The Silver Lining (5 page)

“Oh good, you’re up,” she said, as she turned around.

“Must have been the smell of the food.” I winked at her and stood up.

“How do you feel? You hungry?” she asked and nodded for me to come sit down.

“I have a raging headache, but I’m okay.” I watched her bend over as she poured a glass of juice. Oh, I’m hungry alright. Hungry for you, but that last part I’ll keep to myself. “Very hungry.” I smiled.

“Here let me find you some aspirin.” She began to rummage through the drawers until she found a bottle. She slid me a glass of water and an aspirin.

“Thanks.”

I watched her pace back and forth trying to gather napkins and forks and whatever else she was getting. She gently slid the plate in front of me and placed hers down at the same time.

“Sorry, I didn’t know what you liked to eat. I hope this is okay.”

“It’s great. Thank you,” I said digging in.

She sat down in silence and stared at me. I looked up just as I took a huge bite.

“I think we should talk about last night.”

“I know. I was drunk and sloppy. I apologize,” I said, swallowing the ball of food in my mouth.

“No. Not that. I mean the conversation you might have heard on your way to the bathroom last night.”

“I didn’t hear anything,” I lied.

“Do you always lie to people, James?”

I put my fork down and stared at her. The girl could see right through me.

“No. I just didn’t want to get into your business and make you feel awkward about anything.”

“So you did hear something?” she questioned.

I placed my hands up and sort of shrugged my shoulders.

“I heard you crying that’s all,” I lied again.

She looked at me in such a way it made me feel bad. I knew I wasn’t a good liar, because I never did it. I had always been straight forward, but I felt like I had to be careful not to cross boundaries. She was being nice enough to let me stay here. The last thing she needed was some random stranger suffocating her. Maybe she was the type of girl that wanted to be alone when they were upset. If I would have busted through her door with open arms, it would have scared the shit out of her. She picked up her fork and gently stabbed it into her eggs.

“My mother, she’s in Mexico. She’s really sick.”

“I’m sorry to hear of that.” I leaned my weight against the table.

“The doctors don’t know what she has. They keep telling my family that it could be fatal. Medical bills are piling up and my brother, Gabriel, down there has spent every penny he had. I just started working for your mother last month. Lucky for me she fired the other two maids, so I get plenty of hours. I send pretty much everything I get from work, back to my family so they can treat her. That’s what that phone call was about last night.” Her eyes trailed down to her plate and then back up to me.

“You don’t owe me any explanation,” I said.

“No. I know. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I guess it just feels good to talk about it with someone other than my family. It’s probably more for me than for you. It’s like everyone is looking at me to save her, and if I fail, she dies.” She paused. “God, I’m sorry. I’m totally ruining your breakfast with this. Let me stop right now.”

I watched the life drain out of her face, and it broke my heart. I leaned back, dug into my pocket and took the wad of money out. I slid it across the table to her. She looked at me with wide eyes.

“I didn’t tell you all that so you would feel sorry for me.”

“I’m just paying for rent. Whatever you do with it, is your business,” I said.

“This is way too much. Don’t you need money for clothes or food?” she asked.

“I’m good. Take it.”

She smiled and tears filled her eyes. I wanted to grab her hand. I wanted to grab her, but I didn’t.

“Can I show you something?” she asked.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Follow me,” she said, jumping up from the table.

I trailed behind her down the hallway into her bedroom. She pulled an album out and sat down on her bed. She looked up and patted the area next to her. I walked over and sat down, leaving a little space between us. She opened up the album.

“This is her. My mother. Isn’t she pretty?”

I leaned over, and glanced at the old, black and white photo of a young woman holding a baby.

“That’s me when I was little.”

“She’s beautiful like you,” I said.

She looked at me for a second, and then back to the picture. I could hear her swallow the lump in her throat.

“She doesn’t look like this anymore. The sparkle is missing. She just looks sickly.” Her voice cracked.

She turned her head to the side, so maybe I couldn’t see her tears.

“Hey, look at me,” I said.

It took a few seconds before she turned to me. I slid closer to her. I took my hand and placed it on her wet cheek slowly wiping it dry.

“I don’t want her to die.” She sobbed. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I just cried to a stranger.”

I wiped away the tears that fell down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and swollen now. Her skin was flushed and even in pain she was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen. Our faces were now inches from each other and my heart started to beat fast. I didn’t know why. I had kissed and taken plenty of women to bed, but she made me nervous and cautious. I wanted to protect her, care for her and give her affection at the moment. She was like a wounded bird and I wanted to fix her. I lifted her chin up with my thumb and slowly moved in. My lips softly connected with hers. I felt her hand grip the back up my head. My tongue slid into her mouth and hers into mine. Every ounce of pain she was feeling was thrust up out of her body and into that kiss.

“I can’t do this,” she blurted out and pulled away.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know you like that. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” I back stepped.

“I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I don’t do whatever this is.”

“This? I didn’t know this was a thing yet.”

“Look, James, I have a lot on my mind. I don’t need a guy to come into the picture and distract me.”

“I don’t understand what’s going on right now. It was just a kiss,” I said.

“My mother is top priority. I don’t need a guy like you playing with my head. That’s what guys like you do.”

“Guys like me, huh? I guess you’re an expert. It’s been less than twenty four hours since we met, and you have me all figured out. Congratulations.” I looked down. Why did I feel so offended by what she said? Maybe because I didn’t expect that to come out of her mouth. Last night she told me I was different, now I’m like everybody else. Is she trying to push me away? What’s her angle here?

“I just meant I don’t have time for the games that’s all.”

“I don’t play games, Emily. Maybe if you let yourself get to know me, you would find out I’m not that guy,” I stood up and walked out. I wasn’t mad. How could I be? Why would I be? We weren’t a couple. I barely knew her, yet I felt disappointed.

“James!” Emily yelled.

I was already headed to the living room to throw my shoes on. I still didn’t have a shirt, but I didn’t care. She jogged into the room after me.

“I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant to say is…”

“No. I get it. This is strictly a live in deal we made. I broke the line by kissing you. It won’t happen again.”

“Thank you. We’re still good, right?” she asked.

I sat on her couch feeling a range of emotions, but only choosing to show one. One in which I didn’t even feel, happy. I had to. She was standing there, just staring at me. It was best for me to pretend that nothing bothered me and go about my day. I didn’t need to fuck up my living situation, and I didn’t need to fuck up her head. She said it best herself. She had her mother to focus on.

“Yeah. We’re good. Thank you for breakfast. I have to go see my parole officer today anyways, and then it’s off to work. Maybe he’ll let me start early or give me a double shift.” I pulled my mouth into a smile, or at least I tried to. I hated this. Why was I pretending to feel un-effected? Why was I smiling when I didn’t want to? Why was I feeling this way about a girl I just met? Maybe I’m just beyond horny and need a good lay. That’s it. I need to find a girl at the bar tonight, and get rid of these feelings.

“Let me get you a shirt. My brother left his clothes here. You’re welcome to them all. I have a huge, black, bag in this house somewhere,” she said, as she turned and walked away.

She returned and tossed me a black V-neck shirt. I slid into what felt like a snake skin. The shirt was form fitting, bordering on too tight. I think if I flexed hard enough the T-shirt would just rip at the seams.

“My brother wasn’t as big as you. I mean hard. I mean like he didn’t have muscles in certain places.” She started to blush and then she slapped her hand over her face. “That didn’t come out right at all. I’m going to get ready for work too. Good luck tonight, Mr. King.”

Oh were back on that Mr. King, shit again. I think that kiss just set us back, way back. I saw her eyes when she watched me throw on the T-shirt. I noticed the nervousness in her voice. She likes me. She’s just scared. I think it’s better if we don’t travel down this road at all. Tonight I’m finding a sexy piece of ass and forgetting about Emily. Emily who?

Patrons were coming in and out of the bar, liquor was pouring and the music was loud. It felt like home. I missed this place. I threw a rag over my shoulder and smiled at the pretty little red head walking my way.

“Hey, cutie,” she said, and smiled back.

“What can I get you, sweetheart?” I replied.

“I’ll take a screaming orgasm.” She pushed her tits up and winked at me. I watched the barbell in the middle of her tongue slide back and forth slowly across her lips.

“One screaming orgasm coming up.” I smiled, and tapped the glass.

She leaned over the bar and placed her hand on top of mine.

“Not the drink.”

“I’m sorry?” I responded. I knew what she said, and furthermore, I knew what she meant by it. I think I just wanted to hear it again.

“I think you’re fine as fuck, so I’m just going to be straight forward and say this. I’m looking to get off tonight, and you look like a good candidate. The question is are you qualified?”

This wasn’t the first time a female customer had offered herself up to me, and it wouldn’t be the last. I smiled and started to mix her the drink. I could feel her eyes burning into me as I did so. I looked up as I slid her the glass.

“Here is your drink, miss.”

“Are you turning me down? Are you gay?” She arched one eyebrow.

“No. I’m not gay. I just don’t sleep with customers.”

“Bullshit. You’re too good looking. I bet you’re as gay as they come.” She smirked.

“I’m one hundred percent straight. Trust me when I say that.”

“Show me then, unless you’re a little bitch and can’t handle me.” She bit her bottom lip.

I tapped my hand down on the bar and looked around. This was exactly what I needed. The girl was sex on a stick. Look at her sitting there with her finger in her mouth. I guarantee this chick has no panties on. She began to basically molest the straw in her glass with her tongue and that made my decision.

“I have a break in five minutes. Meet me out back.” I nodded my head toward the back door.

She smiled, took her drink without paying and walked toward the exit sign. This girl was trouble. I knew it right away, but a quick bang-bang and then back to work would do me good.

“Mike, I’m taking my break now,” I yelled over to the other end of the bar.

“Okay, James,” he shouted back.

I walked around from behind the bar and headed for the exit. The door led to the back of the bar. Nobody was out there, but her. She was posted up against the brick wall waiting for me. When I say waiting, I mean the girl had her white panties dangling from one finger. I walked over and grabbed her hand pulling her to an area that was dimly lit. I gently pushed her up against the wall, and kissed her hard. My hand slid up her thigh to a damp area. No panties equaled easy access. I can’t lie. I was as hard as a rock. Her hands were all over me. She reached down and placed one hand on the top button of my jeans and the other over my pants on my bulge. She started to massage and squeeze the area. I really missed sex. This was exactly what I needed.

“James?” I heard a female voice say.

I swung around to see Emily standing there holding something. As soon as she made eye contact with me, she dropped whatever was in her hand and took off walking at a ridiculous pace back into the bar.

“Shit,” I yelled, and pulled away.

“Is that your girlfriend?” the nameless redhead asked.

I ignored her and ran after Emily. She had already walked through the bar and out through the front doors by the time I caught up to her.

“Emily, wait up,” I said, breathing hard.

“What?” She spun around with eyes on fire.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I made you dinner, and figured I would just bring it down to you. I thought about what happened earlier and decided I may have overreacted, but now I know I didn’t.”

I felt like shit. I fucked up on a whole other level. How do I fix this?

“You said you didn’t want anything.” I rubbed my neck in confusion.

“I don’t.”

“Then why are you so angry?”

“I don’t know,” she shouted hard.

I exhaled and shook my head.

“What do you want me to do here, Emily? Because I’m lost.”

“Go back to work. There is a redheaded whore over there waiting for you, right?” she said with disgust.

I turned to see the bar girl standing out front looking at me. Ugh. Son of a bitch. I turned back around to notice that Emily was already in her car. The engine started up and she squealed out.

“Fuck!” I yelled.

I walked back toward the bar, and from the corner of my eye I could see the red headed girl eyeing me.

“Are we going to finish what we started or what?”

“Get the fuck away from me!” I yelled. It was my fault. I took her up on her offer, but yet I was blaming her for the cluster fuck of a night.

“Well fuck you too,” she yelled back.

I went back to work, but all I could think about was Emily’s face. The sadness I saw in her eyes and the angry tone in her voice. It stuck in my head all night. Talk about bad timing. She saw it all. She witnessed me making out with that bar rat. Was it jealousy? It seemed like it to me. Emily was sending mixed messages and broken signals. I didn’t need to be dealing with this. I was trying to get my life back on track. This was absurd.

At the end of my shift I said goodbye to Mike, and prepared for a long walk back to Emily’s. I contemplated using my tips for a hotel, but I needed to save money. I’ll just go over there, and we could talk rationally about what happened tonight like two adults. I thought about what I would say the whole walk there. I had to keep asking myself why it mattered though. I knocked on the door, because technically I didn’t live there, nor did I have a key. She swung open the door and looked at me.

“Can I still stay here, or are you that pissed off at me?”

She moved to the side which signaled I could come in. She closed the door and folded her arms across her chest.

“Can we talk about this?” I leaned my head to the side.

“Go ahead.” I watched her lips pucker up.

“Why are you mad? You said this was a business arrangement. I stay, I pay. Nothing more.”

She stared at me in silence. The anger from her face vanished, as I waited for a response.

“I’m not mad. I’m fine.” She quickly ran her fingers through her hair.

“Liar,” I replied. “It’s written all over your face. Just be honest. Tell me that seeing me kiss that other woman made you angry. Tell me you might like me and you have no idea why, since we know nothing about one another. Tell me you’re scared of me hurting you and that it’s easier for you to just say no, then to let yourself try to be with someone. Say anything else, but don’t stand there and lie to me.”

She cleared her throat and turned around giving me her back. I walked closer. She turned around when she felt my hand touch her waist.

“Did you sleep with her?” she asked.

“No,” I answered quickly.

“Goodnight, James. I’m going to bed.” She gently pushed my hand off of her and tried to walk away. I wasn’t letting her off that easy. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into me.

“Tell me,” I demanded.

“I can’t do this. This is ridiculous. This whole situation is beyond me.”

“I’m waiting.”

“Keep on waiting. There is nothing to be said,” she pulled back, and walked off.

I flopped down on the couch and closed my eyes. What the hell was I doing? This girl was driving me insane. Was it weird to feel this way about a girl you don’t know? I needed to pull my shit together. This was not like me at all. I stood up, walked over to the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. I sat back down and flipped on the television while I devoured my bowl of soggy Cheerios. It wasn’t long after, that I passed out in the upright position. When I woke up I saw a blanket thrown across me, the T.V. was off, and my shoes were no longer on my feet. Emily must have come out, and done this.

I rubbed my eyes and looked over at the clock on the wall. Shit. I had to go sign up and check into this substance abuse education class. Another perk of getting out of jail. I didn’t do drugs. I never did, but thanks to Zach, I served time for drugs that weren’t mine. I now have to check in with an officer frequently and do a piss test, and to add to it all, I got to go to a lovely court appointed drug education class. Fuck my life.

I jumped up and off the couch to search for that big, black, bag of clothes that belonged to Emily’s brother. I needed a shower and I needed one bad. I knocked on Emily’s door, but no answer. I knocked again and nothing.

“Emily, you in there? Do you have that bag of your brother’s clothes?”

She didn’t respond, so I turned the doorknob and peeked inside. Her bed was made and she was nowhere to be seen. I walked in and looked around. I could see plenty of bottles of perfume on her dresser next to a family picture. I immediately spotted Emily in the photo. She was just a child, but she had the same eyes. I saw her mother, and what had to be her father and brother standing by each other. I looked over in the corner to see a big black bag. That had to be it. I strolled over and looked inside to see a bunch of men’s clothes. I lugged the bag out into the hallway. I didn’t want her to come back, and catch me just standing in her room like some type of weirdo.

I decided to haul the whole bag to the bathroom, so that I could rummage through it for something to wear after my shower. After a nice long, hot one, I sprung out of the tub forgetting about the bag. I tripped right over the damn thing, which caused me to knock over all of her girlie shit that sat on the counter. Things were crashing down on the floor, and falling into the sink. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, before I started to pick up all of her stuff.

“James, you okay?” She yelled into the door. Shit. She’s home.

“Ugh…Um…” I responded, trying to straighten her crap out.

‘James?” she repeated.

“I’m good.”

“It doesn’t sound like it. Open the door,” she demanded.

I cracked open the door a little bit, and then a little more.

“I tripped and knocked over your makeup, and hair stuff. No biggie.”

She looked me up and down. I was partially wet, just standing there in a towel.

“Can I squeeze by and just grab my hairbrush?” she asked, still checking me out.

I could have moved, but I didn’t want to. She started to slowly work her way around me, all the while never breaking eye contact. I couldn’t help the way I felt, when she looked at me that way. I lightly pushed my body weight forward, backing her up against the sink counter.

“James,” she cried out almost in a whisper.

I remained silent. I lifted her up and placed her on the sink counter, spreading her legs apart with mine. She placed one hand on my chest to stop me. I lifted her hand up and placed the tip of her finger in my mouth, slowly sucking on it. I looked up to see her lip quivering. Her breathing was hard and her hand I was holding, was now shaking. I dropped her hand, and gripped her waist, pulling her body more into me so that I was planted right between her legs. A sharp, breathy moan pushed out of her.

“I can’t. I can’t do this with you,” she said, almost too low to hear.

I remained silent, as I reached up and ran my fingers from her neck, down to her cleavage. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side. It was obvious that she enjoyed every touch she received from me. It was also pretty obvious that I enjoyed every touch I gave her. I leaned in and trailed kisses down from her ear to her neck. I heard her moan again. She placed both of her hands firmly on my chest this time, and lightly pushed me back.

I stayed still, waiting for her next move. I stared at her while she kept her eyes closed. Her chest was taking in and releasing air at an insanely fast pace. I just needed her to drop her hands. Tell me it’s okay. If she dropped her hands she wanted this as bad as I did. I know she did. Why was she holding back? I waited patiently as I stared at her. I wasn’t sure if seconds or minutes passed, but it happened. She opened her eyes and dropped her hands, and that’s all I needed.