Authors: Dianne Blacklock
Emma gave her head a coy tilt. âI had been thinking a high tea might be nice.'
âPardon?'
âA high tea,' she repeated. âThey're quite the thing these days.
There are a few places that do them in the city, tea rooms, some of the big hotels. I can give you a list.'
Liz frowned. âAnd so, at these high teas . . . you have tea?'
Emma looked at her. âOf course. What did you expect?'
âIt just doesn't sound like much of a hens' night.'
âLiz, my friends are not going to come on a pub crawl with me wearing a nylon veil on my head.'
Pity. âOkay, if that's what you want,' she said, slapping her thighs. âI'm onto it. Is there anything else I'm supposed to be doing?'
âWell,' she hesitated. âI have my final dress fitting in a few weeks.'
âThat sounds like something I should be there for, right?'
Emma shrugged. âIt would be nice if someone saw it before the big day. Or else it's taking the surprise element to a whole other level.'
âOkay, email me the details, and cc them to Michelle, would you?'
Emma smiled. âSo she remembers if you don't?'
âSo she keeps my schedule clear,' said Liz. âAnd it can't hurt to have someone else on the case.'
Just then Ellen came rushing into the room and shut the door, leaning back against it. âI might not have long, Kate and Evie have started on the kitchen with Mum â'
âHey,' Liz said, getting up, âI said I have first dibs.'
âJust wait,' said Ellen, holding up her hands. âI have to talk to you in private.'
âOh,' said Emma, getting up as well. âI'll go then, leave you two to it.'
Ellen shook her head. âNo, don't go, Emma. I could use your perspective as well. You've got more experience than I have in this.'
âWhat is it?'
âOkay, well,' she hesitated. âLook, before I start, this really is in the vault, okay? You can't tell anyone.'
âThis is getting good,' said Liz, plonking back down on the bed and hugging her knees to herself. âOut with it.'
âOkay.' She closed her eyes. âI did it with the mechanic.'
Ellen opened her eyes again as they both gasped.
âYou're not still referring to him as the mechanic?' said Liz.
âShe's a snob, what did I tell you?' Emma said, sitting down again.
âOf course I don't call him the mechanic. That was just so you'd know who I was talking about.'
âYes, because we get mixed up with all the guys you've had lined up waiting to go,' Emma said wryly.
âWell I remember his name,' said Liz. âIt's Flynn, right?'
âFinn,' Ellen corrected her. âShort for Finlayson.'
âYou slept with him and you still don't call him by his first name?' Emma remarked.
âNo one calls him by his first name, I don't even know what it is.'
âDon't you think it's time you found out?'
âFine, I'll make that a priority and get back to you,' said Ellen. âBut for now, can you please just hear me out? Especially before anyone comes.' She glanced over her shoulder at the closed door. âI obviously don't want Kate to hear any of this. Or Evie, for that matter.'
âWhy not Evie?' Liz asked.
âOh, you know, Evie's so sweet, but she's a bit naive,' she said, taking a tentative step away from the door. âI don't want to shock her. She probably expects me to be well and truly divorced before I start sleeping around, or even dating.'
âOh, I don't know if Evie's as naive as you imagine,' said Liz in her defence. âYou never know what they get up to in the suburbs.'
âYeah right,' Emma said dubiously. âGo on, Ellen.'
She bit her lip, looking at her sisters. âGod, I don't know how to put this.'
Liz raised an eyebrow. âWow, this really is getting good.'
âJust say it,' said Emma.
âYeah, you can tell me anything, I'm a doctor.'
Ellen took a breath. âOkay, well, you know I haven't been with anyone but Tim.'
They nodded.
âSo I don't know what's normal.'
âBecause Tim isn't?' Liz snorted a laugh. Emma grinned, nudging her.
âI'm sure Tim's quite normal,' said Ellen. âMaybe just a little . . . unimaginative. Or maybe I should say ineffectual?'
âWhat are you getting at?' Emma frowned.
âDid Finn do something
ab
normal?' Liz asked, her eyes wide.
âNo, that is, nothing bad, or weird, or kinky. But it wasn't normal for me,' said Ellen. âI don't know what's normal. I've got nothing to compare it to.'
âFor crying out loud, what did he do?' sighed Liz. âJust spit it out.'
Ellen closed her eyes again. âI can't say it.'
âOh come on, we're your sisters,' Emma said.
âAnd I'm a doctor, you can tell me anything,' Liz tried again.
âOh, it's not you guys, it's me.'
âSince when did you become so squeamish about sex?' said Liz.
âSince forever, I suppose,' said Ellen. âI'm not used to talking about it. I haven't even had anything to talk about for years.'
âOkay, well use a euphemism if you have to,' Liz suggested.
âA euphemism,' she pondered. âAll right, that's good, in case we're interrupted.' Ellen glanced over her shoulder again. âOkay, I've got it. Tim Tams.'
âTim Tams?' said Liz. âDo they represent sex?'
âWorks for me,' Emma grinned. âThey're better than sex, depending on your mood.'
âWell, they're more than that,' Ellen explained. âLet's say that coffee represents sex, whereas Tim Tams . . .'
âOhh,' Liz nodded. âI think I'm with you now.'
âYou are?' Emma frowned.
âListen, here it is,' said Ellen. âTim Tams are great with coffee, right? But say you start eating your Tim Tam while your coffee is getting ready, and you eat it all. Well, it's still great, it's still a Tim Tam. But if you have your Tim Tam with your coffee, it's even better, don't you think?'
They both nodded thoughtfully.
âBest way to eat a Tim Tam,' said Liz, âis when you bite off either end and suck the coffee through.'
Ellen gave a wistful sigh.
âSo that's what you did with Finn?' Liz exclaimed. âYou sucked
that coffee through that Tim Tam till it disintegrated into a big chocolatey â'
âHold on,' said Emma, raising her hands. âAre we talking orgasms or oral sex now?'
âShh,' Ellen said. âKeep your voice down! I'm talking about the first one,' she added in a small voice.
Emma's jaw dropped. âAre you saying you never had an org- . . . a Tim Tam with Tim?'
âSounds like she had Tim without the Tam,' Liz chuckled.
Ellen rolled her eyes. âNo, of course I've had Tim Tams, I've just always had them first. Sometimes I still had some Tim Tam left to have with my coffee . . .'
âBut you're saying you never sucked coffee through a Tim Tam, the whole of your marriage?' said Liz.
âI really wish you wouldn't use that analogy,' Emma muttered in distaste.
âTo answer your question, Liz,' said Ellen, âI could count the times on one hand. And have fingers left over.'
âAre you serious?' said Emma.
âYes,' she said weakly. âI thought it was a fluke if it happened. But you're saying not?'
Liz shook her head. âI mean, it's different for different women, and it's not guaranteed every time, but I'd say more often than not.' She looked at Emma, who nodded in agreement.
âDamn!' said Ellen, dropping down to sit on a box. âI feel so ripped off. I mean, now I get what all the fuss is about. I thought my head was going to explode the other day,' she added glumly.
âI think Lenny's found her groove,' Emma grinned, as she and Liz held their hands up to high-five Ellen, but she just sat there, her chin in her hands.
âWhy are you so miserable?' Liz said. âYou've opened up Pandora's box now, honey, there'll be no stopping you.'
âYou don't understand,' Ellen sighed. âI don't think I can keep seeing Finn.'
âWhy not?' Emma asked.
âIt's complicated.'
âHow?'
âWell, you know Tim has a girlfriend?'
âTim?' Liz exclaimed.
âHas a girlfriend?' Emma added. âI didn't know. Did you know?' She glanced at Liz.
Liz shook her head. âI didn't know.'
âYeah, well, it only came out last week,' said Ellen. âAnyway, he handled it really badly.'
âWhy does that not surprise me?' Liz sighed. âWhat did he do?'
âHe told the kids and then he told them not to tell me.'
âWhat a blockhead.'
âHm, so anyway I had to confront him, and we've sorted it out, but the kids are still a bit . . . shell-shocked, I suppose. They've both more or less indicated that they're glad I'm not dating anyone so they don't have to deal with that as well.'
âBut that's not fair,' said Emma.
âWelcome to my world.'
Liz was thinking. âLook, you have every second weekend to yourself, Len, you have opportunity. The kids don't have to know everything you get up to.'
âBut I promised them there'd be no more secrets. I don't know if I should do it on the sly.'
âSex on the sly could be pretty exciting,' said Liz.
âAnd she'd know,' Emma nodded.
âShut up,' said Liz. âLook, I'm sure Finn would understand why you have to keep it under wraps for a while, give the kids some time.'
âI don't know,' said Ellen. âI don't even know if he wants to take things further. I don't even know if I do.'
âAre you kidding?' said Liz. âWhy wouldn't you? When you can have all the Tim Tams you want.'
âThe thing is,' said Ellen, âwhen I invited him over the other night, I made it very clear that I had no expectations of anything else. I just wanted sex.'
âListen to you!' Liz declared.
âDid you actually say that to him?' Emma was shocked.
âI know it sounds pretty strong,' Ellen defended herself, âbut you have to understand the context. He had been flirting with me, and I'd had a few drinks . . . I don't know, I seized the moment.'
âMy sister the barracuda,' Liz remarked.
âDon't call me that,' she chided. âLook, you're the ones who kept telling me I had to get out there, and you have no idea how terrifying that is at my age, after so many years. Finn is a good guy, I trust him. It felt like a safer option than picking up someone random.'
âI'm not criticising you, Len,' said Liz. âI just never expected it of you.'
âI never expected it of myself,' she agreed. âBut it doesn't matter anyway, it is what it is. I can't have any expectations of him. That was the deal.'
âDon't be so hasty,' said Emma. âDid he say anything afterwards?'
Ellen nodded. âHe said I should call him, if I wanted to.'
âWell there you go!' said Liz.
âHe was probably only being polite.'
âUh-uh,' Emma shook her head. âWhen they say
they'll
call you, that's when they're being polite.'
âShe's right,' said Liz. âHe's leaving it up to you.'
âWell what'll I do?'
âCall him!' they cried in unison.
Ellen looked at them. âI don't know, I don't know if I'm ready to start something. Isn't it too soon?'
âNot for Tim, obviously,' Emma pointed out. âAnd if it's good for the goose . . .'
âBut what if it ends badly?'
âYou're such a pessimist,' said Liz.
âThat's what he says,' Ellen sighed.
âWho?'
âFinn. See, he really has become a friend, and I wouldn't want to risk losing him as a friend.' She paused. âNot to mention as a mechanic,' she added. âGood mechanics are hard to come by.'
âListen, mechanics are easier to come by than Tim Tams,' said Emma. âIn this context anyway.'
âWords of wisdom,' Liz nodded. âHave a bit of fun, Lenny. Don't you think it's about time? You've been married since you were a child, and only keeping up appearances for half of that. Stop stressing about what might happen and just â how did you put it before? â seize the moment. Think about it, this is your chance to have your Tim Tams â'
ââ and eat them too!' Emma finished, and then she snorted a laugh. Liz looked at Ellen, and they both started to laugh, and pretty soon all three of them were rolling around in stitches.
âWhat's so funny?'
They all looked around. Evie was standing in the doorway, staring at them.
âWe were just talking about how much we love Tim Tams,' said Liz.
Evie sighed. âI haven't had a Tim Tam in ages. Truth is, I don't even like them much any more, they seem a bit sickly.'
The other three glanced at each other and burst into fresh peals of laughter all over again.
âWhat is so funny?' Evie repeated, getting a little frustrated.
âIt's nothing,' Ellen assured her, catching her breath. âWe're just being very silly. I think this room is making us regress into adolescents again.'
âOh, right,' said Evie in a flat voice.
âIs everything okay, Evie?' Ellen asked. âYou don't seem like yourself.'
There was a pause before she answered: âEverything's fine,' she said, mustering a smile. âMum just sent me up to get you, Liz. She's about to start packing a box to take to Vinnies.'
âNot if I have anything to say about it,' said Liz, getting up off the bed.
Evie was running late getting back from her parents', and Craig was already dressed and raring to go, pacing the floor when she came in through the door. She knew she'd dawdled, finding one excuse after the other to delay leaving, until her mother had said plainly, âEvie, aren't you and Craig going out tonight?'