The Silver Lining (10 page)

I ran my hand down my face. What do I say to make her understand how I feel about her? I didn’t want to say I loved her. It was too cliché to say those words when an issue like this presented itself, and I didn’t even know if my feelings were that deep yet. It was way too soon for all that. I know I liked her. I know she was the first person to calm me down and drive me bat shit crazy at the same time. I liked her. I really fucking liked her.

“That is the weakest shit I have ever heard,” I blurted out. It was the anger speaking now. “You’re comparing me to some asshole who hit you. He hurt you. Not me. I don’t deserve that judgment. I’m here and I like you. I like being with you.” I ran my hands through my hair. “Shit, Em. I moved back into my mother’s house for you. I couldn’t stand her ass, but I did it for you. She was going to fire you if I didn’t. I guess it was for nothing because in the end you still got fired. Fuck, Emily. Why don’t you just let me love you?” I shouted.

Oh shit.
I’d said the word love. I didn’t want to, but I did. I gritted my teeth. This whole conversation is about to get weird. I made a wrong turn down ‘you’re fucked now’ street. My head fell, as I looked up at her through my eyelashes. She uncrossed her arms and then stormed toward me. She was angry. I’ve never seen her so pissed off before. All of a sudden she started smacking my chest as hard as she could.

“Damn it, James. That is what I’m talking about. You start talking all that, let me love you stuff and I just melt. That is exactly what I meant.” She was rambling fast. Tears were falling. “I’m broken. I’m damaged goods. You can’t fix this broken toy.”

She pushed me one last time, and headed for the door. I grabbed her elbow and swung her around so that she was facing me.

“Let me love you,” I said in a hushed tone, as I placed both of my hands on the sides of her face.

I pulled her into me and leaned in for a kiss. I heard the sound of her purse drop and felt her hand grip my shirt, fisting it into a ball. My lips connected to hers and her body concaved into mine. The kiss was hard and rough. It was almost like she was saying okay, but don’t fuck this up. I swooped her up and took her to the bedroom, and she let me love her in more than a few ways. In time she became exhausted. I watched her fall asleep and even though I was tired, I refused to pass out. If I did she would surely leave, and I didn’t want that.

I laid next to her, watching her breathe in and out. She looked content, as she should. This poor girl had been through more than I knew. I thought about the asshole who abused her and I wanted to kill him. I’d go back to prison for her, as crazy as it sounded. Not that I wanted to, because prison was a nightmare in there, but for her pain I would. There were things I couldn’t un-see from when I served time. Things I never wanted to talk about that happened in there. I stared at her hard. My mind was on fire with all of these thoughts. I had questions, but maybe she didn’t want to give me answers. Maybe it hurt to talk about it. Of course it hurt. I saw the way she looked at me. She was nervous I would break her, and she was wrong. Dead wrong.

I slowly got out of bed, careful not to wake her. I decided food would be necessary after all that love making. My energy had completely vanished. Last night was intense. All of it. The sex. The emotions. The energy. Jesus. I felt tired, but alive. She made me feel alive. I opened up the fridge and took out the eggs. Just as I was about to place them on the counter I heard a tapping at my door. I jetted over, afraid the sound would wake Emily and she would sprint off once again. I didn’t even bother to look out of the peep hole. I just flung open the door and to my surprise there stood my mother and my ex-girlfriend, Nikki.

“What are you two doing here?” I said sharply. I looked over my shoulder for Emily.

“I was in the neighborhood, thought I’d drop by.” My mother smiled, as she tried to steal a few peeks inside the place.

“You were in the neighborhood…with each other? Bullshit.”

“Fine. Nikki wanted to come and apologize. Give the girl a break. She’s been suffering for you.”

I stared at Nikki who had obviously put effort into herself. Not that she wasn’t already beautiful, but she really had a number on today. Her blonde hair was swept up on one side showing off the curve of her neck. She had a very revealing black dress on that basically shoved her tits up and out at me. She was wearing my favorite perfume, and she’s with my mother. This is a trap. I can smell it.

“Get off my porch with that. Seriously. What is this?”

“Just hear her out, James.”

Nikki’s blue eyes stared through me like she was looking into my soul. She used to be able to break me down with that stare, but not anymore. She twirled her long blonde hair around her finger.

“I messed up. I made extremely bad decisions and I can’t take back what I did, but I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for killing my unborn child or sorry for taking my friend to bed? Which is it?”

“That’s hurtful. I didn’t come here for you to rub things in my face.”

“Stop right there. You don’t get to play victim. You came to my doorstep. I ask the questions. What are you sorr—”

“It’s not her fault,” my mother interrupted. “It was never her fault. None of it.”

“Don’t tell me you had a hand in this too? Please don’t tell me that.” I balled up my fist.

My mother looked down and that’s all I needed.

“Jesus Christ, Victoria. When does it end with you?” I shouted.

“James?” I heard Emily behind me. I turned to see she was wearing my shirt and boxers.

“Emily, so nice to see you again. May I introduce you to James’s girlfriend, Nikki,” my mother said.

Nikki waved and smiled at her. This was not happening, I kept repeating in my mind.

I shook my head at Emily, but she stormed off into the bedroom. Shit!

“You two need to get the hell off of my property, and don’t ever come back.” I slammed the door.

Emily was already dressed, purse in hand and sliding on her shoes by the time I made my way to the bedroom. Damn my mother.

“What are you doing?” My heart was pounding in anger, in fear, in confusion.

“I have things to do today. I can’t stay here any longer.”

I gently grabbed her wrist, but she pulled back. Shit. She was guarded again.

“What did I do? Are you angry about that because—” I pointed to the living room.

“It’s not just you. It’s your family, your ex-girlfriend and all your baggage.”

“Is this what we are? A damn carousel. Up and down, round and round.”

“I don’t know. As of this minute we are nothing.”

She stormed out of the room. I heard the front door slam. I followed her out to the living room, but stopped next to the kitchen table.

I was boiling mad. I grabbed a plate first, followed by a few glasses from the table and tossed them against the wall. “Shit,” I yelled. I placed one hand up to my forehead briefly, before I sprinted over and flung open the door. I ran outside and looked out into the parking lot to see that Emily had driven off. My mother and Nikki had been right outside my door standing there just talking. They were smiling and laughing. I swore I saw a discreet high five. I turned my entire body and walked up to them.

“What was the point of this little show? I must know now. You ruined everything. Job well done. Did you think we were getting back together, Nikki? Did you think I would really give a shit about you anymore, because I don’t. I see right through this stunt. Let’s go fuck up James’s relationship with Emily. That should do the trick, right? Nikki, I don’t give a rat’s ass who you let in between your legs. You could bang all of Los Angeles for all I care. You could start selling your snatch and I wouldn’t even blink an eye.” I turned to my mother. “And you…I warned you. I said stay away from me. All I wanted was peace. You pushed things too far by bringing her here. You want war? You got it. I’m doing a full blown interview and you’re going down. I mean it.”

My mother looked at me and sneered. “You do what you need to do, James. I doubt anyone is going to believe a cocaine dealer fresh out of prison.”

“They will after this story hits. Trust me. I’d watch yourself.”

“James?” Nikki pleaded. “We can move past this. We were good.” She stroked my face. “See.”

“All I see is a manipulative leech and her puppet. Get off my property!” I yelled. Nikki dropped her hand from my cheek. Her face hardened and her body tensed up.

My mother threw her hands up and turned around. I watched them both walk away toward a black car. I looked inside to see my mother’s husband, Carl, driving. He saluted me with two fingers. I saluted him back with one, the middle finger. He looked surprised as he rolled up his window.

I kept my middle finger up as the car drove off. Bunch of assholes. Everything is ruined with Emily. I looked down at my watch. Shit! I’m late to my appointment with my Parole officer and I have work tonight. I ran back inside and threw on some clothes. I grabbed my hat, wallet and cell phone. I jogged out of the house and quickly jumped into my car. My nerves were shot. My hands were shaking. I took a moment to breathe as I turned the key in the ignition. The engine roared like a lion as it started up. This car knew exactly how I felt. I tapped my thumb on the steering wheel of the black 2012 Shelby Ford Mustang GT500 Super Snake. I thought about the desire of wanting versus needing, as I looked around the interior. When I first bought this car three years ago, I needed to have it. I was just some muscle car loving guy who desired to own it, and then I went to jail. I lost this car or at least I thought I did and upon release I was crushed to find out it was gone, but I was okay. The world didn’t stop spinning when I thought it was sold. I accepted the loss. Luckily I have it back in my possession. Now Emily, on the other hand was something I needed. I refused to accept the loss. I’d fight tooth and nail for her.

I drove as fast as I could through the city. I made it to my appointment late, but I checked in and checked out for a very successful meeting with my parole officer. Even though I was late, oddly I was congratulated for showing up. How sad that the officers are thrilled just to see you actually come in. My bonus for showing up and keeping out of trouble was, that I now got to check in every couple weeks, instead of every week. Maybe in time we could stretch that out longer and longer until I no longer had to come at all. That would mean I wouldn’t have to think about it, or talk about it ever again. That would be my happy place. I looked at my watch. I had time to kill before work. I wanted to use this extra time to call Emily, but I wasn’t sure what to say. What glorious words could I use to break down that wall of hers? Last night was the first time I had felt like the bricks had crumbled only to be replaced and rebuilt this morning. She needed time to cool off, and I needed time to come up with something worth hearing. I’d go grab some food for now and replenish my strength. Lord, knows I needed it after today.

Lunch was soon devoured and errands were run with just enough time left. I actually arrived early to the bar. I walked into work with my head hung low. I had no clue what to say to Emily later. I had already bared myself, damn near my soul to her last night. What else was left?

“James, how’s it going man?” Mike smiled, and oddly my mood shifted slightly. The guy had great energy. It was hard to be upset around him.

“Day from hell,” I said, just low enough for him to hear. The other bartenders didn’t need to know my business.

“Oh yeah. What happened?” Mike placed both of his hands down on the bar.

“I made leeway with Emily. She finally let her guard down with me, which has been really difficult with all that she’s been through. Mostly stuff I had no clue about.” I paused. “So anyway, she fell asleep at my place and this morning my mother popped up out of nowhere, with my ex-girlfriend Nikki at my doorstep.”

“Dude, what?” He shook his head. “Didn’t you say she hooked up with Zach?”

“Yup. So listen. Me and Nikki started arguing. Me and my mother started arguing. Emily must have heard all of the commotion and came out to the living room to see what was going on. Right then my mom introduces Nikki as my current girlfriend to Emily. I could have died a thousand deaths when I saw the look on her face. I froze. She freaked out and took off out of my apartment all pissed. It was like a shit storm dropped and my mother was the damn tornado. I’m about ninety nine percent sure my mom stays up late at night trying to come up with ideas to ruin me. It’s awful.”

“Damn, bro, that’s insane.” He just kept shaking his head. “Have you talked to Emily yet?”

“No.” I grabbed a rag and threw it over my shoulder.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know what to say. It’s just a mess. She keeps running from me. I keep chasing her and now after this shit today, I’m not sure where we stand.”

“I saw her when she came here. She is smoking hot. I don’t blame you for chasing that down the bunny hole. That girl is fire.”

“Speaking of Emily showing up here, I still can’t believe you just gave out my address to a random stranger.”

“When something that sexy shows up late at night asking for James King, I deliver her to James King. What surprise did she have for you anyway?”

“The kind with no panties on.”

“You lucky son of a bitch.” He smiled ear to ear.

“Lucky or crazy. I’m so confused with it all. I’ve never dealt with something like this.”