The Serenity Solution: How to Use Quiet Contemplation to Solve Life's Problems (20 page)

Imaginary dialogue is an excellent way to enhance the insight we get from our broader inner mind. Mental pictures are concrete and when coupled with open questions they provide a tangible dimension to our inner voice.

Close your eyes and enter into calm focus. Imagine you are standing in front of a large door or gateway. Enter through the door and notice that you are in a beautiful garden courtyard. All around you are a variety of colorful flowers and trees, fountains, and stone architecture. Feel yourself in the midst of this experience as you absorb the rich sights of lush vegeta-tion, the soothing sounds of running water, the feel of cool air, and the smell of gentle fragrance.

In front of you is a stone pathway leading to a circular enclosure at the center of the courtyard. There, you notice benches surrounding a fire.

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Slowly walk down the path and sit at the closest bench in front of the fire.

Feel its warmth as it illuminates the area bathing the courtyard in soft glow.

Imagine now a shimmering light behind the bench opposite you.

Slowly this light takes human form and becomes the image of a wise sage.

Notice this person’s dress and attributes. You sense the love and compas-sion coming from this person and that this person is here to help and knows you better than anyone else.

Invite the wise sage to sit down in front of you and ask the sage the following open questions about an issue troubling you: “What is the real issue here? What is really bothering me? What is causing most of the problem?” Wait for a response and trust that it will come. Let whatever comes to mind be there and ask for further clarification. Continue dialoguing with this inner sage asking further Solution Targeting questions as you allow the process to flow freely, bouncing ideas back and forth, without censoring anything.

When you’ve come to some insight or direction on the issue, thank

the wise sage for his or her help; and then, when you are ready, open your eyes and return your focus to the room. Be prepared to test these actions in your situation.

If you have trouble receiving insight from open dialogue, imagine you are looking at the open flame in front of you (or, if you’d like, a still pond) and ask your inner mind to place a word, phrase, or image in this flame (or on the surface of the pond) that best represents this insight. Then ask further: “What is this connected to in my life?” Or, simply go about your normal routine and wait for the answer. Seize upon any opportunity that arises.

For best results, practice this exercise at least once a day for about 10-20 minutes to build your inner communication.

Teaching clients how to contact inner wisdom is a regular feature in my private practice. Paula had been suffering from unresolved fatigue and
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sadness for some time. When she entered into calm focus and met with her inner wise sage she was surprised when it told her that the fatigue and sadness had come from losing sight of her passion in life—organizing events—which she hadn’t done in years. She was advised to go out and begin doing so. When she did she noticed the fatigue and sadness start to lift.

However, soon after, she stopped doing events and began to feel the fatigue and sadness slip back. She returned to her inner sanctuary and met with her wise sage again who then told her that she feared failing and that she should simply follow her heart. If she did so her true nature would unfold instinctually and she would find success. She then followed the sage’s advice and returned to event planning and now continues to have a zest for life, fatigue—and sadness-free.

Like Paula, you too may derive similar insights from your inner intelligence which may be helpful in troubling situations. Give the exercise a try and see what you find.

Exercise 10.3: Utilizing Inner

Insights to Produce a Solution State

In this exercise, we’re going to take the insight gained from dialoguing with an imaginary representative of our universal mind and immerse ourselves in the details of this solution in order to evoke the manifestation of this solution.

Enter into calm focus again and build a sensory picture of the answer given to you by your inner mind during the dialogue process you completed in exercise 10.2. For example, if your inner intelligence told you to take action on an issue, such as to get out and start a new venture, or told you that a certain state of mind, such as assertiveness, is needed to remedy a situation, then imagine seeing yourself engaging in these conditions,
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hear the words spoken by you and others, and most importantly, feel in your body what it is like to have these conditions.

Repeat this scenario 3-4 times for about ten minutes. At the end of ten minutes, turn the image over to your inner mind to carry out. Think of it as a request that you are sending it. You may, for example, say: “I give this to you to fulfill. I ask you to please co-create this with me. Thank you for helping me with this change.”

At this point, let go and trust that your inner intelligence knows more than your conscious mind how to manifest this desire. Letting go shows that you have a firm faith in the outcome and are devoid of doubt. Recall, though, that we don’t stay idle. You are co-creating with your inner intelligence, so you need to do your conscious part. Go out now and stay open to opportunities in which to utilize these newly-acquired conditions and act as if they are already a part of you. Your inner wisdom will do the rest.

eleven

Observing from

Broader Mind

“An ostrich with its head in the sand is just as blind to

opportunity as to disaster.”
—Anonymous

As we have seen throughout this book, the key to getting past life’s difficulties and reaching desired goals requires a degree of oversight. We have to get our “heads out of the sand” once in a while to see where we’re going and if we’ve made it. When we don’t, we often get derailed.

But, maintaining overall focus is not always easy. Both life challenges and old habits will test our ability to stay observant. Obstacles may come along to fixate us or we may simply slip into autopilot and stop monitoring our progress. The result is that we often fall into the trap of a limited focus and lose sight of our target destination and to what end our thoughts and actions are headed.

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Because unintentional detouring is such an insidious occurrence in the change process, this chapter is offered to increase awareness of it, especially when it first arises, so we may get back on track and reach desired objectives.

Oversight is maintained when we keep watch on our focus. Recall

that an unattended focus is a focus on subconscious auto pilot; and a focus on autopilot will move to what’s familiar, which are the same thoughts and actions that like muddy tracks have been entrenched with use.

Sometimes, auto reactions are useful, such as in emergency situations when we don’t have time to think through a conscious decision. An example would be jumping out of the way of a speeding car. But, many times, these reactions are rigid and unproductive. For example, if we have been telling ourselves since childhood that we are not good enough, then our first reaction when criticized will likely be to feel inadequate.

The key is to know when to engage auto reactions and when not. If we cannot disengage them then we are likely to be compelled to think and act in fixed ways. Disengaging them, however, requires that we know when we are in them, which is also not always easy. For example, we may be so caught up with the view that we are inadequate that we may be unaware that we are quickly defending this illusory perception or that we have strengths that can disprove it.

We tend not to know we are in a fixed view for several reasons. For one, recall that when trapped in one view we do not have access to other views; so our one view starts to look like our only reality. Two, the longer we are in one view, the more accustomed we become to it; like sunshades we’ve worn too long, we get fused with it, and so don’t realize it is influencing what we see and do. Third, we often don’t know we’re in a fixed view because of the speed to which we fall into it.

Undetected, fixed views will run our lives and keep us stuck seeing and repeating the same things and suffering the same consequences over and over again. The longer and more frequent we dwell in them the greater
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their illusion, the greater our emotion reaction to them, and the harder it is to escape from them.

Identifying a Fixed View

Fortunately, there is something we can do to become more aware of when we have derailed in a fixed view and that is to observe the body. Recall that earlier in the Solution Targeting section we discussed that we can assess our current state by observing the body. The body often provides reliable clues of a fixed focus even though we may not be conscious of it; this is because—as we also discussed in the concentrating awareness chapter—the body will tend to responds to what is in mind, and will do so whether the mental activity is conscious or not.

Therefore, by observing body signs in the form of emotions, tension, or sensations, we can get an idea of when we are under the spell of a fixed, limited view. Once aware, we then can bring its hidden contents info focal awareness and get a read on them. For example, by observing tension in our body, we may discover that we are fixating on angry thoughts. To direct our attention to the body, we may ask ourselves: “What is going on inside me at this moment?”

The first thing we look for is low-level tension, which is typically found in the areas we normally accumulate stress. These areas are our
habitual reaction points
. Next, we look to our breathing since breathing is another body reaction that is sensitive to our mental focus. Is the breathing high in the chest and shallow and rapid? Or is it lower in the belly and deeper and more rhythmic? High and rapid breathing is a sign we are reacting negatively to thoughts in our head.

Finally, we look for any negative feelings. The feeling we are experiencing at the moment may be pronounced or it may be subtle, a feeling in the background. It can range from vague tension, irritation, or unease to acute anger, fear, or sadness. We pay special attention to any feelings
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that have been there for a while or come back again and again, since these feelings tend to indicate the presence of habitual thoughts.

We call these body signs
detection markers
. It is a good idea to monitor these markers on a regular basis, especially when challenges arise; this only takes a moment or so.

Auto fixation can happen fast, especially when we are presented with a challenge. During these times, it is a good idea to catch it before it has a chance to take over. This may mean becoming alert to detection markers as soon as the challenge presents itself. Any delay may allow the conditioned program to get the upper hand. The moment we react mindlessly, the autopilot is in charge.

Signs auto fixation is kicking in include sudden changes in body sensation or mood, such as rapid breathing, tensing, a flash of irritation or fear, or an urge to respond. The moment we detect any of these markers, we let that be a reminder to step out and observe.

Zooming Out of a Fixed View

As we have learned so far, observing our reactions from a distance puts us in a more objective position to explore them and see what is generating them. The moment we become aware of them, we are no longer trapped in them. We begin to see their impact on us, how much we are caught up in them, and why we engage in them. Put simply, we get a glimpse into the nature of our subconscious programming.

The key is to sit calmly and patiently and observe the reaction and see what thoughts might be behind it. We start first with what we are feeling.

Are we experiencing any unease or discomfort? Or is it a full-blown feeling like fear, anger, or sadness? Is the feeling nagging us all the time? Or is it only at certain times? If so, what times?

Next, we explore the thoughts behind the feeling. What could we be saying to ourselves that is making us feel this way? Is there a critical voice there in our heads judging? If so, what is it saying?

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As we bring these thoughts into focal awareness, we may find that our reaction to them becomes amplified. Our desire at this moment may be to resist, run from, or get caught up in these thoughts. But, we avoid doing this otherwise we leave these conditioned thoughts in place.

Instead, we remind ourselves that we are not our thoughts. These

thoughts may be arising within our awareness, but we are separate and more than these thoughts. In fact, we keep in mind that much of these thoughts are products of subconscious programming, outputs of brain machinery. They are in the foreground. We are the witness or awareness in the background observing these conditioned thoughts.

To get a feel for this separation, observe your thoughts right now. As you observe them, notice also that there is an observer watching them.

There is ‘you’ and thoughts you are observing. You are the observing awareness and that awareness is separate from thought. To make this distinction further say to yourself as you observe your thoughts: “I am here and there are those thoughts there.” The moment you make this distinction, you identify your true self and realize you are the larger awareness beyond thought.

Likewise, we may distance ourselves from thoughts by remembering

to identify the central factor and frame it with a word or phrase; this will create a bit of a gap between us and the thoughts. For example, if we find that we are dwelling on all the hurt we’ve experienced from previous relationships, we can step back and say: “There is that overall theme again of identifying myself too strongly with my relationships.”

Then, once we’ve identified the central factor, we redirect ourselves back to where we want to be: our target objective. Recall that we do this by putting our current state to the target test. We may ask ourselves at this moment: “Are these thoughts I am experiencing right now helping or hindering me from getting where I want to go?” If our answer is that they are hindering us, then we have to let them go and focus on more constructive thoughts.