The Darkness of Perfection (32 page)

Four years later
“Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

I accepted the scroll from the university president and held it in the air, waving in the general direction of my family. There was no way to pinpoint them in a crowd this large, but if the piercing whistles, fog horns and screaming were anything to go by, then I knew they were somewhere to the left of the stage.

I returned to my seat and waited impatiently for rest of the ceremony to end. Even after all this time I got anxious when we were separated. The last four years hadn’t been easy, but with counseling and a lot of help from my family I’d made it out the other side a lot stronger and wiser. I’d found my inner strength and those times when I felt like I couldn’t go on, I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other until I got past whatever was weighing me down.

The ceremony finally ended and I followed the crush of people to the exits. I was stopped repeatedly to hug friends and say a quick ‘hello’ when introduced to their families. All the while my focus was on finding my own family in the sea of faces that blurred around me.

Squinting against the bright sun, my mind was on the celebration planned next as I walked down the sidewalk to find everyone. Despite the oppressive August heat, I broke out in goose bumps when I saw the person walking toward me. For a split second I thought I was seeing things, but I knew I wasn’t.

I remembered the last time I saw him over three years ago. I sat in a courtroom with my father and listened while a judge sentenced him to two years in state prison for kidnapping me. The court gave him leniency since he pled guilty and had already released me on his own. Katherine and William sat behind him offering their support.

My emotions that day were such a jumble I wasn’t sure what I really felt. I wanted to talk to him. I had questions that needed answers no one else could provide to my satisfaction. I had woken up in the hospital to see my family in the room. Nicholas never came to see me, but I knew he’d been there.

I tried to contact him after he was arrested, but he refused to see me. I wrote letters to him in the months leading up to the trial. Daniel, acting as his attorney, returned them to me unopened before the trial began. Because of that, a larger part of me wanted to watch him suffer for everything he put me through. He turned my world upside down and changed it forever and he couldn’t spare ten minutes to talk to me. Two years was both too long and not long enough.

Watching him stand and face his sentence without batting an eye was one of the hardest things I’ve done. His expression revealed nothing of his feelings regarding his sentencing. As they led him away he turned back to look at me only once and for just a moment he let me see the emotion he hid. I cried that night regretting my decisions, but it was too late to change anything.

I was notified a year ago that he’d been released from prison. For weeks I waited for him to come knocking on my door. Every time the doorbell rang my heart stopped. Only he never came.

Now he stood in front of me looking larger than life. He was dressed in boots and pressed jeans. A black blazer covered a starched white shirt and a black cowboy hat completed his look. He was dressed to impress. In his hand was a large bouquet of orange roses wrapped in tissue paper.

My heart raced and butterflies made a mad dash around and around in my stomach when our eyes met and a slow smile stretched across his face.

“Hello, Jayden,” he said softly. “Congratulations. These are for you.”

“Hello,” I croaked. I took the roses from him and buried my nose in the beautiful blooms to give myself a moment to gather my wits. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, but I needed to warn my family somehow.

“What-What are you doing here?”

His eyes roved over me taking in my billowing gown that hung unzipped now, showing off the new pink sundress I wore underneath. His grin widened at seeing the flip-flops I wore on my feet instead of heels like most of the female graduates.

“Nice fashion statement,” he smiled.

“They’re comfortable,” I shrugged defensively.

My eyes darted around anxiously, but fortunately I still didn’t see my family anywhere. We had a designated location where we were supposed to meet after the graduation ceremony. They would be there by now waiting for me. I knew they probably thought I’d gotten caught up saying ‘goodbyes’

but I didn’t want them to get worried if I took too long.

Seeing him after all this time made me uncomfortable. There was so much unspoken between us and it was too late now. I didn’t know why he was here. I knew he was in touch with his family, but where I was concerned the rule was “don’t ask, don’t tell”.

“I need to go. My family-” I let my excuse trail off.

I moved to brush past him only to have him stop me with a hand on my arm. I stopped and looked down at his large, tanned hand. His calloused palms were rough against my skin. I tilted my face up to stare mesmerized by his blue eyes. Gone was the cold icy stare from before and in its place was the clear blue sky of a sunny day. They held a warmth and depth I’d never seen before.

He had changed.

He dropped his hand from my arm and stuck his hands in his jeans pockets. I felt a twinge of regret at the loss of his touch.

“I’m not here to hurt you or cause trouble. I just wanted to be here to see you achieve your dream. I know how much this meant to you. I heard your family cheering when you were on stage. They must be very proud.”

“They are,” I answered softly.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking about everything I did wrong. Do you think-if I’d done it right from the beginning we could have made it work?”

I studied him closely, seeing the changes in his face that weren’t there before. He had a small scar on his right cheekbone and there were small furrows between his eyes like he spent a lot of time squinting against the sun. His skin was darker, too. All of these changes only made him more handsome in my opinion.

I dropped my gaze from his and rubbed a velvet petal on one of the blooms for distraction. There was so much I wanted to say to him, so much I wanted to ask. But this wasn’t the place and after four years, I no longer had the nerve. I accepted his rejection a long time ago and I’d moved on and made a life I was comfortable with. Having those answers now wouldn’t change anything.

“I can’t answer that, Nicholas. It’s too late-”

“Please, Jayden, don’t say that,” he begged. The sound made my heart hurt in response. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but would you consider having dinner with me one evening? Somewhere public,” he rushed to offer. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and brushed my cheek softly with his finger. “I promise I don’t want anything from you other than dinner. I’d like to take you out on a date.”

I shook my head. “I-I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I replied, my voice heavy with regret. “I’m sorry. I really need to go.”

“Coffee, then?” he offered. “Please, Jayden. I just want the chance to do it right this time.”

I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I had trouble swallowing the emotion clogging my throat. I knew it was a mistake, but maybe I opened my mouth to answer only to be interrupted.

“Mommy, you got wost,” a high-pitched voice accused as a small body plowed into my knees. “You scawred me!”

“I’m sorry, Jayden, but she was getting antsy waiting for you,” William explained, rushing up from behind Nicholas, not noticing who I was talking to at first. “I told her we’d find you so we could go eat. Mom and your parents are heading to the restaurant with the kids to get a table. Grace and Kevin are getting the truck and-”

I quickly picked up the three-year-old ball of energy and held her close, burying my face in her long blond hair to hide my fear. I heard the sharp intake of breath, but didn’t know whether it was Nicholas’s shock at seeing his brother at my graduation or the other way around. Either way my house of cards was destroyed. I squeezed my eyes shut against the sting of tears that filled them.

“Jayden?” His voice was soft, but filled with confusion.

I lifted my face from my daughter’s hair and took a deep breath. I settled her on my hip and kissed her soft head before looking at him. “Nicholas, I’d like you to meet Nickie,” I offered quietly. I nudged her chin up from where her head rested on my shoulder and spoke softly to her. “Nickie, can you say ‘hello’?”

She turned to study Nicholas and I held my breath waiting. Blue eyes met blue eyes and if he hadn’t put the pieces together yet, she did it for him.

“Hewo, Daddy,” she announced innocently.

Table of Contents
Cover

Title

Copyright

About the Author

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter 01

Chapter 02

Chapter 03

Chapter 04

Chapter 05

Chapter 06

Chapter 07

Chapter 08

Chapter 09

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Epilogue