The Look In His Eyes (Jasmine & Zack, #1) (6 page)

To some it would’ve been easy to not believe it but her mind, her personality didn’t allow her to just let it go. It didn’t work that way, the mapping of her mind was different to others around her. Where others could cope, dust themselves off and get back out there, Jasmine’s mind held onto it until it poisoned her whole body, until it ate her from the inside out, until she wanted nothing but to carve away her own skin.

She pulled open the mirror and pulled out a box of laxatives. The spotless glass that was besides the other medication that lay in the cabinet was just what she needed. She filled the glass with water and popped a few of the pills into her mouth. She emptied the glass, gave it a wash, placed it back into the cabinet and just watched herself a moment. Thoughts swirled around her head, thoughts she had no control of and the more she thought the more she wanted to rid herself of everything she’d eaten.

Jasmine picked up the toothbrush and with the bristles away from her she used the other end to poke down her throat. The good feelings about Zack had suddenly disappeared and had been replaced by the repulsive feelings of her body. The food and laxatives splattered out of her mouth and into the sink below and it continued for a few minutes. But even after that the feelings didn’t go away and Jasmine began the obsessive routine of cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom.

It was half past one in the morning when she’d finally stopped, her hands raw from the constant contact with water and cleaning products. But Jasmine felt a little better and soon took herself to bed, tired and feeling all alone. Everything that had felt good had suddenly disappeared and the little control she had acquired by obsessive cleaning had made it a little better.

She pulled back the duvet cover into a neat triangle and gazed at the bed. She repeated the manoeuvre one more time then sat down, picked up her legs and got into bed. She shut her eyes and hoped that the demons that had begun to torment her again would silence and she would get some sleep.

But sleep was as restless as her life and the next few days became worse. Each time she gazed at her mobile phone and noticed the blank screen and no calls from Zack, made her tip over the edge. Every night she obsessed, she cleaned, she ate and she purged. She arrived at work later and later and left even later because Clive expected the hours covered. Her work had become her best work and yet she didn’t feel in total control.

Finally after a long day of work Jasmine got her things together and was just about to leave when her mobile buzzed.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, it’s Zack.’

It took her by surprise she didn’t know what to say.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier, I had a family crises.’ He thought about his sister. ‘I’m standing outside your building and I’m hoping to take you out for that walk, that fresh air. The sun is still up and there is a cool breeze, you’ll love it.’

Again she remained quiet.

‘Hello, is anybody there?’

‘Urm yes, I’m here,’ she said finally.

‘So what do you say?’

Jasmine remembered how she’d fretted over the past few days, how each day he hadn’t called and forced her into a turmoil of emotions. Would she be able to cope with it if it happened again?

‘I don’t know, I don’t think I can.’

‘I tell you what, why don’t you meet me downstairs and we can talk about it.’

Again she wasn’t sure.

‘If you don’t want to go after that, then that’s totally fine but at least let me see you.’

She grasped onto her bag and nodded, ‘Okay, fine I’ll come outside.’

‘Fantastic! I’ll see you in a bit!’

She took a deep breath then gathered her belongings. Jasmine wanted to see him and yet she didn’t. It was hard trusting people and it was harder not to trust them. All the feelings confused her and she didn’t know what to do except walk out of the building and meet him.

He looked handsomer than ever it that was possible. Jasmine couldn’t help but look into the stunning blue eyes that portrayed kindness. It wasn’t sympathy or anything like that but true genuine interest.

‘Hi,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t called, sometimes my sister takes up a lot of my time.’

‘It’s okay,’ she fiddled with her hands.

‘Do you want to go home or would you like to try and take that walk with me?’ His voice was low and considerate.

After being so close to him after such a short moment Jasmine wanted nothing more than to be with him.

‘We can go in my car and I’ll bring you back later?’

She pursed her lips then gave it a moments thought.

‘Okay,’ she said finally.

‘Splendid, shall we.’ He led the way and she followed.

T
he arrived at Pudsey’s in Wakefield half an hour later. There was a cool breeze around the park as they walked. The scenery was calm and the sound of the lake helped soothe Jasmine’s tormented soul, if only for a little while. They talked about brief things, things of not major importance and this turned out to help Jasmine relax. There were a few people around taking walks themselves. Dogs travelled by the side of their owners, couples walked hand in hand and there were even children with some of the adults that walked around the peaceful park.

‘This is nice,’ Jasmine said when they finally stopped at one point of the lake.

‘Yes it is; do you want to sit down a moment?’ He smiled at her.

Jasmine looked at her surroundings and wasn’t sure about the question he had just asked. The ground wasn’t clean in fact it was dirty with lots of soil around and wet mud.

‘Here you can sit on this.’ He pulled off his suit jacket.

‘I can’t sit on that, I’ll ruin it,’ she said.

‘Oh don’t worry about that, I can have it dry cleaned and besides it’s only an item of clothing.’ He smiled at her and there was a funny feeling in her body.

Zack pulled off his suit jacket anyway and decided to sit down and watch the ducks. He laid the jacket besides him and hoped that she would take a leap of faith and sit down. Jasmine looked at the jacket and looked across at the water. It was the most amazing view. There were ducks swimming across the river. Jasmine wanted nothing but to enjoy the view and his company. It took a while but soon Jasmine found herself sitting on the suit jacket.

‘Comfortable?’ he asked.

‘Yes, I guess.’ Jasmine looked around her and tried not to notice the bits of dirt around her.

‘Sure?’

She nodded.

‘Look out there, up at the sky, isn’t it beautiful?’ He pointed at the sky.

Jasmine gazed at the pinkish purple sky; it was beautiful as the sun began to set.

‘Beautiful,’ she mouthed.

Zack moved a little closer hoping not to scare her away. Jasmine felt him move in and there wasn’t the urge to move away. Instead she let him brush his shoulder against hers. It felt soothing and she relaxed into him.

‘How do you feel?’ he asked.

She took a moment to vet her emotions. There was something very soothing about being in his presence that it sometimes frightened her. It was almost as if it would be taken away at a moments notice.

‘Right now, in this moment...I feel relaxed.’

He smiled and brought his hand to her face.

‘Can I kiss you? I’ve been dying to do it for a while.’

There was the hesitance, the thought of what could be on his mouth and where had it been.

‘Do you have any of those wipes in your bag?’ he asked.

‘Why?’ she queried.

‘Because I want to kiss you so much I will do whatever it takes to get that chance.’

She felt her heart thud, Jasmine knew she wanted it too but was too scared to admit it, to explore it.

‘I do,’ she said.

He nodded for her to hand him some. She reached within her bag and brought out the wipes. He took one wipe and pressed it against her mouth. There was the right pressure and it made her body tingle. He touched the bottom lip and then the top lip at the same time smiling at her gazing into her eyes intensely. He pulled out another wipe from the packet and wiped it over his lips. He smiled at her and Jasmine couldn’t help but smile back.

‘Do you think I could kiss you now?’ he asked.

The sound of his voice made her tingle all over; the request was sexy and scary at the same time. She wanted to feel the touch of his lips pressed up against hers. Something she’d never felt and wanted to feel. She looked at him and he caught her up in his eyes. She was captured, she wanted nothing else but to have him pressed up against her lips.

Zack drew closer and Jasmine could physically hear her heart between her ears. His lips were soft as they pressed up against hers. There was a magic in them that took her breath away. The feeling was foreign in her body, something she’d never felt before but didn’t want to stop.

Slowly his hand moved from his side to the side of her face. For a split second she flinched but as he pulled her closer into him Jasmine felt her body melt. She was in a different world, a world she’d never been before and it scared her but it also excited her and then it hit her. Jasmine pulled away afraid, afraid of what it all contained.

‘I can’t,’ she breathed.

‘It’s okay; I won’t do it if you don’t want me too.’

She looked away feeling a little embarrassed. She wanted it and yet somewhere in her mind she just couldn’t embrace it all. There was an evil that dwelled within her that she hoped to get rid of but it never left her. There were only moments when it did but it came back in a full vengeance.

‘Would you like to walk around the rest of the lake?’ he asked.

She nodded. He stood and held out his hand for her to take. He nodded to reassure her that it was okay and for the first time Jasmine took a leap of faith and took his hand.

‘Not as bad as you think,’ he said.

She nodded trying not to focus on his skin against hers, trying not to think what he’d touched. She handed back his jacket which he took in his other hand. They did the rest of the park in silence, taking everything in. It was comfortable, not forced and Jasmine found that she thought of nothing but what was in the moment.

When they’d completed the walk and got back to the car Zack turned to her and drew her closer towards him. She felt her body tense but the minute he pressed his soft lips against hers, the feelings vanished and she was caught up in the moment again. Everything else just fell away and all that was between them was the passion they felt for each other.

Half an hour later they were back at the car park for Jasmine to pick up her car. He walked her to the car and before she opened the door he captured her hand in his. She froze a moment but soon relaxed as she noticed the look in his eyes. There was something in them, as if he understood her, knew her like no one had known her before. He drew closer and pressed his lips against hers. Jasmine melted into his arms and allowed herself to be captured until she felt his tongue in her mouth. Quickly she withdrew breathing heavily. He stepped forward and tried to take her again but she turned away.

‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’

‘One step at a time,’ he said. ‘Don’t be sorry it’s okay, we’ll stick with what’s comfortable.’

Jasmine studied him for a moment, was this man real or had she dreamt him up? It wasn’t a dream, Zack was real and there was something about him that made her feel at ease.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

‘Yes, yes I am.’ She smiled. ‘Thank you for today, I really loved the walk. It’s a big step for me.’ Jasmine thought about the moment they’d sat down at the lake.

‘I’m glad, I had a great time too and I’d like to see you again if that’s okay with you.’

‘That will be more than okay,’ she said. ‘I would love to see you again.’

‘Perfect, I’ll give you a ring tomorrow night and I promise this time I won’t make you wait.’

‘Good because I’m not very good at it.’

He understood completely. They both went their perspective ways to a future unknown to either of them, but both feeling good about it.

‘S
orry I’m late guys,’ Zack stepped into Troy’s bachelor pad. ‘I had to see Claire on my way here.’

Troy nodded; he’d known Zack enough to understand his loyalties to his sister.

Preston was already in front of the television ready for the game and Troy ventured back into the kitchen to gather the drinks and the snacks to keep their mouths occupied during the match.

‘Hey,’ Preston took his mates hand. ‘You’ve been pretty quiet lately.’

‘I have not,’ he had to admit that he was spending more and more time with Jasmine.

The more time he spent with her the more he wanted to be with her. He’d begun to learn more about her, her family and her friend. There had been odd times when she wouldn’t let him touch her or she’d suddenly shrink into herself but he seemed patient enough to wait. To see beyond that, Zack had met an amazing and talented woman he found extremely attractive.

‘I second that,’ said Troy as he carried in the beers, packets of crisps and some nuts. ‘What’ve you been up to lately? Is the beautiful Kimberly back?’

Zack laughed gently and wondered if he should share that he had in fact met someone. Zack knew in his heart of hearts that Jasmine wasn’t something short term. He’d connected with her in ways he’d never connected with Kimberly. He looked at his friends and knew that he wanted Jasmine to be a part of his life.

‘Actually I’ve met someone.’ He picked up a beer and opened it.

‘No way!’ Troy blurted. ‘That’s why you’ve been so dodgy.’

‘I wouldn’t say dodgy just busy.’

‘So is she as hot or hotter than Kimberly?’ Troy continued.

Zack wasn’t sure how to answer that, it wasn’t a matter of her being hot, it was all about who she was and what attracted him to her.

‘She is certainly attractive, to me,’ he said.

‘What does that mean?’

‘It means she’s attractive to me, how hard can that be to understand?’ he took a swig of his beer.

‘Yeah what do you mean, Kimberly attractive or Sandy attractive?’ asked Preston.

Sandy had been a beautiful tall red head who wasn’t quite as successful as Kimberly but her looks made up for every stupid word she’d said. Zack had had his share of beautiful woman; it had never been a problem for the tall stud to attract the women he wanted. For a while these women were great but as time went on he’d always found out that they almost always had nothing in common and soon the attractiveness would fade away.