The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (33 page)

Exactly how long it will take a woman to be comfortable enough to be kissed will vary; sometimes she will be ready within moments, but it typically takes a few hours. Usually, the more dates a male has been on with other women already, the better he will be able to relax as the situation is more familiar, and thus the faster she will relax as well. But if you have not been on a lot of dates yet, this simply means that it is time to get going.

Of course, there are ways for you to make women feel comfortable that will speed things up when put into combination, and you might want to consider them even more if you are inexperienced and want as much help as you can get. For instance, if the date takes place in a relaxed atmosphere, somewhere darker and quieter, the environment itself will influence both your and your woman’s mood. Simply eating together relaxes you both as well, as food is a natural relaxant.

You could also isolate the woman to relieve her of the social pressure of being watched to help her relax, but it is important
not to move her too far away too fast so she becomes uncomfortable instead. The booth in the corner of a café would be a good example of a place that offers the relief of social pressure while still being close enough to other people that she has a sense of safety in numbers.

This is why restaurants are such popular places for dates, as some restaurants are known to offer all the things I just mentioned, but a male can easily create such an environment himself by dimming the lights, lighting some candles or an open fire, playing some soft music, and either cooking food or ordering take-out in his own home. However, as his home does not offer the same sense of safety as a public place would, it can be hard to schedule the
first
date there successfully. But please feel free to attempt it if you wish.

If you know how to give massages and the topic comes up and it seems appropriate to demonstrate it, you could also give the woman a backrub or spend a few minutes squeezing her neck or shoulders. But you definitely do not need to give massages to be successful with women, and only males who feel inadequate for women would bother to take massaging lessons as a means to get girls. If you know how to do this already, you might as well use it, but do not waste your time studying it otherwise, and do not offer massages unexpectedly to try to impress a woman. Nevertheless, remember that you
do
have to touch her a lot during the date.

With imagination, I am sure that you can think of even more ways to help women relax. However, there is one thing that you should avoid
relying
on to relax both yourself before approaching women or to help women relax on a date, and that is drugs. Although there are differences in the amounts needed for the same effect, the biggest difference between alcohol and substances labeled as date-rape drugs is that alcohol traditionally has been
socially acceptable. It is still a drug though, and only males who feel inadequate or intimidated rely on drugs to get girls.

Drinking

Relying on alcohol is foolish, as it costs a lot of money, requires time to drink, requires more time to take effect, impairs one’s judgment, impairs one’s movement, risks turning women off, and is impractical as it is not always available. It also makes stupidity, violence, and obnoxiousness come out of some people. But the real issue of relying on it is that it is unnecessary, and only a male who is stuck in the traditional mindset full of social inhibitions would do so.

To the great disappointment of many people, there are no fountains of alcohol in nature, and it is nothing that mankind actually needs. Yet, many people want it badly, as it can serve as a manmade solution to a manmade problem. One of its most noticeable effects on the human system is that it lowers social inhibitions, but those inhibitions are the very result of our traditional socialization.

If males did not feel hindered in social situations because they lack the confidence they had when they were born, they would never feel the need for alcohol, and it is quite likely that it would never have become as popular as it is today.

Since the dawn of its invention, mankind has used alcohol as a social lubricant, particularly as an excuse for males to make contact with females. Many males drink for the sole purpose of its effect on them, and they are well aware that they feel socially awkward or too shy to make contact with new females without it, but they are too weak and cowardly to actually do anything about the real problem — their lack of balls.

A successful seduction strategy should work on the majority of
women, even those who will not or cannot drink alcohol — those who are too young to drink, who do not like it, whose religion prohibits it, or who are recovering alcoholics. Beautiful girls can be found in all such categories, so it would be a shame not to be able to date them.

Obviously, alcohol can be used for its enjoyment, particularly when it comes in the form of a good wine or tasty cocktail. Thus, a bottle of wine is fine when the two of you have your first date to help set the romantic mood, if both of you enjoy it. But it should not be a necessity for you to relax yourself or to get the girl drunk.

To help you and your woman relax, you will make your life easier by trying to make the date
somewhat
romantic, or at least non-platonic — but alcohol is not necessary to do this. Whether the date is platonic or not will depend on how you handle it, if you are flirting with the woman or not, but you can emphasize your outspoken intentions with a romantic environment. This would also make the woman comfortable more quickly and ease the transition to the first kiss, even though a
smooth
transition to the kiss is not that important. A man can sometimes just grab the woman and kiss her and “get away” with it, assuming she is attracted to him, but a less experienced or confident male is bound to mess up such an assertive move. However, please feel free to attempt it if you wish.

A nice restaurant or a lounge in the tallest building in the city with a great view may offer a romantic atmosphere that could be worth the money, but when a male has lost all need to impress women, when his confidence is high already, there is a good chance that he would rather spend that money on something else or put it into a savings account for rainy days.

The easiest way to make a date more romantic, however, has nothing to do with where to go and everything to do with
when
to go. The evening is the best time to have all dates, although a spontaneous date right after the approach — no matter the time of day — is of course ideal.

Timing

The evening presents several advantages; the environment will be more romantic, and the transition to get women back home to sleep with them will also be more natural, since the date will end around bedtime.

While it is still possible for a man to get a woman back to his place during the day, it will require much more skill, and there is always the risk that the woman will make other plans for the same evening that limit the time that she can spend with you. If things are going well on a date, the time will seem to fly, and when that happens, you do not want a woman to rush off somewhere else, but instead to spend the rest of the night with you. You also want her to be able to relax without having later plans lingering in her head while the two of you are together.

Sometime around 8:00 p.m. is usually a good time, as it is late enough for women to have gotten home from school or work, with enough time to get themselves ready for a date, while still leaving a couple hours for the date itself before bedtime. Friday and Saturday nights are of course ideal in case both you and she only have the weekend off and neither of you has to worry about getting up early in the morning. However, dating will take way too long if you stick to only one or two nights of the week. You can and should have dates on
any
day of the week to speed things up, especially if you want to date multiple women or cannot live forever.

Scheduling dates on any day of the week should not be a problem, as you do not need an excuse, like a special occasion, to meet women. You already have a reason that is good enough, and that
is that you want to meet them. Waiting for special occasions is a bad strategy in that it limits your opportunities to only calling women for events, rather than whenever you feel like it, and the risk is higher that they will already be busy on those kinds of days compared to a regular Wednesday.

Regardless of what time and what day you decide to meet a woman, if you have decided to go someplace, you should meet up with her first and go there together instead of meeting her at the final destination. Since the point of the date is to spend time
together
, one might as well meet where it is easier to find each other and then go the last bit together, especially if you are headed to an obscure café or the zoo outside town.

A woman will also feel more comfortable if you meet her in a public place that is easy to find and then start walking somewhere together, and that also gives you the chance to start the date by leading her, to show that you care for her, and to enjoy her company for a while longer.

You should also always insist on making sure that she gets home safely at the end of the date if she is unwilling or unable to follow you home, because that is charming and responsible. You will not only show that you care about her but also that you like her a lot and want to spend as much time with her as possible. She will appreciate your behavior. Even if it only means you get to spend an additional ten more minutes in a cab. That is still ten more minutes you can be either flirting or making out, which is both more enjoyable than giving up and much better as it keeps the possibility of her changing her mind open for a bit longer.

To begin the date by meeting women at a public place, like a landmark that is easy to find, also reduces the risk of them getting lost and you losing even more time that you could have spent together. It is likely that you will miss the first 15 minutes of the
date anyway, because women rarely arrive on time, even if the meeting place is easy to find and easy to reach.

It is normal for women to arrive late for dates, so you need to be aware of it and know how to handle it. Males who are not very attractive to women constantly have to deal with women who are late because they do not respect their time. However, if you approach them and set up the date in a confident, charming, and responsible manner, women will never be late because they lack respect for you. But they may still be late for other reasons, so a responsible man never expects them to be on time and always has some buffer in between the time they are supposed to meet and the time they need to arrive somewhere — to catch a bus that leaves on schedule or a table booked in a restaurant at a specific time, for instance.

Anticipating problems is part of being responsible.

However, if a woman does not show up at all without having canceled ahead of time to demonstrate that she cares about you, it is always because
you
have messed something up when you approached her, when you arranged the date, or both. It simply does not occur otherwise, so you will have to think back to what you said or did that you were not supposed to have done, and swear never to repeat those mistakes again with other women.

While having the self-respect of a man means to both expect and demand other people to respect you and your time, it is a bad idea to call women up just because they are running
one
minute late for a date. A man is confident that he is attractive enough and has been with enough women in the past to know how they usually behave and allows women to be a couple of minutes late, as they often are.

Women are late because they have poor time management skills and spend too much time applying makeup and getting dressed for
their man
. If he were to call the woman up and act all insecure and inexperienced, he would be shooting himself in the foot. If you find yourself in this situation, you should give the woman a couple of minutes before calmly calling her to ask her how she is doing, to make sure she is okay, where she is, and when she expects to arrive, while letting her know that you have just arrived yourself and cannot wait to see her again.

It is always much better to be charming than to freak out.

When the woman finally does arrive, you should also give her an extra big smile, check her out more than usual, remind her that she is late, but also tell her that she looks better than ever and it was worth the wait, if it was. Chances are that she has made more of an effort to look good for
you
and will be happy that you not only notice but also appreciate it.

As far as planning what to do on a date, a man does not need to know more than when and where to meet the woman. No more is ever necessary, and the rest will take care of itself splendidly as long as you have internalized the mindset and manners from Parts I, II, and III. When you have, you may not know how to handle everything
ahead
of time, but then you will not be concerned with feeling a need to do so, and you will definitely be able to handle everything correctly as it occurs.

It is fine to have a couple of dates until you finally get a girl into bed, as long as you make sure to pick up where you left off the last time instead of repeating the same date endlessly. Males who date females for weeks or even months without having sex with them are not advancing, or they do, but then start all over on the next date. Life is too short for that. If you met a woman in a public place last time, meet her where it is more private the next time. If you met her during the day last time, meet her in the evening the next time. If you held her hand while walking her home last time,
grab her hand right away the next time. If the last thing you did when you parted ways was to kiss, make that the first thing you do the next time you see her.

This is a very easy practice to speed up the dating process from weeks into days and to make sure that you are moving along without wasting time.