The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (585 page)

I should knock you first,

And then I know after who comes by the worst.

PETRUCHIO. Will it not be?

Faith, sirrah, an you'll not knock, I'll ring it;

By my faith, man, if you won't knock, I'll ring it;

I'll try how you can sol, fa, and sing it.

[He wrings GRUMIO by the ears.]

GRUMIO. Help, masters, help! my master is mad.

Help, someone, help! My master is insane.

PETRUCHIO. Now, knock when I bid you, sirrah villain!

Now, knock when I tell you, villainous man!

[Enter HORTENSIO.]

HORTENSIO. How now! what's the matter? My old friend Grumio! and my good friend Petruchio! How do you all at Verona?

What's going on? What's the matter? My old friend Grumio! And my good friend

PETRUCHIO. Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray? Con tutto il cuore ben trovato, may I say.

Sir Hortensio, have you come to stop the fight? [Latin legal terms], may I say.

HORTENSIO. Alla nostra casa ben venuto; molto honorato signor mio Petruchio.

Rise, Grumio, rise: we will compound this quarrel.

Stand, Grumio, stand: we will figure out this quarrel.

GRUMIO. Nay, 'tis no matter, sir, what he 'leges in Latin. If this be not a lawful cause for me to leave his service, look you, sir, he bid me knock him and rap him soundly, sir: well, was it fit for a servant to use his master so; being, perhaps, for aught I see, two-and-thirty, a pip out?

No, it's nothing, sir, what he alleges in Latin. If this is not a lawful cause for me to leave his service, see, sir, he told me to knock him and rap him soundly, sir: well, was it appropriate for a servant to treat his master so; being, perhaps, for all I can see, thirty-two years older?

Whom would to God I had well knock'd at first,

I wish to god I had hit him well at first,

Then had not Grumio come by the worst.

Then Grumio would not have come by the worst.

PETRUCHIO. A senseless villain!

 A stupid villain!

Good Hortensio, I bade the rascal knock upon your gate,

Good Hortensio, I told the rascal to knock upon your gate,

And could not get him for my heart to do it.

And could not get him to do it no matter what.

GRUMIO. Knock at the gate! O heavens! Spake you not these words plain: 'Sirrah knock me here, rap me here, knock me well, and knock me soundly'? And come you now with 'knocking at the gate'?

Knock at the gate! Oh heavens! Did you not plainly say: 'Sirrah knock me here, rap me here, knock me well, and knock me soundly'? And do you now come up with 'knocking at the gate'?

PETRUCHIO. Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you.

Man, be gone, or be quiet, I advise you.

HORTENSIO. Petruchio, patience; I am Grumio's pledge;

Petruchio, patience; I will vouch for Grumio;

Why, this's a heavy chance 'twixt him and you,

Why, this is just a misunderstanding between him and you,

Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.

Your elderly, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.

And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale

Blows you to Padua here from old Verona?

PETRUCHIO. Such wind as scatters young men through the world

To seek their fortunes farther than at home,

Where small experience grows.

Where they can't get much experience.

But in a few, Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me:

But briefly, Sir Hortensio, this is my situation:

Antonio, my father, is deceas'd,

Antonio, my father, has died,

And I have thrust myself into this maze,

And I have brought myself to this city,

Haply to wive and thrive as best I may;

Possibly to get married and thrive as best I can;

Crowns in my purse I have, and goods at home,

I have money in my wallet, and goods at home,

And so am come abroad to see the world.

And so have come abroad to see the world.

HORTENSIO. Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee

Petruchio, shall I then come around to you

And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour'd wife?

And recommend to you a shrewish and unpleasant wife?

Thou'dst thank me but a little for my counsel;

You would thank me very little for my advice;

 And yet I'll promise thee she shall be rich,

And yet I'll promise you she shall be rich,

And very rich: but th'art too much my friend,

And very rich: but you are too good a friend,

And I'll not wish thee to her.

And I won't introduce you to her.

PETRUCHIO. Signior Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as we

Sir Hortensio, between such friends as we are

Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know

A few words are enough; and therefore, if you know

One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife,

As wealth is burden of my wooing dance,

As wealth is the point of my wooing dance,

Be she as foul as was Florentius' love,

Even if she was as disgusting as was Florentius' love,

As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd

As old as Sibyl, and as cursed and shrewish

As Socrates' Xanthippe or a worse,

As Socrates' wife Xanthippe or worse,

She moves me not, or not removes, at least,

It does not affect me, at least

Affection's edge in me, were she as rough

My ability to be affectionate, even if she was as rough

As are the swelling Adriatic seas:

As the waves of the Adriatic are:

 I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;

I come to marry wealthily in Padua;

If wealthily, then happily in Padua.

GRUMIO. Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his mind is: why, give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet or an aglet-baby; or an old trot with ne'er a tooth in her head, though she has as many diseases as two-and-fifty horses: why, nothing comes amiss, so money comes withal.

No, look, sir, he tells you flatly his opinion: why, give him enough gold and marry him to a puppet; or an old hag with no teeth, even if she has as many diseases as fifty-two horses: why, nothing is wrong with that, as long as money comes with it.

HORTENSIO. Petruchio, since we are stepp'd thus far in,

Petruchio, since we're on this subject,

I will continue that I broach'd in jest.

I will explain that I was joking.

I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife

I can, Petruchio, help you get a wife

With wealth enough, and young and beauteous;

With enough wealth, and young and beautiful;

Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman:

Raised in the way a noblewoman should:

Her only fault,--and that is faults enough,--

Is, that she is intolerable curst

Is that she is intolerably cursed

And shrewd and froward, so beyond all measure,

And shrewish and bold, so beyond all measure,

That, were my state far worser than it is,

That, even if my situation was far worse than it is,

I would not wed her for a mine of gold.

I would not marry her for an entire goldmine.

PETRUCHIO. Hortensio, peace! thou know'st not gold's effect:

Horensio, enough! You do not know gold's effect:

Tell me her father's name, and 'tis enough;

Tell me her father's name, and it is enough;

For I will board her, though she chide as loud

For I will put up with her, even if she scolds as loud

As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.

HORTENSIO. Her father is Baptista Minola,

An affable and courteous gentleman;

A pleasant and polite nobleman;

Her name is Katherina Minola,

Renown'd in Padua for her scolding tongue.

Well-known in Padua for her scolding tongue.

PETRUCHIO. I know her father, though I know not her;

I know her father, though I do not know her;

And he knew my deceased father well.

I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her;

And therefore let me be thus bold with you,

And thereroe let me be bold in this way with you,

To give you over at this first encounter,

To leave you behind for this first meeting,

Unless you will accompany me thither.

Unless you will go with me there.

GRUMIO. I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour lasts. O' my word, an she knew him as well as I do, she would think scolding would do little good upon him. She may perhaps call him half a score knaves or so; why, that's nothing; and he begin once, he'll rail in his rope-tricks. I'll tell you what, sir, an she stand him but a little, he will throw a figure in her face, and so disfigure her with it that she shall have no more eyes to see withal than a cat. You know him not, sir.

Please, sir, let him go while the mood lasts. Upon my word, if she knew him as well as I do, she would think scolding would do little good when it came to him. She may perhaps call him a dozen insults or so; why, that's nothing; and he'll give as good as he gets. You don't know him, sir.

HORTENSIO. Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee,

Wait, Petruchio, I must go with you,

For in Baptista's keep my treasure is:

For my treasure is in Baptista's castle:

He hath the jewel of my life in hold,

He has the jewel of my life locked up,

His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca,

And her withholds from me and other more,

And keeps her from me and others as well,

Suitors to her and rivals in my love;

Supposing it a thing impossible,

Thinking it impossible,

For those defects I have before rehears'd,

For those flaws I mentioned earlier,

That ever Katherina will be woo'd:

That Katherina will ever be wooed:

Therefore this order hath Baptista ta'en,

Therefore Baptista has decided,

That none shall have access unto Bianca

That none shall have access to Bianca

Till Katherine the curst have got a husband.

Until Katherine the cursed as got a husband.