The Vicar of Wakefield (10 page)

My wife and daughters happening to return a visit to neighbour
Flamborough's, found that family had lately got their pictures
drawn by a limner, who travelled the country, and took likenesses
for fifteen shillings a head. As this family and ours had long a
sort of rivalry in point of taste, our spirit took the alarm at
this stolen march upon us, and notwithstanding all I could say, and
I said much, it was resolved that we should have our pictures done
too. Having, therefore, engaged the limner, for what could I do?
our next deliberation was to shew the superiority of our taste in
the attitudes. As for our neighbour's family, there were seven of
them, and they were drawn with seven oranges, a thing quite out of
taste, no variety in life, no composition in the world. We desired
to have something in a brighter style, and, after many debates, at
length came to an unanimous resolution of being drawn together, in
one large historical family piece. This would be cheaper, since one
frame would serve for all, and it would be infinitely more genteel;
for all families of any taste were now drawn in the same manner. As
we did not immediately recollect an historical subject to hit us,
we were contented each with being drawn as independent historical
figures. My wife desired to be represented as Venus, and the
painter was desired not to be too frugal of his diamonds in her
stomacher and hair. Her two little ones were to be as Cupids by her
side, while I, in my gown and band, was to present her with my
books on the Whistonian controversy. Olivia would be drawn as an
Amazon, sitting upon a bank of flowers, drest in a green joseph,
richly laced with gold, and a whip in her hand. Sophia was to be a
shepherdess, with as many sheep as the painter could put in for
nothing; and Moses was to be drest out with an hat and white
feather. Our taste so much pleased the 'Squire, that he insisted on
being put in as one of the family in the character of Alexander the
great, at Olivia's feet. This was considered by us all as an
indication of his desire to be introduced into the family, nor
could we refuse his request. The painter was therefore set to work,
and as he wrought with assiduity and expedition, in less than four
days the whole was compleated. The piece was large, and it must be
owned he did not spare his colours; for which my wife gave him
great encomiums. We were all perfectly satisfied with his
performance; but an unfortunate circumstance had not occurred till
the picture was finished, which now struck us with dismay. It was
so very large that we had no place in the house to fix it. How we
all came to disregard so material a point is inconceivable; but
certain it is, we had been all greatly remiss. The picture,
therefore, instead of gratifying our vanity, as we hoped, leaned,
in a most mortifying manner, against the kitchen wall, where the
canvas was stretched and painted, much too large to be got through
any of the doors, and the jest of all our neighhours. One compared
it to Robinson Crusoe's long-boat, too large to be removed; another
thought it more resembled a reel in a bottle; some wondered how it
could be got out, but still more were amazed how it ever got
in.

But though it excited the ridicule of some, it effectually
raised more malicious suggestions in many. The 'Squire's portrait
being found united with ours, was an honour too great to escape
envy. Scandalous whispers began to circulate at our expence, and
our tranquility was continually disturbed by persons who came as
friends to tell us what was said of us by enemies. These reports we
always resented with becoming spirit; but scandal ever improves by
opposition.

We once again therefore entered into a consultation upon
obviating the malice of our enemies, and at last came to a
resolution which had too much cunning to give me entire
satisfaction. It was this: as our principal object was to discover
the honour of Mr Thornhill's addresses, my wife undertook to sound
him, by pretending to ask his advice in the choice of an husband
for her eldest daughter. If this was not found sufficient to induce
him to a declaration, it was then resolved to terrify him with a
rival. To this last step, however, I would by no means give my
consent, till Olivia gave me the most solemn assurances that she
would marry the person provided to rival him upon this occasion, if
he did not prevent it, by taking her himself. Such was the scheme
laid, which though I did not strenuously oppose, I did not entirely
approve.

The next time, therefore, that Mr Thornhill came to see us, my
girls took care to be out of the way, in order to give their mamma
an opportunity of putting her scheme in execution; but they only
retired to the next room, from whence they could over-hear the
whole conversation: My wife artfully introduced it, by observing,
that one of the Miss Flamboroughs was like to have a very good
match of it in Mr Spanker. To this the 'Squire assenting, she
proceeded to remark, that they who had warm fortunes were always
sure of getting good husbands: 'But heaven help,' continued she,
'the girls that have none. What signifies beauty, Mr Thornhill? or
what signifies all the virtue, and all the qualifications in the
world, in this age of self-interest? It is not, what is she? but
what has she? is all the cry.'

'Madam,' returned he, 'I highly approve the justice, as well as
the novelty, of your remarks, and if I were a king, it should be
otherwise. It should then, indeed, be fine times with the girls
without fortunes: our two young ladies should be the first for whom
I would provide.' 'Ah, Sir!' returned my wife, 'you are pleased to
be facetious: but I wish I were a queen, and then I know where my
eldest daughter should look for an husband. But now, that you have
put it into my head, seriously Mr Thornhill, can't you recommend me
a proper husband for her? She is now nineteen years old, well grown
and well educated, and, in my humble opinion, does not want for
parts.' 'Madam,' replied he, 'if I were to chuse, I would find out
a person possessed of every accomplishment that can make an angel
happy. One with prudence, fortune, taste, and sincerity, such,
madam, would be, in my opinion, the proper husband.' 'Ay, Sir,'
said she, 'but do you know of any such person?'—'No, madam,'
returned he, 'it is impossible to know any person that deserves to
be her husband: she's too great a treasure for one man's
possession: she's a goddess. Upon my soul, I speak what I think,
she's an angel.'—'Ah, Mr Thornhill, you only flatter my poor girl:
but we have been thinking of marrying her to one of your tenants,
whose mother is lately dead, and who wants a manager: you know whom
I mean, farmer Williams; a warm man, Mr Thornhill, able to give her
good bread; and who has several times made her proposals: (which
was actually the case) but, Sir,' concluded she, 'I should be glad
to have your approbation of our choice.'—'How, madam,' replied he,
'my approbation! My approbation of such a choice! Never. What!
Sacrifice so much beauty, and sense, and goodness, to a creature
insensible of the blessing! Excuse me, I can never approve of such
a piece of injustice And I have my reasons!'—'Indeed, Sir,' cried
Deborah, 'if you have your reasons, that's another affair; but I
should be glad to know those reasons.'—'Excuse me, madam,' returned
he, 'they lie too deep for discovery: (laying his hand upon his
bosom) they remain buried, rivetted here.'

After he was gone, upon general consultation, we could not tell
what to make of these fine sentiments. Olivia considered them as
instances of the most exalted passion; but I was not quite so
sanguine: it seemed to me pretty plain, that they had more of love
than matrimony in them: yet, whatever they might portend, it was
resolved to prosecute the scheme of farmer Williams, who, from my
daughter's first appearance in the country, had paid her his
addresses.

Scarce any virtue found to resist the power of long and pleasing
temptation

As I only studied my child's real happiness, the assiduity of Mr
Williams pleased me, as he was in easy circumstances, prudent, and
sincere. It required but very little encouragement to revive his
former passion; so that in an evening or two he and Mr Thornhill
met at our house, and surveyed each other for some time with looks
of anger: but Williams owed his landlord no rent, and little
regarded his indignation. Olivia, on her side, acted the coquet to
perfection, if that might be called acting which was her real
character, pretending to lavish all her tenderness on her new
lover. Mr Thornhill appeared quite dejected at this preference, and
with a pensive air took leave, though I own it puzzled me to find
him so much in pain as he appeared to be, when he had it in his
power so easily to remove the cause, by declaring an honourable
passion. But whatever uneasiness he seemed to endure, it could
easily be perceived that Olivia's anguish was still greater. After
any of these interviews between her lovers, of which there were
several, she usually retired to solitude, and there indulged her
grief. It was in such a situation I found her one evening, after
she had been for some time supporting a fictitious gayety.—'You now
see, my child,' said I, 'that your confidence in Mr Thornhill's
passion was all a dream: he permits the rivalry of another, every
way his inferior, though he knows it lies in his power to secure
you to himself by a candid declaration.'—'Yes, pappa,' returned
she, 'but he has his reasons for this delay: I know he has. The
sincerity of his looks and words convince me of his real esteem. A
short time, I hope, will discover the generosity of his sentiments,
and convince you that my opinion of him has been more just than
yours.'—'Olivia, my darling,' returned I, 'every scheme that has
been hitherto pursued to compel him to a declaration, has been
proposed and planned by yourself, nor can you in the least say that
I have constrained you. But you must not suppose, my dear, that I
will ever be instrumental in suffering his honest rival to be the
dupe of your ill-placed passion. Whatever time you require to bring
your fancied admirer to an explanation shall be granted; but at the
expiration of that term, if he is still regardless, I must
absolutely insist that honest Mr Williams shall be rewarded for his
fidelity. The character which I have hitherto supported in life
demands this from me, and my tenderness, as a parent, shall never
influence my integrity as a man. Name then your day, let it be as
distant as you think proper, and in the mean time take care to let
Mr Thornhill know the exact time on which I design delivering you
up to another. If he really loves you, his own good sense will
readily suggest that there is but one method alone to prevent his
losing you forever.'—This proposal, which she could not avoid
considering as perfectly just, was readily agreed to. She again
renewed her most positive promise of marrying Mr Williams, in case
of the other's insensibility; and at the next opportunity, in Mr
Thornhill's presence, that day month was fixed upon for her
nuptials with his rival.

Such vigorous proceedings seemed to redouble Mr Thornhill's
anxiety: but what Olivia really felt gave me some uneasiness. In
this struggle between prudence and passion, her vivacity quite
forsook her, and every opportunity of solitude was sought, and
spent in tears. One week passed away; but Mr Thornhill made no
efforts to restrain her nuptials. The succeeding week he was still
assiduous; but not more open. On the third he discontinued his
visits entirely, and instead of my daughter testifying any
impatience, as I expected, she seemed to retain a pensive
tranquillity, which I looked upon as resignation. For my own part,
I was now sincerely pleased with thinking that my child was going
to be secured in a continuance of competence and peace, and
frequently applauded her resolution, in preferring happiness to
ostentation.

It was within about four days of her intended nuptials, that my
little family at night were gathered round a charming fire, telling
stories of the past, and laying schemes for the future. Busied in
forming a thousand projects, and laughing at whatever folly came
uppermost, 'Well, Moses,' cried I, 'we shall soon, my boy, have a
wedding in the family, what is your opinion of matters and things
in general?'—'My opinion, father, is, that all things go on very
well; and I was just now thinking, that when sister Livy is married
to farmer Williams, we shall then have the loan of his cyder-press
and brewing tubs for nothing.'—'That we shall, Moses,' cried I,
'and he will sing us Death and the Lady, to raise our spirits into
the bargain.'—'He has taught that song to our Dick,' cried Moses;
'and I think he goes thro' it very prettily.'—'Does he so,' cried
I, then let us have it: where's little Dick? let him up with it
boldly.'—'My brother Dick,' cried Bill my youngest, 'is just gone
out with sister Livy; but Mr Williams has taught me two songs, and
I'll sing them for you, pappa. Which song do you chuse, the Dying
Swan, or the Elegy on the death of a mad dog?' 'The elegy, child,
by all means,' said I, 'I never heard that yet; and Deborah, my
life, grief you know is dry, let us have a bottle of the best
gooseberry wine, to keep up our spirits. I have wept so much at all
sorts of elegies of late, that without an enlivening glass I am
sure this will overcome me; and Sophy, love, take your guitar, and
thrum in with the boy a little.'

An Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog.

Good people all, of every sort, Give ear unto my song; And if
you find it wond'rous short, It cannot hold you long.

In Isling town there was a man, Of whom the world might say,
That still a godly race he ran, Whene'er he went to pray.

A kind and gentle heart he had, To comfort friends and foes; The
naked every day he clad, When he put on his cloaths.

And in that town a dog was found, As many dogs there be, Both
mungrel, puppy, whelp, and hound, And curs of low degree.