The Darkness of Perfection (14 page)

It wouldn’t have stopped me, but it would have hurt like a bitch. She kicked her heels into my shins, but did little damage since she was still barefoot. I made a mental note not to give her shoes. It wasn’t like she would need them anyway, at least for a while.

“Please don’t!” she screamed. The panic in her voice was unmistakable. She was terrified of the cage.

“I can’t breathe in there! Please just kill me. Kill me! I don’t care!”

I lowered her to the ground and fought to push her to her knees with one hand firmly around the back of her neck and the other on her shoulder. Her broken sobs and screams continued as she fought, bracing her hands against the front of the cage.

“No!” she wailed. “Ple-” Then suddenly stopped and made a gagging noise, and the contents of her stomach made an appearance on the carpeted floor, accompanied by the distinct odor of urine, just before her body went limp. She’d fainted.

I sighed heavily and bent to lift her gently in my arms. Gazing down at her limp form, I felt the first stirring of remorse before I brushed it away, swallowing the emotion and choosing to focus instead on how I technically hadn’t actually put her in the cage and wouldn’t do it in the future. Her fear was obviously genuine, and certainly the threat alone was enough.

I strode to the bedroom door and opened it using the hand under her knees, and called to Jerome and Luis standing in the hall.

“Get someone in here to clean up the mess in the closet and air out the stench,” I ordered. Jerome walked away to call for one of the servants, and I jerked my head back to point to my jacket on the back of the desk chair. “Luis, there’s a syringe and vial in the left coat pocket. Give her a small dose so I can get her cleaned up without any hassles.”

I turned away, knowing he would follow me into the room to do as I asked, and carried Jayden into the bathroom. Sitting on the side of the garden tub, I shifted her so I could reach the faucets and poured a handful of bath salts into the water. I didn’t really know how much I should use, so I added another handful just to be sure.

Her hair was a tangled mess and her clothing was soiled with vomit and urine. I felt an odd stirring of guilt in my chest that I was the one to blame for her being in this state. It was an unfamiliar feeling and I pushed the emotion down, reminding myself again why I was doing this. After all, I was only taking back what was rightfully mine.

The words “I’m sorry” came unbidden and sat like acid on the tip of my tongue. I hadn’t apologized to anyone in years. In fact, the last time I could remember apologizing was to Jayden twelve years ago, and coincidentally, it was for putting her in a cage. I dropped my chin to my chest and sighed; closing my eyes to shut out the memory that only increased my guilt, and then leaned down to press my lips against her forehead.

“No more cages, I promise,” I whispered against her hair. It wasn’t an apology, but it was a promise.

Nothing had changed. She was still mine, but I wouldn’t be responsible for creating that level of terror in her again. That made it better. Didn’t it?

Jayden began to stir as I pulled her shirt over her head. “Any day now,” I called to Luis.

If she woke before I could get her cleaned up, she would have another panic attack and only make things worse. I didn’t want to try and get a needle into her arm while she fought me. She’d been through enough already tonight, and I just wanted to get her cleaned up and have time to figure out my next move, and what to do about the guilt.

“Sorry, Sir,” Luis said, walking into the bathroom. “I couldn’t find the alcohol wipes and had to-”

“I don’t need excuses, just give her the damn shot before she wakes up,” I snapped.

He measured out the dosage and leaned down, wiping the small swab against her upper arm and pushing the needle in. After delivering the sedative, he stepped back and raked his eyes over her limp body clad only in a small bra and wet pants.

“She sure did make a mess,” he observed, chuckling. “Need any help getting her cleaned up?”

I paused while removing her pants and looked up at him, getting angry as I realized he was leering at her.

“You forget yourself,” I snarled, pulling Jayden closer against my chest to protect her from view. “Get the hell out of here now.”

He backed out of the bathroom with his hands raised in mock surrender. “No need to get touchy, boss.

It was just an offer.”

He turned at the door and left, and I waited until I heard the bedroom door close before I removed the

rest of Jayden’s clothing and lowered her into the water.

Bathing an unconscious person proved to be a lot harder than I figured. I couldn’t keep her from slipping down in the water. I was about to admit defeat and call for help when I made a decision. My shirt was already soaked, so I worked my boots off my feet, tugged off my jeans and shirt, and climbed in with Jayden, letting her rest against my chest as I gently washed her body, and then her hair. There wasn’t anything sexual in what I was doing.

I was simply taking care of her.

After bathing and dressing her, I went to get clean jeans and a t-shirt from the closet, and was pleased to find there was no hint of odor in the air other than the sharp smell of carpet cleaner. The cage had been moved and the carpet was still wet from the cleaner, but no other evidence remained of what had taken place earlier.

I stroked her pale cheek one last time, then leaned down and kissed the top of her damp head before securing her to the headboard where the handcuffs were still attached. I’d dressed her in a knit camisole and boxers to preserve her modesty, another concession I’d made instead of keeping her stripped. Somehow the reality of that idea had felt just as bad as the cage. Looking down at her helpless form, I settled my conscience with the thought that at least I hadn’t put her in the cage.

I pulled the blanket up to cover her and turned swiftly on my heel, striding out of the room before I decided to make any other concessions.

“Luis, you’re dismissed,” I stated, remembering the lustful look in his eye I’d seen earlier. He wouldn’t be a part of the detail assigned to Jayden any longer. I wanted only men I could trust around her.

I waited for Luis to leave and turned to Jerome to give my instructions. “She should sleep for a bit longer. No one goes in the room. I’ll be back in a little while.”

At his nod of understanding, I turned and headed downstairs to the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the refrigerator and pouring a large shot of whiskey in a glass. I downed it before carrying the beer outside to the back patio. Sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs, I nursed my beer while contemplating my actions.

Months of planning had gone into how to break Jayden’s resistance and ultimately bend her to my will. I knew the methods used at the facility, and had planned to implement them myself. I hated the thought of doing it to her, but it was necessary.

My head dropped back against the wooden chair, and I closed my eyes in resignation. None of this would have been necessary if Jayden’s mother hadn’t stolen her from me. She would have grown up completely sheltered, having no knowledge of how the rest of the world lived, only knowing what I wanted her to know.

The year she’d lived with us, she’d been homeschooled, if you could even call it that, so she would have a basic functioning knowledge of reading and writing necessary to care for our home, but nothing more. She didn’t need science, history, or government to be a wife and mother. There was no need for her to leave the property. If she was sick or hurt herself like the time she needed stitches, a doctor on my father’s payroll could make a house call.

My father was convinced that the only way to achieve perfection was to start them early, so the only knowledge a woman possessed was what you gave them. “You can’t miss what you don’t know”

was his motto. My grandfather had begun experimenting with this concept during his leadership, but hadn’t taken it far enough.

Jayden’s mother was a prime example of how my grandfather’s ways were insufficient. Her mother had been allowed a public education which ended at the age of twelve, with the thought being that she was still too young to know any different. Well, obviously they were wrong because she knew just enough to figure out how to escape with Jayden.

When my father took over he pushed the envelope, so to speak. His idea wasn’t to strip away, but to never give. I know I was too young to appreciate it at the time, but thinking about it over the years, I could see the merit in his thinking. If Jayden had never left, she would have accepted her place as my wife and never thought to question anything.

She would have been happy. She wouldn’t be upstairs guarded and handcuffed to the bed, and I wouldn’t be down here brooding over a beer, trying to bury this uncomfortable feeling in my gut that only seemed to be getting bigger.

We would have been happily ensconced in our home, sharing the evening sunset on our porch swing. Perhaps we’d take a walk around the grounds before retiring to our bedroom where we’d make love, falling asleep in each other’s arms. Maybe her belly would already be swelling with our first child.

“It is what it is. No point bemoaning the fact,” I mumbled, bringing the bottle to my lips again.

“Hello, Nicholas.”

I paused with the bottle hovering in the air, the only acknowledgement I gave to her presence, and then tipped it up, draining the remaining contents. After putting the bottle on the ground next to the chair, I stood and turned to walk back into the house, ignoring her standing nervously by the rail. She had obviously been in her precious garden if the basket of fresh-picked vegetables was anything to go by.

“Nicholas, please stay,” she pleaded, walking closer to me. “Talk to me.”

Irritated with my thoughts already, seeing her standing there acting so innocent was enough to set off my temper. I pivoted on my heel and strode back over to my chair, sitting down again and waving my hand to another chair, indicating she was free to join me.

“Okay Mother, you wanted to talk, so let’s talk,” I snapped, and waited as she timidly sat down, her basket of vegetables held tightly in her lap. “So, are you enjoying the heat? It’ll be nice when we get out of the nineties. The weatherman is predicting a cool front by the end of week, so we should see cooler nights at least. Is that what you wanted to discuss?” My words dripped with malice, clearly conveying my feelings toward her.

She lowered her head, staring down at her lap and my eyes narrowed in anger. How dare she act sad or disappointed in any way where I was concerned? She was as much to blame as Jayden’s mother. If she’d been more careful that night, she wouldn’t have started that damn fire to begin with. Everyone knows you don’t use water to put out a grease fire, and that was after she’d used a towel to beat at it, spreading flaming grease everywhere.

By the time she’d thought to call for help, what should have been such a small, insignificant cooking mishap had turned into a major fire that the fire department had to be called to extinguish. In the ensuing chaos, Jayden and her mother had taken off.

“Well?” I demanded. “You wanted to talk, so start talking.” I watched her sit there for all of ten seconds before rising again. “Goodnight, Mother.”

“Wait, please,” she implored. “I do want to talk to you. Please sit for just a few minutes with me?”

I didn’t bother sitting again, but stood waiting with my hands shoved into my jeans pockets. After Jayden had disappeared, we hadn’t had many interactions. I knew the fire wasn’t her fault but that wasn’t the reason. All those years ago when I cried on her shoulder, telling her how much I missed Jayden, she’d tell me Jayden was living the life she should and that I should be happy for her. She wanted me to see it as an opportunity for Jayden to have a life. Only she did have a life. With me.