The Death of Lila Jane (6 page)

When the door squealed in protest behind me, Shy’s expression fell and I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. We didn’t speak much about her boyfriend, but I knew better than to think a girl like her wouldn’t have a guy following her around like a lost puppy.

“Hey, babe,” A voice came from over my left shoulder as a guy sank down on the stool next to me.

“Hey, David,” she cooed.

I could see the cream and crimson letter jacket he was wearing in my peripheral vision.
Great. Of course she was dating a freaking jock.
I shook my head, taking another sip from my beer as Shy leaned over the bar and pressed her mouth to his in a chaste kiss.
Un-fucking-believable. Doesn’t he know where her mouth has been?
I laughed to myself at my private joke.

Two other guys took the stools to my right and I sighed, wishing I would have kept driving, but where was the fun in that?

“Who’s your friend, Shy?” The heavy set guy next to me asked and I could feel his eyes lingering on me. His dark hair had been bleached causing it to turn a nasty shade of orange. It suited his freckled complexion that was nearly the same brassy tone. What was it about big dumb guys from small towns? They couldn’t just leave well enough alone.

“You’re not my type,” I spoke up, not waiting for Shy to respond. I knew whatever she told them would be a lie anyway so what was the point? I wasn’t the type of guy a girl bragged about, apparently. I was the guy they cheated on their boyfriends with to feel a thrill of landing someone who they thought was broken and needed to be fixed. It never took long for them to realize I didn’t want to be repaired and I most certainly didn’t want them.

“What did you say,
boy
?”

I smirked knowing full well his father must have called him a boy to belittle him. Bullies were as transparent as they were pathetic. Not that I could say much. I had been in more fights than I could count and blaming it on a broken heart would have been a lie. My anger had grown inside of me since before I could even write my own name. I just had a reason to keep it at bay. Now that my reason had died, so did my will to conform and be what everyone else expected me to be.

I turned to look at him, taking in his size. He had, at least, fifty pounds on me but it was pure fat. One thing I’d learned growing up was the bigger a man is, the harder they fall. “I said, you’re not my
type
, princess.” I smiled because I knew that even if this ended with my blood on the floor, I wouldn’t back down. I was constantly trying to prove to myself I wasn’t that little boy. I wouldn’t be anyone’s bitch.

He pushed from his stool as his other friend looked on, unamused with what was going on. I couldn’t help but laugh. These types were all the same. All hat and no cattle. They never expected anyone to take them up on their challenge. I stood slowly, rolling my neck from side to side, relishing in the relief from the rapid pops as it cracked.

“You really don’t want to do this,” I warned but I couldn’t wipe the smirk from my lips. I wanted to fight this kid and knock him down a peg or two. He was the kind of jerk who loved to pick on someone he perceived as weaker. No doubt he had grown up as the victim but instead of learning from other’s mistakes, he decided to repeat them. He was the epitome of everything I hated in this world. It was guys like him that caused my mother to dump me on my uncle. The pain was far stronger than any liquor or drug I could consume. It washed away my guilt with a single blow and forced me to pull out of my self-loathing. It wasn’t about winning, although it always felt good to put someone in their place. Maybe I felt like I deserved to be beaten. After watching my own mother take blow after blow at the hands of my father, or letting the girl I loved give up on life and slip away, someone should be held accountable.

Shy rounded the counter, placing herself between us with her hands extended like she had no fear in the world.

“My momma will whoop my hide if ya’ll cause trouble. I mean it, James,” She rocked back on the heels of her well-worn sneakers, ready to duck out of the way if one of us swung. I wouldn’t take the chance of hitting a female but I had no idea what kind of guy her friend James was, besides an arrogant asshole. I wouldn’t put it past him to take a cheap shot. Reluctantly, I took a step back, shaking my head as he laughed. My adrenaline was pumping so hard it felt like my heart might explode.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

I narrowed my eyes, biting back the vile retort I was dying to unleash. It wouldn’t do any good.

The bell above the door rang out and everyone turned to see who had entered but me. I kept my gaze fixed on the asshole ahead, picturing what his lip would look like when it’s split, busted against his discolored teeth.

“I’ll see you later, Shy,” I said with a smile. This conversation would have to be finished later and I knew exactly how I was going to be spending my evening. I wondered if Lila would be up for a party. Daven wouldn’t question where I was heading if I had a goody two shoes like her with me. I could kill two birds with one stone… or at the very least, set one free.

August 6, 2015

I huffed out a frustrated groan causing wisps of my hair to float out in front of my face before settling against my forehead.

Bridget rolled her eyes as she tucked my freshly curled locks behind my ear.

“Just hold still. I’m almost finished,” she assured me as she twisted the lid off her lip gloss and dabbed it to the center of my bottom lip. “This will make your pout fuller. He won’t be able to resist.” She winked as she placed the lid back on the tube and dropped it into the bottomless pit she called a purse.

“I am not trying to make out with him, I just… ugh. I just want to get out of the house.”

“Woah!” Her eyes widened with her smirk. “You actually want to leave your house? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Those crazy pills your mom has you on must be doing their job.”

I felt my cheeks darken with embarrassment and hoped the artificial blush covered my skin well enough that she wouldn’t notice. “Shut up,” I mumbled as I pushed from the floor and walked toward the window. My heart sank at the faded grease spot on Daven’s driveway where Kaden’s car normally parked. But as headlights flooded the road, my heart leaped into my throat and I held my breath, waiting to see if he’d returned. It was already dark out and I had lost all hope of him coming home, but there he was, sliding out of his sleek muscle car, stretching his back and causing his t-shirt to rise up and reveal some of his muscular flesh.

He turned, looking up at my window and I froze as I realized my light was making me visible against the darkened night sky. For once, someone saw me and he held my gaze as he waved, the left side of his mouth twisting up into a smile as his other hand shoved deep into his pocket.

“Wave back, dummy,” Bridget nudged me from behind causing me to lurch forward. I raised my hand, waving each finger individually as if they had a mind of their own and I was thankful because the brain in my head seemed to have been placed on mute.

His other hand was shoved deep into his jeans pocket but he stood, unmoving as he watched me, hand raised in mid hello as I noticed the doorway behind him light up, illuminating him from behind before it faded and a shadowy figure crept up from out of the darkness.

Daven placed his hand on Kaden’s shoulder as he said something to him, now both of their faces turned up to my silhouette. At first, it looked as though Daven might be angry but when he saw me, he tilted his chin up in acknowledgment before he waved as well. I suddenly became self-aware again and dropped my hand to my side, my mouth gaping open like a fish desperate for a gulp of air.

But as my head swam in the euphoria of this boy noticing me, I then noticed him… moving… closer. His feet had set out to cross the street and he was heading toward my front door.

“Oh, God!” I let the curtain fall back into place as I began to panic. “There is no way my dad is going to let me leave the house with him.”

“Breathe, Lila. Breathe. Your parents are in their room for the night. Just go intercept him before he rings the bell. I’ll sneak out with your brother and they will be none the wiser.”

I nodded, not sure I understood the plan but I knew I could trust Bridget and there was no time to second guess her. She was a wild child by nature and if I wanted to enjoy life, I needed to take a play from her book.

I flew from my room, taking the stairs two by two, cringing as the third from the bottom squeaked in protest under my weight. I grabbed the front door and turned the cold metal against my sweaty palm, yanking it open to a startled Kaden. I froze, unable to speak with him this close. He was even better looking than I’d realized.

“Hey,” He smiled again with a lopsided grin that caused a dimple to settle deep into his right cheek. I wanted to reach out and run my fingertips over the divot to see if one would sink into the other side. I promised myself then that by the end of the night, I would cause a full smile to spread across his face. “Hey,” he repeated, bending at his knees slightly to catch my gaze which was still locked on his lips.

“Oh... ugh… Davin said you needed someone to show you around the mall,” I stammered, shifting my weight from foot to foot and feeling like I might collapse under the heavy weight of all of the makeup Bridget had smeared across my face.

“Right,” he nodded as if he had been told the same about me. Glancing over his shoulder, I groaned audibly when I saw Davin in his doorway, waving his entire arm as if he had just pulled off his master plan. My body burned with humiliation but I was grateful that I would finally be able to have some fun with someone else. Don’t get me wrong, books have always been my escape but at some point I need to stop imagining what could happen and live my life before it passes me by.

My brothers muffled voice from upstairs telling my dad we were getting ready to leave brought me back into the moment. I had to disappear quickly. Grabbing the door handle, I pulled it behind me, pushing myself closer to Kaden. Instead of stepping out of the way, he kept his feet firmly planted, causing us to play a game of chicken that I couldn’t afford to lose. I inhaled deeply as a waft of his minty cologne drifted in the thick night air. His body went ridged as I brushed against his chest with my arm, sliding between him and the door frame. The dimple that accented his cheek had disappeared as his jaw went hard killing any self-esteem I may have harbored.

“Come on.” He stepped around me and made his way across the darkened street. I stumbled over my own feet as I followed behind, raising my arm to take a whiff of myself, praying I didn’t stink. All day I’d thought of the numerous ways I could screw this up but stench hadn’t crossed my mind.

“We don’t have to do this… I mean, if you don’t really feel like it, I understand,” I mumbled as we reached his car. Kaden stood between me and the passenger door and I was worried he really did want to blow me off, not that I could blame him. I wasn’t exactly the type of girl I’m sure he liked to spend his time with. The muscles in his jaw worked under his skin as he looked me over.

“It’s fine. It’s… nothing.” Reaching behind him, he gripped the car handle and pulled open the door, this time clearing the way so I wouldn’t have to rub against him. I hated that disappointment that followed that realization but I shoved that thought to the back of my mind to overthink about later.

“Thanks,” I said as I slipped into the bench seat and he quickly pushed the door closed behind me, putting a thick window between us. I felt like a monkey on display at the Alexandria Zoo. I tried not to take it personally as he shook his head while rounding the front of his car. He yelled something to his uncle but his voice was muffled leaving me to worry that he was expressing his disappointment.
Why did I agree to this? Oh, right. It was my stupid fantasy since I watched him arrive months ago.

I kept myself pressed against the door as he joined me inside of the car and turned the key in the ignition. His eyes met mine briefly before he rolled down his window with a frustrated sigh.

“Should I?” I gripped the window crank with my damp palm and began to turn it as he shrugged, putting the car in reverse and backing us out of the driveway. The engine was so loud I was terrified my parents would come running outside any second but I knew not even they thought I’d willingly leave the house to hang out with some hot guy in his badass car. They probably assumed I was harassing my brother right now about what times of pens write best and all of the different types of notebooks I would need. Boring old predictable Lila Jane.

“It’s a warm night,” he shrugged again. “The fresh air is… nice.”

“Oh. Really? Most people think it smells like a swamp.” I tilted my chin down and inhaled again, silently cursing Bridget for spraying me down with her Vanilla Sugar body spray.
Was I really nastier than a swamp? Is it too late to jump out into the road? If I tucked and rolled I would probably only get a few bumps and scrapes.

Kaden laughed sardonically as we made our way out of the Green Acres, our neighborhood, and onto the narrow highway. “Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think that you stank.” He laughed again, this time, deeper and I relaxed into my seat as I pulled my seatbelt across my chest and buckled it into place even though I was still seriously considering jumping out.
I could use the exercise.
I wasn’t fond of being the butt of jokes but I couldn’t say it was worse than being ignored and alone.

“I don’t normally wear this stuff. My friend picked it.” I chewed my lip, still feeling self-conscious.

“It’s… fine,” he glanced over at me as another car passed, illuminating his face with their headlights. The dimple was back in his cheek and it caused my stomach to flutter. “It just reminds me of someone… else.” His words hung heavy in the air and stung my ego like a slap in the face.

“Oh,” I repeated because I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to ask him to elaborate and I didn’t really feel like listening to him talk about some girl. I looked ahead at the road taking in the passing buildings. “Oh, this is toward Lake Charles. I was hoping to go to the mall in Alexandria. Shoot. I should have told you before we pulled out.”

Kaden made no attempt at decelerating and his eyes were locked ahead on the road.

“We’re not going to the mall. Either one.”

“
Yes,
we are,” I snapped in a tone that can only be described as
my mother
. I didn’t like being tricked and I didn’t know this guy from anyone. What if he was a murderer? The only people who even knew I was out with him had taken off for the night to protect my lie.
My dad was going to kill me if this guy killed me first… or whatever.

“No.” He glanced my way again as he reached for the knob on the radio to turn up the classic rock song that hummed in the background, oblivious to the inner turmoil that was wreaking havoc on my stomach. “We’re not. Besides, it probably won’t even be open by the time we get there.”

“Um…” I reached forward, feeling dwarfed as I struggled to reach the volume knob against my seatbelt that had locked and turn the music back down. “No. We are going to the mall.”

“Ugh… My uncle warned me you were sheltered.”

“Wait… Daven said that about
me
?” The thought of our one neighbor who actually talked to me like I was a human being saying something like that stung, partly because I knew it was true. That was the entire reason behind me wanting to meet Kaden. I wanted to live a little, just not in a
get yourself kidnapped by the crazy hot neighbor
kind of living. For the first time since I’d noticed Kaden, I began to wonder what brought him to Daven’s house to begin with. No mother I knew was ever excited about shipping their child off to live with someone else, especially not to a small backwoods town like DeRidder. No, this had to be a punishment of sorts. But why? The stories I’d concocted in my head could rival the plots of my favorite novels. One day I would jot them all down and live out my dream of becoming a mysterious recluse, just like the authors in the movies. That is if this stupid boy didn’t leave my body for the gators first.

“He did. I should have listened.” His tone was playful but the look in his eye was menacing. He enjoyed teasing me and the more I showed how much it bothered me, the worse it would get. My nerves began firing off in rapid succession. I could feel the panic heat my belly and spread throughout my limbs and I knew one of my attacks was imminent. My mind went to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I wished I’d thought ahead to bring a purse. I really
had
become my mother.

“This isn’t funny, Kaden. Just… just pull over and let me out. I’ll call my brother to come get me.”

“You
can’t
be serious.”

“As a heart attack.”