The Wedding Runaway (34 page)

Dressed as a woman
,
she seemed much more subdued than she had ever been as Leonard.

"
That was meant to be a compliment
,
Lydia.
"
He liked the way her name rolled off his tongue.

"
Yes
,
thank you
,"
she said.

"
You must tell me if your shoulder is bothering you
,
or if you need to rest
,"
he said
,
concerned that she was perhaps not up to walking. He slowed his pace
,
which he realized had been rather brisk.

"
I
'
m fine.
"

"
Then why so Friday-faced?
"
Was it because she knew she would have to leave his home? The thought made him pause too. He was not ready for her to leave
,
yet he knew that if she stayed he would make her his lover. Even now he wanted to stop and push up her veil and kiss her senseless
,
in spite of the passing traffic.

"
Are you taking me to my brothers?
"

Was there any significance in that she did not include her fiancé in her question?
"
Not this minute. Is that what you want? I could find out where they are staying and deliver you to them.
"

Her hand tightened on his arm.

He wanted to wrap his arm around her waist and pull her closer to him.
"
I do not presume that I could hide you forever.
"

She stopped walking.
"
No
,
I would guess not. Nor should you want to do so.
"

"
On the contrary
,
pet
,
I should like to keep you to myself forever.
"
He could resist no longer and lifted the thick netting that obscured her face. Folding the mesh lace back over the brim
,
he searched her face.

Her blue eyes were wide and wary and her expression pinched. She lowered her gaze. He touched her cheek, wanting to comfort her
,
yet not certain why she appeared so distraught.

Her skin was silky soft
,
calling him to make everything right for her. But how? Keene
'
s admonition that he would have to marry her echoed in his head
,
but how could he? That would only transfer her care from one male to another
,
and he was the last person she should place her trust with. He would destroy her and cause her immeasurable pain. That was what he did.

"
What do you wish to do?
"

She stepped back
,
away from his caress
,
and turned her head so he was left staring at the straw of her bonnet.
"
I do not know. Becoming Leonard was the best solution I had to be free.
"

He felt bereft
,
shut out and his heart slogged heavily in his chest.
"
Lydia
,
I do not pretend to understand your fierce need for independence
,
and I do not know that I can offer you any solution that would accomplish what you want
,
but I have thought much on what you said.
"

He folded his arms behind his back
,
rather than reach out and hold her.
"
I know there are a few women who make their own way in the world by writing
,
and I recalled that Lady Beauchamp has a successful enterprise of making fancy cards for St. Valentine
'
s Day. She pens love poems on them.
"

Lydia turned to look at him. Relief flowed through him like a well-warmed brandy. How could just her willingness to look upon him make him intoxicated?

"
I fear I have no talent for writing. I have thought much on my predicament too. There are a few women who make their own living by their art. Those with lovely voices might find a decent living in opera
,
or those who paint well could sell their paintings
,
and there are a few women writing books. I have no special talents in the arts. My artistic skills are passable at best.
"

"
You give yourself too little credit
,"
he said
,
but what did he know? He had never heard her sing or seen her draw or even compose a letter
,
let alone a poem or novel.

"
A few women gain a measure of control over a business by inheritance.
"
She shrugged.
"
Either from a husband or father who has no sons.
"

"
And your father has many sons.
"

"
And a business weakened by the years of war between France and England. Three of our ships were impressed into English service. Trevor recovered one of them through the courts
,
but...even if my father wanted to
,
he could not stake me in a business venture. As a woman, I cannot gain experience or footing by employment in a company.
"

"
I could offer you venture capital.
"

She grimaced.
"
Then I might consider myself bought and sold. I have taken more from you than I should
,
I already feel half whore
,
wearing clothes you
'
ve bought for me.
"
She gestured at the gown and then resumed walking.

Victor winced. His offer to make her his mistress was a raw wound. Bloody hell
,
he had watched her innocence bleed out of her face when he had made that statement
,
demand
,
whatever insanity it had been.

He knew he would hurt her
,
destroy her and he had already begun. And he had bought her a day dress that was suitable for a married woman
,
not an innocent. His blood ran cold and the desire he felt for her seemed a seedy thing
,
a cruel and hateful need.

He should deliver her to her brothers and fiancé
,
but he could not bring himself to wash his hands of her. He had to do a double-step to catch up with her rapid pace.

"
Lydia
,
I can only offer my apologies again. I said unforgivable things
,
and I have no excuse. I have done many unforgivable things to you.
"
Beyond shooting her
,
he had destroyed part of her innocence. Only Keene
'
s interruption had prevented him from taking her virtue.
"
I want you to stay in England. I would continue our friendship. But it is not about what I want. What do you want?
"

She abruptly stopped again
,
and he brushed against her before he could stop himself. He had just the barest sense of her flank
,
curved and oh-so feminine
,
nestling perfectly against his hip. A shudder passed through him. His blood heated as the primitive urge to just make her his fired through him.

He stepped to the side before he reached for her
,
before he said the hell with conventions and propriety and limiting her choices
,
and he carried her back to his bedroom
,
the consequences be damned.

"
What I would have said I wanted when I woke this morning is different than what I would say now. I think it is clear that I must go back to Boston and marry Oscar.
"

Victor raked a shaking hand through his hair, feeling outraged and wounded and desperate to keep her here in England
,
near him in some way.
"
Do you want to marry him?
"

She narrowed her eyes at him and gave the tiniest shake of her head.
"
No
,
but it is clear I cannot manage on my own. You were right
,
I have not always made sensible choices. I have been nearly beaten
,
shot
,
seduced
,
robbed—
"

"
When were you robbed?
"
interrupted Victor. What else did he not know about?

"
Before I met you
,
so you cannot take blame for that.
"

Her dismissal did not entirely ease his mind
,
but she would hate him harping on it.
"
You were not entirely seduced
,
not if you are talking about with me.
"

She stared into his eyes half a second and he felt his world tilt as if everything could right itself
,
then she made a dismissing gesture with her hand.
"
Semantics.
"

She turned to walk away. He grabbed her arm
,
spun her and pulled her up against his chest.
"
Not semantics
,
I could show you the difference.
"

She stepped back
,
and he was losing her. His soul wrenched. He should be used to loss by now.

"
Ah
,
pet
,
stay for the season and we will find you a rich old man on death
'
s door to marry and make you an independently wealthy widow.
"

She pushed him away.

"
Lyddie
,
it was just a jest.
"

She turned and looked at him
,
pain filling her eyes.
"
My mother is the only one who ever called me that
,"
she whispered.

Oh, God
,
and he had wounded her again
,
by choosing a pet name that reminded her of the loss of her mother.

She dashed the heel of her hand against her cheeks.
"
I won
'
t cry. I know you hate it.
"

"
I hated it when you were Leonard.
"

She sniffed
,
and looked skeptically at him.

His heart thudded in his chest.
"
All right
,
I hate it now
,
too
,
because I want to fix anything that is wrong for you
,
and I do not know how. Perhaps that is part of why I found it so disagreeable when you pretended to be a boy.
"

She gave him a small smile
,
and he felt as if the world had bloomed around him.

"
I do not believe you have smiled for days.
"

Which apparently were just the right words to chase the sunshine from her face. Would he never learn to keep his mouth buttoned shut?

He rubbed his forehead. They had not made any progress on deciding her future.
"
What do you want to do
,
Lydia? Whatever you want
,
I will move heaven and earth to make it so. If you want to stay in London
,
I am sure that at my request Keene and Sophie will sponsor you for the season.
"

She studied him with that intensity that made him want to grab her up and make love to her from now until forever.

"
Just when I am prepared to hate you
,
I find I cannot
,"
she said.

Emotion twisted and knotted in his gut. Even as he knew he should just deliver her to her relatives
,
he wanted to keep her with him.
"
You would do better to hate me. Both of us would do better if you hated me
,"
he said
,
with that he braved the lethal edges of her poke bonnet
,
leaned in and kissed her.

Chapter Fifteen

Victor was shown into the drawing room at Keene and Sophie
'
s. Laughter spilled down from the nursery on the top floor. A pang of regret that he would never know the joy of a full nursery in his own home hit his heart.

Keene greeted him and asked him to sit.

"
I shan
'
t be long
,"
said Victor.
"
I have just come to see if you are still willing to house Lydia.
"

"
Uncle Keene
,
Uncle Keene
,
come quick.
"
Regina burst through the drawing room doors
,
her little black shoes pattering across the carpet.

Seeing her run like a carefree child warmed Victor
'
s heart.

"
Aunt Sophie is stuck on the roof.
"

Keene turned white as a ghost and then raced out of the room
,
not stopping to look at the little girl.

Regina looked at Victor shyly. She dug a toe into the carpet and twisted her hands together in front of her. She looked toward the door Keene had just raced out of, then said
,
"
Would you help?
"

"
I should be greatly honored.
"
He bowed and reached out his hand.
"
Now where is Aunt Sophie?
"

Regina put her little hand in his and tugged him toward the door.
"
In the nursery.
"

"
Oh
,
I thought you said on the roof. I have had to help rescue your aunt from a roof before. She is very bad about climbing on roofs when she should not. I hope you never do such a thing.
"
Victor said as they took the stairs up. Where had Keene gone?