The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (662 page)

If I can restrain my wrongful love, I will;
If not, to compass her I'll use my skill.

But if not, I will use my skill to win her over.

Exit

A street.

Enter SPEED and LAUNCE severally

SPEED

Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!

Launce! I swear by my own honesty, welcome to Milan!

LAUNCE

Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not

Don’t swear against yourself, sweet young man, for I am not
welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never

Welcome. I always believe this, that a man is never
undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a

Destroyed until he is executed, nor is he ever welcome to a
place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess

Place until his bill is paid and the hostess
say 'Welcome!'

Says ‘Welcome!’

SPEED

Come on, you madcap, I'll to the alehouse with you

Come one, you lunatic, I’ll go with you to the pub
presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou

Immedieately; where, for a bill of five pennies, you
shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how

Will have five thousand welcomes. But, man, how
did thy master part with Madam Julia?

Did you master part ways with Madam Julia?

LAUNCE

Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very

By Mary, after they seriously embraced, they parted very
fairly in jest.

Kindly.

SPEED

But shall she marry him?

But will she marry him?

LAUNCE

No.

No.

SPEED

How then? shall he marry her?

What then? Will he marry her?

LAUNCE

No, neither.

No, not that either.

SPEED

What, are they broken?

What then, have they broken up?

LAUNCE

No, they are both as whole as a fish.

No, they are still as together as they ever were.

SPEED

Why, then, how stands the matter with them?

Well, then, what’s the deal with them?

LAUNCE

Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it

By Mary, it’s like this: when it goes well with him, it
stands well with her.

Goes well with her.

SPEED

What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.

You’re such an ass! I don’t understand you.

LAUNCE

What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My

You’re such a blockhead, that you can’t undestand me! Even my
staff understands me.

Walking stick and stand under me.

SPEED

What thou sayest?

What are you saying?

LAUNCE

Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean,

Yes, and it’s what I do too: look here, I’ll just lean,
and my staff understands me.

And my staff stand under me and holds my weight.

SPEED

It stands under thee, indeed.

It does stand under you, indeed.

LAUNCE

Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.

Well, stand under and understand are the same thing.

SPEED

But tell me true, will't be a match?

But tell me honestly, will they get married.

LAUNCE

Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no,

Ask my dog: if he says yes, they well! If he says no,
it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.

They will; the she wags his tail and says nothing, they will.

SPEED

The conclusion is then that it will.

So the conclusion is that they will get married.

LAUNCE

Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.

I will never tell you such a secret from me unless it’s indirectly.

SPEED

'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest

It’s a good thing I get it then. But, Launce, what do you
thou, that my master is become a notable lover?

Say about how your master has become well known as a lover?

LAUNCE

I never knew him otherwise.

I’ve never known him to be different.

SPEED

Than how?

How so?

LAUNCE

A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.

A well-known lubbering idiot, as you say he is.

SPEED

Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me.

Why, you son of a whore! you ass! you misunderstood me.

LAUNCE

Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.

Well, fool, I didn’t mean you; I meant your master.

SPEED

I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.

I tell you, my master has become a passionate lover.

LAUNCE

Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself

Well, I tell you, I don’t care if he burns himself
in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse;
with love. If you will, come with to the pub;
if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the

If not, then you are a Jew, and not worthy
to be

name of a Christian.

Called a Christian.

SPEED

Why?

Why?

LAUNCE

Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to

Because you don’t have enough good will in you to
go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?

Go to the pub with a Christian. Will you come?

SPEED

At thy service.

I’m at your service.

Exeunt

The DUKE'S palace.

Enter PROTEUS

PROTEUS

To leave my Julia, shall I be forsworn;

If I leave my dear Julia, I will have broken my oath of loyalty;
To love fair Silvia, shall I be forsworn;

If I love the beautiful Silvia, I will have broken my oath;
To wrong my friend, I shall be much forsworn;

If I commit and offence against my friend, I will have really broken my loyalty;
And even that power which gave me first my oath

And the same power of love, which provoked this first oath of loyalty
Provokes me to this threefold perjury;

Now provokes me to break my oath in three ways;
Love bade me swear and Love bids me forswear.

Love made me promise, and love makes me break my promise.
O sweet-suggesting Love, if thou hast sinned,

Oh irresistible Love, if you have ever sinned,
Teach me, thy tempted subject, to excuse it!

Teach me, your follower who is tempted to sin, to justify it!
At first I did adore a twinkling star,

First, I adored a woman who was like a twinkling star,
But now I worship a celestial sun.

But now I worship a woman who is like a heavenly sun.
Unheedful vows may heedfully be broken,

Careless promises can be carefully broken,
And he wants wit that wants resolved will

And a man lacks intelligence if he lacks the determined will
To learn his wit to exchange the bad for better.

To teach his mind to exchange bad thing for better things.
Fie, fie, unreverend tongue! to call her bad,

Shame, shame on you, you disrespectful tongue! To call her bad,
Whose sovereignty so oft thou hast preferr'd

Whose great excellence you chose so often
With twenty thousand soul-confirming oaths.

With twenty-thousand promises from your soul.
I cannot leave to love, and yet I do;

I cannot stop loving, but I have;
But there I leave to love where I should love.

But I have stopped loving where I should love.
Julia I lose and Valentine I lose:

I lose Julia and I lose Valentine:
If I keep them, I needs must lose myself;

If I keep them, I must lose myself.
If I lose them, thus find I by their loss

But if I lose them, I then find myself due to their loss
For Valentine myself, for Julia Silvia.

Myself in exchange for Valentine, and Silvia in exchange for Julia.
I to myself am dearer than a friend,

I am more dear to myself then a friend is,
For love is still most precious in itself;

For love is always very precious by it’s nature;
And Silvia--witness Heaven, that made her fair!—

And Silvia—Heaven, which made her beautiful, bear witness!—
Shows Julia but a swarthy Ethiope.

Shows up Julia, who is merely like an unattractive Ethiopian.
I will forget that Julia is alive,

I will forget that Julia is alive,
Remembering that my love to her is dead;

As I will remember that my love for her is dead;
And Valentine I'll hold an enemy,

And I’ll consider Valentine my enemy,
Aiming at Silvia as a sweeter friend.

And I’ll aim to have Silvia as my sweet lover.
I cannot now prove constant to myself,

Now, I can’t prove to be loyal to myself,
Without some treachery used to Valentine.

Without some betrayal against Valentine.
This night he meaneth with a corded ladder

Tonight he intends, using a rope ladder,
To climb celestial Silvia's chamber-window,

To climb to heavenly Silvia’s bedroom window,
Myself in counsel, his competitor.