The Unexpected List (The List Trilogy) (27 page)

Still pushing him, “Your wooing words are charming, but I want everything to be perfect, Leo.”

“And what does perfect mean?”

“It means you’ll be home with me and Kendall.  That she has some time to settle into our new family.  Shit…so we ALL have time to settle into our new family. Perfect means you won’t miss one day of my morning sickness, my first ultra-sound…my expanding waistline.”

“Then I guess I’m outta here.”

Standing to put his pants on, I tug at his hem and ask where he’s going.

“The drug store.” Smiling down at me, “I’m not done with you.  Oh, and open that box while I’m gone.  The spa was my gift to you and that’s your gift to me.”

“So this whole thing was your idea?”

“Yep.” And then he bent down to kiss me before saying “I’ll be back in ten minutes,” and then he dashed out the door.

I almost opened the door to beg him not to leave, but resisted the urge because I knew there would be no sex on the menu if he stayed.  So, while Leo was gone I ordered another Cobb salad for him and opened the box.  When he returned, I was wearing the lingerie he entrusted Slutty Co-worker to buy for me.  It was surprisingly tasteful and fit like a glove…and it came off just as easy as one.

The remainder of our weekend was a dream.  We hardly left the bed and spent countless hours talking about Kendall, our wedding and the success of T.L. Capital.  Apparently, not only are they going to open up an office in California, but Texas as well.  The forty-eight hours we spent at The Ritz was long over-due time together needed to plan our future, and I could’ve continued to do it long into the future, but Sunday rolled around and Leo had to catch his flight back to New York and I had to be home by five o’clock to meet Kendall who was being delivered by Kurt.  Hearing Kurt’s name come out of my mouth was obviously hard for Leo to digest, but for the first time in four years he didn’t clench his fists when it happened.  It looks like he dug deep and things might be okay with the visitation arrangement after all.  Two days after I opened the door to him, I have to open it again to let him out.

“Do you have to go back?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“I guess it’s just for one more month.”  Hugging him tightly, “I think I can make it.”

“Chrissy I have something to tell you.  I waited until now because I didn’t want to ruin the weekend.”

Pulling back a little, “You’re scaring me.”

“It’s not scary, I promise.  It’s just that I have to stay in New York until July to help Taddeo with the Texas deal.”

“
What?  No!”

“I only need an extra six weeks and I can get what I need done.  I promise, I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t important.”

“But, it’s been so long already and Kendall probably doesn’t even remember what you look like!”

“But she knows what I sound like.  We talk on the phone all of the time.”

“It’s not the same!  Damn it, Leo, I don’t wanna live like this anymore.”

Pulling me back into him, “It’s hard for me too.  But, what I’m doing is for the rest of our lives.  We can make it six more weeks, can’t we?”

Just like I remember doing in Dr. Maria’s office so many years ago, I nod my head yes like it’s no biggie, but the hole in my heart that’s flashing a big neon vacancy sign says otherwise.

Onward and Upward

June, 2002

“Thank you for taking care of that.”

“What?  All I did was order the food.”

“I’m talking about my clothes.  Thanks for not throwing them away.  I just know all of that fluorescent stuff will make a comeback one day.”

“Okay…one, you’re totally wrong about that assumption. And, two…how come I never know what you’re talking about anymore, Kelly?”

Giggling, “You don’t know what
you’re
talking about!”

“Huh?”

“Who’s it gonna be, Chrissy?  Just pick already!”

“Who’s
who
gonna be?”

“You’re gonna have to choose or something will happen that’ll make the choice for you.”

“Are you talking about love?”

“You got it.”

“Will I ever find it?”

“It’s all around you…even about to be inside of you.”

“I’ve always had love inside of me, Kel!”

“But, you’ve never had it growing inside of you.”

I bolt straight up in bed and grab my stomach, which is stupid because unless a phone can impregnate me, I’m in the clear.

There’s no need to jump out of bed because Kendall’s with Kurt, so I slump back down and reflect on my latest confusing dream with Kelly.  I know I’m not pregnant, and I know what man I’ve chosen, so what’s the message?  Are these dreams some kind of a reflection of my insecurities? 
But, what insecurities?
  I know who I am now and I know what I want, so why all of the creepy man/baby talk?   Maybe I’ll give Dr. Maria a jingle and chat about it.  I’ve wanted to touch base with her since she set me up with Dr. Vikki, but life has done nothing but get in the way of it.  Maybe next week. Too much to do today.  And first on my list of things to do is to call my gynecologist and get my depo provera shot so I’m ready to go when Leo moves back home.  I’ll do anything to avoid another condom nightmare from happening.  I swear, if all of my hair hadn’t been waxed off, the friction would’ve started a fire and burned the damn hotel down.

I make my way to the bathroom and like usual, trip over a hundred toys on the way.  And, like usual I groan, “Son of a bitch, I can’t live like this anymore.”  And it doesn’t look like I’ll have to for much longer!  Leo and I had a long talk in Half Moon Bay, and we decided I should get started on looking for a house. It makes more sense to have a home ready and waiting for him upon his return in July, there’s simply no room in the cottage for a suitcase, let alone a man.  Both of our businesses are doing extremely well and we’re prepared to spend a pretty penny on a piece of property in Lafayette.  It’s where Kendall’s pre-school is and in keeping with the consistency commitment I made to Kelly, I won’t switch her.  Not that I would anyway.  My inexperienced mom ass got super lucky and picked an amazing school.  She loves it there and is totally thriving.  So much so that Dr. Vikki only has us on an as needed basis.  As of right now, there’s no need to see her in person.

Once Kelly and Craig’s house was sold and all of their things were put in storage, a huge weight got lifted off of me. And, spending two amazing nights with Leo helped to alleviate a lot of stress that had been building up.  Almost overnight, my head cleared and I was able to better manage my days.  I started setting my alarm clock for an hour earlier to once again enjoy a quiet cup of coffee and a long shower, and I started making larger grocery trips on the weekends so I didn’t have to run around like a crazy woman during the week.  I even enrolled Kendall and me in cooking classes and we’re learning what a well-balanced meal is
together.
  I also put her in an after school gymnastics program that gives me an hour more a day in the office.  All of the changes have brought a great deal of sanity back into my life and it’s reflected in Kendall’s smile every day. She’s healthy and active and for the most part seems to be enjoying life.  I’m sure there are a million other things I could be doing to make her days better and I bet Kelly spelled them all out for me in those videos, but I still can’t bring myself to watch them. Brushing my hand alongside the box that holds them, I mutter, “I just need a little more time, Kel.”

In the shower I wash my body and like always I imagine my hands are Leo’s.  I’ve missed the touch of a man like I never thought I would.  Sure I’m “mom” tired, but something about being a mom seems to bring out the desire more than when I was without her.  Maybe it’s a fear of becoming old…of becoming undesirable.  I don’t know, but it’s an insecurity I don’t want to think about right now because I’m happy and I don’t want anything to bring me down.   I exit the shower and push aside Leo’s still hard and tousled towel from when he last went back to New York in December after the fight with Kurt.  It’s one of the few reminders I have of him in the cottage and I can’t bring myself to alter it.

Now staring at myself in the mirror, I study the fine lines under my eyes and wonder if I look thirty-three.  I’ll be turning that old in two months.  It’s hard to believe I was only twenty-eight when I met Leo.  Its’ even harder for me to believe, given all of the wrenches thrown at us, that the dreams he and I shared the night we met at Buckley’s are about to come true.  I can’t believe that I sat down next to a twenty-two-year-old, college attending, rock yard worker and went home destined to spend the rest of my life with him.  And now, four years later he’s accomplished his goal of becoming not only an investment banker, but the managing partner of T.L. Capital, his very own business.  And I learned to follow my heart and it led me to my very own business, Forever Young, Inc.   There have been times when I thought for sure our relationship wouldn’t make it, but it was always our shared dreams that brought us back together, and I know it’s our shared dreams that will keep us together.  Dr. Maria so brilliantly made me realize that.

Now in my bedroom putting on my clothes, my thoughts return to my list of things to do today, which starts with the house hunt.  Hopefully I’ll find us the perfect one and it’ll close by mid-July, because I have another big thing I have to start planning: our wedding.  Leo and I finally talked about it in Half Moon Bay and decided to bail on the idea of Fiji and just have a very small wedding at our new house, like with just the two of us, Kendall and a bunch of snipes.  We set the date for September fourteenth.  Four months from today.

Heading to my desk to get started on a list of must-haves in the new house, my mind drifts off for a second to the two amazing days with Leo in Half Moon Bay.  It makes me remember two
very
important items to put on the list--long hallways and a lock on the master bedroom door!  Come to think of it, we might even want to build in some sound proofing!

Almost

July, 2002

“I’m standing in it right now!  It’s ours Leo!  I can hardly believe it, but it’s ours!”

Looking out of the kitchen window and into the backyard of my new house, I’m smiling from ear to ear as I watch Kendall run around like a crazy person who just chugged two liters of Coke (which I’d never give her) and ate four cupcakes (which I don’t know how to make).

“We’re officially ready for you, so please come home now!”

As of thirty-one days ago I still hadn’t found the right place to call home and Leo agreed with every listing I faxed to him that none of them felt right. They either didn’t have enough bedrooms, the kitchens were outdated, there wasn’t a pool, or the lot was too small.  House after house was disappointing and I was running out of time.  After touring twenty-four homes in Lafayette, I was starting to get discouraged that I wouldn’t find the right house before he moved back in July.

And thirty-one days ago I set out on what I
thought
would be another exhausting house hunt with our agent, but to my surprise I stepped foot into the most perfect home to start our new lives.  And today I got the keys!  Yep, right now I’m on the phone with Leo and I’m standing in our three thousand square foot totally remodeled rancher. The quintessential California home!  It has three spare bedrooms that are all located as far from the master bedroom as they can possibly be!  The backyard is humongous and totally loaded with every toy a grown-up (because I’m officially one of those now) could ever want.  It’s got a pool, an outdoor kitchen and a fireplace, and it also has the most charming garden that I can already see all of our kids digging around in.  Gone are the days when I long to live in Danville again.  In fact, Danville can eat me!

When I faxed Leo the listing, he called me right away and said, “That’s it!” So I put in a full price offer and never looked back.  Well except once, when I was packing up the cottage and called him crying.