The Wedding Runaway (29 page)

"
I do not want you out of these rooms. Your reputation would be besmirched forever.
"

"
I did not expect you to wake one of your servants.
"

"
Just my valet
,
and he is well paid
,
pet.
"
Besides that
,
the less time they spent together alone
,
the better.

She looked at him with a quiet calm assessment and he suddenly realized she had diverted their conversation
,
that his waking a servant was hardly the point
,
but a way of breaking their intimacy.

She crossed the ends of her shawl and folded her arms across her chest
,
and looked down at the floor.

A moment earlier, her consternation at his refusal of her offer to provide outlet for his desire had been clear in the crumpling of her expression. Showing her how much he wanted her was not difficult
,
although pulling away had been like wrenching his soul free from a demon
'
s grasp.

Now
,
he was unsure what thoughts churned in her head. He felt locked out
,
held at arms length
,
and he cursed himself for a fool. He could have had her
,
were it not the wrong thing to do. Yet
,
she did not trust him with her name.

Yearning burned under his breastbone. In her own way, she had been spurning him from the minute he rescued Leonard from a thrashing.

He had just told her more than Keene knew about him. Did he think that by sharing every skeleton in his cupboard
,
she might tell him who she was?

A light tapping prompted Victor to head for the door of the feminine bedroom. When he opened the door, his servant stood there impeccably dressed
,
as if he had slept standing in a corner
,
fully clothed
,
just in case he was summoned.

"
Miss Hall would like a food tray.
"
Victor swiveled.
"
What would you like to eat?
"

Not-Leonard shrugged.
"
Whatever is easy.
"

Victor rolled his eyes and turned back to his valet.
"
Buttered eggs
,
scones and hot chocolate.
"

"
Very good
,
milord
,"
said his butler and Victor turned to face his houseguest.

He wanted to close the space between them and carry her to his bed
,
either bed. He wanted to break down any barriers between them. His body thrummed with energy
,
and he had to admit that more than her proximity made him want her. If his desire was based just on deprivation
,
then Amelia would have done.

How could he want her so much
,
when he knew so little about her? Was it because, like his father, he relished destroying innocence? Was Amelia
'
s maturity and experience what left him cold? Was it the many secrets Lenny kept from him that cast such a hold on him?

"
Why did you run from your wedding? Is your betrothed a beast?
"

She crossed the room to the window and edged back the curtain.

"
A tyrant? Cruel to you?
"
He needed to know. He needed to understand. He needed to have a part of her to hold.

"
No
,
not on purpose. For the most part he has been quite kind and considerate.
"
Her answer was mild in tone
,
confusing him.
"
I thought myself quite in love.
"

Victor folded his arms
,
ignoring the knot below his ribcage.
"
In what way did he hurt you then?
"

She shook her head slightly.

Her refusal to allow him a glimpse of her world
,
her real world
,
made his heart ache.
"
Come now
,
I have confessed secrets to you.
"

"
Yes
,
but candor comes easily to you.
"

"
As well as the curse of speaking my mind.
"

She turned and gave him a half-smile.
"
Not so much a curse. I admire your ability to share your thoughts without a care to their reception.
"

He blinked. She had not been exposed enough if she thought his tendency to be brutally blunt was anything short of hurtful.
"
Perhaps my words have not wounded you yet. They will sooner or later.
"

"
You have said things that have hurt me.
"
She stared at him, her blue eyes guileless.
"
But I do not fear you say one thing to me and have a worse opinion that you share with others. I know how poorly you think of me.
"

Victor stared at her, feeling remorse at causing her pain
,
yet sure he had not given her a true glimpse of his view of her. Yet
,
he knew he could not offer encouragement.

"
I hate that you will not share so much as your name with me
,"
he said.

She turned her back to him
,
her head bowed.
"
I would share much with you.
"

He felt torn in two
,
because he wanted her touch. He wanted...her trust. He wanted her in totality
,
not just physically
,
not just in part.

He sat on the edge of the bed. In truth
,
the things he told her
,
the worst of his past
,
were in part to warn her. Now that she seemed to be heeding his council
,
he wanted to take it all back. Yet
,
none of this was any help to her.

He desperately wanted to hang onto her
,
to encourage the tenderness of her emotions
,
to bask in her concern and care
,
but he could not offer anything in the balance. He no longer had anything of himself left to give
,
nothing beyond pain and suffering he could share. He knew he could and would take and take and take
,
and she deserved better than that. She deserved a man who could love her.

Even though the idea of her with another man made Victor want to tear this man apart limb by limb
,
perhaps he could help her find the happiness she deserved.
"
So why have you run away from this man? You are obviously not afraid of the physical aspects of marriage.
"

She gripped the drapery in one hand
,
holding it as if it were a lifeline.
"
He wants to marry me only for my birthright.
"

"
No man wants to marry you only for your birthright
,"
blurted Victor.
"
No man with eyes in his head.
"

"
I heard him say as much. He wants his place in my father
'
s company.
"
She let go of the curtain and stepped away
,
pacing with her long-legged stride.
"
He wants more than what would be mine if I had been born a male. He wants to wrest control from my brothers and take over the company when my father passes.
"

"
So he is ambitious
,"
Victor said cautiously. The business world was ambiguous to him. There would have to be one person who must take control of the company when her father was gone. Without a clear primogeniture system
,
Victor assumed the person best qualified would take control of a company.
"
That does not mean he does not care for you
,
and would not be a good husband.
"

Her steps quickened as she paced back and forth. He wanted to leap up and soothe her
,
yet he wanted to know why she was here
,
why she had turned up in his life
,
why she had protected the secret of her identity to the point she risked death.

She stopped and bit her lip.
"
Are you pushing me at him because you do not want me here?
"

"
I am not pushing you at him
,
I just have not heard that he or your family has done anything so dreadful to make you flee across an ocean and risk your entire future
,
let alone your life.
"

Her blue eyes were stormy.
"
I do not know that I ran from the man
,
so much as I ran from marriage.
"

Victor shook his head
,
surprised
,
shocked even to hear a sentiment so close to his own from an innocent such as her. Had he unduly influenced her with his own cynicism?
"
And why do
you
think marriage so bad
,
pet?
"

She put her palms up.
"
I will lose who I am. I will be nothing more than property of my husband. If he causes dissention with my brothers
,
I will have no choice but to stand by him. I will have no identity
,
except as his wife. If I had been born a boy
,
my birthright would be mine. I could make all my own decisions.
"

He stared at her. Was that what her masquerade as Leonard was about?
"
So you wish you were a man?
"

~*~

"
Helena
,"
said her father after he limped into the breakfast room and sat heavily.

She jumped to her feet to fill a plate for her father from the warming dishes on the sideboard.
"
What can I get for you
,
Papa? Would you like some kippers or poached eggs?
"

"
Sit
,
dearest
,
we need to talk.
"

Helena slid back into her seat. She repositioned her napkin in her lap
,
although her appetite deserted her. Her father had always left talking to her mother
,
filtering his requests and commands through her.

He reached out a hand toward Helena
,
and she noticed how knotty and gnarled his knuckles were
,
the joints thick and his spotted fingers crooked. When had he gotten so old?

"
I am worried about your mother.
"

Helena took her father
'
s hand in hers. She was more worried about him.

"
At your mother
'
s age
,
carrying a child could be quite difficult.
"

All right
,
now Helena was worried about her mother.
"
I will take good care of her.
"

He patted her hand.
"
I know you will
,
but I want to speak about you. I have found a buyer for the Coventry Estate. I will set some of the proceeds by for you to have a dowry.
"

Helena nodded
,
although she felt a burn behind her eyes. Her property would be gone. It was never truly hers
,
so she should not feel its loss so keenly
,
but it had always stood as a solace to her. A place she could withdraw to if she never married
,
but that option was gone now.

"
I do not want to frighten you
,
but if this pregnancy proves fatal for your mother
,
and I am an old man...
"

Helena understood. She would have no place to go. No place to live. Her mother would be entitled to use of the dower house
,
but Helena would not. She had to marry now
,
or she risked becoming a poor relation with no welcome anywhere. Her younger sisters might allow her to spend time in their households
,
but the twins were close to each other
,
not to her.
"
I have told Mama that I will set my cap for Wedmont.
"

"
I hope you understand the urgency
,
Helena. I had hopes that you might have married one of the royal dukes
,
but...
"
her father shook his head.

Helena wanted to protest that her youngest sibling might be a brother.

"
Wedmont is not likely to object to your dowry. He is nearer your age and more likely to make you happy.
"

Except Helena suspected Trevor might be the only man who could make her happy.

"
Now
,
there is a favor I would ask of you. The physician recommended that we seek the services of an accoucher. I do not wish to trust this to a servant. I would ask you to take a maid and pay a call on William Knighton
'
s offices as he is reputed to be the best of these doctors.
"

"
Of course
,
Papa.
"

Helena was relieved to have a task
,
even a task as little as soliciting a doctor who specialized in delivering babies.

Her father gave her hand one last squeeze.
"
Now
,
I will take kippers
,
poached eggs and a roll with clotted cream
,
if you would be so kind.
"

She stood again to dish up his plate
,
relieved to have the emotional conversation over.