The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (1028 page)

What, thyself?

What, yourself?

APEMANTUS

Ay.

Yes.

TIMON

Wherefore?

Why?

APEMANTUS

That I had no angry wit to be a lord.

Art not thou a merchant?

That I was so stupid as to want to be a lord.

Aren't you a merchant?

Merchant

Ay, Apemantus.

Yes, Apemantus.

APEMANTUS

Traffic confound thee, if the gods will not!

May trade defeat you, if the gods will not!

Merchant

If traffic do it, the gods do it.

If trade did it, that means the gods did it.

APEMANTUS

Traffic's thy god; and thy god confound thee!

Trade is your god;and may your god defeat you!

Trumpet sounds. Enter a Messenger

TIMON

What trumpet's that?

What's that trumpet?

Messenger

'Tis Alcibiades, and some twenty horse,

All of companionship.

It's Alcibiades, with about twenty cavalry,

all equals.

TIMON

Pray, entertain them; give them guide to us.

Exeunt some Attendants

You must needs dine with me: go not you hence

Till I have thank'd you: when dinner's done,

Show me this piece. I am joyful of your sights.

Enter ALCIBIADES, with the rest

Most welcome, sir!

Please, welcome them; guide them here.

You must dine with me: don't go

until I thank you: when dinner's over,

show me this piece. I am glad to see you.

You're very welcome, sir!

APEMANTUS

So, so, there!

Aches contract and starve your supple joints!

That there should be small love 'mongst these

sweet knaves,

And all this courtesy! The strain of man's bred out

Into baboon and monkey.

Well, well!

May pain invade and destroy your supple joints!

To think there is so little love lost between these cunning knaves,

and there's so much politeness! Men are evolving into

baboons and monkeys.

ALCIBIADES

Sir, you have saved my longing, and I feed

Most hungerly on your sight.

Sir, you are just what I want to see,

I'm gorging myself on the sight.

TIMON

Right welcome, sir!

Ere we depart, we'll share a bounteous time

In different pleasures. Pray you, let us in.

You're very welcome, sir!

Before we  part, we will have an excellent time

at various diversions. If you please, let's go in.

Exeunt all except APEMANTUS

Enter two Lords

First Lord

What time o' day is't, Apemantus?

What time is it, Apemantus?

APEMANTUS

Time to be honest.

It's time to be honest.

First Lord

That time serves still.

It's always time for that.

APEMANTUS

The more accursed thou, that still omitt'st it.

Then you are all the worse, for failing to be so.

Second Lord

Thou art going to Lord Timon's feast?

Are you going to Lord Timon's feast?

APEMANTUS

Ay, to see meat fill knaves and wine heat fools.

Yes, to see knaves filled with meat and fools heated by wine.

Second Lord

Fare thee well, fare thee well.

Farewell, farewell.

APEMANTUS

Thou art a fool to bid me farewell twice.

You're a fool to say farewell twice.

Second Lord

Why, Apemantus?

Why, Apemantus?

APEMANTUS

Shouldst have kept one to thyself, for I mean to

give thee none.

You should have kept one for yourself, for I don't intend

to give you one.

First Lord

Hang thyself!

Go and hang yourself!

APEMANTUS

No, I will do nothing at thy bidding: make thy

requests to thy friend.

No, I'll do nothing you tell me to:

ask your friend.

Second Lord

Away, unpeaceable dog, or I'll spurn thee hence!

Go away, you quarrelsome dog, or I'll kick you out of here.

APEMANTUS

I will fly, like a dog, the heels o' the ass.

Like a dog, I'll flee from the heels of an ass.

Exit

First Lord

He's opposite to humanity. Come, shall we in,

And taste Lord Timon's bounty? he outgoes

The very heart of kindness.

He is against all mankind. Come, shall we go in,

and sample Lord Timon's hospitality? He's more

generous than generosity itself.

Second Lord

He pours it out; Plutus, the god of gold,

Is but his steward: no meed, but he repays

Sevenfold above itself; no gift to him,

But breeds the giver a return exceeding

All use of quittance.

He has a very free hand; Plutus, the god of gold,

is only his servant. Every good thing gets a reward

seven times what it deserves; there is no gift

that isn't repaid with interest.

First Lord

The noblest mind he carries

That ever govern'd man.

He has the noblest mind

any man ever had.

Second Lord

Long may he live in fortunes! Shall we in?

May he remain prosperous forever! Shall we go in?

First Lord

I'll keep you company.

I'll come with you.

Exeunt

Hautboys playing loud music. A great banquet served in; FLAVIUS and others attending; then enter TIMON, ALCIBIADES, Lords, Senators, and VENTIDIUS. Then comes, dropping, after all, APEMANTUS, discontentedly, like himself

VENTIDIUS

Most honour'd Timon,

It hath pleased the gods to remember my father's age,

And call him to long peace.

He is gone happy, and has left me rich:

Then, as in grateful virtue I am bound

To your free heart, I do return those talents,

Doubled with thanks and service, from whose help

I derived liberty.

Most honoured Timon,

the gods have been pleased to recall my father's age,

and call him to his long rest.

He has  died happy, and has left me rich:

so, as I owe such a debt of gratitude

to your generosity, I return these talents,

which bought my freedom, with my

thanks and respect.

TIMON

O, by no means,

Honest Ventidius; you mistake my love:

I gave it freely ever; and there's none

Can truly say he gives, if he receives:

If our betters play at that game, we must not dare

To imitate them; faults that are rich are fair.

Oh, I won't take them,

honest Ventidius; you don't understand my love:

I always give it freely; and nobody

can really call himself a giver, if he receives:

if our betters play that game, we shouldn't dare

imitate them; the rich can get away with more.

VENTIDIUS

A noble spirit!

A noble spirit!

TIMON

Nay, my lords,

[They all stand ceremoniously looking on ]

Ceremony was but devised at first

To set a gloss on faint deeds, hollow welcomes,

Recanting goodness, sorry ere 'tis shown;

But where there is true friendship, there needs none.

Pray, sit; more welcome are ye to my fortunes

Than my fortunes to me.

They sit

No, my lords,

ceremonies were only invented

to improve the look of trivial deeds, hollow welcomes,

false goodness, which is regretted before it's shown;

when there's true friendship you don't need ceremony.

Please, sit; you are more welcome to my fortune

than my fortune is to me.

First Lord

My lord, we always have confess'd it.

My lord, we have always admitted it.

APEMANTUS

Ho, ho, confess'd it! hang'd it, have you not?

Ho ho, admitted it! You've hanged it, haven't you?

TIMON

O, Apemantus, you are welcome.

Oh, Apemantus, you are welcome.

APEMANTUS

No;

You shall not make me welcome:

I come to have thee thrust me out of doors.

No;

you will not make me welcome:

I have come for you to kick me out.

TIMON

Fie, thou'rt a churl; ye've got a humour there

Does not become a man: 'tis much to blame.

They say, my lords, 'ira furor brevis est;' but yond

man is ever angry. Go, let him have a table by

himself, for he does neither affect company, nor is

he fit for't, indeed.

Blast you, you're a miserable devil; you've got a temper there

which doesn't suit a man: it's very bad.

They say, my lords, that anger is a brief madness; but that

man is always angry. Give him a table to

himself, for he doesn't like company, and in fact

he's not fit for it.

APEMANTUS

Let me stay at thine apperil, Timon: I come to