The Twitter History of the World (12 page)

@GeorgeGalloway
@SaddamHussein You’re welcome, sir. Would you like me…to be the cat?
11.19am, July 11, 1994

@SaddamHussein
@GeorgeGalloway Steady on old boy!
11.29am, July 11, 1994

George Galloway’s fawning praise for Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein has haunted him almost as much as his cat impersonation in Celebrity Big Brother.

@JoanOsborne
What if god was one of us?
7.11pm, March 30, 1995

@TonyBlair
@JoanOsborne What – just a slob like one of us? #prezza
5.12am, May 3, 1997

@AlastairCampbell
DM to @TonyBlair We don’t do god
5.13am, May 3, 1997

@JoanOsborne
Just a stranger on the bus, trying to make his way home…
5.14am, May 3, 1997

@RichardDawkins
Oh dear, the whole God delusion…
5.15am, May 3, 1997

@JoanOsborne
And yeah, yeah – god is great. yeah, yeah – god is good
5.17am, May 3, 1997

@Nietzsche
And no, no – god is dead. No, no – god is dead…
5.18am, May 3, 1997

@God
Oh for my sake!
5.19am, May 3, 1997

Is atheism the new religion? Some think so.

@JKRowling
Bored on the train.
5.55pm, June 1, 1990

@JKRowling
Still bored on the train.
6.24pm, June 1, 1990

@JKRowling
Idea: how about a story about a geeky kid with glasses who becomes a wizard and battles a dark wizard? RT if you like it.
6.29pm, June 1, 1990
[Retweeted by 450m users]

Bored on a long train journey, JK Rowling found that an idea for a fantasy novel ‘fell into her head’. It turned out to be a rather successful idea.

@HenriPaul
Sat bored alone in a hotel bar.
8:02pm, August 30, 1997

@HenriPaul
Drunken Tweeting FTW!
9.45pm, August 30, 1997

@HenriPaul
giong to go forr a drriev. BRB.
11.40pm, August 30, 1997

@TonyBlair
She was the people’s princess and that’s how she will stay, how she will remain in our hearts and in our memories forever.
8.14am, August 31, 1997

@BritishPublic
@ThePress You’re disGUSting! We’re un-following you…once we’ve bought your commemorative supplements
7.12am, September 1, 1997

@RollingNewsBroadcast
Now, the latest on the death of Diana…she’s still dead.
11.47pm, September 4, 1997

@Elton’sEyebrows
Going to grab an early night. Big day for us at Westminster Abbey tomoz.
8.31pm, September 5, 1997

@EarlSpencer
@Elton’sEyebrows And for moi…
11.40am, September 6, 1997

@PaulBurrell
In 1993, @PrincessDi DMed me: ‘My husband is planning “an accident” in my car…in order to make the path clear for him to marry.’
7.11am, December1, 2007

@MoFayed
Psssst…plot MI5…MI6…mumble…crocodile wife…Phillip Frankenstein…Roswell…is Elvis even dead…mumble grumble…passport…
11.11am, February 18, 2008

Diana, Princess of Wales died in a car crash in Paris in August 1997. A week of mourning followed during which anger erupted against the press and the royal family. Conspiracy theories about the circumstances of her death have continued ever since.

@TonyBlair
Sorry, but I’m genius – I just had an awesome idea. Anyone know how easy it is to build a dome? Can’t be hard, right?
04.02am, 2 June, 1997

@TonyBlair
Game on. It’ll be a triumph of confidence over cynicism, boldness over blandness, excellence over mediocrity – and all that for just £758m!
10.02am, 12 July, 1997

@PrinceOfDarkness
Thanks for giving me the #dome gig, I’ll deliver big-time – just you wait. Love, Mandy xoxo
10.03am, 12 July, 1997

@TonyBlair
@PrinceOfDarkness How are we getting on with the #dome? @CherieB and me are hoping to throw a big bash on millennium eve…
4.23pm, 29 November, 1999

@PrinceOfDarkness
@TonyBlair Stop getting your knickers in a twist!
10.21am, 30 November, 1999

@TonyBlair
@PrinceOfDarkness Erm, rich coming from you.
You do know it’s meant for *this* millennium eve, right?
10.22am, 30 November, 1999

‘Pressing the
send
button on your first day is a classic mistake.’

@PrinceOfDarkness
@TonyBlair Hahahahahahahahaha – as if!
10.23am, 30 November, 1999

The Millennium Dome, intended to be a triumphant symbol for the start of the third millennium was instead regarded as an expensive and embarrassing fiasco. Nowadays it hosts the far more successful O2 Arena.

@BillClinton
I did not have sexual relations with that woman
8:02pm, January 26, 1998

@BillClinton
#TheAwkwardMomentWhen I admit that indeed I did have a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was not appropriate
7:42pm, August 17, 1998

President Bill Clinton admitted having a relationship with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky following a four-year inquiry headed by independent prosecutor Kenneth Starr.
Clinton had previously strongly denied the allegation.

@RonDavies
Just going on a late-night stroll on Clapham Common with a dreadlocked man I just met. No biggie.
11.48pm, October 26, 1998

@RonDavies
Oh. It turns out that gay guys meet there for sex.
Who knew?
4.12am, October 27, 1998

@RonDavies
Going to go badger-watching tonight. Apparently there’s a great place just off the M4 near Bath.
11.59pm, March 1, 2003

@RonDavies
Oh.
It turns out that gay guys meet there for sex as well. Who knew?
3.12am, March 2, 2003

Who knew indeed. What a run of coincidences Ron Davies MP has suffered from.

@DaveandVicBecks
We don’t like the attention that comes with fame. Please RT
3:34pm, March 2, 1999

Heat
magazine was launched in 1999, shortly before reality television shows such as
Big Brother
and
Popstars
launched a new era in entertainment and celebrity. The public has become sceptical of some celebrities, including those who complain about the pressures of fame while desperately striving to cling-on to it.

@RodHull
Watching Man Utd v Inter. The TV reception is awful. Going to go up on the roof to fix it.
8:02pm, March 17, 1999

@Emu
Sob, booo hooo, sob…why…WHY?
5.12am, March 18, 1999
The entertainer Rod Hull died while adjusting the television aerial on his roof, mid-way through a Champions League tie.

@OssieBinL
Twitter’s shit. I don’t get any ‘mentions’ anymore. And who does a guy need to screw to get some followers?
11:00pm, September 10, 2001

@OssieBinL
Up at the crack of, here. No particular reason. Just a normal day. Okay?
05:12am, September 11, 2001

@GeorgeWBush
Off to a school in Florida. They’re going to teach me how to read, or something.
6.01am, September 11, 2001

@GeorgeWBush
Apparently a plane has crashed into the WTC. That’s got to be a terrible pilot.
8.47am, September 11, 2001

@GeorgeWBush
SHIT.
9.04am, September 11, 2001

@OssieBinL
My ‘mentions’ are going wild. Won’t be able to reply to you all, nor return any #FFs for a while. Actually, I might not Tweet for a bit.
10:04am, September 11, 2001

On September 11, 2001, Al Qaeda terrorists used hijacked airliners to attack American cities. Nearly 3,000 people died.

@GarethGates
My name is…my name is…my name is…
7.12pm, October 1, 2001

@Eminem
@GarethGates Dude, I’ve already written that one
7.13pm, October 1, 2001

@CarolineBuckley
Young man…it’s fun to stay at the YYYYMCA!
7.14pm, October 1, 2001

@SimonCowell
I have heard some bad performances in my time. And I can honestly say that is one of the worst of them.
7.15pm, October 1, 2001

@GarethGates
My name is…my name is…my name is…
7.32pm, October 1, 2001

@SimonCowell
I don’t mean to be rude, but you look like the Incredible Hulk’s wife
7.34pm, October 1, 2001

@Darius
Can you (still) feel the love in the room?
8.12pm, November 28, 2001

@SimonCowell
Butlins, yes.
Pop Idol,
no.
7.59pm, December 2, 2001

@GarethGates
My name is…my name is…my name is…
8.12pm, December 2, 2001

@SimonCowell
Distinctly average, I’m afraid
8.33pm, January 12, 2002

@WillYoung
@SimonCowell Don’t be such a rotter. I don’t think you could ever call that average. Unfollowed!
8.34pm, January 12, 2002

The first series of
Pop Idol
was not the first reality talent contest but it was the first involving Simon Cowell. He never looked back.

@Pentagon
@GeorgeWBush So dude, what are we going to do
with these here terrorists we’ve started catching?
12.12pm, January 11, 2002

@GeorgeWBush
@Pentagon Take ’em to Cuba and make ’em wear bright orange outfits. That’ll learn the sonsofbiyatches.
9.00am, January 21, 2002

@Pentagon
@GeorgeWBush Mr President, that sounds like a holiday camp. Isn’t there anything harsher we can do?
9.02am, January 21, 2002

@GeorgeWBush
@Pentagon We could, like, torture them? You know, strangle them, waterboard them, stick lit cigarettes in their ears, bash their heads in…
9.09am, January 21, 2002

@GeorgeWBush
@Pentagon What I mean is we *could* do that, but we won’t. D’ya get me? We WON’T do that.
Nudge-nudge wink-wink. *Coughs*.
9.10am, January 21, 2002

@Pentagon
@GeorgeWBush You got it!
9.11am, January 21, 2002

@BarackObama
I’m different. Vote for me and I’ll shut Guantanamo Bay. Immediately. #theaudacityofhope
7.12pm, November 17, 2008

@BarackObama
Meh, I was just pissing about when I said that. You know how it is. #theaudacityofhype
4.50pm, April 3, 2012

Guantanamo Bay, a detention camp opened in Cuba after the September 11 attacks, has been a thorn in the side of terrorists – and, to an extent, US presidents – ever since.