The Boy from Aleppo Who Painted the War (17 page)

Baba looks down. I want to tell Uncle Shady that I don't like him for bringing them up but I don't know how to say it without him laughing at me. I mean it, it's not funny.

‘God be with us,' Baba says and tries to get up.

‘It's time for us to go.'

Tariq helps Baba up and stands by him. He looks like his bodyguard. Tariq has huge shoulders and chest. His shirt looks bumpy because he is really big and strong. He is the most muscly out of all of them, but I have never seen him use his strength and I don't want to! It would be like a scene out of the movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and his little twin brother. The movie made me laugh a lot. That's how Tariq and I look together. I laugh to myself and Tariq looks at me without anything in his facial expression. I stop laughing in case Tariq really punches me like in the movie. I don't want to go flying back. The twin brother seemed fine after that, but I am sure I won't be.

‘You just got here, stay for a bit more. Hanan is coming back soon, she just went to her mother's house down the road.'

‘Just tell her we send our regards, we have to go. Adam doesn't like staying out for too long.' Does Baba read minds? I hate being out of the house for too long. Is that really why he is going home? I can't say anything because I can't wait to walk back home. This house looks familiar but unfamiliar at the same time. I don't like the feeling. It's better to just go home.

‘I don't know if I'll ever see you again big brother, people keep on disappearing nowadays. Look after yourself.' I don't know why Uncle Shady calls Baba big brother instead of his real name. Am I meant to call Tariq big brother?

Baba walks on and I stick to Tariq's side and whisper to him ‘Are we going home big brother?' Tariq laughs a little and shakes his head. I like being funny and making people laugh. I like making Yasmine laugh the most. I feel good today. I know mama is looking down at me today. I wish she would look down more often. We all say bye to Uncle Shady and I look back at him, his eyes are black.

‘Adam, how are you feeling?' Baba stops and looks back at me. I forget about Uncle Shady right away and tell Baba I'm okay. I am happy Baba looked back at me. I missed looking at his face. I walk beside Baba with our shoulders brushing against each other. I remember when mama and Baba used to walk in front of us and I used to count how many times their shoulders would brush against each other.

A man wearing the Islamic dress for men stands on the opposite pavement from us and starts calling for prayer. He puts his hands around his ears and shouts. His voice echoes through my body. I feel his voice shiver my insides. Why isn't he in the mosque calling for prayer? I ask Baba and he tells me the mosque was bombed. So why is he doing it on the streets?

‘When it's time for prayer, nothing will stop us, not even a war,' Baba says.

I don't reply and start thinking how important prayer is. If not even the war will stop it, what will? I used to like watching people pray in Makkah all together. It was exciting when the whole crowd went up and down at the same time as if it was rehearsed. It's the only thing that brings all the Muslims together Baba once told me. Mama used to say it was beautiful, so I think it is too.

We pass by the river and get home without me even realising. I was thinking about prayer and I didn't even know where I was any more. I love it when that happens, when for a few minutes I leave. If only I knew how to get away for good.

There's a carton box outside our door. It looks like a parcel. I love parcels, you never know what's in them.

‘Baba! Look we have a parcel!'

‘Don't touch it Adam!' Baba grabs my hand.

‘Why Baba? It's a parcel!'

‘I don't have a good feeling!'

I don't have any feeling about it, I just want to open it. I love parcels. Baba carries it and takes it in. I follow him to the living room to see what is inside. Everybody else goes to a room and closes the door behind them. It's like we don't even live together.

‘Baba, are you going to open it?'

‘Get me scissors.'

I run to the kitchen and get Baba the scissors. I hold them down the way Yasmine taught me. Maybe the parcel is from Yasmine! Maybe she is coming back soon. My heart is beating fast. I am so excited. When Yasmine comes back I am going to tell her I love her and to never leave again.

Baba starts opening the package and my heart beats faster. Is it a card picture from Yasmine? Is it her address so we can pick her up? It is none of those. Baba opens the package and I can feel the air being sucked out of the room. Baba gasps and throws the package out of his hands. I can't breathe. I can't say anything. All the air in my body has been punched out. I am moving my mouth but I feel suffocated. My face starts getting hot. The package is Khalid's hands. His chopped hands in his blood. Khalid doesn't have hands any more. I know his hands by heart. Their size and colour and the hair on his fingers and… and… the tattoo on his finger that mama kicked him out of the house for. I regain some breath and start panting.

‘No, no! Not Khalid! He's alive! I know he's alive!'

Baba is rocking himself forwards and backwards and slapping his hands on his lap.

‘Khalid! My son! Khalid!' Baba is crying and shouting. He starts pulling his hair and crying harder. He repeats those four words until everybody comes out of their room and runs to him. I want to explain what happened but I start imagining Khalid without hands and I can't look straight any more. Does Yasmine still have hands?

I fall to the ground and close my eyes. I don't want to see anything else ever again. Tariq kicks the table in the middle and starts swearing.

‘Why are you swearing! You should be praying to God!' Baba shouts at Tariq. I open my eyes and see his face get so red. I don't know whether I want to block my ears or eyes. If only I could block both.

‘Those bastards! They have no shame! No life! What the fuck is happening to this country?! What is happening to the people?! Where did all these animals come from?!' Tariq punches the wall and runs out of the front door. ‘I'll show those bastards what it means to touch my brother!'

‘Come back Tariq! We can't do anything!' Baba shouts after Tariq. He doesn't look back though. Amira holds Ali and is covering his eyes.

I bang my head on the edge of the sofa over and over and over again. Over and over again. Khalid… I remember when blood made me vomit and made my head spin, now blood is like water and body parts are parcels. I don't even know why there's a war. Why is there a revolution? Why are they taking my family? What happened while I was painting and going to school? Why is everyone suddenly talking about politics when they used to talk about art, fashion, religion and travelling?

‘What happened!' I shout and scream. ‘What happened!' I don't know who I am screaming at. Nobody looks at me. Baba is still crying and repeating the same words. Amira is still rocking Ali in her lap and covering his eyes while he covers his ears. I don't know who we are any more.

I run to Isa's room and start ripping books and kicking his bed. I've never felt the colour black take over my body. I see black and white now. Everything is a target with a focus point. Everything is different. I hear a car stop outside our door and stop everything for a split second of hope. I run outside the room and don't see Baba any more. Amira and Ali haven't moved. They look frozen.

I hear the car drive away and run to the door. Why did they stop outside our house? I open the door and see the lights slowly disappear. It was a black car. I look around and don't see anyone. Did they pick someone up from here? I notice a log on the floor a little down our street. It looks as long and thick as a log but why would they drop a log there? I couldn't see their faces. I leave the door open and walk up a little. It's not a log. It's a person. Did the car dump a person here? I am scared to walk over but I do. I am filled with curiosity.

The person's feet are tied back. Their body is rising up and down. They are alive! Oh my God they dumped a living person! I run towards them and lean down. They need help. I start praying under my breath and take a look at their face. It's Khalid! It's Khalid! Oh my God! Khalid is alive! I shout as loud as I can for someone to come out and help me. Ali and Amira come out quickly and ask me what I am doing out here in the dark. I don't reply and start untying the rope around Khalid's feet and they come and help me without saying another word. We carry him inside and lie him down on the big sofa. We all stand back and stare at him. We all know what to do nowadays. Khalid's eyes are bruised and one of his cheeks is puffed up and purple. His neck has scars that look like they go deep down but I can't see because he is wearing a shirt. There is blood on it and it is ripped on his shoulder. I lean down and whisper ‘hello' to him. I see his eyeballs move under his eyelids but he does not open his eyes. Amira tells me to move back from him at the same time as her stomach makes the loudest hungry noise. Her face goes red and she pretends nothing happened. Her facial expression is fighting to say something but she keeps the same face.

We don't have any clean water for Khalid to drink. I try to think of somewhere we might have hidden some water. I remember the honey Amira hid and run to the bathroom. Honey is better than nothing. I come back to the sitting room and see Khalid's eyes open. I don't know if he can see us though, his eyes are really puffed. Amira sees me holding her honey jar and jumps up.

‘Who told you to touch it?'

‘It's for Khalid, Amira.'

I have never seen her this angry.

‘It's for me and my baby! He will die if I don't feed him.'

I don't know what to say. Amira looks skinnier not pregnant.

‘Can I give some to Khalid please?'

‘Okay, some!' Her eyes look down then she makes a stern face and takes the honey jar out of my hand.

‘I'll give him some, you go call Baba,' she says.

‘Where did Baba go?'

‘Look for him in his room.'

I run to his room and knock on the door three times. I don't get an answer but I open it slowly. I can see Baba's legs then I open it fully and walk in. I see Baba sitting on his knees like he is praying but he is holding a box in his hands. I can't see what he is doing with it from here so I walk closer. I can't believe what I am seeing. I cover my eyes and open them again. Baba doesn't look up at me, I don't know if he heard me come into the room.

‘Baba…'

Baba jumps up, he has hands held against his face with blood dripping down to his knees.

‘What are you doing Baba?'

Baba doesn't reply. His pupils widen.

‘I'm feeling Khalid's agony.'

I don't know if I should go near him. I'm scared. He doesn't look like Baba any more. His face looks completely different.

Why would he touch Khalid's hands? Why would he touch the blood? Is this what people do when they lose someone? I have never heard of it. I think Baba is really upset. I once watched a movie with a woman acting crazy and she didn't know what she was doing or who she was. Is Baba like her?

‘Baba… Khalid is here.'

Baba's eyes open up. He replies when I call him Baba.

‘Khalid? Did they send his dead body?'

‘No Baba, he is in the sitting room on the sofa.' Baba jumps up, drops the hands and runs out. He doesn't even wipe the blood. I look down at the box and a shiver runs through me. The box looks messy with blood and Khalid's hands. How can Baba touch that?

Khalid is slowly sipping honey from the spoon.

I sit down on the sofa and just stare at him. Baba is sitting next to him holding onto his arm but Khalid keeps moving it away. What happened? I always have to connect the dots myself. Khalid closes his mouth tight so Amira doesn't feed him. He tries to move away but his face scrunches up in pain. Why isn't he speaking? Can he not speak any more?

‘Talk to me Khalid, are you ok?' Baba asks.

I want to ask so many questions but I fight the voices in my head. I don't want to upset anyone. Everything is always happening to people around me. What about me? Is it my turn next?

I am happy Khalid is back home, but where is Yasmine? Is she coming back home soon? Is she going to be hurt as well?

My eyes start to feel heavy. When I think about Yasmine when I'm tired I get really depressed. I try to stop thinking about her and get up and go to my room. I'll pray tonight that Yasmine comes back home tomorrow. She's been gone for too long.

*

I wake up all of a sudden and look around. It's still dark outside and my heart is racing loudly. I had a nightmare, which I was stuck in. I was trying to get out but I couldn't. I don't want to think about it. I don't know what time it is, it feels like I slept for a whole night but it's still dark. I couldn't have slept more than a few hours.

I get up and rub my eyes. I have crust in the corners. I try to take as much off as I can but it needs to be washed away by water. I go into the sitting room and look at the time. It's only 2:30 a.m. I slept for three hours. There is nobody in the sitting room. I go back into my room and take my books from the bedside table. I haven't had time to read lately. Nobody has time to read when there are bombs and blood everywhere. I wish I had more time though. I start to read and feel good. I love reading, it feels like I am travelling. I miss this feeling, like you're invincible. But I can't feel invincible during a war. I learnt that word at school when a boy was pretending to be Superman and stood on the table to jump off and shouted ‘I'm invincible!' He's a clever boy, he always gets good marks. I went home and searched for what it means in the dictionary. That's why I am using it now. Whenever I learn a new word I try to use it as much as possible in any sentence. Yasmine used to always laugh at me whenever I'd say a new word in every sentence.