The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (1100 page)

With all my heart, farewell.

ACHILLES.

Why, but he is not in this tune, is he?

He isn't really singing this tune, is he?

THERSITES.

No, but he's out a tune thus. What music will be in him

when Hector has knock'd out his brains I know not; but, I am sure,

none; unless the fiddler Apollo get his sinews to make callings

on.

No, but this is what he's singing out of tune. What music he'll have left

when Hector has knocked his brains out I don't know; but, I am certain,

there won't be any; unless Apollo takes his sinews and makes strings out of them.

ACHILLES.

Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight.

Come on, you shall take him a letter at once.

THERSITES.

Let me carry another to his horse; for that's the more

capable creature.

Give me another one to take to his horse; that's the one

with more brains.

ACHILLES.

My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirr'd;

And I myself see not the bottom of it.

Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS

My mind is troubled, like a stream that has been stirred up;

I can't see to the bottom of it.

THERSITES.

Would the fountain of your mind were clear again, that I

might water an ass at it. I had rather be a tick in a sheep than

such a valiant ignorance.

I wish the stream of your mind was running clear again, so I

could bring an ass to drink at it. I'd rather be a tick on a sheep than

have such brave stupidity.

Exit

Enter, at one side, AENEAS, and serva, and servant with a torch; at another, PARIS, DEIPHOBUS, ANTENOR, DIOMEDES the Grecian, and others, with torches

PARIS.

See, ho! Who is that there?

Hello! Who's that over there?

DEIPHOBUS.

It is the Lord Aeneas.

It is the Lord Aeneas.

AENEAS.

Is the Prince there in person?

Had I so good occasion to lie long

As you, Prince Paris, nothing but heavenly business

Should rob my bed-mate of my company.

Is that the Prince himself?

If I had such a good reason to stay in bed late

as you, Prince Paris, nothing but business with the gods

would get me away from my bed mate.

DIOMEDES.

That's my mind too. Good morrow, Lord Aeneas.

That's what I think. Good day, Lord Aeneas.

PARIS.

A valiant Greek, Aeneas -take his hand:

Witness the process of your speech, wherein

You told how Diomed, a whole week by days,

Did haunt you in the field.

A brave Greek, Aeneas–take his hand:

remember what you yourself said, when

you told us how Diomedes followed you around

the battlefield every day for a week.

AENEAS.

Health to you, valiant sir,

During all question of the gentle truce;

But when I meet you arm'd, as black defiance

As heart can think or courage execute.

I wish you good health, brave Sir,

during this time of peaceful truce;

but when I meet you on the battlefield, I offer the sternest defiance

the heart can imagine or courage enact.

DIOMEDES.

The one and other Diomed embraces.

Our bloods are now in calm; and so long health!

But when contention and occasion meet,

By Jove, I'll play the hunter for thy life

With all my force, pursuit, and policy.

Diomedes welcomes both.

Everything is peaceful now, and so good health to you!

But come the time we meet on the battlefield,

by Jove, I shall hunt you down

with all my strength, speed and cunning.

AENEAS.

And thou shalt hunt a lion, that will fly

With his face backward. In humane gentleness,

Welcome to Troy! now, by Anchises' life,

Welcome indeed! By Venus' hand I swear

No man alive can love in such a sort

The thing he means to kill, more excellently.

And you shall be hunting a lion, that will fly

facing backwards. In the name of polite brotherhood,

welcome to Troy!Now, on my father's life,

you are very welcome! I swear by the hand of Venus

there isn't a man alive who can love the thing

that he plans to kill as much as I do.

DIOMEDES.

We sympathise. Jove let Aeneas live,

If to my sword his fate be not the glory,

A thousand complete courses of the sun!

But in mine emulous honour let him die

With every joint a wound, and that to-morrow!

I feel the same. If Aeneas isn't destined to

glorify my sword by dying on it, then may Jove

let him live a thousand years!

But my rivalry for glory makes me wish that he would die

with a wound in every joint, and that it would happen tomorrow!

AENEAS.

We know each other well.

We understand each other well.

DIOMEDES.

We do; and long to know each other worse.

We do; and we long to understand each other badly.

PARIS.

This is the most despiteful'st gentle greeting

The noblest hateful love, that e'er I heard of.

What business, lord, so early?

This is the most contemptuous gentle greeting,

the noblest hateful love, that I ever heard of.

Why are you up so early, my lord?

AENEAS.

I was sent for to the King; but why, I know not.

The king sent for me, but I don't know why.

PARIS.

His purpose meets you: 'twas to bring this Greek

To Calchas' house, and there to render him,

For the enfreed Antenor, the fair Cressid.

Let's have your company; or, if you please,

Haste there before us. I constantly believe-

Or rather call my thought a certain knowledge-

My brother Troilus lodges there to-night.

Rouse him and give him note of our approach,

With the whole quality wherefore; I fear

We shall be much unwelcome.

The reason is in front of you: it was to bring this Greek

to Calchas' house, and there to hand over to him,

in exchange for Antenor, the lovely Cressida.

Come along with us, or, if you like,

hurry there before us. I certainly think–

or actually you can say I am absolutely certain–

that my brother Troilus is staying there tonight.

Wake him and tell him that we are coming,

and tell him all about why; I fear

we will be very unwelcome.

AENEAS.

That I assure you:

Troilus had rather Troy were borne to Greece

Than Cressid borne from Troy.

I can promise you that:

Troilus would rather have Troy given to Greece

than Cressida taken from Troy.

PARIS.

There is no help;

The bitter disposition of the time

Will have it so. On, lord; we'll follow you.

It can't be helped;

these terrible times

insist on it. Go on, lord; we'll follow you.

AENEAS.

Good morrow, all.

Good day, all.

Exit with servant

PARIS.

And tell me, noble Diomed-faith, tell me true,

Even in the soul of sound good-fellowship-

Who in your thoughts deserves fair Helen best,

Myself or Menelaus?

So tell me, noble Diomed, by heavens, tell me truly,

absolutely in the spirit of good friendship,

who, to your mind, deserves fair heaven most,

me or Menelaus?

DIOMEDES.

Both alike:

He merits well to have her that doth seek her,

Not making any scruple of her soilure,

With such a hell of pain and world of charge;

And you as well to keep her that defend her,

Not palating the taste of her dishonour,

With such a costly loss of wealth and friends.

He like a puling cuckold would drink up

The lees and dregs of a flat tamed piece;

You, like a lecher, out of whorish loins

Are pleas'd to breed out your inheritors.

Both merits pois'd, each weighs nor less nor more;

But he as he, the heavier for a whore.

Both the same.

The one who has looked for her, not caring about

the fact that she has slept with another, or that

there has been so much suffering and expense, deserves her;

and you deserve just as much to keep her as you defend her,

seeming not to notice her dishonour,

with such a costly loss of wealth and friends.

He, like a whining cuckold, wants to drink up the dregs,

get back to himself a used woman;

you, like a dirty fornicator, don't mind breeding

your children from a whore's belly.

You both deserve her equally, neither has a stronger case,

both the same. But who will feel guiltier about having a whore?

PARIS.