The Click Trilogy (28 page)
Authors: Lisa Becker
From: Shelley Manning – July 2, 2012 – 9:18 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: A plague on both your houses?
I may have been obvious, but those two are oblivious. Seriously, they are so nauseating. It’s like that “Shmoopy” episode of
Seinfeld
where they don’t realize how their behavior is making everyone else around them sick. Sick I say!
From: Renee Greene – July 2, 2012 – 9:25 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: A plague on both your houses?
Ah, yes. Shmoopy. Maybe I’ll start calling Ethan that. ;)
But seriously, Mark and Cassidy aren’t that bad. I think we’re just not used to seeing him so blissful.
From: Shelley Manning – July 2, 2012 – 9:38 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: A plague on both your houses?
Normally, I’m all for a little PDA. Lord knows I’ve been guilty of engaging in a bit of it myself. But it’s the sweet, sappy, lovey-dovey shit that drives me nuts. I can’t stand all of that sentimental crap. And DON’T say anything about me hating all of it because it’s Finlay. I don’t like it for ANYONE. Got it?
From: Renee Greene – July 2, 2012 – 9:47 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: A plague on both your houses?
First off, I didn’t say a word. Just wanted to acknowledge that you were visibly bothered last night.
Second, have you ever thought about writing greeting cards?
From: Shelley Manning – July 2, 2012 – 9:54 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: A plague on both your houses?
Oh Sweetie, it goes way beyond bothered. It’s to the point where I just don’t want to hang out with them anymore. Good thing I’m heading to Seattle next week and will miss their 4th of July BBQ.
And regarding writing greeting cards: Yes! Indeed, I have thought of an alternate career route using my impressive talent with words and immense sentimentality.
From: Renee Greene – July 2, 2012 – 9:58 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: A plague on both your houses?
I didn’t realize you were going to Seattle again. Sorry we’ll miss you at the party. We’ll plan a private hang out soon.
From: cassidy – July 3, 2012 – 3:30 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: babe?
thanks again for treating us to dinner on saturday night. it was alot of fun. i love that ethan calls you babe. whats the story behind that? i thought mark said your nickname was supermodel renee?
h’s & k’s,
cassidy
From: Renee Greene – July 3, 2012 – 5:12 PM
To: cassidy
Subject: Re: babe?
Oh, everyone but Ethan calls me Supermodel Renee. Ethan calls me Babe due to a story I told him when we first met. I was in New York for business at a big trade show for the toy industry and my client made toys based on Babe the Pig.
I was at the showroom ALL day (16 hours) and had to be at the
Today Show
the next morning at 5:00 a.m. with a three-foot tall Super Babe plush pig to give to Al Roker. I was carrying that, along with a huge Babe bag filled with other Babe merchandise, back to the hotel because I couldn’t get a cab.
I was staying at this really swanky boutique hotel and every doorman who worked there looked like a really handsome, dark-haired Adonis. As I walked up to the door, this beautiful doorman called out, “Hey, it’s the pig lady.” I felt completely defeated but quickly retorted, “No, I’m the babe!” For the rest of the week, every handsome doorman there called me Babe. It was AWESOME! After I told Ethan this funny story, he said, “Well, I’m going to call you Babe, too,” and he has ever since.
From: cassidy – July 3, 2012 – 5:16 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: babe?
thats super cute. mark calls me cass. isnt that darling?
h’s & k’s,
cassidy
From: Renee Greene – July 3, 2012 – 5:17 PM
To: cassidy
Subject: Re: babe?
It is. You guys make a lovely couple. See you tomorrow.
From: cassidy – July 5, 2012 – 9:02 AM
To:
Subject: let freedom ring!
for those of you who didnt make our july 4 bbq, here are Miranda, Charlotte, Carrie and Samantha dressed up for the holiday. enjoy!
h’s & k’s,
cassidy
Chapter 6 – The Best Laid Plans
From: Renee Greene – July 9, 2012 – 9:16 AM
To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Gordon
Subject: Cancellation :(
UGH! I have to be in Cincinnati, Ohio for a new business pitch at 10:00 in the morning on Wednesday. But I have a meeting the day before in LA that I can’t get out of. Know what that means? RED EYE! Lord help me!
Plus I have a big client press event with action movie star Brent Mills on Friday so I’m going to be swamped. Sorry I won’t be able to make lunch. I’ll call you when I’m back and we can reschedule.
From: Renee Greene – July 11, 2012 – 3:32 PM
To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Gordon
Subject: The best laid plans!
I get on the plane last night for my red eye flight (ugh!) to Cincy. I’m wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt, no make-up and hair in a ponytail in the hopes I can catch a few zzzz’s. I say a brief hello to the man sitting next to me and exchange pleasantries about where we are going, how we hate the red eye, etc. Then I try to sleep. I say “try” because it was a bumpy flight and every time I was about to doze off, we hit some turbulence and I was jolted awake again.
After we landed, I ran to the ladies room, changed into a suit, slapped on some makeup and ran a brush through my hair. As I walked through baggage claim to get outside to a cab, I saw my seatmate and said goodbye, wished him luck in his meeting, etc. He looked back at me totally confused. Turns out, he didn’t recognize me all gussied up. HA!
Anyway, I went to the pitch and based on the adrenaline rush of potentially winning a big account, I kicked ass! As much as I don’t like to give compliments to myself (or even take them from others), I really nailed it. They LOVED me! I walked out pretty confident that we won the assignment.
Of course by that point, I was pretty exhausted. The only thing keeping me going was the thought of returning to the airport so I could change back into my sweats and try to sleep on the way home.
Well the potential new client asked what flight I was on for my return to LA. When I told him, he let out an enthusiastic and sincere – GREAT! I’m on that flight too. We can sit together. (Apparently, they really,
really
LOVED me). I responded with a totally enthusiastic, but oh-so-insincere – Fantastic!
I’m emailing you all now in a desperate attempt to stay awake. I fear that if I go to bed now, I will be up at 3:00 a.m. I’m trying to stay up until 8:00.
From: Ashley Gordon – July 11, 2012 – 3:48 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
This stuff could only happen to you. I can get off of work a bit early. Want to grab some dinner at 6:00 at Monica’s?
From: Renee Greene – July 11, 2012 – 4:02 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
YES! Apologies in advance if I yawn…a lot. It’s not you.
From: Ashley Gordon – July 11, 2012 – 4:05 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
No worries. I’m exhausted and yawning all of the time. too. See you there.
From: Shelley Manning – July 11, 2012 – 4:15 PM
To:
Cc: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
If you’re yawning at dinner with Ashley, it really might be her. Maybe you should find something a bit more…invigorating. You know what I mean. (And if you look at your email subject line, you’ll see that subliminally, you know what you want.)
From: Renee Greene – July 11, 2012 – 4:20 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
Maybe I’m punchy from lack of sleep, but you are so frickin’ hilarious. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. Ethan has been working a TON lately. We barely see each other and when we do, he’s so tired that he just wants to sleep.
From: Shelley Manning – July 11, 2012 – 4:22 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
Oh, Sweetie. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say. But I think
you
should say something to Ethan.
From: Renee Greene – July 11, 2012 – 4:23 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
What am I supposed to say? I know you’re tired, but I need some action?
From: Shelley Manning – July 11, 2012 – 4:26 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
What you say is that you miss spending time with him and that you really need to work on making time for one another and your relationship.
From: Renee Greene – July 11, 2012 – 4:30 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
That’s actually really good and normal advice. Who are you? And what have you done with my best friend?
From: Shelley Manning – July 11, 2012 – 4:34 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
I know. It seems uncharacteristic of me to be doling out good relationship advice instead of telling you to just seduce him with lingerie and raw oysters on the half shell. Come to think of it, that’s
not
a bad idea.
From: Renee Greene – July 11, 2012 – 4:39 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
And
there’s
the Shelley I know and love. I’ll give it some thought. In the meantime, I’m going to take a cold shower – to help me stay awake! – and get ready to go to Monica’s. If you want to meet us there, feel free.
From: Shelley Manning – July 11, 2012 – 4:42 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: The best laid plans!
Oh, I don’t need any help sleeping and between you and your yawns, and Ashley and well, herself, I think I’ll pass. Mwah! Mwah!
From: Renee Greene – July 13, 2012 – 4:53 PM
To: Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, Ashley Gordon, PBCupLover
Subject: I loathe Brent Mills!
I just returned home from a client event with my colleagues Lisa and Jan where Brent Mills was paid to perform at a lunchtime consumer and press event with his blues band. Part of the deal was that he would do a meet & greet/photo opp with 10 of the company executives after the concert. The man could not have been more rude.
First off, he looked miserable and scowled the entire time. Not
one
smile. Not a one! He stood near the photographer and barked out “next” to call over an executive for a photo. Then, he shooed one away and barked out another “next.”
The clients looked so saddened, as they were really looking forward to meeting him. And I was helpless to make things better. It was really awful.
I wanted to slap that celebrity scowl off his face and say, “Seriously! If you don’t want to do it, then don’t take the paying job. But you’re an actor for goodness sakes. You can at least
act
like you want to be here.”
Oh, and just as we were wrapping up our shoot, some guy from one of those crime-drama procedurals walks in with two scantily-clad, buxom girls – one on each arm. He asked if he could get a photo with Brent who of course, smiled and posed graciously while leering down these ladies’ (and I use that term loosely) dresses. GROSS!
From: Mark Finlay– July 13, 2012 – 5:12 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning, Ashley Gordon, PBCupLover, cassidy
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
Don’t let him get you down, Renee. You’re a supermodel, after all.
From: Shelley Manning – July 13, 2012 – 5:23 PM
To: Mark Finlay
Cc: Ashley Gordon, PBCupLover, cassidy, Renee Greene
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
And that’s why I hate celebrities. One time, I was on a double date with a doctor, his best friend (also a doctor) and his girlfriend, a cancer researcher. We had a dinner reservation for 8:00. 8:45 rolls around and we still aren’t seated. Finally, the hostess tells us ours is the next table. Well in strolls some young, reality TV wannabe with her entourage and the hostess immediately seats them at
our
table.
Really? REALLY? You’re going to give
our
table to a reality TV loser who’s only claim to fame or importance in life is exposing her dating life to the world, having a sex tape or enduring stupid challenges across the globe? You’re not lauding the cancer researcher and doctors who could one day save your life? Your LIFE!
ARGH! So I say loathe. Loathe away. I’ll be seething right alongside of you.
From: PBCupLover – July 13, 2012 – 5:34 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
ARGH indeed!
And leering down two, scantily-clad, buxom ladies’ dresses: sounds horrible. Just horrible!
Well Babe, you can take your frustrations out on me tonight. I’ll be your personal punching bag.
From: Renee Greene – July 13, 2012 – 5:37 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
Are you volunteering for that duty because you think I hit like a girl or because you likely won’t be home before I fall asleep?
From: PBCupLover – July 13, 2012 – 5:39 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
Honestly? A little of both.
From: Renee Greene – July 13, 2012 – 5:40 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
LOL!
From: cassidy – July 14, 2012 – 10:32 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Cc: Renee Greene, Mark Finlay, Ashley Gordon, PBCupLover
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
oh, i love brent mills. i worked on a movie set with him once and he was super nice to me. maybe he was just having a bad day when you saw him. and shelley, which reality tv star was it? i watch them all! i even tried out to be a trainer on one of the weight loss shows.
h’s & k’s,
cassidy
From: Ashley Gordon – July 14, 2012 – 2:30 PM
To: cassidy
Cc: Renee Greene, Mark Finlay, Shelley Manning, PBCupLover
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
I’ve always found him to be rather smarmy. No love lost here.
From: Mark Finlay – July 14, 2012 – 3:12 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: Renee Greene, cassidy, Shelley Manning, PBCupLover
Subject: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
Actually, Cass made it all the way to the final trainer selection for that show. They ended up going with someone that had some TV experience. But she got really far in the selection process.
From: Shelley Manning – July 16, 2012 – 8:32 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Fwd: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
Are you fucking kidding me? Cassidy’s take-away from my rant was “which reality TV star?” And, of course Brent was nice to her. She’s gorgeous.
From: Renee Greene – July 16, 2012 – 8:42 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
Lest we not forget the girl is holiopathic. She doesn’t really think cancer research is needed.
But I’m not surprised that she was almost picked for a reality TV show. She’s beautiful, very fit and quite charming. And honestly, she’s really sweet.
From: Shelley Manning – July 16, 2012 – 8:45 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
Can I write email rants claiming to loathe
her
?
From: Renee Greene – July 16, 2012 – 8:46 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
No can do, my friend. But I’ll let you rant to me anytime.
From: Shelley Manning – July 16, 2012 – 8:50 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: I loathe Brent Mills!
Thanks, Sweetie. Mwah! Mwah!
From: Shelley Manning – July 17, 2012 – 9:43 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Miss me?
From: Renee Greene – July 17, 2012 – 9:45 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Miss me?
I do miss you, Shel. But why are you sending me a picture of your boobs?
From: Shelley Manning – July 17, 2012 – 9:47 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Miss me?
Holy shit! I sent you the wrong message. Not much else to do but laugh and laugh. And be thankful it went to you by accident and not my boss.
From: Renee Greene – July 17, 2012 – 9:52 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Miss me?
I’m thrilled to hear you didn’t
intend
to send a cleavage shot to your boss. Who was this for? You haven’t spoken much about anyone lately. I was beginning to think you’d hit a dry spell.
From: Shelley Manning – July 17, 2012 – 9:57 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Miss me?
Dry spell? Me? Never! No, I just figured it was getting passé to continue talking about this stuff. Plus, you’re in a serious relationship. You have an exciting life of your own.
From: Renee Greene – July 17, 2012 – 10:00 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Miss me?
I will always want to hear of your dating adventures. Those nicknames bring me such joy.
From: Shelley Manning – July 17, 2012 – 10:02 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Miss me?
I’ll keep that in mind. In the meantime, I’ve got an email to send and you’ve got an email to delete. Right?
From: Renee Greene – July 17, 2012 – 10:06 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Miss me?
Oh, I don’t think so. You have a picture of me from Cancun in college. As I recall, you’ve trotted that little factoid out on many an occasion when you are interested in getting me to do something I don’t want to. Now I’ve got a little black“mail” of my own.
From: Shelley Manning – July 17, 2012 – 10:08 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Miss me?
Fine. Keep it. Show it around if you want. I’m proud of the rack.
From: Renee Greene – July 17, 2012 – 10:10 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Miss me?
UGH! It’s no fun when you have no shame. Why can’t you be embarrassed like normal people?
From: Shelley Manning – July 17, 2012 – 10:11 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Miss me?
Sweetie, I’m anything but normal. And I’ve got two great reasons to be proud in this case.
From: Renee Greene – July 17, 2012 – 10:12 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Miss me?
True, my friend. True. Okay, go send your sexy photo to…?
From: Shelley Manning – July 17, 2012 – 10:13 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Miss me?
…? No one you know. Call you later. Mwah! Mwah!
From: Shelley Manning – July 18, 2012 – 8:25 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: HUMP DAY
It's hump day. Just thought you should know.
From: Renee Greene – July 18, 2012 – 8:32 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: HUMP DAY
UGH! I’m still at the office. I’ve been working my fanny off and it’s only Wednesday. I wouldn't be busting my hump like this for just any client. Thankfully, they are appreciative of our work.
From: Shelley Manning – July 18, 2012 – 8:35 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: HUMP DAY
I say “hump day” and that’s your take, Sweetie? I’ve been working hard. Listen up lady: It’s HUMP DAY. So log off the computer, find your man and have at it.
From: Renee Greene – July 18, 2012 – 8:36 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: HUMP DAY
I didn’t realize it was a command.
From: Shelley Manning – July 18, 2012 – 8:38 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: HUMP DAY
Well it is! Sadly, I have to remind you to have sex.
From: Renee Greene – July 18, 2012 – 8:40 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: HUMP DAY
Is that your plan for the evening? Perhaps with the gentleman who received your risqué photo yesterday? What was his name again?
From: Shelley Manning – July 18, 2012 – 8:42 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: HUMP DAY
Nice try, Sweetie. Go have some fun. Mwah! Mwah!