The Boy from Aleppo Who Painted the War (16 page)

‘Come, I'll show you something.'

I follow Amira to the bathroom where she tells me to come in. I have never been in the bathroom with somebody so I just wait outside.

‘Come in, I have something.'

I tiptoe inside. I can't think properly when I'm this hungry so I just do as I am told.

Amira reaches behind the toilet and takes one of the tiles off. I squeak as I try to say something but no words come out. Why is she breaking the floor? She pulls out a jar of honey. My eyes widen and I think of how bees widen their eyes when they see people coming for their hive. I just want to eat.

‘Where did you get it from?'

‘I brought it with me when I came, I knew one day we would need it.'

‘Can I have some?'

‘Come, sit down.'

I sit down and hear my knees crack. My arms look long and yellow and so do my legs. I never look in the mirror any more. I don't have a choice anyway because Amira broke it one day. I was painting in my room when I heard a scream coming from the bathroom. I ran and saw Amira on the floor with glass all around her and one piece in her cheek. I have seen a lot of blood lately. I hate the smell.

‘Open your mouth,' Amira says. I stop thinking and come to reality. Amira has her two fingers dipped in honey. I don't want to take honey from her hand. I don't like people touching my food.

‘Can I put my finger in?'

Amira closes her eyes and smiles.

‘All you men are the same.'

I don't know what she means but she gives me the honey jar so I put my finger in on the side where she hasn't touched. No one is the same so how are all men the same? I hardly speak to Amira. So I have conversations with my paintings. They never confuse me, they always say the right things. I put the honey in my mouth and I shiver straightaway. The sweetness of honey always makes me shiver. It feels good to have something that isn't water.

I want to have more honey but Amira is closing the jar and putting it back.

‘Why are you closing it Amira?'

‘We need to keep it for other days, if we finish it we'll starve to death.'

I am not sure how people starve to death. I haven't eaten in days. I have only drunk hot water whenever we can light the logs with fire. I am starving and feel tired all the time, sometimes I daydream of dying because of the pain but I never die. I wonder how long somebody has to starve before they die.

Amira gets up and leaves the bathroom. I am now alone with the jar of honey and I am really hungry but I can't steal. If I steal I become a bad person and I want to be good so I can go to heaven. I have to pray to God so he can give us some food. I crawl out of the bathroom because I am too tired to get up. We are not allowed to pray in the bathroom because the jinns live there. It's not a good place to stay for long. I put my hands up in the air and ask God for food and to bring Yasmine back. I know God won't leave me alone without helping me. I close my eyes and hope my prayer flies right up to God.

It's 11:47 p.m now. I'm really tired. I am lying in bed and thinking of how I can dream about Yasmine. I try to think of her without getting distracted so I can sleep and dream of her. Maybe she will speak to me in my dream. Why did she visit Baba but didn't visit me? Does she not miss me? My heart feels like a rock in my chest when I think of that. I get up and decide to go to Yasmine's room to sleep there. Maybe I will feel like she is there too. I walk into her room and feel a cold breeze. The window isn't open. I look around. I remember when we sat down after Baba slapped her and we spoke for a bit. I liked it. I replay Yasmine's voice in my head then I try to replay her laugh. Her laugh isn't clear in my mind though. How can I forget Yasmine's laugh? It's my favourite sound. I keep trying to replay the sound in my heart but every time it sounds different. I settle at the sound I think she makes. I think it is close enough. Her eyes squeeze together and her mouth opens really wide when she laughs. She has nice teeth, I notice them whenever she laughs. The dentist used to say I have very good teeth. I am really scared of dentists because of the tools they use but my dentist is nice. I like him, he doesn't put metal in my mouth because I told him I don't like it. It makes me shiver whenever metal touches my teeth. I don't know how my teeth are now. I roll my tongue over them, they don't feel as straight. I can feel the dirt on them, that is what is making them bumpy. I never realised how important water is and how much we use it until we didn't have it any more. Yasmine's room used to always smell like her, of rose water. Now it smells like cold air. I pull her duvet up and curl into her bed. It's cold and lonely. It doesn't feel like Yasmine's room. I sit up and put my hands together and pray to God for Yasmine and Khalid to come back and for this war to end. I look around the room and see mama looking at me from Yasmine's table. It was when mama was young. She's wearing a red dress with white flowers on it and she is smiling. She has the same smile as Yasmine. I wish she could come out of the picture and sleep in the bed with me. It's cold. I close my eyes and start to hear shooting outside. It happens every night at the same time. I cover my ears with the pillow and think of things that make me happy. Baba's room is next to Yasmine's and I can hear him breathe heavily through the door. Baba has changed so much. He is very thin now and has to hold onto things while walking. He looked good before. Liquorice sneaks into the room and jumps on the bed. I think she traced my smell, I'm glad she came, now I can warm up and sleep knowing she is in the room.

*

Ali comes running into the room without knocking and wakes me up. How did he know I was here?

‘Wake up quick Adam! Quick!'

I squint my eyes and look around. The sun is so bright, I don't usually sleep in this late. I jump up and trip over the cover, I can't see properly.

‘I can't see properly!'

‘Just rub your eyes, it's the dust from outside. All our eyes hurt.'

‘What dust?'

‘Come.'

Liquorice follows us.

‘Where did you get the cat from?'

‘Her name is Liquorice.'

‘That's a funny name.'

‘I like it.'

Baba, Tariq and Amira are crammed at the door. What are they looking at? I look over Amira's shoulder, she is shorter than me, and see the street is nothing but rubble. Did all this really happen when I was sleeping? I didn't feel or hear anything. I see a face and a leg next to each other through some of the rubble and clothes in-between. Our house and Ali's old house are standing. Blood is mixed with water on the ground and now it doesn't even make me sick any more. A man is sweeping the ground with a broom.

Baba walks out and Tariq follows him.

‘Where are you going Baba?'

Tariq looks back and gestures for me to follow him. Amira holds my hand and walks on. Where are we all going? I let go of her hand and walk alone after Baba. We get on the main street and I see my town in a completely different way. It's like I am in a war story. What would I say if I was one of the characters? I guess I would be describing everything but it's beyond words. They need to see it with their own eyes. There's a river under the bridge we are walking towards, the water is brown. I don't know if it is dust or blood or both. We walk on and I keep staring at the river. I want to jump into it. The water looks so free. I lick my lips and feel my dry skin peeling off. I'm thirsty. When we start going down the other side of the bridge the water looks clear. Even though the water is connected, one side is different from the other.

‘Why is the colour of the water different on the other side Tariq?'

‘This part belongs to the government, the other side is the part where the free army lives.'

‘It looks like two different cities.'

‘It is now.'

A group of men are joining hands and forming a human chain that links into the water. I can't see what they're doing from here so I walk faster to the front. There are three men at the front pulling out a body from the river. The body is covered in a black bag with a rope wrapped around it. They pull it up and lie it on the floor and go down and pull another body out. This one looks like a young child, maybe seven years old. Where are they getting these bodies from? Everyone seems calm like they have always been doing this. They all link hands and hold on tight. The third body they pull up is naked and one of his legs is missing. I turn away. I have already seen it though, I can't erase the image from my head. The image is stuck in my head.

Now I try not to look back but I do. I see another body being pulled up. I look for the body I saw earlier, I don't know why. I just need to see it again, there's something in my mind that's forcing me to. I look around but can't see it. I spot the first body with the plastic bag on it, but I can't see the other one.

Walking into the government part of the town, the buildings are still up even though they have bullet marks in them, but at least they're not on the ground with people under them. I wonder if the people living on this side hear and see what we go through every day. Something seems wrong. Nothing comes easy mama used to say, but maybe this did. There are exceptions to every rule I once read. I remember everything I ever read and hear.

There are rats running around the streets like they have taken over the town. On my right, the pavement is filled with rubbish bags that a young kid is going through. That's a clever idea to find food. I'm starving. Everyone walks on without stopping; I stop and look to see what she is going to find in the rubbish. She takes out a box of what looks like microwave food and starts licking the insides. The whole place smells really bad, I don't want to know how bad that box smells. There are kids running around and playing. In our area no one plays around. I wish I lived on this side. There are four kids carrying their friend and playing ‘a funeral'. I don't see how that's a game. I don't understand. I stare at them and one of them sticks his tongue out at me. I catch up to Tariq and look back at them as they walk away and chant a prayer in their little voices.

‘Tariq why are we walking here?'

‘I don't know, we are following Baba.'

‘Doesn't Uncle Shady live on this side?'

‘Oh yes, I forgot about that. Maybe we are going there. You're a clever boy.' Tariq winks at me. I know I am clever. Mama told me that sometimes I can be cleverer than other people and at times I need to be patient with myself. I get frustrated when words don't come out and I have so much to say. During those moments I want to pull my hair or punch something. It's like a waking dream you're trying to escape but you can't. The only difference is that people don't know what is going on in my mind and they start to make fun of me. I don't like it when people laugh at me, so I prefer not to talk to people.

‘Yasmine! Yalla!' I feel my heart stop beating when I hear Yasmine's name. I knew she'd show up! I turn around following the sound of the voice and see a young girl running to her father. I feel cold but I am sweating. Yasmine's name took all the energy out of me. I feel like I ran a mile. I didn't move a centimetre though. I don't like being disappointed. I see the colour purple when I close my eyes when I get disappointed.

Baba is knocking on Uncle Shady's door just like I guessed. He knocks twice and waits. I walk up to the door and knock one more time. We always have to knock three times: it's a rule. Nobody uses it though, because I made it up.

‘Move back Adam,' Baba hisses like a snake.

We wait for 73 seconds before Baba knocks again. We are all standing behind each other like we are scared of one another.

Uncle Shady at last answers the door, but not the way we expected. He is now sitting in a wheelchair with his legs cut off. Baba gasps for a split second before going in and kissing Uncle Shady. I stand on the side trying to avoid the kisses and notice them look at each other in a familiar way. Uncle Shady cries silently still staring at Baba and then wipes his tears and welcomes Baba in.

‘I missed you big brother,' Uncle Shady says.

‘I trust you've been doing well?'

‘As you can see, I'm great.'

This conversation doesn't make sense. Baba didn't reply to Uncle Shady saying he missed him. Uncle Shady says that he is doing great even though he is in a wheelchair with his legs cut off.

‘What happened to you Uncle Shady?' I ask.

Baba looks at me and hisses again. I can't make out what he is saying but apparently Uncle Shady can because he tells Baba not to be harsh on me. Was I meant to pretend I don't see?

‘It's a long story, let's sit down then speak,' he says. They go to the sitting room and sit on the sofa. I haven't been to Uncle Shady's house in ages. We used to always come before mama died but when she left we never came here again. I don't think Baba and his brother spoke for a long time. I can see yellow circles coming out of both their mouths when they speak, it means that they are both shy. How can you be shy in front of your brother?

‘Adam do you still paint?' my uncle asks me. I feel my cheeks go red because I don't like talking about my paintings.

I look down and play with my elastic band. Baba comes closer to me and ruffles my hair.

‘Answer Adam. Don't be shy in front of your uncle, you remember him right?' I wasn't being shy. I want to tell Baba I know he is shy himself but I don't.

‘Yes I still paint. Yes I remember Uncle Shady,' I say.

They both laugh and my uncle tells Baba that I haven't changed. Of course I haven't. Why would I change? If I changed I wouldn't be me.

‘So who did you come with?'

‘That's Amira and that's Ali. It's a long story but they are both a part of our family now,' Baba says and smiles. He is actually happy.

‘Where's Yasmine, Khalid and Isa? Are they doing their own thing as usual?'