Authors: Kim Dare
The Gift (9 page)
He looked at it for a long time.
Suddenly he rushed across to the dressing table. He buried the ring in the back of the drawer under clothes neither of 77
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them ever wore. He slammed the draw shut and leaned against it with his eyes closed while he caught his breath.
Charles did not know about the ring, there was no reason for him to ever know about the ring. Nothing was in danger, his master didn't know about his foolishness, he'd used his own money so there wasn't even a chance Charles would spot it when the credit card statements came through.
Everything was safe. He sat on the floor in front of chest of drawers and took a deep breath. His master still wanted him.
He was safe. Everything was fine.
Charles spun around. "Take me back to this Christmas, my
Christmas, now!"
The spirit nodded his agreement.
Charles looked back to Nicky, sitting on the floor with his
arms wrapped tight around his body like they were the only
things keeping his world together in those moments.
He shook his head, unable to understand his own stupidity.
How could he have not noticed what Nicky was telling him?
The living room came back into being around him. Charles
turned to the door leading to the hallway.
Music began to play. Charles stopped. He looked over his
shoulder. Nicky was decorating the tree again.
"Where are we?" He shook his head. "When are we? You
said you were taking me back to this Christmas."
"It is this Christmas. It is earlier on this day of your
Christmas present."
Charles hesitated. He turned back to Nicky. Nicky was
always happy when he decorated the tree. Right then it was
important he see his pet happy. He would deal with Nicky
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better when he returned to the present if he had a picture of
Nicky happy in his head.
Nicky hung one of the baubles on the tree.
"You've outdone yourself this year," Gavin walked in carrying another box of decorations. "Your tree is amazing."
"When I take it down in the New Year, I'll box it up for you," Nicky offered.
"Are you getting a new one for next year?"
Nicky shook his head.
Gavin put the box down next to Nicky. "So what are you going to do instead?"
"Nothing," Nicky whispered.
Gavin laughed. "Yeah, right!"
Nicky forced a smile.
"Bloody hell, you're serious, aren't you?"
Nicky nodded. "It's time I stopped making so much fuss over a children's holiday."
He could feel Gavin watching him very carefully. "Did something happen between you and Charles?"
Nicky looked at the bright red bit of painted glass in his hand. "You mean, did my master tell me I wasn't allowed to decorate next year?" He shook his head. "He has always been very tolerant of all this. It is my decision to stop."
"Why?"
Nicky turned his back on his friend. He looked down into the box of decorations. He'd added some new ones every year, but he'd never actually thrown any out. He picked up a purple ball with white glitter snowflakes scattered across its 79
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surface—one of the ones Charles hung with him a few years ago.
"Because..." he tried to pull his own thoughts together on the matter. He knew how he felt, but he'd never put it into words out loud. "I..." Nicky sighed and set the glass ball down.
Gavin took a seat on the table next to the box of baubles.
"I had this stupid idea in my head," he said softly. "I know it's not the same for you—you don't get attached to the men you screw around with, but since my master brought me to live under his protection—I feel like I've come home—all wrapped up in how safe and happy he makes me feel. You think I'm soppy, don't you?"
Gavin smiled. "I've always thought you were soppy. You've always thought I was a slut—it all probably balances out in the end."
Nicky smiled. The smile turned sad. "I thought I could make my master feel the same. Not all year—I didn't aim that high. But I thought perhaps I could give him nice Christmases, show him what it's really supposed to be about."
"You do!" Gavin protested.
"No," Nicky whispered, hanging a bauble on the tree. "It doesn't mean anything to him. He lets me do it. He's always very tolerant of my little projects, but it doesn't make him happy. It was a stupid idea."
He put another decoration on the tree.
"I get it now. The reason I can't make him feel the way I do is because I'm not him. I'm not my master. It's not in me to make anyone feel that good. I should just be a good pet 80
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and be content he thinks my behaviour is satisfactory enough to keep me around." He offered Gavin a small smile. "I've been very selfish since I came to live with him. All this—it was always all about me and not him. What sort of submissive does all this for themselves without a thought to what his master really wants?"
"So you're going to what?"
"I'm going to start being the sort of pet he deserves—the kind of pet who will put what his master wants first."
Charles spun around. He grabbed the spirit by the neck.
"My time. Now. I don't know if you are immortal, but if you
don't take me back to the exact second you took me from
right now, you are about to find out!"
The world shifted. Charles stumbled back into the present.
He looked around the room. It was definitely the right time.
He let the spirit go. The spirit collapsed, coughing and rubbing his neck. Charles strode to the bottom of the stairs.
"Nicky!"
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Nicky jumped as his master's voice bellowed up the stairs.
The last bit of sticky tape on his last present went wonky. He frowned at it. He thought he could give Charles some sort of perfect Christmas—he couldn't even pack one damn present right.
"Nicky!"
Putting the present quickly to one side he hurried out of the bedroom and down the stairs. Stepping into the living room, he looked immediately to his master.
A movement on the other side of the room caught his attention. He turned towards it, thinking some part of his decorations was falling apart and Charles called him down to fix something that collapsed on his head.
A man in a short white toga stood on the far side of the room.
Nicky took a step back towards the door. He clamped his hands over his exposed privates. "I'm sorry, master. I didn't realise we have company. I'll..." he took another step back, attempting to retreat from the room without turning and showing his bare backside to the stranger.
He didn't recognise him as one of Charles's friends, or even an acquaintance. Even as he retreated, the uncomfortable idea that he was more than either of those things to his master presented itself for his consideration.
Charles grabbed his arm, pulling him back into the room.
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The threesome slip still lay uncashed in the drawer of the bed side cabinet. Nicky knew the day would come when Charles wanted them to add a third, he just hadn't expected it to be today—not when his world already felt like it was falling apart.
Nicky looked up at Charles, ready to apologise for not realising why the other man was there as soon as he walked in. Then he saw the anger in his master's face—a far more fierce reaction than his confusion should have caused.
"Master?"
"There is a jewellery box in the back of the third drawer on the dresser. Fetch it."
Charles let go of his arm.
Nicky took a step back. Charles didn't know about the ring, he couldn't know about it. "I..."
"Go. Now!" Charles commanded.
Nicky looked from him back to the other man. "May I dress while I-?"
"What?" Charles frowned. "No. That's not important. Come straight back."
Nicky backed out of the room and raced up the stairs. He went straight to the dresser and opened the third drawer. He studied the content carefully. The clothes weren't disturbed.
He pushed past them until he found the ring.
He closed his eyes for a moment, wrapping his fingers tight around the box. How had Charles known it was there?
Nicky forced his eyes open. As much as he longed for a few moments to think, Charles wasn't in any mood to wait.
He looked across at his clothes folded neatly on the chair, 83
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then at the robe hanging on the back of the door. No, Charles wasn't in any mood for disobedience either.
He made his way back down stairs. On his way in, he cast another look at the man on the other side of the room.
Nicky forced himself to walk into the room as if he was comfortable being naked in the room with a stranger. Charles didn't usually show off his dominance over him in front of other people. Nicky hadn't really thought about how everything would work with a third. He didn't even know if his master would expect him to submit to the other man as if he were a second master. The thought did nothing to settle his nerves.
Nicky stood before Charles, his grip white knuckled on the ring box.
His master held out his hand, palm up.
Nicky stared at it. He knew what his training demanded he do. He should kneel before his master and present the item he'd been sent to retrieve. His knees wouldn't bend. He couldn't do it.
Charles beckoned to him, demanding the ring be placed in his hand.
Nicky looked over his shoulder, as if looking at him hard enough would make the man disappear. "Master?" he whispered.
"Give me the box."
Nicky looked down. If he could just speak to his master in private for a few moments ... If this mess didn't have to happen in front of a stranger...
"Nicky!"
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Charles hardly ever raised his voice to him.
Nicky put the box in his hand.
Charles temper seemed to even out. He inspected the ring box quite calmly, but Nicky's emotions only went more and more haywire by the moment. He closed his eyes.
"I didn't mean anything by it, master," he whispered.
"And what did you mean by not giving it to me?" Charles asked.
Nicky looked down, but Charles slipped his knuckle under his chin and made him look up. Nicky tried not to meet his eyes, but in the end he had no choice.
His master looked sad. That was even worse than angry.
"I'm sorry," Nicky said, as if an apology could make any difference.
"You should be."
Nicky tried to look away.
Charles suddenly pulled him in close, burying his hands in Nicky's hair and holding him tight. Nicky tucked his face into Charles's neck, still not understanding what was going on, but desperate to be held anyway. Charles's arms wrapped strong and tight around him. He could barely breathe. It felt amazing.
"You have three weeks to arrange everything."
Nicky frowned into his master's shoulder. "I don't understand, master." But there was only one thing Charles could possibly mean, Nicky bit back a weak little noise in the back of his throat. He pulled away, unable to fully accept his master's comfort now he was so sure it was going to be denied to him so soon.
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What else could Charles mean but that he only had three weeks to find a new master? Nicky forced himself to nod his understanding. Tears sprang to his eyes. He turned his face away so his master wouldn't see them. Charles had been very kind to him, kinder than he deserved. To react badly now would only show how ungrateful he was for that kindness.
He closed his eyes. He'd left it one Christmas too late to change the way he behaved over the holiday. He'd tried his master's patience too far and the ring was the final straw.
Taking a step back, Nicky tried to retreat from the room.
His master held onto his wrist.
"Is there some way I can serve you, master?" Nicky flinched, unsure if he had any right to use that title any more.
He wasn't even sure if Charles intended to keep him in the house any longer. Three weeks to arrange everything might mean Charles would provide him with enough money to keep himself for three weeks after he had to leave, the way his last master did not so many Christmases ago.
Charles dropped his wrist. Before Nicky could pull away, Charles put his hand either side of his face and tilted his head back to look him in the eyes. Nicky couldn't avoid his gaze.
Charles stared into his expression for a long time, never letting him look away. "Tell me what you are thinking, pet."
"Nothing..." Nicky whispered. The thoughts swirling in his head made no sense. He couldn't babble that nonsense to his master.
"Isn't this what you wanted?" Charles asked.
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Nicky frowned. The question made no sense. "If it makes my master happy, it is what I want." It was always a safe answer.
"No! If I ask you what you want, you tell me what you want. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. You don't know what I want. Tell me is this what you want."
Nicky pulled away as if Charles slapped him. He always tried—even when he got it all wrong, he always tried. If nothing else, he thought his master knew that. "All I have ever wanted is to please my master. If it pleases you to send me away then..."
"What!" Charles's grip tightened on Nicky's arm. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Nicky stared at his master in confusion. "You said I had three weeks to find a new master."
"I have never spoken of any other man as your master,"
Charles said.
Nicky saw the anger bubbling inside him again but he didn't know how to fix it. He looked hopelessly up at Charles.