The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (120 page)

thou owest me thy love.

A thousand pounds, Hal!A million: your love is worth a million;

you owe me your love.

HOST.

Nay, my lord, he call'd you Jack, and said he would cudgel you.

No, my lord, he called you a knave, and said he would beat you.

FAL.

Did I, Bardolph?

Did I, Bardolph?

BARD.

Indeed, Sir John, you said so.

Indeed, Sir John, that's what you said.

FAL.

Yea, if he said my ring was copper.

Yes, if he said my ring was copper.

PRINCE.

I say 'tis copper:darest thou be as good as thy word now?

I say it is copper: are you going to keep your word now?

FAL.

Why, Hal, thou know'st, as thou art but man, I dare; but as thou

art prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the lion's whelp.

Why, Hal, you know, I would dare to fight you as a man; but as you

are Prince, I fear you as I fear the roaring of a lion cub.

PRINCE.

And why not as the lion?

And why not the roaring of a lion?

FAL.

The King himself is to be feared as the lion:dost thou think I'll

fear thee as I fear thy father? nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle

break.

The King himself is to be frightened of as a lion: do you think I'll

be as afraid of you as I am of your father? If I am, I pray to God

for my belt to break.

PRINCE.

Sirrah, there's no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this

bosom of thine; it is all fill'd up with midriff.

Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket! why, thou whoreson,

impudent, emboss'd rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but

tavern-reckonings, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to make thee

long-winded,--if thy pocket were enrich'd with any other injuries but

these, I am a villain:and yet you will stand to it; you will not

pocket-up wrong. Art thou not ashamed!

Sir, there is no room for faith, truth or honesty in this

heart of yours; it's all filled up with stomach.

Charge an honest woman with picking your pocket! Why, you son of a bitch,

impudent fake rascal, if there was anything in your pocket apart from

tavern bills, and a poor pennyworth of sugar candy to give you

energy–if your pockets had anything apart from these things

in them, I am a villain: and yet you stick by it; you

won't admit to your lies! Aren't you ashamed?

FAL.

Dost thou hear, Hal? thou know'st, in the state of innocency Adam fell;

and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy?

Thou see'st I have more flesh than another man; and therefore more

frailty. You confess, then, you pick'd my pocket?

What do you think, Hal? You know that Adam fell in a state of innocence;

so how should poor JackFalstaff manage in these evil days?

You see I have more flesh than other men; and therefore more

weaknesses. You admit, then, that you picked my pocket?

PRINCE.

It appears so by the story.

That's what it looks like.

FAL.

Hostess, I forgive thee:go, make ready breakfast; love thy husband,

look to thy servants, cherish thy guests:thou shalt find me tractable

to any honest reason; thou see'st I am pacified.--Still?Nay, pr'ythee,

be gone.

[Exit Hostess.]

Now, Hal, to the news at Court:for the robbery, lad, how is

that answered?

Hostess, I forgive you: go and get breakfast ready; love your husband,

watch your servants, value your guests: you shall find me amenable

to any sort of honesty; you see I am pacified–still here? No, please,

be gone.

Now, Hal, give us news of the court: what reaction is there, lad,

to that robbery?

PRINCE.

O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee:the money

is paid back again.

Oh, my sweet ox, I must still be your good angel: the money

has been repaid.

FAL.

O, I do not like that paying back; 'tis a double labour.

Oh, I don't like repayments; it's twice the work.

PRINCE.

I am good friends with my father, and may do any thing.

I am good friends with my father, and can do anything.

FAL.

Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou doest, and do it with

unwash'd hands too.

Rob the Treasury for me as the first thing you do, and don't

stand on ceremony.

BARD.

Do, my lord.

Do, my lord.

PRINCE.

I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of Foot.

I have obtained for you, Jack, command of some infantry.

FAL.

I would it had been of Horse. Where shall I find one that can steal

well? O, for a fine thief, of the age of two-and-twenty or thereabouts!

I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels; they

offend none but the virtuous:I laud them, I praise them.

I would rather it had been cavalry. Where can I find a good thief?

Oh, for a fine thief, aged about twenty-two or so!

I am horribly unprepared. Well, thank God for these rebels, very

only offend the virtuous: I praise them.

PRINCE.

Bardolph,--

Bardolph–

BARD.

My lord?

My lord?

PRINCE.

Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,

My brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.--

[Exit Bardolph.]

Go, Pointz, to horse, to horse; for thou and I

Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner-time.--

[Exit Pointz.]

Meet me to-morrow, Jack, i' the Temple-hall

At two o'clock in th' afternoon:

There shalt thou know thy charge; and there receive

Money and order for their furniture.

The land is burning; Percy stands on high;

And either they or we must lower lie.

Take this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,

to my brother John, and this one to my Lord of Westmorland.

Go, Peto, get the horses, for you and I

still have thirty miles to ride before dinner time.

Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple Hall

at two o'clock in the afternoon:

you shall meet your command, and receive

money to buy their equipment.

The land is burning, Percy is winning,

and either we or they must go to their graves.

[Exit.]

FAL.

Rare words! brave world!--Hostess, my breakfast; come:--

O, I could wish this tavern were my drum!

Great words! Brave world! Hostess, bring my breakfast–

O, I wish this tavern was my headquarters!

[Exit.]

[Enter Hotspur, Worcester, and Douglas.]

HOT.

Well said, my noble Scot:if speaking truth

In this fine age were not thought flattery,

Such attribution should the Douglas have,

As not a soldier of this season's stamp

Should go so general-current through the world.

By God, I cannot flatter; I defy

The tongues of soothers; but a braver place

In my heart's love hath no man than yourself:

Nay, task me to my word; approve me, lord.

Well said, noble Scotsman: if telling the truth

wasn’t thought of as flattery in this fine age,

Douglas should be thought of as

the most perfect example of a soldier

living in this age of the world.

By God, I am no flatterer; I hate

smooth talkers; but there’s not a man

who has such a good place in my heart as you.

Go on, my lord, you can ask me to prove it.

DOUG.

Thou art the king of honour:

No man so potent breathes upon the ground

But I will beard him.

You are the king of honour;

there’s no man so powerful

that I won’t beat him.

HOT.

Do so, and 'tis well.--

[Enter a Messenger with letters.]

What letters hast thou there?--I can but thank you.

Do that, and all will be well.

What are those letters you have there?I can only thank you.

MESS.

These letters come from your father.

These letters come from your father.

HOT.

Letters from him! why comes he not himself?

Letters from him!Why hasn’t he come himself?

MESS.

He cannot come, my lord; he's grievous sick.

He can’t come, my lord; he’s very ill.

HOT.

Zwounds! how has he the leisure to be sick

In such a justling time? Who leads his power?

Under whose government come they along?

By God!Where does he find the time to be ill