The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (586 page)

GRUMIO. Katherine the curst!

Katherine the cursed!

A title for a maid of all titles the worst.

The worst possible title for a young woman.

HORTENSIO. Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace,

Now my friend Petruchio shall do me a favor,

And offer me disguis'd in sober robes,

And present me disguised in formal robes,

To old Baptista as a schoolmaster

To old Baptista as a teacher

Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca;

Experienced in music, to instruct Bianca;

That so I may, by this device at least

That in this way I may, by this method at least

Have leave and leisure to make love to her,

Have permission and time to talk of love to her,

And unsuspected court her by herself.

And without being suspected court her by herself.

GRUMIO. Here's no knavery! See, to beguile the old folks, how the young folks lay their heads together!

Here's no trickery! See, to fool the old folks, how the young folks put their heads together!

[Enter GREMIO, and LUCENTIO disguised, with books under his arm.]

Master, master, look about you: who goes there, ha?

Master, master, look around you: who goes there, huh?

HORTENSIO. Peace, Grumio! 'tis the rival of my love. Petruchio, stand by awhile.

Enough, Grumio! It is the rival of my love. Petruchio, stand by awhile.

GRUMIO. A proper stripling, and an amorous!

A proper young man, and one filled with romance!

GREMIO. O! very well; I have perus'd the note.

Oh! Very well; I have read the note.

Hark you, sir; I'll have them very fairly bound:

Listen, sir; I'll have them very beautifully bound:

All books of love, see that at any hand,

All books of love, see that in any case,

And see you read no other lectures to her. You understand me.

Over and beside Signior Baptista's liberality,

Beyond Signior Baptista's generosity,

I'll mend it with a largess. Take your papers too,

I'll add to it with extra money. Take your papers too,

And let me have them very well perfum'd;

And let me have them very well perfumed;

For she is sweeter than perfume itself

To whom they go to.

The one they go to.

What will you read to her?

LUCENTIO. Whate'er I read to her, I'll plead for you,

Whatever I read to her, I'll plead for you,

As for my patron, stand you so assur'd,

As for my employer, rest assured,

As firmly as yourself were still in place;

As firmly as you yourself were still in place;

Yea, and perhaps with more successful words

Yes, and perhaps with more successful words

Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir.

GREMIO. O! this learning, what a thing it is.

GRUMIO. O! this woodcock, what an ass it is.

PETRUCHIO. Peace, sirrah!

Quiet, man!

HORTENSIO. Grumio, mum! God save you, Signior Gremio!

Grumio, silence! God save you, Sir Gremio!

GREMIO. And you are well met, Signior Hortensio.

Good to see you, Sir Hortensio.

Trow you whither I am going?

Can you guess where I am going?

To Baptista Minola. I promis'd to enquire carefully

To Baptista Minola. I promised to carefully ask around

About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca;

About a good teacher for beautiful Bianca;

And by good fortune I have lighted well

And by good fortune I have come across

On this young man; for learning and behaviour

This young man; for learning and behavior

Fit for her turn, well read in poetry

Suitable for her, well-read in poetry,

And other books, good ones, I warrant ye.

And other books, good ones, I promise you.

HORTENSIO. 'Tis well; and I have met a gentleman

It is good; and I have met a nobleman

Hath promis'd me to help me to another,

Who has promised to help me to another,

A fine musician to instruct our mistress:

A fine musician to instruct our lady:

So shall I no whit be behind in duty

So I shall in no way be behind in duty

To fair Bianca, so belov'd of me.

To beautiful Bianca, I love so dearly.

GREMIO. Belov'd of me, and that my deeds shall prove.

That I love so dearly too, and that my actions shall prove.

GRUMIO. [Aside.] And that his bags shall prove.

And that his money shall prove.

HORTENSIO. Gremio, 'tis now no time to vent our love:

Gremio, this is not a good time to discuss our love:

Listen to me, and if you speak me fair,

Listen to me, and if you are polite,

I'll tell you news indifferent good for either.

I'll tell you news that is impartially good for both of us.

Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met,

Here is a gentleman whom I met by chance,

Upon agreement from us to his liking,

Upon an agreement between us that he likes,

Will undertake to woo curst Katherine;

Will go about wooing cursed Katherine;

Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please.

Yes, and to marry her, if her dowry is pleasing.

GREMIO. So said, so done, is well. Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?

Said in that way, done in that way, is all good. Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?

PETRUCHIO. I know she is an irksome brawling scold;

I know she is an annoying brawling scold;

If that be all, masters, I hear no harm.

If that is all, gentleman, I see no harm in it.

GREMIO. No, say'st me so, friend? What countryman?

No, you say, friend? Where are you from?

PETRUCHIO. Born in Verona, old Antonio's son.

My father dead, my fortune lives for me;

And I do hope good days and long to see.

And I do hope to live long and well.

GREMIO. O Sir, such a life, with such a wife, were strange!

Oh sir, such a life, with such a wife, would be strange!

But if you have a stomach, to't i' God's name;

But if you have the courage, go to it in God's name;

You shall have me assisting you in all.

You shall have my assistance in everything.

But will you woo this wild-cat?

PETRUCHIO. Will I live?

GRUMIO. Will he woo her? Ay, or I'll hang her.

Will he woo her? Yes, or I'll hang her.

PETRUCHIO. Why came I hither but to that intent?

Why did I come here except with that intention?

Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?

Do you think a little din can daunt my ears?

Have I not in my time heard lions roar?

Have I not heard the sea, puff'd up with winds,

Have I not heard the sea, puffed up with winds,

Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat?

Rage like an angry boar soaked with sweat?

Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,

Have I not heard explosions in the field,

And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies?

Have I not in a pitched battle heard

Have I not in a wild battle heard

Loud 'larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang?

Loud alarms, neighing horses, and the blast of trumpets?

And do you tell me of a woman's tongue,

That gives not half so great a blow to hear

That does not give half so big a noise

As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire?

As will a roasting chestnut in a farmer's fire?

Tush, tush! fear boys with bugs.

Pshaw! Boys frightened of bugs.

GRUMIO. [Aside] For he fears none.

GREMIO. Hortensio, hark:

Hortensio, listen:

This gentleman is happily arriv'd,

This gentleman is luckily arrived,

My mind presumes, for his own good and ours.

I believe, for his own good and ours.

HORTENSIO. I promis'd we would be contributors,

I promised we would be sponsors,

And bear his charge of wooing, whatsoe'er.

And pay for his expenses, whatsoever.

GREMIO. And so we will, provided that he win her.

And so we will, as long as he wins her.

GRUMIO. I would I were as sure of a good dinner.

I wish I were as certain of a good dinner.

[Enter TRANIO, bravely apparelled; and BIONDELLO.]

[Enter TRANIO, well-dressed; and BIONDELLO.]

TRANIO. Gentlemen, God save you! If I may be bold,

Tell me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way

Tell me, I beg you, what is the quickest way

To the house of Signior Baptista Minola?

To the house of Sir Baptista Minola?

BIONDELLO. He that has the two fair daughters; is't he you mean?

He that has the two beautiful daughters; is it he you mean?

TRANIO. Even he, Biondello!

Yes him, Biondello!

GREMIO. Hark you, sir, you mean not her to--

Listen, sir, you don't mean to --

TRANIO. Perhaps him and her, sir; what have you to do?

Perhaps him and her, sir; what are you going to do about it?

PETRUCHIO. Not her that chides, sir, at any hand, I pray.

Not the one that scolds, sir, in any case, please.

TRANIO. I love no chiders, sir. Biondello, let's away.