The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (383 page)

So tell people you are from Epidamnum,Otherwise they will confiscate your goods.Just today a Syracusian merchantWas apprehended for arriving here;And since he could not pay ransomAccording to the law of the town,He is going to die before sunset.There is your money that I had to keep.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.Within this hour it will be dinner-time:Till that, I'll view the manners of the town,Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,And then return and sleep within mine inn,For with long travel I am stiff and weary.Get thee away.

Go take it to the Centaur, where we are stayingAnd stay there, Dromio, till I come find you.It will be dinner-time within the hour:Till then I’m going to get to know the town,Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,And then return and sleep at the inn,Since I am stiff and weary from traveling.Go on, get going.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Many a man would take you at your word,And go indeed, having so good a mean.

Many men would take that literally,And run off with all the money you just gave me.

Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,When I am dull with care and melancholy,Lightens my humour with his merry jests.What, will you walk with me about the town,And then go to my inn and dine with me?

What a trustworthy rascal he is, that so often,When I am feeling down, worried or melancholy,Lightens my mood with his merry jokes.Well, will you walk with me about the town,And then go to my inn and dine with me?

FIRST MERCHANTI am invited, sir, to certain merchants,Of whom I hope to make much benefit;I crave your pardon. Soon at five o'clock,Please you, I'll meet with you upon the martAnd afterward consort you till bed-time:My present business calls me from you now.

I have been invited, sir, to see certain merchants,Whom I hope to make good money from;I beg your pardon. Soon at five o'clock,If it please you, I'll meet with you at the marketAnd we can talk until you decide to go to bed:My present business calls me from you now.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Farewell till then: I will go lose myselfAnd wander up and down to view the city.

Farewell till then: I will go lose myselfAnd wander up and down to view the city.

FIRST MERCHANTSir, I commend you to your own content.

Sir, I hope you will be contented.

Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE He that commends me to mine own contentCommends me to the thing I cannot get.I to the world am like a drop of waterThat in the ocean seeks another drop,Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself:So I, to find a mother and a brother,In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

He that hopes that I will be contentedHopes me to be something I cannot.To the world, I am like a drop of waterIn the ocean looking for another drop,Who, falling in to find it,Unseen, inquisitive, confuses himself:So I, looking for a mother and a brother,Searching for them, unhappy, lose myself.

Enter DROMIO of Ephesus

Here comes the almanac of my true date.What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?

Here comes the one that shares my birth date.What now? How is it that you’ve returned so soon?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS Return'd so soon! rather approach'd too late:The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;My mistress made it one upon my cheek:She is so hot because the meat is cold;The meat is cold because you come not home;You come not home because you have no stomach;You have no stomach having broke your fast;But we that know what 'tis to fast and  prayAre penitent for your default to-day.

Returned so soon! More like approached too late:The food is burnt, the pig fell off the spit,The clock has struck the bell twelve times;And my mistress struck me one on my cheek:She’s all fired up hot because the meat is cold;The meat is cold because you’ve not been home;You’ve not been home because you aren’t hungry;You’re not hungry because you ate breakfast;But poor people like me who know what it’s like to fast and prayAre being punished for your faults today.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray:Where have you left the money that I gave you?

Stop right there: tell me, please:Where have you left the money that I gave you?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS O,--sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday lastTo pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper?The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.

O,-- the sixpence, that I had on last WednesdayTo pay the saddler for my mistress' riding gear?The saddler has it, sir; I didn’t keep it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I am not in a sportive humour now:Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?We being strangers here, how darest thou trustSo great a charge from thine own custody?

I am not in the mood for jokes now:Tell me, and quit goofing, where is the money?We’re strangers here, how could you dare letSo much money out of your sight?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS I pray you, sir, as you sit at dinner:I from my mistress come to you in post;If I return, I shall be post indeed,For she will score your fault upon my pate.Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,And strike you home without a messenger.

I beg you, sir, joke as you sit at dinner:I come to you from my mistress in a hurry;If I return without you, she’ll beat me good,And take her anger at you out on me.I would think your hunger, like mine, would be your clock, and make you strike for home without needing a messenger.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?

Oh come on, Dromio, these jokes are getting out of hand;Tell them at a happier time than this.Where is the gold I left you in charge of?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.

To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

Come on, sir idiot, quit fooling around,Tell me how you’ve disposed of your charge.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS My charge was but to fetch you from the martHome to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:My mistress and her sister stays for you.
My charge was only to fetch you from the martHome to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:My mistress and her sister are waiting for you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE In what safe place you have bestow'd my money,Or I shall break that merry sconce of yoursThat stands on tricks when I am undisposed:Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

Tell me what safe place you’ve left my money,Or I am going to break that merry head of yoursThat keep cracking jokes when I’m in no mood:Where is the thousand marks you got from me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS I have some marks of yours upon my pate,Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,But not a thousand marks between you both.If I should pay your worship those again,Perchance you will not bear them patiently.

I have some marks of yours upon my head,Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,But not a thousand marks between you both.If I were to give you those marks back you probably wouldn’t like it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Thy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?

Your mistress' marks? what mistress are you talking about, slave?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.

Your wife, my mistress, at the Phoenix;She who doesn’t eat until you come home,And prays that you will hurry home to dinner.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.

What, are you making fun of me to my face,When I told you to stop? There, take that, stupid.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS What mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands!Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.

What do you mean, sir? for God's sake, stop hitting me!No, you’re not stopping, sir, so I’ll run away

Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Upon my life, by some device or otherThe villain is o'er-raught of all my money.They say this town is full of cozenage,As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,Soul-killing witches that deform the body,Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,And many such-like liberties of sin:If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.I'll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:I greatly fear my money is not safe.

I can’t believe it, somehow that  Rascal has cheated me out of all my money.They say this town is full of tricks and deception,Like nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,Soul-killing witches that deform the body,Disguised cheaters, fast-talking swindlers,And many other such sinful activities:If that’s the case I’d like to leave all the sooner.I'll to the Centaur, to go find that slave of mine:I greatly fear my money is not safe.

Exit

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA

ADRIANA Neither my husband nor the slave return'd,That in such haste I sent to seek his master!Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.

Neither my husband has returned nor the slave,I sent off to quickly seek his master!Luciana, it is already two o'clock.

LUCIANA Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner.Good sister, let us dine and never fret:A man is master of his liberty:Time is their master, and, when they see time,They'll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.

Perhaps another merchant has invited him,And he left the mart to go somewhere else for dinner.Good sister, we should stop worrying and eat:A man is master of his freedom:And time is master of them, when they see the time, they will come or go: be patient, sister.

ADRIANA Why should their liberty than ours be more?

Why should they have more freedom than us?

LUCIANA Because their business still lies out o' door.

Because their business is out of the home.

ADRIANA Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.

Look, he doesn’t like it when I’m like this.

LUCIANA O, know he is the bridle of your will.

O, he is the bridle of your will.

ADRIANA There's none but asses will be bridled so.

Only a mule would want to be bridled like that.

LUCIANA Why, headstrong liberty is lash'd with woe.There's nothing situate under heaven's eyeBut hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky:The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls,Are their males' subjects and at their controls:Men, more divine, the masters of all these,Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas,Indued with intellectual sense and souls,Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,Are masters to their females, and their lords:Then let your will attend on their accords.

Why, headstrong freedom is full of misery.There's nothing placed under heaven's eyeThat isn’t bound, in earth, in sea, in sky:The beasts, the fishes, and the winged birds,Are all subjects to males and under their control:Men are more god-like, they master all animals,Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas,Endowed with intellectual sense and souls,Superior to that of fish and birds,Are masters and lords over their females:You should do as they wish.