The Masquerade (16 page)

I frowned and turned to him in alarm. "What?"

He laughed at the worry creasing into my features. Without
answering, he pulled me into his lap until I sat comfortably against him. His arms wrapped around the frame of my body while one of his hands held mine, our fingers entwined. I leaned back against him, my head resting against his chest.
He leaned his head down, his lips at the bare skin exposed on my shoulder.

"Much better," he whispered, sounding satisfied.

As promised we only made it fifteen minutes into the movie
-that neither of us watched- before his lips drove me insane. He would push my shirt that thankfully had a large neckline, over my shoulder so he could kiss the skin there and everywhere around it. He pulled my hair away from one side of my neck and pressed his lips on a spot just below my ear. When I felt his
tongue slide over my skin I lost it.

I turned around in his lap, straddling him, and pushed my hands flat against his shoulders. His eyes flashed to mine. The hunger in them
matched mine. That was everything I needed before I pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back long and slow, reminding me of my lips that were still a little sore from before. He was gentle as his hands cradled my face. My own hands ran up and down his chest. His lips reacted a little more urgently to mine as my
hands ran underneath his shirt that was preventing me from further access and it began to frustrate me.

I pulled away from him, my hands gripping the fabric. "I don't like this."

He arched an eyebrow without following my gaze. "I can fix that." I smiled and his hands dropped from my waist. He leaned forward, reached behind his back, and pulled the shirt over his head. He tossed it behind the couch without breaking my gaze.

He really was ripped. Most guys in rock bands were tall and lanky, but Ben was most definitely an exception. I bit down hard on my lip as my eyes trailed over his hard muscles. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his
stomach, trailing them upwards. Ben gripped my waist and uttered a few low groans in response.

Suddenly I was turned to the side and flipped onto my back. Ben leaned over me his eyes dark and filled with lust. "If you keep doing
that I'm not going to let this stop." I tried to push myself up, to call his bluff, but he held me down. His hold was firm, but still careful. "I don't want to go any further until you're sure it's what you want. I'm not
going to let you make that mistake." I pushed my lips out to pout, but secretly gloating in his intentions. He didn't want me to do anything I would regret. But I knew with Ben there were no regrets. I only ever wanted to be with him, no one else.

Remembering his words from the night before, I couldn't help but smile. "I thought you didn't care."

He shrugged. "I don't." I opened my mouth to speak, but he put a finger to my lips. "There is this one chick that I had
to make an exception for."

"Why?" I asked him.

He took my hands in his and pulled me up to a sitting position. He leveled his eyes with mine. "There's something about her. The
way the light touches her eyes when she smiles, even when she's hurting and I know she hurts all the time. She makes me question who I am. She makes me want to be better." He kissed me softly before he pulled away. "I want to
keep her safe because the thought of someone hurting her makes me want to do bad. I'd do anything to take her pain away, to kill her demons."

I felt as though someone had knocked the wind out of me. I stared at him, refusing to allow myself to cry, not in front of him. I wasn't a
crier, but my vision blurred. I sucked in a deep breath, hoping that would help me. His eyes looked torn when he realized my face was beginning to crumble. He pulled me against him, holding me with his tight arms.

"Ella, I didn't mean," he stopped himself. "I'm sorry."

I pulled away from him quickly. One of my hands covered his mouth. "No, don't say that. Don't be sorry. You just," I swallowed
hard and dropped my hand. "You took me off guard. Everyone thinks I'm happy just because I smile and put on a show. I want it that way. It makes me feel strong. But I always assumed it would be that way. That no one would ever truly
understand me because they couldn't see my pain. I've gotten used to hiding it." I tried to explain to him.

He raised his hand, his knuckles brushing softly over my cheek. "I know that kind of pain. The look in your eyes, I used to have
that look before I turned it off. The day I stopped caring, I stopped hurting."

I frowned and looked down at my hands in my lap. "I don't like the pain, but I wouldn't be me without it. It reminds me I'm still
alive."

"Your pain makes you a better person because you've learned to survive with it." I looked up to see the ghost smile return. "I meant what I said. I'd do anything to take it away."

"Being with you makes everything a little less scary,
Ben." I pressed my lips to his, before pulling away. "I forget about the pain with you. I feel," I shook my head. "I just feel absolutely wonderful when we're together. Horny sometimes, but mostly wonderful."

He laughed. "Those two could go hand in hand."

"It works out then," I smiled.

We gazed at each other. The sadness in his eyes returned in
our silence. I frowned watching his face churn into a mixture of remorse and regret like before. I touched his face with the tips of my fingers, hoping to relax the some of the worry lines.

"Ben, what is it?"

He looked up at me. His hands gently clasped the sides of my necks. "Ella, I need you to understand something."

"Okay."

He nodded. "I told you there were things about me that
you can never know. I wish I could share them with you, but it's just not possible. The person you think I am is not the man that I am. I'm a monster." My stomach twisted into knots at his words. As much as I wanted argue the adamant image he had of himself, I knew he wasn't exaggerating. There
was something in his eyes, in his voice, and in the way he held me that made me sure he was telling the truth. I just wish I knew what his definition of monster was.

"Despite who I am, I need you to understand that I
would never and will never do anything to hurt you. I've made some selfish mistakes in the past, but I'm doing everything I can to make it right. I need you to trust that."

I touched his lips with my fingers. "I trust you,
Ben." I met his gaze. "But whatever it is that has you so scared you don't have to deal with it alone. I can fight it with you."

He shook his head. "It's not me I'm scared for. It's
something that I have to fight alone. Your trust in me is all that I need."

"So you will fight my demons with me, but I can't return the favor?" I didn't like those odds. I wanted us to be equals.

"It's not the same fight, Ella."

Fight what? He
was
scared. If not for himself, then for
who
? I couldn't understand what he was talking about. Did he owe someone money? Has he committed many horrific, unspeakable crimes? That didn't
seem likely. Every conclusion I came to, didn't seem like the right one. He
was
a rock star. So that had to have its flaws. Were drugs an issue?

I gave a dry laugh. "I think I'm more confused than I
was before."

He gave me a small frown. "But you understand?"

"That you'd never do anything to hurt me? Yeah, I think I got that." I laughed and leaned forward connecting my lips with his.
"That is undeniably sweet by the way," I whispered against his lips. "I can't say many girls my age have guys that would make promises even remotely close to that." I pulled away one last time to look him in the
eyes. "That goes both ways, you know."

The look that flashed in his eyes sent another heat wave throughout my body. His hands held my face against his while his lips collided with mine. They pushed away the confusion, the secrets, the demons, and the
pain, and enveloped me with the warmth of his security. I didn't need promises. His kiss sealed every unspoken word that doubted my trust. His kiss promised me a long road of darkness, but I was willing to fight it blindly if it meant Ben
would be at my side.

We kissed for what could have been hours. When we finally broke apart, we found ourselves laid across the couch, facing the television. Ben's arms were around me as he held me against his chest. We watched the movie
together in silence. His soft kisses on my neck slowly drew me into the deep slumber that was much needed after the past couple days. I fell asleep in Ben's arms, the fear of another nightmare foreign to me.

"Someone just fucking shoot me in the face."

I turned to Hayley who slammed her forehead into the locker beside mine. She groaned, peeked at me through her dark curls, and glowered. It didn't take a genius to figure out she was hung over, but I wasn't going to ask
for details. She made it a habit of drinking, staying up late, and coming to school looking like shit. It was only Thursday.

"No gun, sorry." I shut my locker, balancing my books in the crook of my arm while pulling her up with the other.

"Why do you have to be so happy?" she grunted, barely opening her eyes as we turned to walk towards the main entrance of the school.

"I really shouldn't be." I kept a straight face,
but my voice was teasing. "In fact, I'm getting real tired of your shit."

"That's more like it," she drawled.

"Oh gosh. The aspirin didn't work, did it?"

Shiloh walked on the other side of Hayley. She shook her head without responding. I looked over her head and met Shiloh's gaze. We shared the weekly eye roll for Hayley's extracurricular activities and kept
walking.

"So Ella, what are Sloane's plans for you this lovely evening?" I looked down, allowing my long hair to fall into my face to hide my blush. "Oh look at that face!" She exclaimed as I bit the inside of my cheeks.

"Sloane," I said his name tentatively, secretly loathing myself for the lie I was feeding them, "Hasn't told me what we're doing. It's a surprise."

"When can we meet the panty dropping bastard?"
Hayley said, slipping her Aviators over her eyes when we walked outside.

"I didn't drop my panties for him."

"But you want to," she countered. Her eyebrows rose over the rims of her shades.

"Maybe," I shrugged, my tooth gnawing on my bottom lip. I hadn't been with Ben for very long to be considering sex, but I'd already thought about it multiple times. In fact whenever I daydreamed about
him it eventually led to sex. I was definitely becoming Hayley and I wasn't exactly ashamed of it either.

"What's his deal?" Shiloh asked when we reached my car. I frowned, thinking she was talking about Ben until I noticed her
attention on something in front of us. I followed her gaze and met Eli's. He leaned casually against the side door of his black '72 Dodge Challenger, the car that his brother, Neil, drove before he died.

I narrowed my eyes. "He's an asshole."

"Did something happen between you two?" Shiloh asked. Hayley's head perked up. The conversation sparked her interest.

I shook my head and pulled open my car door. "He
stopped by the diner the other night and said some things to piss me off. It's nothing."

Shiloh held my elbow forcing me to look at her. "What did he say to you?"

"That he's tired of pining over Ella baby and decided
to grow a pair and do something about it." Hayley spit on the ground when we both looked at her. She shrugged as if what she stated was obvious.

"No," I tossed my backpack in the passenger seat.
"He's just an ass."

"He wants your ass." Hayley said.

"That's all you're going to say?" Shiloh frowned.

I shrugged. "It's nothing I want to talk about." I
didn't feel like allowing the memories of my brother to resurface. I was just fine holding them under. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Shiloh's frown slowly disappeared. "Have fun tonight."

I smiled. "I will."

Hayley didn't say anything but she mouthed S-E-X to Shiloh who giggled and smacked Hayley's arm with the back of her hand. My smile grew before I slid into the car. I cast one last glance through the window to see
Eli watching me with one eyebrow raised. I shot him one final glare before I put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking spot, allowing my excitement for tonight to consume me.

.

When I got home from school I vigorously tried to finish my homework so I could spend time getting ready. Ben had texted me just before school ended that he was going to pick me up around eight. I wanted time to prepare myself even though I didn't really need it. I was already wearing a
little make up and my hair had a wave to it that I didn't bother straightening.

I ended up wearing my long sleeve shirt with Motley Crue's Theatre of Pain album cover on it. It was one of the few band shirts I owned
that actually hugged my curves in all the right places. I chose a pair of dark wash jeans that clung to legs and my black Dr. Martens.

My dog started barking before the doorbell rang. I dashed downstairs, nearly missing the last step, and I hit the floor with a loud thump
that even Ben could hear over my dog's incessant barks.

Max trotted over to me, still barking. "Hey boy." I cooed in a higher pitch voice that I only saved for animals. I rubbed his
head repeatedly, squeezed his ears a few times, which evoked a few groans from my big baby that my mom and I found hilarious.

After calming him down I ran to the door and pulled it open. Ben stood under the porch light, his hands shoved in the pockets of his black
jeans. His black hair was tousled and his bangs pushed to one side. The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smile as my eyes traveled down and back up, taking him in. He wore a black leather jacket with a white shirt underneath.
I'd never seen him wear white before and the thought of him taking his jacket off to allow me more exposure was enticing.

"Hi." I said, my voice light. I could feel my dog nudging me from behind so I stepped out and shut the door before he could
escape.

"Hey," he responded, his eyes traveled lower now that I stood under the light. I fought it but I blushed anyway.

"So what are we doing?" I asked, walking down the
steps with him.

He shook his head. "It's a surprise."

I stopped seeing the motorcycle sitting in the driveway. I was struck with worry that Adam heard the engine when Ben pulled up, but I
shook the thought away, knowing he was probably playing video games in the basement with his friends. They wouldn't come up for hours.

"You've never ridden one before."

I shook my head. "Nope and I would face the wrath of my
mom if she found out."

Ben chuckled. "She sounds dangerous."

"Probably more than that thing," I pointed to his
bike. He handed me the helmet that was sitting on the seat. I stared at the large object in my hands.

He leaned down, brushing his lips against the side of my head. "I'll keep you safe." He murmured into my hair. He took the
helmet from me and helped me adjust it on my head. He swung one long leg over with ease, looked over his shoulder, and motioned for me to join him. I managed to climb over without much trouble. Ben reached behind him, took my hands, and wrapped them securely around his waist. I smiled and relaxed into him before he
kicked on the engine and it roared to life.

We drove for about twenty minutes until he pulled off the main drag and onto a dirt road just outside city limits. He followed it until
it came to an end when he killed the engine. He helped me off the bike, holding my hands in his to steady me on the ground when I stumbled slightly.

Nothing but woods surrounded us. My eyes followed the lines of the trees and I couldn't stop myself from wondering if this was the place
where he intended to hide my body. Something deep within me told me I should be afraid, but I wasn't. I wanted to be with Ben. Nothing else mattered.

He kept one of my hands in his and led me into the woods. I
followed him, my eyes still on our surroundings. The darkness of the night blanketed the woods, but my eyes adjusted to the dark and I could put one foot in front of the other without tripping.

"Is this the part where you kill me?" I joked.

He shook his head. His laughter echoed throughout the woods. A bird, in one of the trees around us, shrieked. The high-pitched screech rang in my ears. My eyes wandered up, half expecting to see a bird fall out of its
nest. The sound still rang in my ears reminding me of a funeral where life acquainted itself with death.

I didn't realize I stopped until my hand slipped out of Ben's. "You coming?" He threw a glance over his shoulder. His eyes
gleamed like polished gemstones in the dark night. I nodded and picked up my pace again. We continued to walk into the unknown, side by side, until we reached a clearing. A gasp left my mouth when my eyes settled on the scenic view.

A plane of grass exploded from the depth of the woods behind us, the long blades danced in the direction of the soft breeze I felt against my cheeks. To the left there was a large pond that wrapped around the island of
grass in front of us. A stream of still water trailed through the open land and into the woods to the right. A wooden bridge, old and decaying, connected the two grassy planes together. There was a willow tree close enough to the shoreline so that its long, thin branches dipped into the water. The reflection
of the moon glimmered across the water. The light cast onto the land complementing the serene area with a dark blue hue that allowed my eyes to focus on its beauty.

I stepped into the clearing, my mouth still open in awe.
"How have I not heard of this place?"

Ben moved next to me. "Not many people are aware it exists. Last I checked the body of water doesn't show up on the GPS." I
made my way over to the bridge. "I found this place years ago and its still managed to remain the same because no one knows about it."

"And now I know." I said gently, my eyes on the water.

We were quiet. I moved to the top of the bridge and leaned
over the railing that was sturdier than it appeared. My elbows carefully leaned against the splintered wood while I looked out at the water. I smiled lightly as my eyes took in the view from another angle.

"I wrote our first album here."

My eyes flashed to Ben's. "Really?"

A smile tugged at his lips from my reaction and he nodded. I smiled watching a few water bugs dart across the water, creating little ripples
which expanded into larger ones until they disappeared against the shoreline. "I loved that album." I murmured. "Every song has this rough edge that grips me with your pain and your loss. Your screams are," I swallowed,
almost afraid of the word, "sexy."

I could feel the burning intensity of his eyes. I adjusted my gaze to catch a glimpse of the expression on his face. He stared down at me.
In his eyes I could see the ice chipping away. The constant darkness, I always sensed around him was slowly fading. I turned and leaned back against the bridge, my elbows on the railing for support.

I cocked my head to the side. "What?"

I struck something within him but he couldn't address it and I wouldn't question it. When he spoke his voice was deep. "I really want to kiss you right now."

My chest swelled and as much as I wanted it, I turned away
and skipped down the hill of the bridge and onto the separate piece of land where the willow tree was located. I glanced over my shoulder and found that he was still standing on top of the bridge, staring after me in what appeared to
be amusement.

When he finally moved and made his way over to me I asked him, "Why did you bring me here?"

He shrugged when he stopped in front of me. "As far as I'm concerned this place is mine. It's a piece of me and I wanted to share it
with you. No one can take this from us." His eyes moved to the water. I couldn't shake the haunting aura his words left hanging over my head.

I frowned, watching him. "Why do I get the feeling you
think we're doomed or something?"

"I'm bad," he began.

"And dangerous. A monster. I get it." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Do you think I can't handle it?"

He gave a dry laugh. "You wouldn't be so quick to accept me if you knew the truth."

"Well since you refuse to give me the truth I'm going to stare at the glass half full."

"I want this to work but," he stopped himself and I couldn't tell if it was on purpose or if he just wasn't sure why he was holding himself back.

"This won't last forever." I said, hoping to help
with whatever he was unable to say.

He finally turned to me, his eyes torn. "I want it to."

I tried to fight back a smile. This wasn't a movie. If he was expecting me to end it between us right then and there because it wouldn't
last then he was wrong. Nothing lasts forever. I wanted it to, but I wasn't ignorant to the reality of it. His expression fell to a frown when I laughed.

"Ben, lighten up." I shook my head, still
laughing. "Just in case you haven't realized, nothing lasts forever. Even if it did, I wouldn't want it to. If forever was real everything beautiful in this life would be taken for granted and I'd hate that." I smiled lightly.
"So unless you want me to walk away from this, I'm staying with you for as long as I can. Just live in the moment with me. Don't worry about anything else because it doesn't really matter." I raised my hand and gently brushed a chunk of his hair out of his eyes. "I've got a bit of a thing for you Ben
and from what I've seen you feel it too. So just go with it."

He took my hand that rested on his cheek and pulled it into his own. A smile broke into his tense features and the light slowly seeped back
into his eyes.

"A
thing
?"

I raised my other hand, my finger and my thumb separated to give him an estimate. "Just a little thing." I teased and took a step
back.

He arched one of his dark eyebrows. "Really?"

I shrugged. "You just don't turn me on the way other rock stars do."

His eyes, dark with hunger, narrowed. "Take it
back."

"You know," I told him, walking backwards. "I was always a bigger fan of Cam." I parted my lips attempting the seductive glare Hayley used frequently. "He's hot."

A low moan-like-growl, one that built up in the back of his throat, left his mouth. Before I could blink he was in front of me. I'd never seen anyone move so fast. I screamed in surprise before he reached for me. I backtracked and tried to make a mad dash for the willow tree. I didn't make it
five steps before his hands grasped either side of my waist and lifted me off the ground. He spun me with ease, so that I was facing him, before he crushed my body to his, supporting my weight with his arms.