The Rules of You and Me (22 page)

I tried to keep up a light, happy conversation as we ate. Jude didn’t ask for details about my visit with Dad. I knew he wouldn’t push me and I’d probably tell him everything when I was ready to talk about it. For now, I was happy to just push it aside and think about something else for a while.

When we had stuffed ourselves with pizza and milkshakes, Jude leaned back in his seat, clutching his stomach. “I haven’t eaten that much in a long time.”

“
Neither have I,” I admitted. “My mom always tells me a lady shouldn’t pig out.”

“
I’ll bet your mom secretly pigs out when no one’s looking,” he said, winking at me.

I laughed, feeling some of the tension melt away. “You’re probably right—”

“
Hannah?
What are you doing here?”

For the second time in less than an hour, my heart felt like it had stopped cold in my chest. I turned, forcing my face into a pleasant smile as I looked into Natalie’s familiar blue eyes.

“
Hi, Natalie.” I hoped my voice didn’t tremble the way I thought it did.

Natalie’s eyes were wide. “I’m here with Amanda and Vicky, and they said it looked like you sitting over here. I said no way because Hannah is in Paris for the summer.” She put her hands on her hips. “Why aren’t you in Paris?”

I could feel Jude studying me intently. I pushed my milkshake glass around the table in front of me, wiping at the condensation with my fingertips. “I, um, decided to come back early,” I said.

Natalie snorted. “You know what I think? I think maybe you were never in Paris at all. You acted all weird about me coming to see you, which fell through by the way. My dad was sent to Kansas to meet with some people there instead.”

I opened my mouth, but I had no words. Natalie had caught me and she knew it. Her eyes gleamed wickedly as she sneered down at me.

“
Hannah just got back,” Jude spoke up. He extended a hand toward Natalie. “Hi, I’m Jude, Hannah’s friend. I just picked up Hannah and we’re about to head off on vacation together.”

Natalie’s eyes practically bugged out of her head as she took in the sight of Jude. “I’m Natalie, Hannah’s
ex
-best friend.”

Ouch. So she was still upset.

“
So where are you going on this new vacation?” Natalie asked, her hands on her hips.

“
Miami,” I said at the same time Jude said, “New York.”

Natalie scrunched her face into a frown and looked between us.

“
We were going to Miami,” Jude said, smiling at me. “But I’ve decided to take Hannah to New York instead. It’s a surprise.” He shot Natalie a wide grin.

She didn’t look like she believed us, but Natalie shrugged. “Whatever.” She gave me a stern look. “You have a lot of explaining to do when you get back from wherever it is you’ve been hiding.”

I nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Natalie headed back over to where she was sitting with Amanda and Vicky, no doubt to tell them the latest gossip on me. I sighed as I looked at them huddled together at the table. I hadn’t realized until then just how much I hadn’t missed all of that.

“
You didn’t tell your friends that you didn’t go to Paris?” Jude asked.

I couldn’t meet his gaze and instead studied the metal napkin dispenser on the table between us. “I didn’t want to answer the questions they would have.”

“
Okay,” Jude said. He dug in his pocket and found enough money for the bill and the tip and placed them in the little tray the waitress had left behind.

“
Aren’t you going to ask why?” I asked. It was a violation of our first rule. He had caught me in a lie and had proof that I wasn’t following our agreement.

Jude shrugged. “It’s your life. You can tell people whatever you want them to know.” He slid out of the booth and looked down at me. “Ready to go?” I felt like he was disappointed in me, though his face was neutral.

I was very much ready to get out of Willowbrook again.

“
Morning,” I said as I padded into the kitchen. Aunt Lydia sat at the counter, with a mug of coffee between her hands. She didn’t answer as I walked over to the coffeepot and poured a cup for myself.

“
Hannah,” she said when I sat down. “There’s something I need to show you.”

Aunt Lydia’s forehead was creased with a deep line right between her eyebrows. Her mouth was thin and straight, her lips pressed tight. Something twisted deep in my gut as she took the newspaper from her lap, unfolded it, and held it toward me.

My hand shook a little as I reached for the paper. I wanted to suspend time, to keep myself in this moment before I saw whatever it was that had Aunt Lydia so serious this early in the morning.

The headline glared at me from the paper. “President and CEO of Willowbrook Bank & Trust admitted to rehab for drug addiction.”

Everything went silent for a moment. I didn’t move as I stared back at my dad’s smiling face right there on the front of the business section. It was the file photo they always used on stories about him, taken a few years ago, before his hair had started turning gray. He looked young and healthy, not at all like a man addicted to pills. Not like the quiet, slightly thinner man I had seen the day before.

I became aware of a pounding in my ears, growing louder each second. It took me a moment to realize it was the sound of my own heartbeat, pulsing through my veins. My head felt like it would explode. I wanted to scream as loud and as long as I possibly could.

Not now. Not when I was just getting everything together in my life. Not when Dad was almost done with his rehab. Not now. Not
ever
.

Aunt Lydia put her hand over mine. “It’ll be okay, Hannah,” she said gently.

I dropped the paper, turning it over so I didn’t have to look at the photo. “How? How will it be okay?
Everyone
will see this.” My eyes widened. “Does it mention me? Am I in that article?”

From the way Aunt Lydia’s lips pursed together, I knew the answer. I could imagine the words in my mind, the ones they always used. “Daniel Cohen is a native of Willowbrook, North Carolina, where he lives with his wife Marilyn and daughter Hannah. He built Willowbrook Bank & Trust from the ground up over the past fifteen years, starting with a single branch in Willowbrook.”

“
I talked to your mother,” Aunt Lydia said. “She’s already getting calls from her friends and colleagues.”

“
When is she coming home?” I asked.

The line between Aunt Lydia’s eyebrows deepened. “She’s not coming home right now.”

I pulled my feet into the barstool and hugged my knees to my chest. Of course she wasn’t. Marilyn Cohen’s perfect world couldn’t deal with this. She would take care of herself, hiding away in Paris and pretending it didn’t exist while the rest of us were left behind to pick up the pieces.

“
Hannah.” Aunt Lydia reached for me, but I didn’t want her sympathy or her kindness. I jumped up from the chair and raced down the hall, slamming the door of my room behind me as I crumpled to the floor.

#

My phone rang a few times, but I didn’t answer it. I lay on the bed, curled into a ball with the covers pulled up to my chin. I couldn’t curl myself up small enough. I wanted to turn myself tiny, so tiny I’d disappear. I couldn’t even use the mask of Perfect Hannah to hide myself this time.

Aunt Lydia tried to get me to eat, but I couldn’t get out of bed. I fell asleep off and on throughout the day. When I was awake, I stared at the ceiling and tried not to think. When I was asleep, everything I’d ever done wrong in my life replayed in my dreams. Maybe this was my payback for being mean to people, for tearing them down in order to get to the top. I had always tried to follow the rules and be the best, be someone worthy of attention. But now I had all eyes on me and all I wanted was for the whole world to disappear.

My phone buzzed again. I sighed and reached for it, cycling through the messages on my screen.

Ashton:
I’m so sorry! Let me know if I can do anything 4 u.

Kate:
Hugs!!! I just heard. If you need me, call!!!

Natalie:
OMG!!!! Is that news about your dad true???

Ashton:
Call me!!

Natalie:
My dad says your dad better not have spent our money on drugs.

Ashton:
U OK???

Kate:
Hey, girlie, Ash & I are really worried. Call us!

Natalie:
Guess we know now the real reason you weren’t in Paris.

I deleted the rest of the messages from Natalie and other people from back home that I didn’t want to talk to. I left the ones from Ashton and Kate. Finally, the only one still unread was from a number I didn’t recognize.

I didn’t tell anyone about your dad, I swear. I’m really sorry, Hannah. I hope you’re okay.
-
Avery

I stared at the message for a long time before deleting it. Then I scrolled through my contacts, found the name I was looking for, and pressed the call button.

He answered on the second ring.

“
Did you give Avery James my cell number?” I snapped.

There was silence, then, “Hannah?”

“
Of course it’s me, Zac,” I said. “Don’t pretend you don’t still have my number in your phone. You gave it to Avery, didn’t you?”

“
Yeah,” Zac admitted. It was weird to be talking to him on the phone after not speaking for over a month, except for those brief text messages a few weeks ago. “She wanted to text you. She’s worried about you. We both are.”

I sat up, pushing the blanket off of me. “Well, don’t be. I’m fine. Everything is just
fine
. So go back to your perfect world with your new girlfriend and forget about me.”

“
I could never just forget about you,” Zac said softly. “We were friends once, before we started going out. Remember that? I’d like for us to be friends again.”

I remembered the day Zac asked me out for the first time. We had been working on a paper for history in the school library, Zac at the table next to mine. I could tell he was getting frustrated and easily distracted, which was distracting me from my own work. So I offered to help him out, each of us taking parts of the research work. He made me laugh, and I helped him get his paper done.

“
So,” he’d asked later that day as we packed up our books, “you, um, ever go out to the movies?”

“
Sometimes,” I’d said, trying to be coy. “If there’s anything worth seeing.”

“
We could go check it out. Together, I mean. See if there’s anything good.”

He had said it so shyly, so sweetly, not anything like the self-assured sons of my parents’ friends and business associates. He’d said it as if my response was the most important thing in the world to him, as if he had everything to lose if I said no.

My ear ached now from how hard I was pressing the phone against it as I blinked away the memories. “You still want to be my friend even after what I did to you?” I asked.

Zac laughed. “Even after that. You know,” he said in a quieter tone, “if you had wanted to end things between us, all you had to do was talk to me. You didn’t have to pay someone to do it for you. I mean, it worked out and all, so thanks for that, but I would have been happier if you had just been honest.”

Rule #1: Don’t complicate things. Just be honest.

I sighed, my shoulders sagging. “I’m really sorry, Zac. It’s easier to let other people do the dirty work for you.”

“
I know,” Zac said. “But it’s usually better in the end if you do it yourself.”

I liked talking to him. It was the reason we had started dating in the first place. Zac was different from everyone else I knew. He was honest and looked at everything with such a simple mindset. He threw himself into everything he did and he never ran away when it got hard. He had known the real rules of life all along.

“
So how are you really?” Zac asked. “I saw the paper. I’m so sorry, Hannah. I never even knew your dad had a problem.”

“
No one did. No one was supposed to know.” I sighed. “But it’ll be okay. Eventually.”

“
It will,” Zac assured me. “You’re strong, Hannah. You’ll get through this and people will move on to new gossip in a few days. They always do. That’s the thing about gossip—one day, you’re the center of attention and the next, they’ve forgotten your name.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Zac. I needed to hear that.”

“
No problem. And I meant what I said, about us being friends.”

“
I’d like that,” I said honestly. “Tell Avery I’m fine and I know she didn’t tell anyone. It was bound to come out eventually. My time just ran out.”

I said good-bye to Zac and then pushed myself out of bed. I walked over to the mirror and looked at my reflection.

I was Hannah Cohen. I wasn’t perfect, but I was strong. I could handle this. I could handle anything.

That was one of the best lessons my parents had taught me.

The only person who didn’t call or text, besides my mom, was Jude.

He was bent over the open hood of his truck when I stopped my car in his driveway. A blue T-shirt with “Normal is Boring” written across the front hung from the tree limb on the other side of the yard, swaying back and forth in the breeze.