The Thief Who Stole Midnight (2 page)

Maddie took it out of her purse and handed it to him. "It doesn't take video, but you can snap pictures."

Mike made a face as he took it. "You really need to upgrade. Pictures don't pay as much as video."

"I don't want a smart phone." Maddie said. "As long as this one can call out, it's fine."

Baby New Year slipped again, trying to avoid one of the city's cat-sized super rats and this time, he went down. The wallet went flying. Baby New Year scrambled after it, but as he tried to get up, he slipped on another patch of ice. Meanwhile, the old man was closing the gap.

"Oh, man, this is getting good." Mike said.

"You know what I do need to upgrade to?" Maddie asked. "A husband who cares about his fellow man. Are you really going to stand there and let that old man get flattened by a clumsy, half-naked mugger?"

Mike sighed and shoved the phone back at her. "Fine. You take the pictures. But if I get shot, it's going to be all your fault."

"He's wearing a diaper." Maddie said. "The only gun he's concealing is shriveled up and frozen."

Mike stepped down off the curb and crossed the street. But the old man got to Baby New Year first and started whacking him with his cane. One hard smack across the shins, and the big guy went down again. Another smack on the hand, Baby New Year yelped and dropped the wallet.

The old man snatched it up with a cackle of triumph. As he was checking through the cash and cards, Baby New Year got on his feet and, in an impressive, hopping-limping-running motion, managed to get down the street and jump on a Clark street bus as it pulled away.

"See? It all worked out on its own," Mike said, crossing back to Maddie's side.

"My mom may be on to something." Maddie said, as she watched the bus trundling down the road. "I've heard Evanston's a great place to raise a kid."

CHAPTER THREE

As they continued walking, Mike put his arm around Maddie and tried to nuzzle her neck -- or at least, what he could get to under her scarf and coat collar. But, after getting a mouthful of wool and an accidental shoulder in the jaw from Maddie, he finally gave it up.

"What time are your parents coming over?" Mike asked.

"Nine." Maddie said, checking her watch.

"That early?!" Mike's voice shot up the register into a squeak. He cleared his throat and said again, deeper. "I mean, that early?"

Maddie laughed. "What time would you like them to arrive, unsociable one?"

"Ten minutes to midnight."

Maddie snorted. "With the parking around here, you're lucky they didn't arrive yesterday and camp out in our living room."

Mike sighed. "New Year's Eve parties are supposed to be for friends. Not relatives.
Friends
. You get drunk, you toast midnight and you escape to somewhere private for wild monkey sex. Do your parents really have to come over?"

"Considering they have our baby, I'm going with yes." Maddie said. "Wild monkey sex... I like the sound of that. Can you still have wild monkey sex when you become an old, married couple?" She grinned.

"I think it's time we reclaimed our youth," Mike said. "Come on. You and me and some grown-up fun time before the chaperones show up," He ran his hand up under her coat.

Maddie jumped as Mike's roving hand found its way under her sweater. "You're incorrigible. And your hands are freezing."

He sighed and put his gloves back on. "At least my family has enough sense to stay home on New Year's."

"That's because your family lives in California." Maddie said, linking her arm through his as they walked.

"Exactly. You don't see them hopping on a plane, do you? We enjoy our distances."

Maddie sighed. "Honestly, I don't get your family at all. I would have thought they'd catch the first plane out here to spend time with the baby. Now, I'm just hoping they meet her before she starts kindergarten."

Mike's cheeks reddened and he looked away. "Well, yeah... about that... They wanted to fly out, but I told them we were all down with swine flu and it's super-contagious."

"You did what?!" Maddie asked, torn between furious and amazed.

"One set of parents for the holidays was enough. Don't worry -- we'll be over it by spring. They can fly out for Easter. Better yet, we can fly out there in June. It'll be fine. I promise they'll get to know little Sophie. Eventually."

"Mike! That's so not okay."

"Yeah, but what's done is done. No use trying to undo it now." Mike said, cheerfully. "Besides, the more relatives we have descending on us, the less chance we'll ever have to have sex again."

Maddie sighed and shook her head.

CHAPTER FOUR

Okay, I have to step in here and call shenanigans. I knew exactly why Mike wanted to keep their families apart, and it had nothing to do with his sex drive. Maddie may have been too pie-in-the-sky during their wedding to notice it, but I had an up-close and personal view to the dynamics between the two families.

Maddie came from an old-fashioned, Greek Orthodox, blue-collar family. They'd been living in Chicago since her grandparents immigrated here with their children. They were all about family values, faith and the unquestioned superiority of all things Greek. And it didn't matter how many generations removed they got from the motherland. Greek wasn't just their heritage or their culture, it was imprinted on their souls.

When Maddie fell in love with a non-Greek boy, I thought her parents were going to disown her. When they found out he was a vegan from Los Angeles, they acted like he robbed banks in his spare time. Now, not only was he not Greek, he was actively weird.

Maddie's mom regaled her with stories about how California was full of those homicidal Manson Family people, and how some of them could still be there, hiding out, living normal lives -- until they felt the compulsion to gut someone. And without an extensive background check and DNA testing, there was no way Maddie could possibly be sure that Mike's family tree didn't have some low-hanging crooks, murderers and lunatics hidden among the branches.

It wasn't until Maddie swore -- in front of a priest and on three bibles -- that she was going to raise her kids Greek Orthodox and she'd never leave Chicago's frigid winters for the glitz and heat of Hollywood, that they finally eased off and let her marry Mike.

Up until that point, I wouldn't have put it past Irini, Maddie's mother, to lock Maddie up in a convent until Mike found someone else to hound dog after. So, when Mike and Maddie got married, they had -- of course -- a typical, Greek Orthodox wedding in Chicago. Anything else would have probably gotten Mike shot.

But that's just how it goes when you marry into a Greek family. You can take the girl away from the family -- or try to -- but you'll never get the family away from the girl. After all, marriage only lasts until death do you part -- if that long. Family is for eternity.

By the time I got to the church, it was full to bursting with Maddie's over-emotional, Greek family, laughing, crying and carrying on, along with a handful of Mike and Maddie's college friends.

And, in one corner of the church, was Mike's family. They were looking kind of isolated, and I wasn't in a Greek drama mood, so I went and sat with them. Thankfully, Maddie's family didn't pay them much mind, or they would have grabbed their daughter, left the church, and scheduled Maddie for a private exorcism later. Mike's family is nowhere near normal. Seriously. I don't mean this in a bad way, but they didn't even pass normal on their way into town.

Mike's mom, Crystal, is a middle-aged, New Age chick in an alternative marriage. She was there, wearing a vintage thrift shop gown with hippie beads, and accompanied by both her husbands. Her one husband had a military haircut and the kind of stiff, upright bearing that is second nature to ex-soldiers. Her other husband had his long hair tied back in a pony-tail, and every now and then, I caught a glimpse of tattoos under his clothing. They didn't make a big deal of their family arrangement, so Maddie's family wrote one of them off as Mike's uncle and didn't think twice.

 The next member of the family was Tony, Mike's brother. Tony was a perpetually stoned, always-in-a-happy-mood surfer. Before the wedding started, he was talking about how rad it would be if he could get holy water for his bong. Honestly, I don't know if I should even count him, because I'm not sure he even remembers he was there.

Mike's sister, Laurie, was the most traditional person in the family. She's a lesbian, and she was there with her wife and their three kids. A nice, normal family unit. Although, ironically, they're the ones who scandalized Maddie's family the most. I think this was Taki and Irini's first time getting face-to-face with same-sex marriage. Maddie's family is much more a "don't tell us and we don't have to know" type of family than one who really gets into the nitty-gritty of the bedroom. Unless it's Maddie's bedroom.

Maddie told me that before she walked down the aisle, Irini sat her down and gave her a long list of what she's never supposed to do in a bedroom, no matter how much the man asks for it. She let her know, in no uncertain terms, that sex is for procreation, not enjoyment. And that divorce is for Americans, not Greeks. If Maddie was determined to do this thing, to marry this outsider, then she would be stuck for life.

I have to say, I was starting to understand why Maddie was an only child.

Anyway, back to Mike's family. The last member of Mike's family was his Granny Ruby. Ruby was a born-again Wiccan, and she was there in full regalia. This was one woman who knew how to turn her name into a fashion statement. She was wearing an eye-catching, ruby-colored, sequin-covered gothic gown and matching wine-colored cloak with a spiral-designed rhinestone pattern on the back. And to top it all off, she was blinged-out with triple-spirals, pentacles and Celtic crosses. I practically needed sunglasses to look at her.

Throughout the reception, my job was to keep Mike's family members as far away as possible from Maddie's more traditional family. And, as far as I can tell, that has remained Mike's continued agenda throughout their marriage.

Anyway, so there they were, walking along, thinking that the weirdest part of the night was behind them.
Ha!
Little did they know.

CHAPTER FIVE

The snow was coming down heavier by the time Mike and Maddie arrived at the old brownstone building that they called home.

They walked into the foyer and Mike looked at his watch while Maddie dug through her purse for the keys.

"You said nine, right?" Mike asked.

Maddie nodded.

"It's eight now." Mike raised an eyebrow at her and tried his best leer. "We have an hour."

But Maddie was so focused on finding the keys, she totally missed his implication. "I know. They're going to be here before we know it. Good thing I already vacuumed this morning."

"No, you're not getting it." He moved closer, took her face in his hands and waggled his eyebrows up and down. "We have an hour. Alone. Together. For the first time in three months."

Maddie burst out laughing. "We have a party to get ready for..." But her laughter quickly turned to a gasp as he nuzzled her neck.

"I can be quick," he whispered, his breath tickling her ear.

She gasped again, as he slid off her coat, his lips moving to an erotic spot on her collarbone, one she had forgotten even existed.

"How quick?" Maddie asked, her breath coming faster.

"If ripping your clothes off counts as foreplay, a minute and a half," he said.

She threw her arms around him, kissing him. "Let's be completely irresponsible and go for ten."

As they kissed -- more passionately than they had in months -- totally lost in the emotion, their bodies pushed against the door to their condo. But instead of holding firm, the door swung open, dropping them both on the floor.

"What the hell...?" Maddie turned and looked at the apartment.

Everything they owned had been trashed. Drawers had been pulled out of cabinets, their contents dumped onto the floor. Half their stuff seemed to be missing. Chairs and tables were overturned. Their apartment had been utterly, completely, nightmarishly ransacked.

Mike looked around and gulped. "Maddie, tell me you threw a diva-sized temper tantrum when you couldn't zip up your fat jeans."

"Seriously? My
fat
jeans? I've just had your baby and you're criticizing my thighs?!" Maddie snapped. "We've been robbed. You really think this is the time to be making fat jokes?"

"I'm not making jokes, I'm in denial." Mike said, his chin jutting out.

Maddie sighed. Well, that was true enough. Mike did have a habit of cracking jokes when he got nervous. On the day of their wedding, Maddie didn't know if she was getting married or if she was the straight man in a stand-up routine.

"What if the burglar is still here?" Maddie asked.

They cautiously looked around the living room, but they didn't see anyone.

"What should we do?" Mike asked. "Should we leave?"

"I don't know. You're the guy," Maddie hissed. "Isn't this supposed to be your forte?"

"Hello, pacifist here. Remember?" Mike whispered back.

Maddie sighed. She loved that Mike wasn't a brawler, but there were times when being married to Rambo would be a little more useful.

"We should call the cops." Maddie said. She flipped open her cell phone, dialed 9-1-1, but before the call went through, the battery died. "Damn it, Mike. You used up my battery taking pictures."

"If you'd let me upgrade you out of that dinosaur of yours, you'd have plenty of battery," he said.

"Fine. Why don't you call? Oh, wait a minute. That's right. Your big, new smart phone battery is dead too." Maddie snapped.

"At least it died taking video," Mike muttered.

Across the room, Maddie could see the living room phone, laying on its side. She got up and ran for it, but Mike brought her down in a flying tackle. She kicked at his chest, trying to get him off of her.