cause us heavy folks just hea
rd “calories don’t count.” You and I know
they do!
Please
start helping MOST people. Get together on the messaging, keep it simple and consistent. Save the deeper science for
the journals and scientists.
Signed
,
The Middle of the Curve
As engrossed as we are with our own weight loss trials and tribulations, we are even more enthralled by celebrity fat
dramas.
Magazines, tabloids, books, TV shows and advertising are covered up with images of
Oprah Winfrey,
Kirstie
Alley
, Wynonna Judd, Al
Roker
, Valerie
Bertinelli
, Terry Bradshaw, Dan Marino, Marie Osmond, Carnie Wilson, Paula
Deen
, Janet Jackson, Jessica Simpson, Rosie O’Donnell, Jason Alexander, Sally Struthers, Roseanne Barr, John Goodman, Britney Spears,
Ricki
La
ke, Aretha Franklin, Star Jones – I’m getting tired. We are fixated on the topic. Come on – admit it. You’ve swiped a quick peek at the horrendous celebrity photos plastered around the grocery store checkout, or tuned in to hear a famous person beg a TV show for help.
Think of all of the time, money and energy spent by
them (and us)
trying to get that dang
ed scale to mo
ve
,
looking for that magic answer, scrambling after every new product or service that hits the market and to no avail?
They try the same stuff we try: pre-packaged food programs, surgeries, trainers, public
cries for help, cleanses, detox diets, pills and resignation. Hell, they even have money for personal chefs and full
-
blown, in-home gyms. We love that even with all their money and resources, they can’t lose it (and keep it off) either. How twisted is that?
And a ton of money is being made.
Pills, teas,
shakes and more to help us supposedly lose the weight; medical devices and pharmaceuticals to help us “live independently” when we don’t.
Companies make money because we buy stuff. Celebrities make money because they endorse it, star in it, or write about it.
Then think
about
how crazy
we look to starving countries.
We have food everywhe
re – literally everywhere.
Food so cheap you
wonder how they make a profit.
Can you begin to imagine the thoughts running through a starving woman’s head, barely able to feed her child, swatting away the flies while waiting in line for U.N. rations, a crackling TV in the background piping in an American weight
-
loss drama – them
hoist
ing
some poor soul from a hole in his bedroom wall because
he can’t fit through the door?
Starving countries rightfully must think we’ve lost our
freakin
’
minds.
Our insa
nity gave me a brilliant idea.
I think I’ve l
anded on THE win-win solution!
A non-profit foundation dedicated to temporarily exchanging
obese westerners for starving, Third W
orld citize
ns – all voluntary, of course.
We swap one morbidly obese person
(a famous one is even better)
for one of those people we see on
“feed the world” commercials.
They each spend a year in the other’s “world
,
” then
we swap ‘
em
back.
The obese shed some poun
ds and the starving plump up.
We could call it Foreign Adipose Trade (FAT) – ship the people, not the food.
Thi
nk of the money it would save!
It would
only cost us a couple of round-trip plane tickets.
No more shipping tankers of food around the globe – just plop the starving person in suburban str
ip malls full of dollar menus.
No more expensive gastric bypass surgeries – just
hole
‘
em
up in a
mud hut with a porridge bowl.
We could also market this as “exotic trave
l” or “immersion experiences.”
The travelers m
ight even come back bilingual.
Who knows?
I think I’m on to something.
At a minimum, I think we’ve got a kick-butt, reality TV show idea.
You know you’re intrigued.
Who’s in?
It’s official. I’m old.
The
MeeMaw
train has left the station and I’m ridin
g in first class.
I fought the p
assing birthdays like a champ.
I’d shave off
a few years when asked my age.
I’d try to keep up with ever-changing cultural things – music, hair (luckily I passed through the Fl
ock of Seagulls phase quickly),
hip words (
“
cool
”
became
“
rad
,” which then
became
“
sick
”).
I stayed abreast of new technologies – all
my cassettes are gone, CDs are a thing
of my past, and my TV is flat. But I’ve finally given up.
And the weirdest thi
ng made me throw in the towel:
an ad for Yoga clothes.