The Silver Lining (19 page)

“I hope you don’t have to save lives tonight.” I chuckled, as my hand accidentally grazed her thigh.

She placed the bottle down and swung her legs to the side so she could turn her neck and look directly at me. Her eyes were saying some very naughty things and as far as I knew maybe mine were too. I was feeling tanked, and like a drunk idiot I just grinned back. She rested her arm over my shoulder for balance as she leaned into my ear.

“Follow me,” she whispered. She stood and jerked me up with her. She grabbed my hand and pulled me along. I didn’t care. I just followed behind her as we moved through bodies until we reached a remote area. I then watched her drunk stagger up some steps as I stayed close behind her and held my hands out in fear she would fall backwards. She reached back and grabbed my hand again and turned into an office. I stepped in and looked around as she closed and locked the door. I was concerned about the situation. The last thing I needed was trouble.

“I don’t think we should be in here.”

“Why the hell not? It’s my office.” She played with the ends of her hair.

“Wait. You work here?”

“It’s my club.” She giggled. “I quit being a paramedic to do this.”

“Oh shit. No way.” I pretended to wipe the sweat from my forehead before smiling.

“Yeah. It’s a crazy career change, but it’s always been a dream of mine, so with a loan that finally went through I did it. I did it and now here I am celebrating the grand opening. I’m going to party hard tonight to my accomplishments.”

“Congrats, but you’re breaking very important bar rules.” I paced the floor. “I’m a bartender so I know the one golden rule that you should never drink on the job, and you ma’am are wasted.” I grinned and pointed to her.

“Interesting. I wouldn’t have pegged you as a bartender or a rule follower. We all know the rules were made to be broken, right?”

I nodded. “Some rules are fun to break. I’ll agree with that.”

“Care to break a few now?” She arched one eyebrow.

“You certainly have my interest. Please tell me more.” I licked my lips in anticipation.

“I’m going to ask you something and I hope the answer is yes.”

“What is it?” I crossed my arms.

“Come closer.” I did. “Would you play with me tonight? Let me be your toy. Touch me. Tease me. I want you to take me rough on this desk.” She hiked up her dress that gave me a clear shot to her panties. I was so damn hard at the way she just asked me. I took a deep breath in. “I’ll let you take it from behind if that’s what you like.” This chick was a freak. The liquor was already pushing me toward her. She grabbed my neck and pulled me down so that our lips crashed into each other. She reached for my belt and started to undo it. I slid my hands around her waist and grabbed her ass. “I want you in my mouth,” she panted out. She was saying all the right stuff, that’s for damn sure, but for some fucked up reason Emily sat in the back of my head. Diana had already unzipped my pants and had my dick in her hand. She was just about to kneel when I caught her elbow, and pulled her back up.

“I can’t do this,” I said, while I slowly tucked myself back in.

“Is it me?” She looked stunned.

“No. God no.”

“Be honest. Did I say something wrong? Am I not attractive?”

“No. You’re fucking beautiful, and trust me everything you said right now was sexy as hell. I’m just all fucked up in the head.” I paused. “I’m still getting over a girl.”

She looked at me and suddenly a weird smile spread across her face.

“That girl in the car with you from the accident. Is that the one?”

“Yeah.” I looked down and then back up to her.

She nodded. “I feel stupid.” She pulled her dress down and adjusted her breast.

I reached over and grabbed her hand and pulled her into me for a hug.

“Don’t feel stupid. You’re beautiful and sexy and in another world that would have totally went down.” I kissed her cheek and let her go.

“You’re a sweet guy, you know that,” she said as she pulled away and fixed her dress again. She went around to her desk and pulled out a compact mirror. She began to clean up the smudged mascara around her eyes with her finger and then she whipped out more stuff, throwing it on her desk. I watched her reapply lipstick, almost like she was covering up what happened in here. Girls! Where do they hide all of that makeup shit anyways?

“Maybe too sweet.” I fixed my belt and straightened my shirt.

“Save my pride would you, and don’t tell anyone about this, please.”

“About what? Nothing happened. You just showed me your office.” I winked.

She smiled, and then slowly walked over to the door and opened it. She waved for me to exit.

“Enjoy the rest of your night, James.” She refused to make eye contact.

Clearly I had offended her or embarrassed her. I felt like an asshole, but I couldn’t go through with it. I walked out and down the steps and out into the crowd. I made my way back to the table where Jack instantly started slapping the table once he saw me.

“Tell me you hit that. Please tell me.” He grinned from ear to ear.

“Nothing happened. She just showed me her office.”

“Yeah, fucking right.” He rolled his eyes.

“Seriously. This is her club. We just looked at blueprints and pictures,” I lied.

“You’re putting me to sleep with that shit.”

“Where’s Mike and Ryan?” I looked around.

“Mike went home with that chick and Ryan took that blonde in the bathroom. I swear everyone is getting some but me. What’s wrong with this picture?”

I laughed. “Find a chick. This place is crawling with hot horny girls.”

“I’m too drunk now. I wouldn’t even be able to get a hard on if I tried.” Jack stared at the bottle that looked almost empty now. He must have had a few more shots.

“Since Mike left, do you think Ryan would take me home?”

“Yeah. I told Mike to get out of here, and go get laid. We got your back, man.”

Jack and I sat there and swapped bar stories for at least thirty minutes, before Ryan returned with an, I just got laid type of grin.

“Where’s your arm candy?” Jack shouted.

“She had to get to work. She dances over there at Sweet Dreams.”

“She’s a stripper?” Jack laughed. “You just banged a stripper? Did she make you pay?”

Ryan glared at him and then sat down. “At least I got some, unlike you.”

“That’s because I’m saving myself. I’m about to put it down on that waitress you wanted so badly. I’ll let you know how the cookies taste.” Jack put his two fingers in the air and inserted his tongue in the middle to taunt Ryan. Ryan threw up a middle finger and Jack laughed again.

“Ryan, you cool to run James home? Mike took off with that girl.”

“Yeah. That’s not a problem. Do you want to go now?”

“If you’re ready, I am,” I responded.

We all stood up and left the bar saying our goodbyes in the parking lot. It was time to go home and pass out. Ryan yawned as he started up the car and drove off. It was a quiet ride home with me giving directions on where to turn every so often. It didn’t take too long to reach my place. I turned and gave him a fist bump. “Thanks, man.”

“No worries at all,” he said, as I closed his door.

“See you at work.” He nodded and drove off.

It was only a few seconds before I was inside my house. I threw off my shoes, and walked out of my pants. I made my way into the bedroom and collapsed on my bed. I was laying there like a lazy drunk star fish and it was the best damn feeling in the world.

The sound and feeling of my stomach rumbling woke me. I yawned and slowly cracked opened my eyes as I grabbed my cell phone to check the time. It was already noon. Shit. I had things to do today. I needed to deal with the insurance company regarding the accident, so I could finally get my new car. Being carless was a bitch. I had been avoiding calls and placing all business on hold since the Emily depression meltdown. It was time to get back on the horse as they say. I needed to pull my shit together. I yawned again and stretched my entire body out on the bed. I was beginning to feel a little nauseated from all the drinking I’d done last night. I was clearly dehydrated because my mouth and throat were desert dry. I licked my lips and let the saliva build in my mouth. I could still smell the liquor from my breath. I ran both hands over my face as I sat up and planted both feet on the carpet.

Thoughts of last night circled my mind. I questioned why I didn’t just bang that chick Diana. I should have. It might have helped me get over Emily. I threw it out of my head and made a run for the fridge. I swung open the door. Yuck. There was nothing to see, but a few old cartons of food, and a water bottle. I was disappointed in myself. I really wasn’t taking care of me in those eight weeks. This was so damn sad. Look at this fridge. I looked around the condo. Jesus. Look at this place. This was really fucking sad.

Screw it. Today was a fresh start. I’d clean the place from top to bottom including the mile high laundry that needed washing, but first I planned on going to the grocery store and getting food for the bare fridge. Without that, I would have no energy to do anything. I threw on some clothes and walked to the local market. Once inside I circled the store, tossing fruits and vegetables in my hand basket. I was just about to head to the counter to pay when I saw her. Emily. I backed up and hid behind a bunch of cans. She partially turned her body to my direction, but her eyes stayed glued to the apples in front of her. My heart quickened as I took her in. She placed her hand on her stomach and that’s when I noticed the small bump. She lied to me. She had kept the baby. I gritted my teeth. Why the hell would she lie? I watched her with angry eyes as she compared apples. She started placing some in her basket while I just stood there spying on her, unable to move. She quickly turned and walked over to the counter to pay and walked out. Fuck, what do I do? Walk, run, sprint. Do something you idiot, I thought to myself. It was then that my legs finally decided to move. I took my things up to the register and tried to pay quickly so that I could go and catch up with her. I ran out and looked around. She was already across the street throwing the store bag in her car. I ran over and grabbed her arm. She jumped at my touch.

“What is this?” I said and pointed to her stomach.

She exhaled and pushed the hair out of her eyes.

“I was going to tell you that I kept it. I just couldn’t do it.”

“It’s one thing to tell me that you don’t care about me, that you don’t love me, but it’s a whole other thing to keep my child from me.”

“Is that what you think I did?” She narrowed her eyes at me.

I just stared at her. Fuck I was pissed. I ran my hands through my hair.

“You look pretty damn pregnant to me, Emily. That is what you did.”

“I did what I needed to do or you wouldn’t have stopped.”

“What does that even mean and why the hell are you buying apples down here? No. Fuck the apples. What do you mean you did what you needed to do?”

“What do you think was going to happen with us anyways? Let me guess. I would move in with you, jobless. We would raise this baby together and I would be dependent on you for every little thing. One day you would decide that I’m not the type of girl that fits into the King world and you would run off with a trust fund baby. One with money, manners and drop dead plastic surgery looks.”

We were standing on the sidewalk now with distance between us, shouting back and forth to one another and people were watching. I stopped and stared around. I lowered my voice and walked up to her.

“Last night, a girl at a club wanted me to fuck her on top of her desk.”

“I don’t want to hear this,” she interrupted. Her jawline tightened.

“No. You will listen. This chick at the club was willing to do some interesting things to me. Some which sounded pretty damn fun, but do you know what I told her? I told her I can’t because my head is so messed up over one girl. That girl is you. Shit, Emily. Just when I think I can’t feel anymore jacked up than I already do, I see you and your belly and now I feel full blown crazy out here. So you’ll have to excuse me if I’m coming off a little insensitive at the moment, because I have been chasing after you like a puppy dog. I’ve dealt with your walls and I’ve dealt with your feelings and now it’s time you hear mine. When I woke up in the hospital room you were the first person I wanted to see. I tried to kill myself just to get to your room. So when I told you I loved you in that room, I fucking meant it. Baby or not, I love you, Emily.”

She had her head turned to the side. She refused to look at me. “You should have just slept with her.”

I heard the cracking of her voice. Lies. This was typical of her. This push away reaction.

“Look at me,” I demanded.

She turned her head and tears streamed down her cheek.

“Why? Is that what you want? For me to move on and be with other girls?”

She shook her head.

“I can’t hear you,” I said.

She shook her head again.

“Damn it, Emily. Did you mean it when you sent that text? The words ‘I love you’. Did you mean it?”

She remained silent which just made my chest feel tight.

“Emily?”

“Yes. Fuck. I meant it. I…love you,” she cried out.

I exhaled finally. “Then what are you doing? The games. The lies? What is all of this for?”

“I told you. I’m scared.”

“So what? I’m scared. You’re scared. We’re all scared. Bravery sometimes comes in tiny steps.”

She walked away from me and sat down on the curb. I followed over and sat beside her. There was nothing but silence between us for a minute. She wiped her eyes and looked at me. She took a long breath and then proceeded to tell me everything about her ex-boyfriend Johnny and the abuse, and how he was currently locked up for almost killing her. My heart crumbled, but I didn’t say anything. I listened hard to all of the details I hadn’t heard before. I wanted to understand her. I needed to know why someone would work so hard to avoid love, and now I knew. I completely understood why she felt a certain way about Nico, who saved her life from that monster. How do you ever repay someone for saving you? She didn’t want to hurt him that day at the hospital. I got that now. I could see why having a relationship was hard for her. She was scared of me loving her. She was worried I’d break what little of herself was left. For the most part I think she was scared of loving me back. I was so pissed at that guy Johnny for doing what he did and for making her like this. I just knew I’d kill the bastard if I ever saw him.

“When Nico took me home from the hospital, he put all this stuff in my head. Thoughts that had me wondering if I would survive in your world, James. I know you’re different, but sometimes things dig so deep into your brain that it doesn’t matter what you tell yourself. I let Nico do that to me and it was wrong. I’m sorry for lying. It seemed reasonable at the moment to me that life would be easier if we weren’t together. I figured that I wouldn’t have to wonder if you were with me just because of the baby. It was just easier to say that I was terminating the pregnancy and move on. When I didn’t hear from you, I felt validated, like it was the right decision.”

“I didn’t respond because you hurt me. I was really hurt. I’ve never felt the way I feel for another woman, the way I feel for you, in my life. When that text came in, it was like a huge slap in the face. You said,
I’m done with you and I’m not keeping our kid. Have a nice life.
I stared at that text every day. I could have handled it if you didn’t want the baby, but you totally cut me off. I’ve been through a lot of shit lately, but this was the first time in my life that I can say I have experienced true depression. That shit hurt, Emily. These past two months were hard,” I said, as I rubbed my sweaty palms over my pants. That’s all I was going to say. I wasn’t going to tell her I barely ate and that instead I lived off alcohol. I wasn’t going to say that my place looked like a tornado whipped through it or that I had a pity party and rarely left my condo because the depression was that bad. No I wouldn’t tell her all that.

“I apologize. I’m sorry that I’m not easy to love. What I did was horrible and I am truly sorry for it. It was an incredibly stupid thing to do. I never planned on terminating this baby. I guess just the thought of loving you terrified the hell out of me, because I do. I love you, James King. I love you. I love you. I love you and if it’s any consolation, it hasn’t been easy on me either.”

I noticed the dark circles under her eyes and I wondered if she too had celebrated in sadness along with me. Yeah she had. Her eyes were watering again and her fingers were trembling. I reached over and grabbed her hand. I could have screamed at her for all of this, but I didn’t. What would it accomplish? Nothing.

“Bravery. Tiny steps. That’s all we need. Just tiny steps in the right direction.”

She squeezed my hand tight and laid her head on my shoulder like she did that day at the mural park. I laid my head on top of hers. There was a brief moment of silence.

“Why were you over here getting apples?” I asked. It was an off question to ask at the moment.

She partly laughed and cried at the same time. “I have a new job. I work for this elderly lady who asked for specific apples from this market. She claims that they have the best.”

“She sounds like an amazing lady,” I said, sarcastically.

“She’s awful.” She laughed and then cried again. “Sorry, I’m just really emotional lately.”

“Baby hormones?”

“Yeah.”

I turned my body toward hers and she reacted by doing the same.

“So where do we go from here, Emily Rose Monroe?”

“I don’t know. Do you hate me? I would hate me right now.” She looked down at the ground.

“You’re stubborn. You’re a liar and a terrible girlfriend…but for some silly reason I still like you.”

“Like? The love is gone already?”

“Maybe you can persuade me to love you again.”

I motioned with my finger. She leaned in, kissed my lips and pulled back. I ran my thumb over my bottom lip to wipe off the moisture. I sat there for a moment examining her face.

“No bullshit, Emily. I want you and if you want me, then we do this with everything. That means you’re all in. No running. No fear. No walls. I need your trust just as much as you need mine. I can’t handle a half ass relationship. I’m not looking for that with you. We have to be honest and communicate, or it isn’t going to work. Can you do that? Can you open up to me? Are you willing to go all in?”

“I’ve made a ton of mistakes with you. I don’t want to make another one. I’m ready. I’m all in.”

I smiled and nodded. “Okay then.” I leaned in and kissed her. I was happy, but she would have to convince me. I wouldn’t tolerate anything less.

“So. When do you have to get these very important apples back to grandma?”

“I should probably get going now,” she said, as she pulled out her cell phone to check the time.

“I’ll go with you. Grandmas always love me.” I wasn’t sure why the hell I had this urge to go with her to work. I guess I just felt this reconnection with her and I wasn’t ready to let her leave me. Love is making me into a total ass. This must be part of the process.

“No. You can’t go with me to work. She’s old and mean and will probably fire me. She can tell when guests are over even when she hasn’t seen them.”

“What do you mean she can tell? Does she have super powers?”

“She has like a sixth sense or something. It’s weird. I don’t know how she knows when someone is in the room. She always sits in this high backed chair, facing a window. She can’t see anyone behind her, ever. She’s blind in one eye and can hardly hear, but she knows when guests are there.”

“I’ll just hide in a corner. She’ll never know I’m there. Come on. Live a little. No Fear,” I reminded her. I really should just walk my ass home, but I’m begging her to let me go to work with her. I am so fucking pathetic for this. Somebody smack me.