The Girl in My Dreams (17 page)

“I’m just concerned, you know. You’re like a brother to me, and Belle’s death was very sudden and very impactful on you. I’m just afraid that you’re dreaming about her and misinterpreting it as reality,” he said.

“That’s what I thought at first too. I thought it was just a dream, but like I said, I’ve never felt these things in dreams. I used to have random dreams about her a long time ago, and they’d never result in the things that happen now. It’s like she’s really out there somewhere, as a spirit, a ghost, an angel—whatever—and she’s talking to me. She even said she does it with other people as well,” I said.

“Have you talked to them about it? To make sure?” he asked.

“Well, no, I haven’t,” I replied.

“Then how do you know that’s not your own imagination? Now if she told you she said or did specific things to those people, and you talked to them and they told you the same thing, then you’d have something,” he said.

“What if she does something to you?” I asked, perking up.

“To me?” he asked in a confused voice.

“Yeah, to you, tonight. I could ask her to do something to you, she’ll tell me, and then I’ll tell you. If I get it correct, would you believe me?” I asked.

Martin sat deep in thought for a minute as I stared at him with puppy-dog eyes and hoped he’d say yes. What other proof could he need that I was telling the truth? Not only that, but it would definitively confirm to me that I wasn’t just making all of this up.

“Okay, I’m in. If you come back to me tomorrow and tell me
exactly
what happened, I’ll believe you and you’ll have something,” he said.

“I’ll tell her tonight and we’ll do something. I can’t wait,” I said.

“Just don’t get too excited. I don’t want you to be devastated if you tell me something tomorrow and nothing ever happened. It’s still a possibility, you know,” he said.

“I know it is. I have a lot to lose if our things don’t match up,” I said.

“Like what?” he asked.

“If it doesn’t match up, then I lose her forever. Everything I thought was real isn’t, and she’s really gone. If it’s real, though, then that means that she’s really there and that I still have her at least in some form,” I said.

“I’m pulling for you, Theo. I really am,” he said, starting the car back up.

•••

I sat at the dinner table later that night with my mom, and the clinking sounds of our forks against the plates were the only thing filling up the room. She looked at the stack of bills and mail that had piled up, and I watched her as she did so. I wasn’t allowed to have my phone at the table, so it wasn’t like I had much else to do.

“How have you been feeling?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“About what?” I asked.

“Just everything in general, I suppose,” she replied.

“As good as I can feel, I guess. I’ve been getting my strength back,” I said.

“Don’t tell the school just yet,” she said.

“Why?” I asked.

“So you can get out of gym for another few days,” she said, smiling.

“I’ll be sure to remember that,” I said, smiling back.

“Paul and Leah contacted me today,” she said.

“Oh?” I asked.

“They’re thinking of having a sort of memorial for Belle and the other kids. A fund-raising box will go around to raise awareness and money for a anti-teen-drinking charity,” she said.

“Isn’t that a little soon?” I asked.

“I guess so, but they want to do it while everybody is still thinking about the accident. They asked us to come, but I told them I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for it,” she said.

“When is it?” I asked.

“Next weekend at the school. They’re even trying to round up items for a charity auction,” she said.

“I’m not sure if I can go, but if I can, I don’t know how long I’ll want to stay,” I said.

“You can be in charge of that. We can leave whenever you’re ready,” she said.

“Thank you,” I said, before cleaning off my plate.

“Remember to put your towel in the basket after your shower tonight. I want to do a load of towels,” she said.

“Will do,” I said as I ran upstairs and into the bathroom.

I took a shower most nights now, more as a way to relax than anything. After the accident, I needed as much relaxation as I could get, and standing with a stream of warm water cascading down my back helped. I knew I still had a couple of hours until bed, maybe two at most, though I wasn’t even sure I could fall asleep right away.

It’s funny how that works. I might not be able to fall right asleep even though I knew that when I did, I’d see Belle. I guess I was just too excited to actually fall asleep.

I shampooed my hair, and the suds ran down my body. The overhead fan buzzed as the mineral-laden water spewed from the showerhead and brought with it a calcified smell that I’d grown used to.

I closed my eyes and saw glimpses of Belle. My mind drifted to that night, the winter formal, and I saw her smiling face as I said good-bye. Why did I let her go? I never should’ve let her go. I wanted her to come with me to watch a movie and cuddle, but she wanted to go there, to that party, with people she probably barely even knew.

I should’ve gone with her. No, if I did that, I’d be dead as well. Maybe that would’ve been best, though. That way I wouldn’t have to live my life without her. I couldn’t think like that, though. I didn’t want to die, even if my heart was already shattered in a million pieces.

My tears melded with the water as I hung my head and began to cry. I sat down in the tub, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them as the water fell onto the top of my head before falling down the rest of my body. I could feel my skin becoming cooler as the traveling water got significantly colder as it fell from above.

“Stop this,” I whispered to myself. “You need to get up.”

I uncrossed my arms and legs and pushed myself back up, standing again as my skin started to warm up from the water. I needed to stay strong—it was what Belle would’ve wanted. Besides, she wasn’t totally gone, and at least I had that. I knew it wasn’t ideal, not in the least bit, but she
was
there. I just needed to sleep.

I turned off the water and dried myself off before brushing my teeth and getting dressed. As I went into my room, the lamp on my nightstand was the only source of light, albeit dim. I wrapped my comforter around my body before turning off the light and putting my head back on the pillow. It was time.

I almost felt like I never actually fell asleep as my surroundings turned from the black abyss of my eyelids to the field I normally found her in. I still wasn’t sure why I kept coming back here, since I’d never seen it before in real life, but I didn’t complain about landing here. It was beautiful, after all.

“Belle,” I said.

“You don’t have to call me, you know. I already know when you come here. Call it former girlfriend’s intuition,” she said from behind me.

“Former girlfriend?” I asked.

“Well, yeah, I’m not your current one, am I?” she asked.

“Why wouldn’t you be?” I asked, as if the answer was so clear.

“Because I’m dead, Theo,” she said.

“No, you’re not. Well, you are, in real life, but not here,” I said.

“I’m not sure. Maybe we shouldn’t put a label on it right now and just enjoy being together,” she said.

“Okay, that sounds fair,” I said.

It really didn’t sound all that fair to me, but I didn’t want to argue with her—especially in here. Our time in here was so short compared with the time we’d had together in the real world, and I wasn’t going to spend it fighting with her. After all, I’d have to wait until tomorrow night to get the chance to see her again, and that short time every night while I slept was far too precious to spend getting into a spat over something that probably wasn’t all that important to begin with.

“So, where do you want to go tonight?” she asked, smiling.

“I actually have a favor to ask,” I said, scratching the back of my head.

“Uh-oh,” she said.

“No, it’s not bad, it’s just a strange request. I told Martin about you, and about us, but he’s skeptical. He said if you visited him in his dream, interacted with him, and then I told him what happened and what we said tomorrow, he’d believe me,” I said.

“And you want him to believe you?” she asked.

“Of course, wouldn’t you?” I asked.

“I’m not sure I can answer that question. I’m not in your position,” she said.

“Well, why wouldn’t you? I do because I want somebody to share this with. I don’t want to keep this a secret,” I said.

“And I wouldn’t want it to get out and have people think I’m crazy or have the government run tests on me in some secret underground bunker,” she said.

“Okay, I think you should lay off on the action movies,” I joked.

“I’ll do it, but only if you’ll come with. If you really want to go, we can, but I have to warn you about something. We aren’t totally in control there,” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“We’d be going into
his
dream, meaning that he’s in control. We can leave at any time, but I can’t change or control what happens in there. It is what it is, and it may not be pretty,” she said.

“I need to take that risk. It’s the only way,” I said.

“Okay, then, here we go,” she said as she grabbed my hand.

We were transported through what could almost be described as a dream wormhole as we materialized in a place I’d never seen before.

“Wow,” I said, looking around.

To say his dream was much different than mine would be an understatement. I looked around and saw what was almost a candy world, filled with peppermint roads, gumdrop trees, and licorice street lamps. There were people around, but they looked like something out of
The Wizard of Oz
.

“This is . . . odd,” Belle said.

“We need to find him,” I said, still holding her hand.

“Where can we find the creator?” Belle asked one of the passing men.

“Why, he’s in the chocolate tower, of course,” he said, pointing off in the distance.

We looked at each other, likely both wondering how we missed it. A skyscraper made of milk chocolate stood in the distance, looking over the town. I really couldn’t wait until school tomorrow so I could ask Martin why he dreamed about this stuff. I might not know him as well as I thought.

“Hold on,” Belle said as we started to fly.

We made great time as we whizzed through the air and avoided cotton-candy clouds that floated dangerously close to the ground.

Belle, seemingly knowing where he’d be, shot up the side of the building to the top floor.

“There he is,” I said, looking at Martin.

He was sitting on a candy throne as he filled his face with melted chocolate. We walked toward him, catching his attention, before he perked up and waved at us.

“Theo! Belle! What are you doing here?” he asked.

“He doesn’t remember?” I asked Belle.

“Most likely he won’t know about everything from the outside world right now. He’ll remember this in the morning, though,” she said.

“We’re here to see you,” I said.

“Pull up a chair and have some food,” he said.

“I don’t even think I’m going to have to say what we said to him tomorrow. I think all this is going to be good enough,” I whispered to Belle.

She giggled a little as chocolate bunnies brought us a platter of treats to dig into. I couldn’t help but feel very much amused as I looked around and realized the scope of his dreams. He must’ve been dreaming about this a lot, and building a world for himself, because this was as extensive as it got. There was no way this was the first time he dreamed about all this. I was surprised he wanted me to visit his dreams. Maybe he hoped he’d have a different one so that I wouldn’t see his handiwork.

Time didn’t seem to last nearly long enough before everything started to disappear again. I felt an overwhelming sense of defeat throughout my body when she said it was about time to go, and I only wished I could stay in here with her forever.

“Kiss me,” I said before I could be ripped away.

She moved in, the same way she used to, and wrapped her arms around my neck as her lips, which were still as soft as ever, pressed against mine and made my stomach do flip-flops.

With my lips still puckered, I opened my eyes and saw my room as the darkness fled and sunlight began to break through the little slits in my blinds. I relaxed my mouth, wiped my eyes, and felt a sense of sadness as my only vision of Belle now was just in my imagination. Now all I needed to do was talk to Martin. If that really was his dream, then this was all real. She was real. She was still with me.

I needed that more than anything right now.

I tore off the bus when we pulled up to school and pushed my way through the slow-walking throngs of students to find Martin. He said he’d meet me outside my locker, and even though I thought we should talk somewhere more private, we didn’t have time. There was only so long before we had to get to class, and I’d have to wait until lunch to really talk to him about this again without anyone hearing.

As I sped down the hallway, I saw Martin standing beside my locker.

“So?” he asked when I reached him.

“Okay, so, I have something, and I’m really hoping it’s true,” I said.

“Tell me,” he said.

“I thought we were going to write them down,” I said.

“Yeah, about that, I’m not sure we’re going to do that,” he said.

“What? Why not?” I asked.

“Because what if they don’t match up? I don’t want you knowing what I dreamed about. No offense or anything,” he said.

I must’ve been in his dream. Why else would he be so secretive and sly about it? Of course he didn’t want me to know about his candy kingdom.

“Okay, but you have to be honest with me. If I get it right, you have to admit it,” I said.

“Deal,” he replied.

“I mean it, Martin. You don’t know how big of an impact this will have on me. I need you to be truthful,” I said with a serious look and tone.

“Dude, okay, I promise,” he said.

“You were like a king in a world where everything was made of candy. You were in this massive chocolate skyscraper, and you were on a throne. Belle and I came and ate candy that was served by chocolate bunnies,” I said.