The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (4 page)

the Pyrenees and the River Po,

and so supper comes to an end.

But this is high society,

suitable for someone on the up like me;

I'll only be seen as a bastard by

someone who can't see what I've become;

that which I am, disguised or not.

And not just through my clothes and crest,

the way I look on the outside,

but from the inside I shall provide

sweet flattery for their appetites:

which I won't use to deceive,

but to avoid being deceived, I shall learn about it;

for flattery will be all around me as I rise up.

But who is this coming so quickly in riding clothes?

What female messenger is this? Doesn't she have a husband

to make the effort to blow a horn to show she's coming?

[Enter Lady Faulconbridge and James Gurney]

Hello! It's my mother.–How are you, good lady?

Why have you come rushing to court?

LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.

Where is that slave, thy brother?

Where is he

That holds in chase mine honour up and down?

Where is that swine, your brother?

Where is the one who's trying to destroy my honour?

BASTARD.

My brother Robert, old Sir Robert's son?

Colbrand the giant, that same mighty man?

Is it Sir Robert's son that you seek so?

My brother Robert, the son of old Sir Robert?

Colbrand the giant, that great man?

Is it Sir Robert's son that you are looking for?

LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.

Sir Robert's son! Ay, thou unreverend boy,

Sir Robert's son! Why scorn'st thou at Sir Robert?

He is Sir Robert's son, and so art thou.

Sir Robert's son! Yes, you disrespectful boy,

Sir Robert's son! Why are you mocking Sir Robert?

He is Sir Robert's son, and so are you.

BASTARD.

James Gurney, wilt thou give us leave awhile?

James Gurney, will you give us a moment?

GURNEY.

Good leave, good Philip.

Certainly, good Philip.

BASTARD.

Philip-Sparrow! James,

There's toys abroad-anon I'll tell thee more.

Philip's a name for sparrows! James,

gifts have been handed out–I'll tell you more soon.

Exit GURNEY

Madam, I was not old Sir Robert's son;

Sir Robert might have eat his part in me

Upon Good Friday, and ne'er broke his fast.

Sir Robert could do: well-marry, to confess-

Could he get me? Sir Robert could not do it:

We know his handiwork. Therefore, good mother,

To whom am I beholding for these limbs?

Sir Robert never holp to make this leg.

Madam, I was not the son of old Sir Robert;

Sir Robert could have had the part of me he created

to eat on Good Friday and not broken his fast.

Sir Robert was capable, we might as well admit it,

but could he create me? Sir Robert couldn't do it:

we know what his children look like. Therefore, good mother,

who do I get this body from?

Sir Robert never helped to make thisleg.

LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.

Hast thou conspired with thy brother too,

That for thine own gain shouldst defend mine honour?

What means this scorn, thou most untoward knave?

Have you conspired with your brother as well,

when you ought to be defending my honour?

What do you mean by this contempt, you ill mannered scoundrel?

BASTARD.

Knight, knight, good mother, Basilisco-like.

What! I am dubb'd; I have it on my shoulder.

But, mother, I am not Sir Robert's son:

I have disclaim'd Sir Robert and my land;

Legitimation, name, and all is gone.

Then, good my mother, let me know my father-

Some proper man, I hope. Who was it, mother?

Knight, knight, good mother, like Basilisco.

What! I have been knighted; I've been touched on the shoulder.

But mother, I am not the son of Sir Robert:

I have given up Sir Robert and my land;

legitimacy, title and everything has gone.

So, my good mother, tell me who my father is–

some good man, I hope. Who was it, mother?

LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.

Hast thou denied thyself a Faulconbridge?

Have you rejected the name of Faulconbridge?

BASTARD.

As faithfully as I deny the devil.

As strongly as I reject the devil.

LADY FAULCONBRIDGE.

King Richard Coeur-de-lion was thy father.

By long and vehement suit I was seduc'd

To make room for him in my husband's bed.

Heaven lay not my transgression to my charge!

Thou art the issue of my dear offence,

Which was so strongly urg'd past my defence.

King Richard the Lionheart was your father.

Through long and aggressive persuasion he seduced me

into making room for him in my husband's bed.

May Heaven not punish me for this sin!

You are the result of my great offence,

which I was almost forced into committing.

BASTARD.

Now, by this light, were I to get again,

Madam, I would not wish a better father.

Some sins do bear their privilege on earth,

And so doth yours: your fault was not your folly;

Needs must you lay your heart at his dispose,

Subjected tribute to commanding love,

Against whose fury and unmatched force

The aweless lion could not wage the fight

Nor keep his princely heart from Richard's hand.

He that perforce robs lions of their hearts

May easily win a woman's. Ay, my mother,

With all my heart I thank thee for my father!

Who lives and dares but say thou didst not well

When I was got, I'll send his soul to hell.

Come, lady, I will show thee to my kin;

And they shall say when Richard me begot,

If thou hadst said him nay, it had been sin.

Who says it was, he lies; I say 'twas not.

Now, I swear, madam, if I was to be

conceived again, I couldn't wish for a better father.

Some sins bring rewards on earth,

and yours does: your sin was not stupid;

you had to give him your heart:

to pay tribute to his commanding love,

whose anger and matchless strength

a courageous lion would not be able to resist,

nor could he defend his princely heart against Richard's strength.

Someone who can rob hearts from lions

can easily win a woman's. Yes, my mother,

I thank you for my father with all my heart!

If there's anyone alive who dares to say that you did wrong

in conceiving me, I'll send his soul to hell.

Come, lady, I will show you to my family;

and they shall say that when Richard conceived me,

it would have been a sin for you to say no to him.

Anyone who says it's a sin is a liar, I say it wasn't.

Exeunt

France. Before Angiers

Enter, on one side, AUSTRIA and forces; on the other, KING PHILIP OF FRANCE, LEWIS the Dauphin, CONSTANCE, ARTHUR, and forces

KING PHILIP.

Before Angiers well met, brave Austria.

Arthur, that great forerunner of thy blood,

Richard, that robb'd the lion of his heart

And fought the holy wars in Palestine,

By this brave duke came early to his grave;

And for amends to his posterity,

At our importance hither is he come

To spread his colours, boy, in thy behalf;

And to rebuke the usurpation

Of thy unnatural uncle, English John.

Embrace him, love him, give him welcome hither.

Good to meet you here in front of Angiers, brave Austria.

Arthur, your great ancestor,

Richard, who stole the heart from a lion

and fought the holy wars in Palestine,

was brought to an early grave by this brave Duke;

and to make amends he has

come here at our request

to lift his banners, boy, on your behalf;

and to win back the crown stolen

by your unnatural uncle, English John.

Embrace him, love him, and make him welcome.

ARTHUR.

God shall forgive you Coeur-de-lion's death

The rather that you give his offspring life,

Shadowing their right under your wings of war.

I give you welcome with a powerless hand,

But with a heart full of unstained love;

Welcome before the gates of Angiers, Duke.

God will forgive you the death of the Lionheart

because you are giving life to his children,

protecting their rights with your armies.

I welcome you with my hand, which is weak,

but with a heart full of pure love;

welcome here in front of Angiers, Duke.

KING PHILIP.

A noble boy! Who would not do thee right?

A noble boy! Who wouldn't support you?

AUSTRIA.

Upon thy cheek lay I this zealous kiss

As seal to this indenture of my love:

That to my home I will no more return

Till Angiers and the right thou hast in France,

Together with that pale, that white-fac'd shore,