The Downlow Alpha (The Identity Crises Book 1) (16 page)

            
 
The sound of Kevin's light snoring was lulling me into sleep, as my mind wandered through the night's events. A part of me was exhilarated. As I thought over all the love making we had made, I could feel my cock stirring lightly as it pressed into his ass. I had to admit it felt perfect spooning up to him.

              But another part of me was afraid, wondering what the hell I thought I was doing. I was breaking all the rules, getting attached. And yet…

              I was smitten with Kevin. He was everything you wanted in a guy. Full of love. A perfect body. His cock tasted divine. He had let me fuck his ass three more times, and got off on how rough I was. I had even tested him the last time, thrusting harder than even I liked, and he ate every bit of it up. He was insatiable for me.

              But…but he kept telling me he loved me, and in the throes of passion, I had said it back. It wasn’t that I said it back that was bothering me. It was how I felt when I had said it. I had felt good saying it. It had felt so…

              Felt so right. I was really confused, and horrified to find myself in this situation. As I fought to go to sleep, I knew I needed to talk to Jeremy. Needed his sage advice on how to extricate myself from all of this.

              Kevin was barely out the door, not even in his car yet when I was hitting the speed dial. Jeremy answered on the fourth ring.

              "Sup dude. Do you know what time it is," he asked sleepily.

              "Jeremy, I have to talk to you. It can't wait."

              He was silent for a moment, processing the desperation in my voice.

              "Okay, you have my attention. What is wrong?"

              I explained everything, omitting nothing. Irritation filled me as his laughter boomed through the phone.

              "Dude, you are a trip. Take a deep breath and calm the fuck down."

              "Man, he must be some piece of ass," he continued. "You should invite his hot little ass over tonight for a three way."

              Jealousy flushed through me at the thought of sharing Kevin, and I spoke sharply in answer.

              "You can get that idea out of your nasty ass head right now," I said, the vehemence of my tone surprising even myself.

              "Look dude, just chill. I was just playing. But before I can give you advice, I really do need to meet him, size him up. Call him up and invite him to the club tonight. I can run into the two of you and get a bead on him."

              A part of me protested against his plan, worry filling me he just wanted access to Kevin for himself.

              Relax man, I told myself. This isn’t just anyone, it is my best friend, Jeremy. I calmed as I told myself that, and thanked him for helping me. We agreed that nine would be good and hung up.

              Kevin was excited as I led him into the club, holding hands. He had never been to a club before, and the look of excitement on his face at the atmosphere was priceless. His eyes were soaking in all the men openly dancing and kissing, the sound of music blasting through the air. I led him to a table and ordered us some drinks. It was to loud for small talk, so we drank silently enjoying the music till I saw Jeremy headed our way. We didn’t have to wait long before Jeremy showed up.

              "Hey Randy, who is your friend," he said, oozing charm. I found the warning bells going off, screaming I had made a mistake introducing them.

              "This is my good friend, Kevin. Kevin, this is my best friend Jeremy."

              They shook hands, and I could see the desire flooding Jeremy's eyes.

              "It is nice to meet you, Kevin," Jeremy said.

              "Likewise," Kevin said. He didn’t seem to notice how Jeremy was devouring him with his eyes.

              "Could you excuse us for a moment, Kevin? I just need to talk with my man in private for a second," he said, grabbing my arm as he said it.

              Kevin nodded his acceptance, as he looked around the packed floor. He was filled with excitement of all the men open about who they were, reveling in their identities.

              I let Jeremy lead me off, and I was unprepared for what he said.

              "Dude, do you remember that guy you have been dying to get with? The guy with the mustache? He is here right now. He came back. Now is your chance to go get his number."

              My mind flooded with images of the guy. I had wanted him so badly. He was one of the few men here that had ever escaped my clutches. He was such a hunk, with a perfect ass. My ego kicked into overdrive, the bet between me and Jeremy filling me with that competitive spirit that at times ruled over me.

              Then I remembered Kevin was back at the table. Jeremy must have read my face, realized what was conflicting me as he offered me the perfect solution.

              "You go get his number, and I will keep Kevin occupied. Just get the number quickly and get back to us. You were so close to getting it from him a couple months ago. I know he will remember you. He doesn’t have that guy here with him tonight who whisked him away as you were about to score."

              His plan was appealing to me. I should go get it, just in case something went wrong with me and Kevin. Hell, we had only spent one night together, and a part of me was still unsettled by the talk of love between us. I nodded and squeezed his arm. He was my best friend for a reason.

              "I will be back," I said, heading over to the bar where the stud was at. I sat in the stool next to him, and felt his eyes on me. I waited a second before looking at him, doing so nonchalantly. This had to look like a random encounter.

              His eyes widened in recognition as he spoke.

              "Hey, it's you. I don’t know if you remember me. We talked in here, maybe two ro three months ago. I was really into our conversation, but my friend was in a hurry to leave and I wasn’t able to get your number."

              I pretended to search my memory.

              "Yeah," I said, feigning a lightning bolt of memory. "I do remember you. Hey, how have you been?

              "Not bad, man. I am so excited to run into you. I have thought about you a lot since that night, wondering if we would run into each other again."

              I smiled, knowing I was going to wrap this up quickly. He was leading me t where I wanted this to go.

              The waitress brought me my drink, and I thanked her with a tip. I turned back to the young stud.

              "Hey, I am here with friends tonight. Maybe you can give me your number, and I can shoot you a call in a few days when we have more time to talk?"

              He smiled and eagerly wrote his number on one of the bar napkins. I took the napkin from him, feeling Déjà vu from all the napkins I had taken like this. I felt triumphant as I shook his hand and left with my drink.

              I made my way back to the table, and overheard Jeremy talking.

              "Don’t forget what I said. Just check on it. You have nothing to lose, and if I am wrong no harm no foul."

              "What are the two of you talking about," I asked, curious as to what he wanted Kevin to check. A flash of guilt flashed quickly through Jeremy's eyes, so quick I questioned if I had really seen it. Kevin looked unhappy, his energy off and I felt anger building, a desire to protect Kevin from Jeremy.

              "Oh, it was nothing serious, dude," Jeremy said. "I was just telling him Tom Brady was the only quarterback to win four super bowls. He thought Terry Bradshaw had as well, and maybe Joe Montana. Nope, only my man Brady has."

              I was staring at Kevin, not liking how he had his guard up. I knew this had all been a mistake, and decided to rectify it pronto.

              "Kevin, what say we get out of here and head back to my place?"

              He nodded, relief flooding his face. We said our goodbyes to Jeremy and headed out.

            
 
He was climbing into the hot tub, naked this time. His ass was so tight and perfect, and my cock was pulsing hard and fast as desire held me in its clenches. I was totally smitten with Kevin, I admitted to myself. I had never felt like this before, not even years ago. Not even Brian. I was stunned for a moment as I realized I was in love with this fresh, exciting young man. He was a breath of fresh air in my stale life.

              I knew he was special, the kind of man you dreamed of finding. The kind most will never be lucky enough to find. I had to change, be worthy of his love. I swore right there I was going to do the right thing. Be monogamous. Hell, he inspired me to want that for myself, for us.

              I climbed into the tub, the heat of the water adding to the sensual feel of everything, and electricity shot through me as his hands grabbed my hips as I climbed in, guiding me to sit on the edge. His mouth quickly descended onto my throbbing girth, and as his heavenly lips took me in their grasp, pleasure shot through my body. I couldn’t take my eyes off of his lips as he slid down my length, slowly as he swished his mouths wetness around my cock.

              He remembers exactly how I like it, I thought to myself as I felt his mouth work itself all the way down to my balls. The feel of his chin as it nuzzled my balls amplified the pleasure his sucking was giving me, divinity filling me as his mouth tugged at my dick skin.

              His mouth was making little wet popping sounds as he sucked on my cock, and I marveled through the foggy haze of ecstasy that he was getting really good at this. I could feel his love in the way he sucked my cock, and I fought the urge to grab his head and force fuck his face.

              He sucked me slowly for what seemed an eternity, the slowness of his suck tantalizing me to heights of ecstasy I had never dreamed of. His hands were caressing my balls and the creases to the sides of them as I felt my balls tightening at his loving ministrations. I tried to focus on prolonging this pleasure, but I couldn’t and the explosion ripped through me forcefully, my cock exploding painfully in his mouth. The hole of my cock was to small for the explosion of seed as it was expelled violently again and again into the bliss of his warm mouth,             

              My head was tilted back, eyes closed as I soaked in the singing of my nerves, my cock pulsing fast in the warm wetness of his mouth, which still held me gently in its grip. As the waves began ebbing, I started feeling guilty I would need an hour or so to recharge enough to fuck him. I realized it was important to me that he get off too.

              I made the decision quickly, the idea filling me with excitement. I was going to offer him something only Brian had been offered before. I was going to let him take my ass. I was going to let him top on me. I looked down on him as I opened my eyes, and was overwhelmed to see him looking up at me, holding my dick in his mouth. His eyes were radiating such love and happiness I melted into them.

              I gently grabbed his face, and pulled him off of my meat. His mouth tugged lightly on my cock skin, sending waves of tender pleasure through me. As soon as I flopped out of his mouth, he smiled, proud of the way he had worked my cock, swallowing every drip of my man juice.

              I stood, as he backed away to make room for me in the tub. I climbed in and turned, leaning over the edge as I offered him my ass, wiggling it so he would know my intentions. He started cupping water and running it in the cheeks of my ass, his hand caressing me down my crack seductively as he did so.

              I gasped and jumped from a spasm of electricity as I felt his face enter the cheeks of my ass, his tongue probing, searching. My body was on fire as I felt his tongue make contact, gently licking my rim with care and love. It hit me my cock was rock hard already from his touches, and I marveled on the power of his love as my body jumped again. Jumped from the feel of his tongue penetrating my backside.

              I closed my eyes, giving myself completely to the expert manipulations from this inexperienced, naïve young man. A wall came tumbling down inside of me, as I realized that at one time, years ago, I had known the power of love when added into the stimulation of sexual pleasure. Had closed myself off from it, afraid to be hurt again.

              A tear hit my eye as the pleasure engulfed me stronger and stronger, a thankfulness for his love enveloping me. I swore no matter if I got hurt again, I was never going to deny myself the gift of love ever again. A gasp was ripped out of me as I felt his head press against my wet hole, and plunge deep into my depths, explosions ripping in my prostate.

            
 
The heat from the shower was seeping into my contented muscles, as the fog of contentment pulsed deep within. I could still feel some of his semen as it trickled in my back cavity, a reminder of how beautiful my life was. I felt high, high on life.

              I took my time, as the water worked its magic deep in my tissue. Reflecting on him, on us. He was so beautiful. I had never met anyone like him. Never wanted to please another like him. Just thinking of doing for him, of pleasing him filled me with warmth and happiness. My mind replayed how his hands had ran along my loins as he gently fucked me, refusing to fuck me hard for fear of hurting me.

              Remembering his hands gently pulling me onto his hardness was making my cock stir again, and I knew then he was my fountain of youth. It was surprising how I could still get an erection so quickly, after cumming so many times. The longer I knew him, the greater my infatuation with him became. Which seemed to defy the laws of desire. Bu the definitely was making the fire inside of me burn stronger with each passing moment.

              My cock was a throbbing need of desire, prodding me to grab the conditioner and apply a liberal amount on my cock, and in my hand. I closed my eyes, taking my cock in hand. I began pulling on my cock, my mind calling up images of his lips sliding seductively on my cock. As the hot water tickled my backside, I pulled harder and faster, the familiar tingling of approaching orgasm filing me.

              I was finishing drying off my hair, humming contentedly to myself. I was looking forward to snuggling up behind Kevin, feeling the comfort of him pressed up against me. He had this little move he did the other night that was so endearing. He would wiggle his ass against me. I don’t think he was even aware he was doing it.

              As I walked out of the bathroom, my heart stopped. He was staring at me in horror, a napkin in one hand, his phone in the other. His words made all the energy flow out of me, as I filled with dread. I recognized the napkin from the bar.

              "You were right Jeremy. He did have a number. I have to go now."

              He put his phone in his pocket as tears shot out of his eyes. My heart was hammering now, as fear filled me. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know the pledge I had made to him after we had left the club. But I knew it was probably futile, as he had thought I had made that pledge before he gave me his virginity.

              "How could you," he sobbed. "You know what this meant to me, how special it was for me to save myself for the one. You used me. You are a horrible person, to have been so selfish with me, disregarding my feelings. So laugh it up. You got over on me. You can add me to your player trophy case."

              He turned, running from the room, I followed after, yelling at him to please stop, give me a chance to explain. He was quicker than me, and had the front door unlocked and was halfway down the driveway to his car by the time I made it to the door. I ran out after him, not caring I was naked as I heard his car start up.

              "Kevin, wait, Let me explain," I pleaded, to no avail. His tires spun rocks as he backed away, peeling out as he straightened on the roadway, his desire to be away from me, of my betrayal his only desire. I collapsed on the curb, agony gripping me in my sobs, as I watched his taillights disappear down the road.

              I called Kevin's cell dozens of times, and he wasn’t answering. Desperation was filling me, as anger at Jeremy's betrayal coursed hot in my blood. I got dressed and headed out to Jeremy's, anxious to extract revenge for what he had cost me. I was a blubbering mess the whole drive, my feeling of loss ripping me apart, reducing my worth to none.

              Why had I gotten that number? Why hadn’t I been able to admit what a great thing Kevin was, how great we were for one another? I hated examining myself, shedding light on my flaws. I had hurt the one man in the world that could give me happiness, and the thought of the pain he was in was hurting me even more than the sense of loss I was feeling.

              Was I really so damaged from my relationship with Brian years ago that I was unable to honor and cherish something that was divine, I wondered. An epiphany hit me, wondering if once upon a time, maybe Brian had been innocent like I had been. Innocent and hurt so badly he swore never to let another close again. Just like I had.

              Horror hit me as it dawned on me that maybe I had damaged Kevin the same way, maybe even worse. I was his first. The thought of stealing his youthful, loving innocence sent me back to crying, making it hard to see the road through the blur of my tears.

              I screeched up into Jeremy's driveway, and got out of the car without turning it off or closing the door. I ran to his door, and began pounding on it. The light came on, and as the door was opening, my fist was already streaking through the air. The contact of his jaw on my knuckled felt good, and I was ready to hit him again. The only thing that saved him was my punch sent him crashing to the floor.

              "What the fuck did you do to me," I screamed. "You ruined my life, ruined everything. How could you?"

              I collapsed onto the walk in front of his door, unable to say more as the sobs wracked my body. I felt his hands grabbing me up, my body following his lead as he led me into the house, shutting the door behind us. He led me to the couch, and sat me down, sitting next to me. His face had a concerned look on it I had never seen on him before, and he threw his arms around me, pulling me close. I collapsed into his hug, needing comforted as I knew I was never going to be the same again. Was never going to be okay again.

              He held me until I cried it out, his hand lightly rubbing my back. I felt weak, all energy drained from me when he finally started talking.

              "Randy, I am so sorry. I didn’t know. You have never feel for anyone. When you went to get that number, I figured he was just another conquest, and he was so hot I wanted to try him out. Especially after the way you spoke of him, of his innocence. I never thought you would be devastated like this."

              "What am I going to do," I asked, knowing there was nothing I could do.

              His face lit up.

              "I have it, I know what we are going to do," he said.

              Despite knowing all was lost, my energy picked up, desperate to hear anything. No matter how outlandish. He had my full attention as he laid it out.

              "I will call him and invite him over to console him, as I was planning on doing to get him into bed. But after I call, I will get dressed and leave in your car and go spend the night at your place. He will show up here, not knowing you are waiting. I will tell him to just come in when he gets here, the door will be open. I don’t know if he will leave once he sees you, but it will at least get you two in the same room."

              I felt hope begin to fill me as I nodded agreement to his plan. I knew we were probably done, my actions unforgivable. But at least maybe he would let me explain. I hoped at least I could explain enough to keep from tainting him completely the way Brian had tainted me. His heart was to pure, to beautiful to have been ruined by the likes of me.

              I would never get over him, I knew. But I would never forgive myself if I ruined his perfect heart.