The Deeper We Get (16 page)

I had wanted her to just say yes, not to think about it so hard. “We don’t need to rush it. You're right.” I smiled, but it was false.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You know that right?”

“I know.” I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her. I wanted her to feel safe and secure in this relationship. While I wanted her here, I was going to have to wait and bide my time until she was on the same page.

“Are we
okay?” She looked at me uncertainly.

“Of course we are.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“You never could. I just want you to trust me again, enough to give me your heart completely.”

She opened her mouth to protest.             

“No, don't deny that you haven’t been keeping me out a little bit. I understand it, we’ve been through too much for you to let me back in that easily.”

“The fact that I love you, that I’m here with you again, speaks a lot to how far my mindset has changed. I never stopped loving you. Even though I was so mad, I couldn’t hate you.”

“I’m not perfect
. I know I’ll do a lot of stupid things to push you away and make you mad.”

“I’m not asking for perfection.”

“What do you need from me?”

“Just you.” She kissed me lightly. “The real you baby. No lies, nothing hidden from me.”

“You know the real me.”

“Some days I don't know if I do. You have this wall you put up, and I know it’s to protect yourself, but you have to tear it down eventually.”

Maybe she was right. I had always kept certain parts of me hidden because I was ashamed of them. Of course there was my past—that alone would send most people running for the hills.

“I can try. What if I tell you things and you run away?” That was my biggest fear
.

“I’m not going to run.”

I sighed. “You win.” I was anxious, it felt like there were bees in my veins instead of blood.

“I’m only asking for you to really let me in. Just to try,
to stop being so afraid. Can you do that for me?” She kissed me.

“For you I would slay dragons.” I pressed my lips to hers.

“You already have,” she said softly.

We hadn't really talked about what happened, we sort of glossed over it. “Do you want to talk about it?” I knew she would get what I was talking about.

“Kind of. But we don’t have to if it’s too hard for you.”

“It’s a sore subject for me, but it happened to us both, and maybe we need to talk about it.”

She nodded and shifted back into her seat so we could look at each other. “It was so scary. I seriously thought that I was going to die.”

“I’m so sorry.” I reached for her hand.

“I know you are, and I’m sorry that he used me to make you do what he wanted.”

“Hey, that’s not your fault at all, he did that. Seeing you with him when I came inside, the blood on your face, the bruises forming. It tore me up.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks. “It brought back so much from my past, everything with my dad.”

That was what I was afraid of. “I know the violence of it was a lot for you. I can’t apologize for my part in that. I would do it again in a heartbeat, I’m only sorry that he’s not dead.”

“Do you mean that?”

Did I? “I don’t know if I really want him dead. But you have to understand that I have that in me Scarlet. I have that violence in me, it’s part of who I am.”

“You would never hurt me that way.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” I looked in her eyes, wanting her to believe it with all of her heart.

“I thought I had lost you forever,” she whispered.

“I’m here baby. I love you so much, more than I ever thought was possible for someone like me. I choose you
. Over anything and anyone else, I choose you.”

“I choose you too.”

“My whole heart, every part of me, is yours for as long as you want them.” I erased the space between us and took her in my arms. As long as it took, I would prove my love and my intentions to her. Now that I had her back, I had nothing but time to make her see just how good we could be together.

Me: Are you ready yet?

I texted Scarlet. She replied almost instantly.

Scarlet: Yes, all set. I hate not knowing where we are going. The suspense is going to kill me.

Me: Patience is a virtue.

Scarlet: One that I don't wish to possess ;)

Me: I’ll be there soon. Love you.

Scarlet: Love you too.

I drove over to Scarlet’s house in the Lexus that Ruth had insisted on buying me before she went back to New York. Her reasoning was that she could drive it when she came to town. I learned a long time ago not to argue with her about things like that. She would get her way no matter what, so it was easier to just go with the flow. Of course I still preferred my bike to anything, but I had to admit that it was a nice car.

The only instructions I had given Scarlet was to pack a bag for three nights and bring comfortable shoes. She was waiting outside when I pulled up, her little rolling suitcase by her feet and a huge grin on her face.

“Happy birthday baby.” I swooped her up in my arms and kissed her.

“Will you tell me where we’re going now?”
she begged.

“Nope.” I grinned at her.

“You’re mean,” she pouted.

“I know, I’m a terrible boyfriend. Come on, let’s get this show on the road, we have a bit of a drive.” I opened her door and then popped her bag into the trunk.

“Which direction are we driving?” she questioned.

“Not telling.”

“Really? You won't even tell me the direction?”

“Nope, not even the direction. Here, put this on.” I tossed her a pink satin sleep mask.

“Seriously?”

“Yep, I want this to be a total surprise.”

I waited until I was sure she couldn’t see anything before pulling away from the curb. I tried to keep her as occupied as I could while we drove. I asked her endless questions to keep her from trying to guess where we were going.

“Are we almost there?”
she asked after about an hour of driving.

“Almost.” We were about ten minutes from our destination
, and I was starting to get really excited. I knew she was going to love it.

As we were pulling into our destination I told her to take off her mask. “Are you ready to find out where we are?”

“So ready.” She pulled her mask off and let out a scream when she saw the sign. “Disneyland! This is the best surprise ever. Thank you babe.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek.

“Wait until you see the room I booked us at the Disneyland Hotel.” I grinned at her and pulled into the valet area.

I got us all checked in, and Scarlet roamed the lobby looking at everything. “How did you know that I’ve always wanted to stay here?” she asked when we were in the elevator.

“I must be psychic.” I winked.

We walked down the long hallway and stopped in front of our door. “Ready?”

“I couldn’t be more ready!” She was bouncing on her toes next to me.

When I opened the door she gasped in delight. “Wow, this is amazing.”

I had booked us the
Fairy Tale suite, and it did not disappoint. Scarlet looked like a kid in a candy store as she walked around and touched everything.

“I cannot believe you did this for me.” She had tears in her eyes.

“I would do anything to see that smile on your face baby.” I pulled her into my arms. “We’ve had too much sadness lately. It’s time for us to make some happy memories together. Are you ready to go play in the parks?”

“You bet your ass I am.”

We walked hand in hand back down the hallway, the smile on her face was priceless. Her happiness meant more to me than my own.

“What do you want to do first?” I asked her as we walked through Downtown Disney toward the park entrances.

“The Teacups. I love those, I can't help but laugh hysterically on them.”

“I think we can make that happen.”

I had only ever been to Disney World, never here, and seeing it through her eyes was like magic.  I planned on spoiling her rotten in the next three days. I wanted to fulfill all of the dreams she had as a kid.

“How did you know I wanted this?” She tipped her chin up to look at me while we stood in line.

“You mentioned wanting to go a while ago. Then I talked to Frank and arranged our days off, and he told me you had always wanted to stay at one of the hotels. So, I made it happen. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You know that right?”

“I do. You make me happier than I have ever been.”

“That’s the idea sweets.” I kissed her.

When it was finally our turn, she picked a bright pink teacup for us
, and we slid inside.

“How fast do you want to go?” I grinned wickedly.

“The faster the better.”

We started to move
, and I cranked the wheel as hard as I could. I watched her as she giggled uncontrollably. This was magic right here. In this moment I believed in magic and happily ever after.

“Oh my gosh, that was so much fun
,” she laughed, her cheeks and nose pink.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into my chest. Her mouth was slightly parted from laughing, and her eyes sparkled with amusement. I brought my mouth down to hers,
because I wanted to see what her laughter tasted like.

“Hey, none of that.” She pushed me away with a laugh. “This is a family place.”

“I’m allowed to kiss my girlfriend on her birthday.”

“Yeah, you’re allowed to kiss me, but I know where that was going.” She pointed a finger at me.

“I was being good. We have all night to be bad.” I winked.

Our next stop was to get Scarlet an ‘
It’s my Birthday’ button from the City Hall building. She was totally embarrassed about it but I thought it was hilarious. Everyone kept telling her happy birthday.

“Do you want to watch a parade?”
she asked later in the day.

“Baby, this trip is all about you. I am up for anything.”

“The one time Frank took me, we didn’t see any of the parades.”

“Let’s see one today. You pick which one. Or we can see a show or something. We have two more full days here too, so we can see it all.” I draped my arm around her shoulders as she peered over the map that told us about everything.”

“I want to see Fantasmic!” she squealed.

“Then that’s what we’ll do.”

“This is the best birthday ever.” Her smile was a mile wide.

“I aim to please.”

“You’re doing a hell of a job babe. I’m so happy.”

“Just wait until tonight
,” I whispered in her ear.

“I think we can make
good use of that giant tub in the bathroom.” She licked her lips.

“You better stop if you don't want me to drag you off to the hotel room right now.”

“Normally I would take you up on that, but right now I think I want some ice cream instead.” She giggled and pulled me along to one of the many shops on the main street.

“I never eat this way
,” she said as she dug into her brownie sundae.

“We’re on vacation, you can’t stick to a diet or eat anything but junk food when you’re on vacation.” I licked at a drip from my ice cream cone.

“Calories don’t count on vacation right?”

“That should be the rule. Not that I normally care about calories anyway.” I laughed.

“You men, you never have to watch what you eat.”

“Some do, but not me.”

“Jerk.” She glared in my direction.

“You love me.” I blew her a kiss.

“Says you.”

“No, you do.”

“You’re right. More than anything.” She leaned across and kissed me.

As the sun started to set it got a little chilly, so I bought her a
Minnie Mouse sweatshirt to wear.

“I feel like a kid today. Not in a bad way though.” She had a dreamy sort of expression as she watched the people mill around in front of us.

“I do too. I didn’t have a lot of fun times like this as a kid. So to experience it now, with you, is the best.”

“I agree. We need to make more memories like this to replace the bad ones we have.” She sighed wistfully

If only it was that easy. To erase all the hurt and pain and replace it with laughter and fun.

“You need to get a Mickey sweatshirt now so we match.”

“Please tell me you’re joking?” I looked at her.

“No, not joking.”

“Do I look like a Mickey Mouse sort of a guy?”

“Nope, but I still think you should get one. This is my trip remember?”

She had a point, I did tell her she could have whatever she wanted on this trip. “Fine, as you wish my princess.” We went back inside the shop, and she picked out a bright red sweatshirt with Mickey on it for me to wear.

“You know I feel like a dork in this right?”

“I think you look cute.” She rubbed her nose against mine. “My opinion is all that matters. We’re on vacation, the odds of us seeing any of these people again are pretty slim. Stop caring what they think and just have fun.”

She was right, it didn’t matter what any of them thought. They were all there for the same reason, to have fun and enjoy being with their loved ones. I was going to make it my mission to be as silly as she wanted me to be for the next two days.

“What has been your favorite
ride so far?” Scarlet asked me on our way back to the hotel on the last night we were staying there.

“I think either Space Mountain or Indiana Jones in this park. What about you?”

“Matterhorn for sure.” She smiled broadly.

We had done so much over the last two days. Disneyland was by far the most fun for us, but California Adventure
also had some cool rides and shows.

“This has been like a dream.” She looked deliriously happy.

“I never want you to wake up if that’s the case.”

“Me neither.” Her tone took on a sultry lilt that made me glance down at her as we walked.

“Not too tired for dirty fun are you?” I asked innocently.

“Never too tired for that.” Her hand tightened
in mine as we walked.

We hurried through the lobby and into an elevator. For some reason I needed her naked immediately. As soon as the doors closed I was on her. I kissed her neck, whispering to her
, “I need you so bad right now.”

I felt her shiver against me
, and it made me want her more. Her responses to me spurred me on.

“What do you want me to do to you when we get inside?” I whispered against her neck.

“Anything,” she breathed.

“Uh uh, this is your trip. You have to tell me what you want.”

The doors slid open and I walked out into the hall, while she was still inside breathing heavily.

“Coming?” I called over my shoulder.

“I sure hope so,” I heard her say under her breath as she followed behind me.

After we walked inside, I sat on the bed, waiting for her to make her move or at least tell me what she wanted.

“What are you waiting for?” she asked.

“I’m waiting for you to tell me what you want.” I kicked my shoes off, never breaking eye contact.

“I want...I want everything.” She licked her lips.

“I think you need to be more specific. Everything can mean a lot of things. I want to be sure you get what you really want.” I pulled my shirt over my head and undid the button on my jeans.

“Keep going.” Her voice was husky.

“You want more?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

I complied and slipped my jeans and socks off before sitting back on the bed. “I think it might be your turn.” I motioned for her to lose some of her clothes.