The Wedding Runaway (44 page)

A wave of terror swept through Helena.
"
Oh, do not jest about such.
"

Trevor stepped closer and put his hand on the back of her head and drew her close.
"
You mother
'
s illness is long-standing
,
too?
"

She shuddered as she put her head against his chest and his strong arms circled her.

"
I am forbidden to speak of it.
"

He kissed her temple and smoothed his arms down her back.
"
Your hair is so long and glorious
,"
he murmured.
"
And you smell of lemons.
"

She cringed.

"
Helena?
"

"
The lemon juice is to prevent me from conceiving
,"
she whispered and clenched her eyes shut.

"
You do not want my babies?
"

With the trouble her mother
'
s pregnancy was giving her
,
the prospect of bearing babies did not thrill her. He pushed her away.

"
Not at this moment. I was trying to be practical.
"
She had given little thought to whether he might have a moral objection to preventing conception.

"
Helena
,
I love you more than life itself
,
but if I start on this slippery path
,
I will never be free of it. I cannot bear to share you with another man. It would tear me apart to be sniffing around your skirts
,
like a mangy cur dog and only snuck into your bed in the dark of night. I want you as my wife
,
I will not accept anything less.
"

He backed away from her
,
his head down.

He was leaving her. In spite of everything he was walking away...again. Desolation ripped her in a thousand pieces. Her chest heaved as she fought back the crushing pain of emptiness. The only thing she had to fill the hole inside her was anger.

"
Then you do not love me as I love you
,
for I would never ask you to abandon your family. I have only choices that lead to heartache. I lose you or I lose my parents
,
and God only knows what pain my leaving would cause them.
"

He swiveled and marched back toward her. She fought the urge to cower. His blue eyes stormed and his jaw was thrust forward. What did he mean to do? Oh God, to share her bed when there was so much anger
,
what would that be like? Ripples of fear and anticipation jolted through her and she could feel her chest heave as her breathing was jagged.

Yet, as he crossed her room, she thought she would come apart when he touched her.

~*~

Victor heard Lydia
'
s soft declaration of love and cringed
,
yet somehow, with the soft waves of her climax gripping him and his release held too long in check
,
her claim broke free a torrent of emotions as he rocked into her and his body convulsed in spasms of pure rapture.

Had he ever felt such complete pleasure before? He could not remember ever feeling so intense a peak
,
nor such a perfect pursuit of it.

He groaned, trying to hold back so he would not hurt her
,
but the moment was not bound by any control. As his seed spurted into her
,
he poured everything he had of himself into her. She welcomed him
,
drawing him close with her long luscious legs in such a way he
'
d never experienced. Her eager reception and encouragement made him feel whole. Did she have any idea how much he needed her
,
needed this?

He buried his face in her shoulder
,
not trusting himself to look upon her. He held her so tightly, he probably hurt her ribs. He buried one hand in her hair
,
her short fluffy blond curls
,
Lenny
'
s hair
,
but Lydia
'
s too.

It had been so long since he had been welcomed in a woman
'
s arms. She stroked his back
,
gently
,
lovingly as if she understood his inability to talk
,
but he had to talk to her
,
convince her she did not mean what she said. She could not love him
,
because it would destroy her.

He kissed her shoulder and encountered the court plaster covering where he had shot her. Was there no end to the amount of pain he would cause her? He had wreaked havoc in her life from the first minute he saw her.

She rubbed her calf along the back of his thigh and shifted underneath him. Was he even now crushing her with his weight? He rolled, taking her with him.

A sweet moan of languorous pleasure came out of her. He held her head to his chest and wondered that she could sound so content. Did she not understand that he had ruined her?

She pressed her lips to his chest
,
and he felt he would burst from his concern over her. What would her future be like now? Would she dash pell-mell into another disastrous adventure or would she return to Boston and become some other man
'
s wife?

Anguish bit through him. Better choices for her than to remain with him. If she was away from him
,
she still had a chance of happiness.

"
That was a lark
,
can we do it again?
"
She raised up her chin
,
planting her arms across his chest.

Her blue eyes searched his
,
questing for finer emotions he no longer had to give. She deserved so much more than the dark destruction he would offer her.

"
No
,
you will be sore. Lyddie
"
He swallowed, realizing that he had been calling her Lyddie
,
a nickname that belonged to her mother and caused her pain to hear.

"
Yes?
"
she said, her lips curling up in a knowing smile.

Bloody hell
,
he was destroying her innocence inch by inch.
"
Lydia
,
you do not love me.
"

She scrunched her nose.
"
I hoped you hadn
'
t heard me.
"

Her reply gave him pause. How could he not have heard her? Two people could not be closer.

She wiggled her legs up to straddle him and lifted enough to rub her pert breasts across his chest. Yearning
,
passion and hunger washed across him with such intensity he could drown in her wicked blue eyes.

Was she gloating? Relishing her power to make him weak?

"
I do not mind being sore
,"
she said in her low throaty voice.

He was lost and the lesson he meant to teach her was gone in trying to show her every measure of pleasure he could give her. Bloody hell, he wanted to keep her with him forever
,
but he could not bear the thought of what he would eventually do to her.

His temper
,
his mouth
,
his inability to love her back would win out over his intentions to make life perfect for her. He would not be able to protect her from the snubs and cuts of his peers. He had not been able to protect Mary Frances
.
And the ton would never forgive him for marrying below his station again. They would take it out on her
,
not on him. Yet that was nothing to the agony he could cause with his words.

In the aftermath she fell asleep. Long before he could control his anguish enough to talk to her
,
she had kissed his temple and settled down to sleep. Her hand curled around his scarred shoulder
,
and her head rested on his chest.

She seemed content to let the future work itself out
,
but he kept thinking there had to be a solution
,
a way for him to escape knowing he had destroyed her life. He felt restless and unable to sleep.

He did not want to leave her
,
but even though it was Keene and Sophie
,
he could not be so inconsiderate to show how he had violated their trust and seduced their innocent houseguest. And even that thought confused him as he raked his hands through his hair.

He eased out from under her trusting body and carefully pulled the sheets and covers over her. He sat for a long time on the bed
,
moonlight streaming across the floor. His gut wrenched at the thought of leaving her.

After he gathered his clothes and hung her dress in the wardrobe
,
he pressed a kiss to her cheek. He half-hoped she would wake
,
but then his emotions were too tangled to face her. He was tired of facing people he had wounded.

He tiptoed to the door and eased out into the hall. He bent down to place his shoes on the floor so he could slip them on
,
and came face to face with Keene.

"
Bloody hell!
"

Chapter Nineteen

Trevor stared at Helena. She looked like a Valkyrie
,
her red-gold hair streaming over her nightgown and fury and anguish on her face
,
and she would lead him straight to hell on the path she had chosen. Yet
,
he could not entirely resist her.

There was enough anguish in her pleas that he wanted to comfort her. And she held the bedpost as if fearful the bed would fly away in the windstorm of her emotions.

He put her hand on her shoulder
,
pushing back the masses of hair.

Her breath double-hitched. He caught her as her knees gave out on her. She stared at him
,
the emerald of her eyes only a tiny rim around huge black pupils. Her skin was flushed a beautiful peach and he could not resist her parted lips.

She clung to him and he held her
,
tormented with the memories of her response in the pouring rain. He kissed her and drank in her deep sighs and he fought back his need to make her his and concentrated on her arousal.

He ran his hands over her breasts
,
drinking in her moans. Leading her to the bed
,
he eased her back into the cradle of his arms. Her haughtiness disappeared as she became pliable and welcoming in his embrace. Still, when she reached for him
,
he shoved her hands away.
"
Just let me do this my way.
"

She untied his neck cloth and pushed his jacket from his shoulders. He allowed her that much. He caught her breast in his mouth along with the material of her nightgown. She moaned and arched into him
,
while he eased the hem of her nightgown up until he could see the dark red curls at the juncture of her thighs.

As he trailed his fingers to her slick wet core
,
she clenched her knees together. He laughed
,
she was not as ready for a lover as she would have him believe. But by the time he was through with her, she would be.

"
Helena
,"
he whispered
,
lifting her nightgown higher.

Her eyes were squeezed shut
,
and she tugged at the hem as if she would keep it down.

"
Helena
,"
he urged.
"
I want to look upon you.
"

"
Oh, why?
"
she whispered.

"
Because you are beautiful and I want to kiss every inch of you.
"

She blinked her eyes open. And he pulled her nightgown and wrapper up and off.

"
Only kisses
,
love
,
you do not need to be afraid
,"
he told her
,
and then he began.

He started at her forehead and kissed every inch of her that he could reach
,
moving down in a layer of sweet pecks and lingering pulling nips. He paid special attention to the skin of her breasts, circling many times until the tips were beaded tightly and then he kissed her there. When he kissed below her navel
,
she twisted and reached
,
and he again shoved her hands away.

He moved up
,
pulled her and her pillows sideways on the bed and lifted her hands to the bedpost now above her head.
"
Hold here and do not let go.
"

"
Or what?
"
she asked, staring at him with her eyes so dilated he could see straight through to her soul.

"
Or I leave.
"

She wound her hands around the bedpost
,
and he kissed her sweet honeyed lips. Then he drew down to the far corner of the bed and kissed her dimpled ankle. By the time he had made it to the soft sweet flesh of her inner thigh
,
she was quivering like a unlashed sail in a gale. The sight of her slick woman
'
s core
,
pink and dewing for him
,
made him swallow hard. He knew he could have her
,
but what he needed was her to believe her only option was to marry him.

He parted the damp red curls and pressed his lips to the swollen bud nestled there
,
and she screamed.

Christ
,
did she intend the whole house descend upon them?

~*~

"
Ready for a brandy?
"
asked Keene from where he sat on the floor
,
his elbows on his folded knees
,
opposite Lydia
'
s door.
"
I know I am. I have been sitting here forever. By-the-by
,
I sent your carriage home.
"