The Celestial Kiss (29 page)

I knew, from the first moment I saw that hand, what I would find.  But knowing what to expect did not help keep back the scream when I saw it.  My father’s body on the floor face down, a carved wooden stake protruding from his back. 

“He didn’t care about you, Lilith.”  Xian whispered in my ear.  He had sneaked up behind me in an instant, and now his hand was on my shoulder, with just a little too much pressure.  He wasn’t comforting me.  He was reminding me that even now, after I’d run away and been driven back, I belonged to him.  “He didn’t want you back.  I hope you understand…I had to do it.”

I stared, transfixed, at my father’s corpse.  After everything we’d been through, with our unconventional relationship, I expected that his death wouldn’t have bothered me.  But it was something I’d never expected; He was going to live forever.  It was me who was finite,
me
who would one day cease to exist.  I didn’t doubt my father wouldn’t mourn that loss.  And yet, seeing him stabbed in the back by the only person he had ever trusted…I felt unseasonably sad.

My chest seized, my throat constricting around this inexplicable grief.  “You’re sick.”  It was all I could manage without my voice breaking.  That was a satisfaction I’d not give him.

“Oh, come now.  You know how horrid he was.  He’s the reason you ran away…”  Xian rested his chin on my shoulder, letting his arms circle me.  “He’s the reason you left me.  It’s no great loss.”  I choked on a dry sob.  “A man who doesn’t care for his own daughter is hardly a man at all.”

I wanted to cry.  Being here, back where I’d started as if nothing had changed, was just too much.  It was like everything I’d fought for, everything I’d done, the people I’d met, and the person I’d become had never happened.  I’d tried and failed.  That shouldn’t make me feel so desperately hopeless, but it did.  Because I’d known love, and I’d had a friend.  Now they were gone and all I had was the memory of them.  Now all I had was Xian.  I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want him to see me do it.  “Calista.”  I demanded.

“Of course.”  He disentangled himself from me.  “Come with me.”

But I could only stare, transfixed, at where my father lay on the ground in a pool of his own dark, poisonous blood.  Xian smirked, just the slightest bit, before turning his back on me.  I knew what he was doing…he was giving me a moment alone, to finish what wasn’t, to say the things that had been left unsaid, to pay my respects.  I didn’t know if I had any respect for him, alive or dead.  There was
something
, an inexplicable sort of emotion that had been the foundation of our entire relationship…I’d never been able to figure out what exactly that was.  “You were never really much of a father.”  I said, bending down to be closer to him.  I knew he couldn’t hear me, but Xian could.  “I always thought maybe that’s what love was…just guarded and distant.”  I pulled the stake from his back, slowly regaining inch by inch of the blood-soaked weapon.   I slid it up my sleeve in one discreet, fluid motion.  “But I don’t think you knew what that was either.”

I cast one last glance at my father, disgusted, cold, and numb, before following Xian out into the foyer.  He held out a hand, but I pressed my arms around myself, trying to fight off the hollow feeling that threatened to steal what tattered fragments were left of my resolve.  I followed him up the steps, around the corner, and then I knew where we were going…my room.

I recognized the man who stood guard at my door, his arms crossed and his expression bored.  His name was Evan, and he’d been less than cruel.  I’d actually sort of seen him as a peaceable man.  Now he straightened when he saw Xian and then grinned at me.  There seemed to be something on his lips, something he couldn’t wait to say, but a second glance at Xian gave him pause to think better of it.  There was a new addition to the door—a shiny brass padlock, which Xian opened with a key procured from his pocket.  When it swung open, I was almost too scared to enter.  I let go of my fear when I saw her huddled in the corner.   

“Lilith?” Her voice was still strong, imperial.  She was a queen by marriage, but she possessed a queen’s charming dignity by birth.  I ran to her side and fell to my knees to assess the damage. 

“I’m so sorry!”  I hoped she could see my sincerity in the dimly lit room.  “I never meant for this to happen.”

“What happened?”  She grabbed me by the upper arms in desperation and looked me over, casting a harried glance over my shoulder.  “James?  My children?”  There was a hard edge of desperation in her voice. 

“They’re safe.”  I promised.  “I left them safe.”

At that information, her eyes widened.  I noticed the gash across her cheek, the dried blood that was so dark and harsh against her delicate skin.  “You left them?”

“It’s ok.”  I soothed.  “You’re free now.  He won’t hurt you.”  I stood and offered her my hand. 

“You shouldn’t have come.”  Despite her protests, she allowed me to help her up.  Her eyes swam with tears. 

“It’s ok.”  I smiled.  “Everything is alright.”

“No,” She shook her head.  “You should have stayed.  They need you.”

“They need their mother,” I grabbed her hands in earnest.  I wanted her to go before Xian changed his mind.  “James needs you.”

“I’ve had him for twenty two years.”  She straightened, collecting her dignity again. Her tangled red curls spilled down her back in a wave as she moved.  “It’s your turn.”

“I belong here,” I attempted to convince myself, but the words sounded strange—contrived.  I couldn’t make
myself
believe the lie, let alone her. 

“You belong where you are loved, where you are needed.  I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to figure out what they see in you.  But I see it now, Lilith.  You will make a great queen…maybe even a better one than I.”

My mind reeled in a desperate attempt to understand the progression of our conversation.  She was a fighter; she was supposed to be picking up the pieces and running back to her family.  “Please,” I swallowed back more tears; they made my voice thick and desperate.  “Please go now… and tell them how much I love them.”

“I would say the very same,” She smiled.  It was a look I’d not yet seen on her; a wry, intuitive little shape that seemed to transcend the gravity of that moment.  “A queen must make sacrifices, Lilith.  You’ve already made yours.  This is mine.”

Calista turned away from me and after only a second, walked calmly toward Xian.  I watched her, mind churning wildly, and then turned eyes on him.  “
Xian
,” I warned.  “Don’t hurt her!”

Xian kept his eyes locked on mine while she drew closer and closer to him, until finally she stopped just a few steps away, her shoulders squared.  Calista bowed her head just the tiniest bit, and then moved quick as a whip. 

Xian turned just as she raised the stake. I hadn’t even realized she’d taken it from me, quick as a thief.  Now she was prepared to shove it between his ribs.  I’d taken the stake with every intention of using it, but she had the conviction I lacked.  She meant to drive it into his heart.  He reacted so quickly, I barely even saw her move before he threw her to the ground in front of me.  The stake clattered to the floor jut after her.  Xian stepped forward, hatred searing in his eyes. 

I put a hand on his chest in an effort to stop him.  “Leave her alone.”  I begged, trying to put some space between them. 

Xian threw me across the room with a simple flick of his arm. I hit the wall.  ‘Don’t hurt her!”  I gasped through the pain blossoming through my ribcage.  Calista was already on her feet, facing him head on.  “You promised!” 

“And you betrayed me!” 

“He’d never let me leave this place alive.”  Calista’s voice was calm.  “Run, Lilith.”

Run.  Is that all they thought I could do?

I struggled to my feet to stop him, but Xian moved more quickly, eliminating the space between them.  He looked at her and she looked at him with unparalleled hatred.  Xian glanced up at me from under sooty lashes—it was an expression I’d seen on him dozens of times. 
I didn’t want to hurt you,
he would say,
but it was the only way to make you understand.

Xian moved with a violent speed.  Though I screamed again, Calista did not move a muscle, or show the slightest indication that she’d even been bitten.  But the proof was there, a tide of red gushing out of her neck.  Xian pulled away and looked at her mildly.  “
I
bit your daughter. 
I
killed her.”  He let that sink in for a moment before adding, “I must say… she was sweeter.” The queen stood, unspeaking and unflinching, but the look in her eyes spoke volumes.  Xian looked at me, the blood tinting his lips a ridiculous shade of red.  He looked manic, unstable, as he leaned into her and whispered something in Calista’s ear.  I didn’t hear it; I’m not sure I would have wanted to.

Whatever it was, it got the reaction he wanted.  She lunged at him, a scream ripping from her throat, while he stood with a satisfied smirk.  He watched her throw herself at him for a moment, and then moved so quickly that I almost missed it. 

The crack of Calista’s neck was sickening, the kind of sound that makes vomit rise to the back of your throat and stops your heart from beating.  She fell to the ground in slow motion, dead before she could even touch the tile, her fall burdened by my horror.

My heart flooded with grief, my eyes with tears, and my mouth with the vilest string of profanity I’d ever imagined.  And yet, my mind fell blank.  Words, the only constant I had ever known, decided to fail me.  Except, it was not so much that the words failed me as I failed words.  My brain screeched to a halt, refusing to accept anything as it reeled over what I knew to be truth.  Calista was dead.  The mother of the man I may love… Dead at the hands of the man who claimed he loved me. 

A million thoughts pulsed through my mind, a million words twisting, dancing, and leaping out of my reach.  I hurt, and at the same time I was numb.

"They die, Lilith.”  Xian wiped his hands on his pants, like her blood repulsed him.  “It's natural."

"Not by our hands."  I shook my head in denial.  I had been deceived, Xian's promise broken.  It should not have surprised me, and yet the shock paralyzed my body and brain.  "Not by yours!" 

"If not mine, than by disease or illness.  I did her a favor."  His lips were bent into a smirk; he was mocking me.  But his eyes—he truly believed in the validity of that claim.  "Aging is a pitiful thing, and takes
so
long.   I don't even think she suffered...much."

His words triggered me.  No longer numb, I lunged at him, trembling with rage.  I had nothing to attack him with, but in my blind fury, my bare hands seemed good as anything.  A wild cry escaped my lips. Always one step ahead of me, he anticipated my move, grabbed my wrists and immobilized me.  Evan inched closer, looking rapidly between us, uncomfortable.

Xian, however, was relatively unperturbed by my murder attempt.  That infuriatingly calm smile was still perfectly in place.  Sometimes he reminded me of a puppet, his face forever painted into a self-satisfied smirk.  I could smell him; clean and cold, like mint.  It made my heart squeeze into a knot. “I know now Lilith, what it will take to keep you with me forever."

"Nothing," I struggled to wrench out of his grip, but it was no good.  "Nothing you could ever do will make me stay!  Not after this."

"I can keep you here as long as I desire you,” He whispered it just close enough to my ear to make me shudder. “Locked away until you come to your senses and realize I am what is best for you."

"I'll take my own life!"  I said vehemently.  I said it out of desperation, but a small part of me meant it.  Despite having spent the past several weeks trying to deny the possibility of taking my own life, it was a fate I’d welcome over the one he was offering.

“Not if you can’t die.  Not if you’re immortal.”

“Impossible.”  I spat, turning my head away from him.  Looking at him was turning my stomach.

“I can do it, Lilith.”  He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him again.  “And I would do it, for you.”

“If you do, I will kill you.”

Xian blinked at my threat.  “Then you will soon follow and we will spend eternity in Hell together.  What is the point, when we could spend it here,
alive
?”

“Neither of us are alive.”  I shook my head and swallowed back tears. 

“It’s subjective.”  He waved a hand as if he could dismiss my foolish arguments all together.  “Besides, your heart still beats...for now.”

“Not much longer!”  My rage was resurfacing.  I was cycling drastically through the stages of grief: denial, anger, and sadness all sweeping through me in waves.  I made a desperate jump at him, but Evan grabbed my arms and pinned them back without even any direction from Xian.  I struggled against him, desperate. I would claw him, bite him, pull his hair...  Anything, as long as I got to lay a hand on him.  Anything to make him hurt even a fraction as much as he’d hurt me.

“No,” Xian turned his back on me.   My fight was futile, but I still struggled to get free until Xian was at the door.  He turned, and I refusing to take my eyes from his face.  I saw the words form on his lips rather than hear them over the fury of adrenaline coursing in my veins. “Not much longer indeed.”

Evan pushed me away from him, leaving me at arms’ length, and watched me warily for a moment.  He almost said whatever he’d been thinking before leaving.  Instead, he looked at the body of the queen on the floor.  My eyes followed his, and I couldn’t help stare at her.   He shut the door, the scrape of a lock affirming my solitude.  My captivity had been renewed.  I could feel my lip quivering, but I wasn’t ready to let the tears out yet.  In that moment, I was alight with hatred, every nerve quaking with a fury I would no longer be hostage to.

I lay on the ground, letting these feelings transform me.  I’d been hurt.  I’d felt the pain of broken bones, the sting of a well-aimed right hook, the agony of teeth tearing through the most tender of flesh.  I’d been angry.  I’d known the way that rage can make you a different person, like you’re standing on the opposite side of the mirror, watching someone ugly and cruel tear the world apart.  But never had I felt this…it was a feeling I couldn’t even attribute a name to.  I only knew that I felt myself floating away, becoming ever more distant.  And as I watched my meek self slip away, I wished her farewell.