The Darkness of Perfection (25 page)

My legs wrapped around his hips trapping his hand between us, acknowledging my surrender. I clung to him and he swallowed my cries when his erection replaced his fingers and he pressed forward, taking from me what I could never give again.

Despite all the tears I’d already cried, I found enough to mourn the loss of who I used to be and could never be again. I tried to block out the words he whispered in my ears as his hips thrust against me one last time and he collapsed on me, but there was no hiding from the truth.

I belonged to him completely.

Jayden sat across from me and ate her breakfast silently while I drank my coffee. My own breakfast had long since been polished off. Her eyes never left her plate as she slowly brought her fork to her lips each time, taking small bites of her eggs.

The white satin and lace robe she wore matched the gown still lying on our bedroom floor. The thin material was designed to tease the imagination, only there was no need for me to imagine. I knew what lay beneath and she was perfect. Her cheeks were still flushed and she had attempted to tame her tangled hair with her fingers, leaving her looking every bit the very well-loved bride she was.

Though I knew her body had to be tender, I had been insatiable. The knowledge that she was my wife and had accepted me fueled my desire for her. It had never been like that for me before. I don’t know where my own body found the energy to keep going. Each time I swore would be the last so she could rest, only to feel my body stir to life again a short time later.

With her head on my chest and her naked body pressed against my side, I had felt at peace for the first time in years. It wasn’t love yet, but I knew given time it would grow. For now I would be content in the knowledge that she was finally mine.

“Jayden, look at me.”

She dropped her fork, causing it to clank loudly against the china plate in front of her. Her eyes widened in apprehension when she responded. “Yes, Nicholas?”

I sighed at her formality in addressing me. “Relax, Jayden.” I laid my hand palm up on the table, indicating I wanted to hold her hand. She cautiously placed her hand in mine and I closed my fingers over hers. I smiled at the symbol of our union on her finger and rubbed the band with my thumb, ignoring her trembling fingers. “I thought we’d spend the day enjoying the city and tonight we could take a dinner cruise and see the bats.”

“Bats?” she squeaked.

I couldn’t prevent laughing at her wide-eyed expression and brought her hand to my lips, kissing her fingers. “Yes, bats. It’s a big deal here. They even have a hockey team named after them. It really is a spectacular sight to see,” I assured her.

“So we’re going out?” she mused.

Her eyes dropped to study our clasped hands and my eyes narrowed as I studied her carefully. She was thinking too hard about my announcement and avoiding my gaze. I squeezed her hand, causing her eyes to dart back to mine quickly before looking away again. I sighed heavily and shook my head in disappointment. I had to remind myself that while we had come far, it was too soon for her to have given up the idea of escape completely.

“Yes Jayden, we’re going out,” I stated slowly. I swear I could almost hear the gears turning in her mind, plotting how she might escape me. “You may as well forget whatever you’re planning in that beautiful head of yours.” She looked up swiftly, guilt written across her face at being caught. “You’re my wife now. It’s my job to protect you and that includes protecting you from yourself and keeping you from doing anything stupid,” I warned. “Why do you think I brought three bodyguards, if not for your protection?”

I gave her a moment to let that reminder sink in and poured another cup of coffee for myself. Bringing her to Austin was a huge gamble on my part, but I’d wanted to give her a honeymoon. After this week, she’d probably never leave the property again other than for an emergency. It was October and the weather fluctuated almost every other day between hot and cold, but it was supposed to stay warm for the next few days. It would give us time to enjoy the lake and a couple of other attractions. Our home would be ready to move in to by the time we returned and our life together would really begin.

“You promised me just last night that you’d try harder, Jayden. Were you lying?”

I could see the weight of defeat in the slump of her shoulders when she shook her head and mumbled a quiet, “No”.

I nodded, accepting her answer, and tugged on her hand until she stood and settled herself into my lap.

I wrapped my arms around her and my mouth immediately sought that sweet spot behind her ear that always elicited the desired reaction no matter how stiffly she tried to hold herself from me. I wasn’t disappointed when her breath hitched in response, causing my body to respond in kind.

I held her closer, shifting her in my lap so she felt my desire for her tuck between her legs. I let my hand slide upward, feeling her warmth, and pushed at the edge of her robe until it fell off of her shoulder, baring her breast to me. She trembled when I cupped her breast with my hand and stroked her nipple with my thumb until it pebbled under my touch.

“Please, Nicholas,” she whimpered. “I’m-” She halted in embarrassment, unable to admit she was sore from how many times I claimed her in the night and this morning already.

I dropped my forehead against her chest, disappointed, and fought for control. Her body was tense as she waited silently to see if I would grant her a reprieve. She had been a virgin last night and wasn’t used to this. She was my wife and deserving of tenderness and understanding. We would have forever to make love. I kissed the swell of her breast, letting my lips linger for a moment before reluctantly pulling away. I settled her robe on her shoulder again and cupped her face, kissing her softly. I brushed her hair back from her face, taking in her fearful expression.

“You’re just so damn beautiful. I’ve lived like a monk the last few months and I can’t help it. I just can’t get enough of you now that you’re mine,” I admitted. “Why don’t you go soak in the bathtub.

The bubble bath you like so much should be in there. A warm bath should help ease most of stiffness you’re feeling while I get the arrangements finalized for tonight.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled. She moved to stand and I couldn’t resist holding her a moment longer.

“Our life is finally back on track, Jayden. All that’s left is for you to stop fighting. Keep working on it and I’ll help you get back to where you need to be.”

A shudder went through her and I let my arms drop away so she could get up. I grabbed her hand when she turned to go into the bathroom. “Take your time. We won’t leave for at least another hour. I want you to enjoy the day.”

I winced when my abused flesh met the bottom of the bathtub and carefully settled into the bath. I leaned back, resting my head on the rolled-up towel and clenched my teeth so I wouldn’t make a sound. The last thing I wanted was for Nicholas to come in here when I was in the bath. I pushed the faucet with my toe, shutting off the water and sank down until the bubbles covered me to my chin.

“Aw,” I sighed.

I closed my eyes and ran my hands over the surface of the water, letting the buoyancy keep them afloat. I wanted the warmth of the water to relax and soothe me so I could forget the past twenty-four hours, but that was impossible. I’d never be able to block those events from my mind. I guess my mind had been more resilient as a child, protecting me from the traumas I’d lived through. It had slammed the door on every moment of my life before the car accident, leaving my life a blank page to start a new story.

I held my left hand up and watched the bubbles slide down my arm, slowly revealing the platinum and diamond band on my finger. Even if I managed to somehow escape, years down the road I would still remember I was Nicholas’s wife. I’d given him my virginity and my traitorous body had even enjoyed some of it, though the ache between my legs wasn’t very enjoyable at the moment.

Thinking about last night, I couldn’t even accuse him of making me feel used or abused. He’d been nothing but thoughtful and gentle with me. And insatiable. I lost count of how many times he’d woken me in the night after that first time. It would be almost comical if the situation wasn’t so tragic.

Nicholas was hornier than any high school boy I’d ever known and he had the stamina to keep going until he was thoroughly satisfied.

I sat up and drew my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them tightly, and stared at the door a moment. I could hear his voice beyond the door and assumed he was discussing his plans with the guards he brought with us. I closed my eyes and turned my head to rest my forehead on my knees and finally let the tears I’d been holding back all morning flow.

Before he kidnapped me, I was taking birth control to regulate my period. That was a month ago.

Last night he never used a condom. How long would it be before I became pregnant with his child?

The very thought made me sick. Would I end up raising another generation of monsters or would he sell our child if I gave birth to a daughter?

How could I save a child if I couldn’t even save myself? Somehow, I didn’t think Nicholas would ever be lax enough for me to escape with his child like my mom had. Her success was probably responsible for the constant vigilance he showed in never allowing me that chance. Only time could make him relax, but how many years would pass before that happened?

I didn’t want to live years waiting on an opportunity that might never come. No, I was going to have to live with yesterday’s decision and make the best of the life I had been given. Nicholas proved last night that while he wouldn’t be denied my body if he wanted it, he was also a kind and gentle lover.

On some twisted level, I knew he cared for me. Maybe I could work on those feelings and convince him to let whatever child we might have live a normal life?

He was already my husband in every way. I needed to stop fighting him and just accept it. If I had

a hope in hell of surviving the rest of my life then I needed to start acting the part. I’d been good at theater in high school so it was time to use those skills I’d been taught and ‘fake it until I believed it’.

With my new motto firmly planted in my head, I finished my bath and got ready for my first full day as Nicholas’s wife. My husband wasn’t going to find any reason to be suspicious of my actions. I was going to be the best wife I knew how to be.

And if we had children, then I would reevaluate my decision and pray I could protect them like my mom had with me.

I turned off the bathroom light behind me and walked back into the bedroom. The sun was just beginning to make its appearance over the water, bathing the room in a soft pink light. I closed the drapes, darkening the room once again and quietly slipped back into bed. Jayden shivered in her sleep from the draft of cool air that hit her bare skin and shifted seeking my warmth. I pulled the blankets over us and settled her once again against my side with her head on my chest, kissing the top of her head.

We were heading home today and Jayden would begin to settle into her life as my wife. After the week we’ve had I was feeling positive about our future. The first couple of days were a struggle. She was stiff and formal, but I had to give her credit for making the effort. She was nervous seeing all the bats taking flight from their home under the bridge and filling the evening sky. I had to admit I enjoyed having her cling to my side, her hand wrapped protectively around her neck. Just in case.

The next day was better. I took her to the museums and art galleries downtown. It was a work day so they were mostly deserted other than a few elementary school classes on field trips. I had planned our trip so she could see all the sights I thought she would enjoy without risking her being in large crowds where she would be harder to contain.