The Right Time (38 page)

‘No, nothing, never mind, just bring yourself.'

Ellen had plenty of time to get ready without getting into a flap, but she got into a flap anyway. In a rather brazen display of optimism she went ahead and changed the sheets on her bed. Then she tidied the room, putting things out of sight that usually sat around not bothering anyone, like hand cream and the book she was reading. All the clear space suddenly made the dust noticeable. Ellen wasn't sure when she'd last dusted in here; she kept a clean house, but dusting her bedroom had never been a priority. It was now. When all surfaces were dust-free and shining, and
she'd stopped sneezing, Ellen drew the curtains fully and started to play around with the lighting options. The bedside lamps were too bright, and she didn't have any lower wattage bulbs to replace them – she must remember to get some. She tried draping various scarves over the lamps, but then the place just looked like a bordello. Finally she decided they were going to have to stay off, though it was quite dark in here without any light at all. She glanced at the bedside clock and suddenly realised Finn would be on his way very soon. She rushed to the shower and was barely out and dressed when she heard the knock at the door.

When she opened it, Finn was standing there, smiling at her. ‘Hi,' he said.

Ellen was so happy to see that smile. ‘Come in,' she said, stepping back.

‘I bought white this time,' he said, holding up a bottle as he walked through and Ellen closed the door.

‘And I don't know if I heard this right . . .' he added, producing a packet of Tim Tams.

Ellen stared at them, and then she couldn't help it, she started to giggle.

Finn was watching her. ‘What's so funny?'

‘No, nothing,' she said, containing herself. ‘I love Tim Tams, you have no idea. Thank you.'

And then, impulsively, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, really kissed him, which he obviously wasn't expecting, because he kind of stumbled back against the wall. He took a moment to catch up with her, but then he was kissing her back, and Ellen decided there was no time like the present . . . She manoeuvred him towards her bedroom door, and then all the way into the room, her mouth only leaving his when she pushed him down onto the bed.

‘Ellen, I can't see you,' he said in the dark.

‘That's okay,' she breathed. ‘I'm sure we'll find our way.' She yanked her own top off and threw it aside, and then she started on the buttons of his shirt, when he grabbed her suddenly and flipped her over onto her back.

‘Ow!'

‘Sorry, did I hurt you?'

Ellen reached under herself. ‘Oh, it's just the bottle.' She rolled it away and it fell onto the carpet with a thud. She went to draw his head down to kiss him again but he resisted.

‘Ellen, what's the big hurry? I thought you said your kids were staying with their dad tonight?'

‘They are,' she said, running her fingers across his chest. ‘I just haven't been able to stop thinking about this, about being together. I don't want to wait.' She hooked one arm around his neck, bringing him close again to kiss him, as her other hand reached down for his belt buckle. He released a quiet groan. Ellen's heart was pounding, but something was different . . . she wasn't excited so much as oddly determined. She just had to push on, get him going, then everything else would fall into place, like last time.

And she did get him going; she could tell he was well on his way as he tugged impatiently at her clothes, while she deftly removed his, and they were finally naked against each other again. Something started to stir inside her belly, and she caught her breath as she felt his hand slide down to her inner thigh, but she stopped him. It must be all in the timing, they had to synchronise.

‘No, it's okay, just come on,' she said, shifting her hips into place under his, and bringing her legs around him.

He was breathing hard. ‘Are you sure?'

‘Yes!' she said insistently, pushing her pelvis up against him.

Ellen focused, trying to retrace or re-enact what had happened last time. As Finn built momentum, she rocked her hips against his in the same rhythm, but it didn't seem to be working. Maybe she should get on top, but she wasn't sure how to manage that now, in the middle of it all. Last time it had just happened.

He was thrusting faster now, and harder, and a vague, fleeting image of Tim crossed Ellen's mind, which she immediately blocked. Focus . . . time was running out . . .

Too late. There was the inevitable shudder and groan, before he collapsed against her, catching his breath. Ellen wanted to cry.

After a few moments he shifted his weight off her, and she heard a crackling sound.

‘What's that?' Finn muttered to himself, and then he drew out the packet of biscuits.

Fucking Tim Tams.

He tossed them out of the way and turned to cuddle into her side, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her cheek. ‘Are you okay?'

She made a kind of strangled noise in her throat.

‘What is it?'

‘Nothing . . . everything,' she gasped, her voice breaking. ‘I'd just really like to know when something is going to go right for me for a change.'

‘Hey Ellen,' he soothed, drawing her close. ‘What's the matter?'

‘I've tried, Finn,' she sobbed into his chest. ‘I've really tried to do the glass half-full thing, and I know you said I shouldn't think the whole world is against me, but what am I supposed to think?'

‘What's brought this on?' he said. ‘What happened?'

‘Everything! I didn't get the job, and I've had Tim on the phone telling me it's my fault the kids don't want to spend time with his girlfriend, and now, when all I wanted was to forget about all that and be with you, and have great sex, I couldn't even get that right!'

‘What? I'm turning on this light,' said Finn, reaching for the switch on the lamp before she could stop him. She squinted as the light came on.

‘Sorry, but I couldn't see your face.' He propped the pillows behind her, and drew the doona across them. ‘Okay, from the start – you didn't get the job?'

She shook her head.

‘Well, I don't think that's such a bad thing.'

‘That's because you don't approve of private schools.'

‘No, it's because you didn't want the job, Ellen, you wanted the money.'

She blinked. ‘So I'm being punished for trying to make things a little easier for myself?'

He smiled. ‘No, you just didn't get the job, probably because someone else was a better candidate. That's all. Not to punish you.'

She wiped her eyes with a corner of the sheet. ‘What am I going to do now? I don't even know if I've got the energy for teaching any more.'

‘Then it's just as well you didn't get another teaching job,' he said wryly.

‘I thought it might be easier in a private school. And you know, a change is as good as a holiday. Besides I don't know what else I can do. I left school, went to uni, had babies, went back to school. I've never known anything else.'

‘Do you think that's a good enough reason to keep doing it?' Finn asked.

She looked at him.

‘I remember being taught by teachers who should have left a long time ago. You're not being fair to yourself or your students.'

‘But I don't know what else I can do,' she said again.

‘I'm sure there's plenty you could do . . . just give yourself some time to think about it. Have you ever even done that?'

He had a point. Her life had been a series of chain reactions, she had never really considered what else she could do, what she might like to do . . . what else she was capable of doing. That was a scary thought, what if there wasn't anything? Better not say that to Finn, it was one of those glass half-empty ideas.

‘And what was that you said about your ex?'

Ellen sighed loudly. ‘He rang and told me off for not talking up his girlfriend to the kids so that they'll want to spend time with her.'

He started to laugh, rubbing his eyes. ‘I'm sorry, I don't know your husband, I shouldn't have an opinion, but really, Ellen, was he always this dumb?'

She smiled. ‘Thank you.'

‘What for?'

‘For being on my side,' she said. ‘I'm sick of having to be so bloody amicable, and fair, and careful about everything I say. I just wish I didn't have to deal with him all the time. I mean, isn't that the point of being separated? It'd be fine by me if I never had to see him again, but that isn't possible because of the kids.'

‘So that means you've got to try not to let him get to you so much,' said Finn. ‘I wouldn't want to see you end up like my mum.'

Ellen looked at him.

‘She had every right to be resentful and angry – my father was a pig to her, and he betrayed her – but she spent the rest of her life being miserable and feeling wronged.'

‘What happened to her?'

‘She got cancer, didn't even fight it, didn't want to,' he sighed. ‘It was like the final, indisputable proof that she had got the raw end of the deal. She died four months after she was diagnosed.'

‘I'm sorry.' Ellen stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. He had a bit of a three-day growth, he often did. She doubted Finn was making a fashion statement, but it suited him. He really was quite hot, she decided. Liz and Emma would approve.

‘Hey, what's your name?' she asked.

‘Hm?'

‘What's your first name?'

‘Why do you want to know that?'

‘Well, I'm lying naked in bed beside you, it seems appropriate.'

‘But I never use it, no one calls me by it.'

‘Come on, what did your mother call you?'

He met her eyes then. ‘I was named after my father. Michael John Finlayson. So not even my mother called me by my first name after he left.'

Their faces were level now, and very close, sharing the same pillow. Ellen inched towards him and pressed her lips against his. They lingered for a while, gradually building to a gentle, languorous, tender kiss. It was nice. It occurred to Ellen they had always kissed in such a frantic hurry . . .

Finn drew back to look at her. ‘Before we get sidetracked,' he said in a low voice, ‘there was something else you said. Something about not having great sex? A guy could get a complex, you know.'

‘No, it's not you,' said Ellen. ‘Last time, I mean the first time, that was amazing, Finn.'

‘And you kicked me out straight afterwards.'

‘I'm sorry, I was actually overwhelmed,' she tried to explain. ‘I hadn't . . . well, it hadn't been like that for me before. I was right with you, you know, in sync, and that never used to happen with Tim. Maybe a few times, but I thought it was just a fluke. And then my sisters said it happens for them all the time, and I thought, wow, what have I been missing . . .?' She sighed. ‘But now I think there must be something wrong with me. Last time was just a fluke as well.'

Finn lifted himself up on one elbow, frowning down at her. ‘Ellen, I'm not sure if I'm getting this right. Are you saying . . . with your husband, you didn't . . .'

‘Oh, no, I did, of course. Just, you know, not as a consequence of . . . um . . . you know.' She groaned. ‘God, this is hard.'

He smiled at her. ‘Funny how it's easier to do it than to talk about it.'

‘Not so much for me.'

‘Ellen,' he chided, stroking her hair from her forehead, ‘there's nothing wrong with you. And I am going to prove it.' He kissed her lightly. ‘You want to go for best out of three?'

She looked at him uncertainly. ‘I don't know, what if it doesn't work again? I could end up with a phobia.'

‘Oh, it'll work, trust me.'

‘How can you be so sure? I don't know what the hell I'm doing, obviously. It's embarrassing, I'm a grown woman with two children, and no idea.'

‘Well, I've got a few ideas,' he said, nuzzling into her neck.

‘Have you now?'

He lifted his head to look at her. ‘That was way too rushed just then, for one thing. You seemed to be in such a hurry.'

‘But the first time was really fast.'

‘It wasn't that fast.'

‘I was just trying to . . . replicate it, I guess.'

‘And there's your second mistake – you were thinking too much,' he said. ‘It's not an intellectual exercise, Ellen. The first time, it just happened. It was amazing for me too, you know.'

‘It was?'

‘Hm,' he smiled at her. ‘And I have vast sexual experience to compare it to.'

‘Oh do you?' she said, raising an eyebrow.

‘Well let's just say I've had more sexual partners than you.'

‘Wow, that puts you right up there at two,' she grinned. ‘Oh no, three, counting me.'

‘See, so I know what I'm talking about.' He drew her close as he brought both arms right around her. ‘And Ellen, you're a very sexy woman.'

‘No I'm not,' she scoffed.

‘Yes you are,' he returned, mimicking her tone. ‘You don't have to try so hard,' he added, kissing her, ‘or think so hard.' He kissed her again. ‘Just relax. Go with it. Trust me . . .'

‘Oh my God,' Ellen sighed into the phone. ‘Oh my
God
!'

Liz was laughing. ‘Oh yeah?'

‘In almost every room of the house, in every position imaginable, and some I never had –'

‘Okay, now you're skiting.'

‘Oh Liz,' she sighed again. ‘We didn't leave the house the entire weekend. You know when you do exercise you're not used to, and you discover muscles you never knew you had? Well I discovered erogenous zones I never knew I had.'

‘Half your luck,' said Liz. ‘We told you you could have your Tim Tams and eat them too.'