The Rules of You and Me (21 page)

“
You can come on back, sweetie,” she said.

I looked at Jude.

“
Do you want me to go with you?” he asked.

I bit my lip, then nodded.

He stood and walked at my side as we followed the nurse down a hall. Doors were open as we passed and I could peek inside to see patients sitting in their own rooms. Some looked healthy and coherent, while others lay on beds or sat in chairs staring out windows, their bodies so thin I could see bones poking through their skin.

My legs felt rubbery, but I pushed myself forward.

The nurse led us to a room near the end of the hall. She gestured toward the door, still smiling the same pleasant smile. How could she smile like that in this place? Did none of this, the way these people looked or the things they’d been through, bother her at all?

I paused at the doorway, looking into the room. It was a nice room. Peach colored walls, with pictures of forest scenes on the walls. A bed sat against one wall, the sheets neatly made and the one pillow propped against the headboard. It looked
normal
.

“
Hannah.” My dad stood from the chair where he was sitting. He folded his newspaper and set it aside.

I studied him as he came toward me. He looked like the same Dad I’d always known. Maybe a little thinner, but not too much. His hair was still graying at the sides and he still had the same neatly groomed mustache. He wore gray sweatpants and a blue T-shirt. It was weird to see him dressed so casually. I was used to seeing him suited up for work.

He hugged me without waiting for me to make the first move. I stiffened as his arms wrapped around me. How long had it been since my dad had hugged me? I couldn’t remember, but a memory of curling up in my dad’s lap as a little kid flashed through my head.

I hugged him tight, burying my face in his shoulder.

“
I’ve missed you,” he whispered. He kissed the top of my head and smoothed my hair back.

When I stepped away, Dad smiled at Jude. “Hello. I’m Daniel Cohen.”

“
Hello, sir,” Jude said, extending a hand toward my father. “Jude Westmore. I’m a friend of Hannah’s from Asheville.”

“
Good handshake,” Dad said, beaming at Jude. He gestured toward his room. “Come in, come in. Sorry, I don’t have anything to offer you.” He grinned at his own joke.

I perched on the edge of the bed and Dad sat next to me, while Jude took the chair. The room was silent as I tried to think of something to say. Throughout the whole ride from Asheville, I’d been trying to figure out the best thing to say when I saw my dad, but I never did come up with anything. I had hoped that once I got here, the words would come naturally.

Dad put his warm hand over mine. “I’m sorry haven’t called in a while,” he said.

I clenched my teeth and blinked my eyes, determined not to show weakness. Dad never liked weakness. “Why didn’t you?” I asked.

Dad sighed. “I have these bad days, Hannah. Days when all I want is one little pill and it’s everything I can do to stay sane. Some of the people here are much worse than I am. I hear them crying and screaming in their rooms. I don’t want to be like that, but sometimes I feel myself getting close. Your birthday was one of those days. I wanted to be home, with you and your mom, and I hated that I was stuck in this place on your birthday. I hated myself for everything I’d done to us. I’ve been a bit depressed lately.” He rubbed a hand over my head. “All I’ve ever wanted was to give you everything. I never meant for it to end up like this.”

I wanted to ask why he’d ever started taking the pills in the first place, but I didn’t know if I was ready to hear the answer.

Jude cleared his throat. “I’m going to go see if I can find something to drink,” he said. “Hannah, do you want anything?”

I shook my head and Jude left the room, closing the door behind him.

I bit my lip. Dad shifted in his seat.

“
How is your summer?” he asked after a moment. “Are you enjoying your time in Asheville?”

I nodded. “It’s good. I met some new friends.”

“
I see that,” Dad said. He leaned toward me and whispered, “You know your mother would hate him.”

A hot flush creeped up my neck. “Jude is just a friend.”

“
Just a friend who rode five hours to bring you to see your dad in rehab.”

“
He’s a nice guy,” I said. “He’s been nice to me and he doesn’t make me feel bad about you being
here
.” The last words came out in a bitter tone. I blinked back tears, unable to meet my dad’s gaze.

Dad let out a long breath. “I’m really sorry, Hannah. I screwed up. Majorly.”

I laughed, harsh and loud. “No kidding. You almost died, Dad! Do you know how scared I was? Do you know how frightening it is to see your father on the floor, not responding to you?”

Dad cringed as my voice grew louder. “I have a problem and I needed help.”

“
You messed up our family!” I shouted at him. I had never yelled at my dad like this before. It felt good to get the words out, everything I had kept bottled up inside for months. “You made me have to lie to my friends about everything. Even Mom won’t talk about you being here, like you’re just on vacation.”

Dad looked at me with glassy eyes. “You’re right, and I can never make it up to you. All I can say is how sorry I am.”

Fury sizzled out of me and I slumped next to Dad, my throat tight with a sob. “I wanted to forget about everything this summer and not be myself. I wanted to be someone different for a while, but I could never really stop thinking about you and Mom.”

Dad rubbed my back. “You deserve to have some fun, to be just a kid for a little while.”

I raised my eyebrows. I had never heard my dad say that.

He laughed. “Don’t look so surprised. Being here has taught me that not everything in life is about getting ahead or being the best. I’ve put so much focus on building the bank all these years. Everything in my life was about getting to the top. I forgot to take time to relax and enjoy life. I don’t want the same to happen to you.” His pushed a lock of my hair back from my face. “I see so much of myself in you, Hannah. I’m worried that you push yourself too hard. That
we
push you too hard. I want you to be seventeen. I still want you to be the best you can be and do everything you want to do, but I also want you to have fun doing it.”

This was it. Now or never. “I don’t want to go to Yale,” I blurted out.

Dad blinked. “I thought you always wanted to go to Yale.”

“
No,” I said slowly. “You and Mom always said I should go to Yale, so I went along with it. But it’s not what I really want.”

Dad crossed his ankle over his knee and folded his hands on top of his leg. “Okay. Where would you like to go then?”

I took a deep breath. “I’ve been looking at some liberal arts colleges. Some place without so much pressure to be the absolute best.”

Dad laughed. “Liberal arts! Your mom will love that.”

I laughed too. “Well, I was hoping maybe you could break the news to her.”

Dad reached over and pulled me close to him. “All right. I’ll figure out a way to let her down gently.” He sighed. “Your mother already has the ‘My daughter goes to Yale’ bumper sticker, you know.”

“
Maybe I can get her a new one,” I said, grinning at him.

Dad kissed my head and I smiled as I cuddled closer to him.

“
So,” Dad said, “tell me all about what you’ve been doing this summer. Something seems different about you, and I don’t mean just your hair.” He tugged on one of the bright red streaks. “I like it. Your mom will hate it, but I think it looks good on you.”

I grinned. “Thanks.” Even though I was trying hard not to care what anyone else thought, it still felt good to have my dad’s approval.

#

When Jude came back to the room and found Dad and me talking, he said he would go sit in the waiting room until I was ready to go. I stayed as long as I could, until I felt like we should get back on the road.

“
It’s a long drive,” I said as I stood at the door with Dad.

He nodded. “I know.” He hugged me again and kissed my cheek. “Enjoy the rest of your summer. I’ll see you when you come home.”

I walked down the hall feeling happier than I’d felt in a long time. I still needed to work things out with Mom and tell her about my plans for the future, but I didn’t want to worry about that right now. Dad was supportive of my change in colleges and that made me feel hopeful that things could get better.

As I neared the front office to check out as a visitor, a familiar voice made me stop in my tracks. Icy coldness rushed through my veins as my gaze searched her out.

There she was, on the other side of the glass window, talking to the receptionist at the front desk. As I stood there, unable to move even a finger, she turned her head and met my gaze.

“
Hannah?” Avery James asked. The same Avery James who used to be my best friend. The same Avery James I had paid to win Zac over so he would dump me two months ago.

The same Avery James who was
not
supposed to be at Keller-Burns Rehabilitation Center.

“
I thought you were in Paris,” Avery said, giving me a confused look. “That’s what I heard. You were spending the summer in Paris.”

My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. It felt like my summer was crumbling around me. All of the happiness I had just felt moments ago had vanished and was replaced by fear. How much did Avery know?

“
Um, no.” I shifted from one foot to the other and ran my hands over the front of my skirt. “I…I have to go.”

I started to walk past the office, not even bothering with the check out sheet, but Avery’s next words made me stop again.

“
I know your dad is here.”

Cold seeped through my skin and deep into my bones. I turned back to Avery, slowly. “No, he’s not.” Another lie. I couldn’t seem to escape them.

Avery gave me an exasperated look. “We used to be best friends. I spent as much of my childhood at your house as I did at my own. I know your parents, Hannah, and I know that’s your dad. I’m volunteering with the hospital and I’ve been here a few times already to help deliver supplies. I’ve
talked
to him.”

My heartbeat pounded in my ears, loud and frenzied. I was aware that the receptionist Avery had been talking to was listening in on our conversation.

“
So what do you want?” I asked. “Money? You want the five hundred I offered you months ago?” I dug into my purse and found my checkbook, spilling lip gloss and pieces of paper as I snatched it out. “Fine, here, take the money and go save the world.”

I wrote out a check, but my hand shook so badly it was barely legible. I ripped it from the book, nearly tearing it in half and held it out toward Avery. “Take it!”

Avery looked at the check and then at me. “I don’t want your money, Hannah.” She looked at me with pity, which only made the tears in my eyes sting more.

“
You love this, don’t you?” I asked. “You have something to hold over me now. I’m not as perfect as everyone thinks, okay?”

Avery’s face crumpled into a deep frown. “Hannah, I’m not going to hold this over you. I haven’t told anyone about your dad. Not even Zac.”

I couldn’t take her kindness now, not after everything we’d been through. Bending down, I grabbed as much of the things I’d spilled as I could and stuffed them back into my purse. Then I pushed past her down the hall, nearly running by the time I reached the waiting room.

The sign reading WILLOWBROOK NEXT EXIT drew closer as my car sped down the highway.

“
So that’s your hometown?” Jude asked.

I had managed to collect myself before facing Jude in the waiting room after my run-in with Avery. I didn’t want him to ask questions that I didn’t want to answer right now. So a few deep breaths to calm myself and then the perfect Hannah mask came back on, hiding everything I didn’t want the rest of the world to see.

I shook away my thoughts and tried to focus on the conversation. “Yes, it is.”

“
Looks quaint,” he said. “You know, what I can see from the highway.”

He grinned at me and I shifted in my seat.

“
Maybe we should stop for a visit,” Jude said. “You could show me around.”

All I wanted was to get as far away from Willowbrook as soon as possible. “I’m really tired.”

“
We should stop and get something to eat at least. We haven’t had lunch yet. What’s your favorite place to eat back home?”

“
The Rose Castle,” I said. “They have the best pizza and milkshakes.”

“
Sounds good,” Jude said. He poked my arm. “Come on, you’re not going to make me miss out on the best pizza and shakes in Willowbrook, are you? You owe me anyway. I showed you around my home.”

My stomach still churned from my run-in with Avery. But it was almost two o’clock, so most of the lunch rush was over. Hopefully we could avoid running into anyone else I didn’t want to see. I steered the car onto the exit ramp, biting my lip as Willowbrook appeared through the trees in front of us. I didn’t think I’d be so nervous about going home. I cast a glance at Jude to try to see what he thought of it. He had a smile on his face as he took in the small town.

The Rose Castle was still pretty busy when we arrived. We managed to find a booth in the back and ordered a medium pizza with everything and milkshakes to go along with it.