The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (35 page)

If you want something, you have to say so. Do not
ask
her if she wants to do it; be assertive and tell her what you want from her instead. There are things that she would like to do that she might not admit because it would make her feel too “naughty” unless you relieve her of the responsibility. If she does not want to do it, she will simply refuse, and you will have to find someone else who is up for it. If it is something significant to you, you should break up with her instead of waste your time. Take the opportunity at hand to see if she wants to have a threesome with another woman, if you want that too. If you want to have sex with two women at the same time, you should just tell your girlfriend, but at least make it a habit to propose a threesome with her and one of her sexy friends if you are going to break up with her anyway. You either get what you want, and your dull girlfriend leaves you, or you get what you want, and her sexy friend joins you. It is a win-win situation.

Have as much fun as you can together, but make sure to practice safe sex. The better you become and the more women you get into bed at a faster pace, the more at risk you will be for catching a sexually transmitted disease or making a woman pregnant. Not only do the women expect you to take the responsibility for
all
precautions, but so do all the laws that are on females’ side in case they do end up pregnant. Always keep condoms in your pockets, wallet, and by the side of your bed. You do not want to stop in the heat of the moment and ruin the confident flow by not being prepared, and you do not want to have
unprotected
sex with a woman you just met.

Although you should always attempt to get women into bed on the first date, it is not a big deal if you date them once or twice more until you do. However, you should definitely not date women for weeks or months without having sex with them unless you are
looking for friendship. If you have not gotten a woman into your bed in a couple of days, then you need to shape up.

This book is about seduction, and a sexual relationship is the end goal of it, so I will not go into much further detail, but I will give you some pointers to keep in mind to stay congruent.

Chapter Eighteen

THE RELATIONSHIP

After you have had sex with a woman, it is up to you to decide what kind of relationship you want with her. If you never contact her again, your relationship was a one-night stand. If you keep in touch but do not have sex again, you have a friend. If you keep in touch but mostly meet to have sex, you have a “friend with benefits.” If you spend more time with her and get to know her well, including in the bedroom, you have a girlfriend. If you spend even more time and share your most intimate feelings, move in together, share the same bed, and get married, you have yourself a wife. You decide what you want, though, and it is a decision that you make
after
you have had sex the first time. Before the invention of contraception, it might have made some sense for a couple to commit to each other before they had sex, but not anymore.

There are no rules you need to follow or actions you need to take prior to the sex to somehow steer toward a particular type of relationship. People who do not know what they are talking about believe you need to date longer to get to know each other deeply
first if you want what they call a “more serious” relationship for instance, but that is simply not the case. If you want a long-term relationship, you can and should decide it after having had sex, without rushing into it. There is nothing wrong with wanting a long-term relationship with one woman, but a
man
would not commit to one woman
quickly
, only a desperate male would, as such a hasty decision signals that the male needs her not only wants her.

This approach is also a lot easier than changing your manners all the time, and it assures that you will not end up in a long-term relationship with a female who is no fun in bed or unattractive naked. This is a horrible situation that some males inevitably find themselves in when they foolishly agree to marry a female before having sex with her.

Monogamy

Monogamous relationships between males and females have been advocated by societies since the dawn of civilization, with threats of death as punishment in ancient religions for those who rejected the idea and promises of tax incentives by our modern governments for those who do accept it — not because monogamous relationships are necessarily a good thing for individuals and certainly not because they are natural. There are no wedding rings, white dresses, and chapels growing by themselves deep in the forest. Those are all manmade. But it is an integral part of our traditional socialization, because it serves society as a whole if couples stick together and raise their children. If the few alpha males who would naturally hoard many women are limited to having only one female, all the other males are less sexually deprived and therefore more socially stable, and if all the females who are capable of multiple orgasms seek to be pleasured by only one male instead of a group during sequential intercourse, a male
is more likely to take care of his offspring because he can trust that it is his.

Nevertheless, few men like sharing their women, and many do not mind having one woman at a time if she happens to be great — not only drop-dead gorgeous, but also lovely to talk to and spend time with, both in and outside the bedroom. But most males are in long-term monogamous relationships because they have managed merely to find
a
female, not because they have found
the
female.

It is awesome if you meet a wonderful woman you do want to spend the rest of your life with, but if you have not been with that many women, if you do not really have any options, can you really know what female will be good for you for
a lifetime
?

I seriously doubt it.

The sad reality is this: Many males marry out of desperation. They feel they have to marry to keep the female because they are afraid to lose her, and they believe marriage is the best way to make a female stay and be faithful. That is a very bad reason to get married because females do not work that way, and the marriage is doomed to fail for the male who thinks in such terms.

If you are going to get married, you might as well take it seriously and do it because you are deeply in love, want to spend the rest of your lives together, and the taxes and legislation are beneficial enough to bother with the paperwork. Do not do it just because you believe it will guarantee that your woman will be faithful. Perhaps
you
do sleep better at night knowing that your woman has your ring on her finger, but it will not keep
her
from sleeping around if she meets men who are better than you. And she
will
be unfaithful if you are that desperate.

The only way to make sure your woman is loyal and faithful to you is to be a good man; to know what she wants and how to give it to her — so that she is genuinely satisfied and just loves
to be with you because of how wonderful you make her feel on a daily basis. The most important thing a man needs to spend to make that happen is
time
, and he needs to spend that time
with
his woman, not spend money on a ring. However, there are a few practical things to keep in mind.

First, never stop flirting with her. Too many males stop flirting once they have a female, and that is the first day of a downward slope. Do not fall back into your old unattractive routine just after you start having success with women. No male likes when his female stops taking care of her appearance either. Your woman will most likely lose interest in you, just as you would if one day her beauty was gone. Do not be afraid to be considerate every once in a while, even
slightly
romantic, to show her that she really is special to you and that you really do care for her. Leave her a cute message or even a bouquet of flowers when she least expects it. It will have a much greater impact on her emotions than if you wait until Valentine’s Day. Moderate romantic gestures can be effective, but only when they come from a position of charm instead of a position of inadequacy. However, save your romantic ideas for
after
you have had sex with the woman you are in love with, and then cut them in half, twice, so you do not appear to be compensating for something. It will be clear that you do not expect anything in return, and this is what separates “great guys” from “nice guys.”

Second, do not allow her to change you. If she did not really like you as you were, she would not be with you, regardless of what she
says
. Look more at what she is doing than what she is saying. Whatever issue that bothers her cannot be that significant, since she is together with you after all. Women do not even talk to males they are uninterested in, and they certainly do not sleep with them. In addition, if you leave some
unimportant
flaw for her
to get worked up over occasionally — like whenever she is in the mood for finding fault — you will be better off than if she starts looking for something less obvious and more significant anyway. However, the better you are as a man, the less effort a woman will put into trying to change you, except if you are very passionate about something, a hobby for instance, then she may attempt to get you to replace that thing with her if you show that you are able to care for something else
more
than you care for her.

Third, do not change yourself. If you were a cool guy in the club that she made out with or even followed home,
that
is what she wants. Be careful not to get swept away by the good emotions of a new relationship. Enjoying those emotions is fine, but if you get swept away by them, there is a risk that your behavior will change for the worse. You might for instance feel an urge to become
very
romantic, but many of the romantic gestures you have seen work so well in movies will instead have the opposite effect in reality. For example, if you bring your guitar over to play her a song, write her a poem, give her a teddy bear, or buy her flowers before (or immediately after) you have had sex, it will seem that you are expecting something you are already not getting in return, or you will seem to be thanking her.

However, if you rarely have
any
romantic ideas, be even more wary if you feel the urge suddenly to become
very
romantic once you find a girl you really like. The ironic but tragic reality is that you might want to do these things to keep those women you like the most because you were socialized that way by watching too many romantic movies. Once you have gotten good at meeting women and learned what you really want and then find it in someone special, the socialized fool in you will emerge, and you will become
a lot
more romantic, only to find that these women are the ones that you lose the fastest. If you change your behavior
drastically for them, they lose the attraction as it was another behavior they were attracted to initially. In the same way, if you met a woman because you were attracted enough to approach her, her best strategy to keep you is also to stay the same. The biggest difference is that she has little control over some parts of her body, such as the pace at which she ages, but you have lots of control over your behavior and can really ruin things in a matter of moments.

Fourth, if you spend a lot of time with a woman, it is natural to eventually start introducing her to your friends, and this could potentially be a problem you have to be aware of. You might want to keep her separated from the males in your social circle who are ladies’ men — if you happen to associate with any — not because they could steal your woman from you, but because
their
behavior will influence her opinion of
you
. Many females believe that the type of friends a male has is a reflection of who he is. Thus, regardless of whether your friends have sworn secrecy about your weekend adventures and additional girlfriends, and even if there are no secrets in need of being kept, they may still have a negative influence on your woman if she hears them brag about their “conquests” and how they go out to meet new women every weekend. You could get yourself into trouble even when you do not deserve it. The same goes for any unattractive dorks that you might be hanging out with. Consider keeping them away from your girlfriend, or you run the risk of having her think that you really are more like them, which is a shame if you no longer are.

Fifth, if you ever do cheat with another woman and get caught and regret it (regret either cheating or getting caught) your best defense is to explain that you only did it for the sex, not because you really care for the other woman. Females have an easier time forgiving a male as long as he treats her like she is special, which
is also why some of them feel even
more
fond of their man if he
does
cheat on them, while they obviously do not think so or consciously understand why they feel it.

Sixth, if you are still keeping in touch with ex-girlfriends, even though only as friends, it is much better to put your cards on the table and be up front about it rather than try to keep it secret. It will diffuse a situation that could otherwise ruin the trust that you have established with your current girlfriend if she finds out on her own, as she will wonder why you kept it a secret if it was
no
big deal.

Seventh, if you date multiple women without them knowing about it, refer to them by the same nickname, such as “baby,” to avoid accidently mixing their names up.

Finally, try to appreciate women’s feminine communication style rather than let it get on your nerves. While women inarguably take less responsibility in the form of initiatives during dating, once the sexual relationship has officially been formed, they might change completely, to the extreme extent of bombarding you with text messages and phone calls. They do this because they are thinking of you, which is flattering. So you should interpret it as such rather than get annoyed by it. Females do not call their males every day at work and ask them what they are doing because they do not understand that their partners are working yet another day. Read between the lines and appreciate that she is showing that she cares about you in her feminine manner, while keeping in mind she may not be aware of her potentially annoying behavior.

At the end of the day, however, remember that knowing how to have
good
sex and
good
relationships with women is nothing a male needs to think much about unless he already has a woman he wants to keep. There is no need to know much about it before you start attempting to seduce the women you want, so before you
actually get the girls, focus on seduction and look forward to the day when all your problems are only about sex and relationships.

Several interesting things tend to happen when a male learns to meet the women he wants; in particular, the
type
of relationship that he is interested in often changes. One-night stands often become less and less interesting. As his standards of women go
up
, he will wake up next to women who
still
look beautiful in the morning and with whom he actually does not mind spending another day. He will notice that his women treat him better, as they will know for sure that he can find a new woman to replace them just as easily as he met them, if he decides to do so. This in turn will make them even happier to be with him when he does not.

Most other males who do find themselves in long-term relationships might find that their females slowly become
less
attractive over time — they stop taking care of themselves, gain weight, dress less sexy, and start making more demands and conditions in return for their affection or sex. Those females only do so because they believe they will get away with not making much of an effort any longer and because they really do not respect or appreciate their male that much. The more of a man you are, however, the less risk there is that this will happen.

This is when the real fun begins, not when it ends, which is why I intentionally called this chapter The Relationship instead of The End, although it is The End of the seduction process and therefore this book — almost.