The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (293 page)

Go on.

Surveyor

On my soul, I'll speak but truth.

I told my lord the duke, by the devil's illusions

The monk might be deceived; and that 'twas dangerous for him

To ruminate on this so far, until

It forged him some design, which, being believed,

It was much like to do: he answer'd, 'Tush,

It can do me no damage;' adding further,

That, had the king in his last sickness fail'd,

The cardinal's and Sir Thomas Lovell's heads

Should have gone off.

I swear on my soul I will only tell the truth.

I told my lord the Duke that the monk might be deceived

by tricks of the devil; and that it was dangerous for him

to think so much about this until

it made him take action, which, if he believed it,

it was very likely to do: he answered, ‘Tosh,

it can do me no harm’; he further added

that if the king had died the last time he was ill,

Sir Thomas Lovell and the cardinal would have

lost their heads.

KING HENRY VIII

Ha! what, so rank? Ah ha!

There's mischief in this man: canst thou say further?

Ha! What, so evil? Aha!

There's mischief in this man: can you say anything else?

Surveyor

I can, my liege.

I can, my lord.

KING HENRY VIII

Proceed.

Go on.

Surveyor

Being at Greenwich,

After your highness had reproved the duke

About Sir William Blomer,--

When we were at Greenwich,

after your Highness had reproved the Duke

over Sir William Blomer–

KING HENRY VIII

I remember

Of such a time: being my sworn servant,

The duke retain'd him his. But on; what hence?

I remember

the incident: he was my sworn servant,

and the Duke employed him as his. But go on; what next?

Surveyor

'If,' quoth he, 'I for this had been committed,

As, to the Tower, I thought, I would have play'd

The part my father meant to act upon

The usurper Richard; who, being at Salisbury,

Made suit to come in's presence; which if granted,

As he made semblance of his duty, would

Have put his knife to him.'

‘If,’ he said, ‘I had been, as I thought I was going

to be, sent to the Tower for this, I would have done

what my father meant to do to

the usurper Richard; when he was at Salisbury

he asked permission to see him; if he had granted it,

while he was pretending to do his duty he would have

stabbed him.’

KING HENRY VIII

A giant traitor!

A great traitor!

CARDINAL WOLSEY

Now, madam, may his highness live in freedom,

and this man out of prison?

Now, madam, may his Highness live in freedom,

with this man out of prison?

QUEEN KATHARINE

God mend all!

God save us all!

KING HENRY VIII

There's something more would out of thee; what say'st?

There's something more you want to say; what is it?

Surveyor

After 'the duke his father,' with 'the knife,'

He stretch'd him, and, with one hand on his dagger,

Another spread on's breast, mounting his eyes

He did discharge a horrible oath; whose tenor

Was,--were he evil used, he would outgo

His father by as much as a performance

Does an irresolute purpose.

After speaking of his father the Duke and the knife,

he stretched out and, with one hand on his dagger,

another one on his heart, he looked up

and swore a terrible oath; the substance of which

was that if he was badly treated he would outstrip

his father as much as doing outstrips weak planning.

KING HENRY VIII

There's his period,

To sheathe his knife in us. He is attach'd;

Call him to present trial: if he may

Find mercy in the law, 'tis his: if none,

Let him not seek 't of us: by day and night,

He's traitor to the height.

That's his plan,

to bury his knife in me. He's been arrested;

call him to trial at once: if he can

find mercy from the law, he may have it; if not,

don't let him look for it from me: by day and by night,

he's a terrible traitor.

Exeunt

Enter Chamberlain and SANDS

Chamberlain

Is't possible the spells of France should juggle

Men into such strange mysteries?

Is it possible that the influence of France can make

men behave so strangely?

SANDS

New customs,

Though they be never so ridiculous,

Nay, let 'em be unmanly, yet are follow'd.

New customs,

however ridiculous they are,

even if they are unmanly, are always attractive.

Chamberlain

As far as I see, all the good our English

Have got by the late voyage is but merely

A fit or two o' the face; but they are shrewd ones;

For when they hold 'em, you would swear directly

Their very noses had been counsellors

To Pepin or Clotharius, they keep state so.

As far as I can see, the only good we English

have got from the recent expedition is just

some new grimaces; but they are clever,

for when they make them, you would certainly swear

that they had personally been counsellors

to Pepin or Clotharius, they give themselves such airs.

SANDS

They have all new legs, and lame ones: one would take it,

That never saw 'em pace before, the spavin

Or springhalt reign'd among 'em.

They all have new ways of walking, lame ways; one would believe,

if you had never seen them what before, that they had

some kind of disease of the legs.

Chamberlain

Death! my lord,

Their clothes are after such a pagan cut too,

That, sure, they've worn out Christendom.

Enter LOVELL

How now!

What news, Sir Thomas Lovell?

By God, my lord,

their clothes are also cut in such a pagan fashion

that you would think they were tired of Christianity.

Hello there!

What news, Sir Thomas Lovell?

LOVELL

Faith, my lord,

I hear of none, but the new proclamation

That's clapp'd upon the court-gate.

I swear, my lord,

I have heard nothing except the new proclamation

that has been put up on the palace gate.

Chamberlain

What is't for?

What does it say?

LOVELL

The reformation of our travell'd gallants,

That fill the court with quarrels, talk, and tailors.

It refers to the behaviour of our travelled noblemen,

who fill the court with quarrels, gossip and tailors.

Chamberlain

I'm glad 'tis there: now I would pray our monsieurs

To think an English courtier may be wise,

And never see the Louvre.

I'm glad this has been done: now I would hope these Frenchmen

will think an English courtier can be wise,

if he's never seen the Louvre.

LOVELL

They must either,

For so run the conditions, leave those remnants

Of fool and feather that they got in France,

With all their honourable point of ignorance

Pertaining thereunto, as fights and fireworks,

Abusing better men than they can be,

Out of a foreign wisdom, renouncing clean

The faith they have in tennis, and tall stockings,

Short blister'd breeches, and those types of travel,

And understand again like honest men;

Or pack to their old playfellows: there, I take it,

They may, 'cum privilegio,' wear away

The lag end of their lewdness and be laugh'd at.

The order says

that they must either abandon these foolish ways

of thinking and dressing that they picked up in France,

and all those silly habits associated

with them, such as fighting and fireworks,

abusing better men than they can hope to be

through their foreign wisdom, they must renounce at once

their delight in tennis, and long stockings,

short puffy breaches, and those marks of the travelled,

and behave again like honest men;

otherwise they can go back to their old playmates: there, I assume,

they can keep on with their behaviour without criticism

and while away their lasciviousness, and be laughed at.

SANDS

'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases

Are grown so catching.

It's time to give them medicine, their diseases

have become so infectious.

Chamberlain

What a loss our ladies

Will have of these trim vanities!

How much our ladies

will miss these fashionable fripperies!

LOVELL

Ay, marry,

There will be woe indeed, lords: the sly whoresons

Have got a speeding trick to lay down ladies;

A French song and a fiddle has no fellow.

Yes indeed

there will be sorrow, lords: the sly sons of bitches

are very good at seducing the ladies;

nothing can match a french song with a fiddle.

SANDS

The devil fiddle 'em! I am glad they are going,

For, sure, there's no converting of 'em: now

An honest country lord, as I am, beaten

A long time out of play, may bring his plainsong

And have an hour of hearing; and, by'r lady,