The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (572 page)

Enter, from the brothel, two Gentlemen

First Gentleman

Did you ever hear the like?

Did you ever hear anything like it?

Second Gentleman

No, nor never shall do in such a place as this, she

being once gone.

No, nor will I ever do in a place like this,

once she is gone.

First Gentleman

But to have divinity preached there! did you ever

dream of such a thing?

But to have divinity preached in a brothel! Did you

ever think such a thing could happen?

Second Gentleman

No, no. Come, I am for no more bawdy-houses:

shall's go hear the vestals sing?

Certainly not. Come, I'll stay out of brothels from now on:

shall we go to hear the temple virgins singing?

First Gentleman

I'll do anything now that is virtuous; but I

am out of the road of rutting for ever.

Exeunt

I'll do anything that is good now; but I

have finished with randy behaviour forever.

Enter Pandar, Bawd, and BOULT

Pandar

Well, I had rather than twice the worth of her she

had ne'er come here.

Well, I would have given twice what I paid for her

for her never to have come here.

Bawd

Fie, fie upon her! she's able to freeze the god

Priapus, and undo a whole generation. We must

either get her ravished, or be rid of her. When she

should do for clients her fitment, and do me the

kindness of our profession, she has me her quirks,

her reasons, her master reasons, her prayers, her

knees; that she would make a puritan of the devil,

if he should cheapen a kiss of her.

Damn her, damn her! She's been able to beat down

Priapus, and ruin a whole generation. We must

either have her raped, or get rid of her. When she

should be entertaining the clients, and obeying me

as my employee, she gives me her idiosyncrasies,

her reasons, her great reasons, her prayers, her

kneeling; if the devil tried to get a kiss from her

she would turn him into a puritan.

BOULT

'Faith, I must ravish her, or she'll disfurnish us

of all our cavaliers, and make our swearers priests.

By God, I must rape her, or she'll put off all

our young gentleman, and turn our regulars into priests.

Pandar

Now, the pox upon her green-sickness for me!

Now, I say a pox upon her inexperienced innocence!

Bawd

'Faith, there's no way to be rid on't but by the

way to the pox. Here comes the Lord Lysimachus disguised.

By God, there's no way we can get rid of it except by

the method which gives you the pox. Here comes Lord Lysimachus disguised.

BOULT

We should have both lord and lown, if the peevish

baggage would but give way to customers.

Enter LYSIMACHUS

We would have Lords and the lowborn coming, if the sullen

baggage would just let the customers have a go at her.

LYSIMACHUS

How now! How a dozen of virginities?

Hello there! What price for a dozen virginities?

Bawd

Now, the gods to-bless your honour!

Now, may the gods bless your honour!

BOULT

I am glad to see your honour in good health.

I'm glad to see your honour is in good health.

LYSIMACHUS

You may so; 'tis the better for you that your

resorters stand upon sound legs. How now!

wholesome iniquity have you that a man may deal

withal, and defy the surgeon?

I'm sure you are; it's better for you if your

customers are healthy. Well now!

Have you got some healthy bit of sin to offer a chap,

so that he wouldn't have to see the doctor afterwards?

Bawd

We have here one, sir, if she would--but there never

came her like in Mytilene.

We do have one like that, sir, if she would give in–but

no one like her ever came to Mytilene.

LYSIMACHUS

If she'ld do the deed of darkness, thou wouldst say.

If she would do the deeds of darkness, as you would call them.

Bawd

Your honour knows what 'tis to say well enough.

Your honour knows what they're called well enough.

LYSIMACHUS

Well, call forth, call forth.

Well bring her out, bring her out.

BOULT

For flesh and blood, sir, white and red, you shall

see a rose; and she were a rose indeed, if she had but--

For physical presence, sir, pink and white,

you will see a rose; and she would be a rose indeed, if she only had–

LYSIMACHUS

What, prithee?

What, tell me.

BOULT

O, sir, I can be modest.

No, sir, I will be polite.

LYSIMACHUS

That dignifies the renown of a bawd, no less than it

gives a good report to a number to be chaste.

Exit BOULT

Well, that makes a pimp look better, just as it

does for plenty of those who are supposedly pure.

Bawd

Here comes that which grows to the stalk; never

plucked yet, I can assure you.

Re-enter BOULT with MARINA

Is she not a fair creature?

Here comes the one that grows on the stalk; never

yet plucked, I can promise you.

Isn't it a beautiful creature?

LYSIMACHUS

'Faith, she would serve after a long voyage at sea.

Well, there's for you: leave us.

Well, she would do for after a long sea voyage.

Well, there's your fee: leave us alone.

Bawd

I beseech your honour, give me leave: a word, and

I'll have done presently.

I beg your honour, just a moment: let me have a word, and

I'll be finished shortly

LYSIMACHUS

I beseech you, do.

You had better.

Bawd

[To MARINA] First, I would have you note, this is

an honourable man.

Firstly, I want you to note, that this is

an honourable man.

MARINA

I desire to find him so, that I may worthily note him.

I hope that I will find he is, so he will be worthy of me noting him.

Bawd

Next, he's the governor of this country, and a man

whom I am bound to.

Next, he's the governor of this country, and the man

who rules over me.

MARINA

If he govern the country, you are bound to him

indeed; but how honourable he is in that, I know not.

If he governs the country, you are certainly ruled

by him; but how honourable that makes him, I don't know.

Bawd

Pray you, without any more virginal fencing, will

you use him kindly? He will line your apron with gold.

Now can you please, without any more virginal resistance,

treat him well? He will fill your apron with gold.

MARINA

What he will do graciously, I will thankfully receive.

Whatever he does politely, I will welcome with thanks.

LYSIMACHUS

Ha' you done?

Have you finished?

Bawd

My lord, she's not paced yet: you must take some

pains to work her to your manage. Come, we will

leave his honour and her together. Go thy ways.

Exeunt Bawd, Pandar, and BOULT

My Lord, she's not broken yet: you will have to make

some efforts before you can ride her. Come on, we will

leave them together. Go about your business.

LYSIMACHUS

Now, pretty one, how long have you been at this trade?

Now, pretty one, how long have you been in this business?

MARINA

What trade, sir?

What business, sir?

LYSIMACHUS

Why, I cannot name't but I shall offend.

Why, I can't name it without being rude.

MARINA

I cannot be offended with my trade. Please you to name it.

I can't be offended by the name of my trade. Please name it.

LYSIMACHUS

How long have you been of this profession?

How long have you been in this profession?

MARINA

E'er since I can remember.

Ever since I can remember.

LYSIMACHUS

Did you go to 't so young? Were you a gamester at

five or at seven?

Did you start off so young? Were you a tart at

five or seven?

MARINA

Earlier too, sir, if now I be one.