The Boy from Aleppo Who Painted the War (21 page)

‘Why do they have numbers on their foreheads Tariq?'

‘The hospital is overcrowded, they need to keep track.'

‘Does it happen in every war?'

‘I don't know Habibi.'

Everything seems so different here even though it's just down the road from us. There are boys that look younger than me running around with a white doctor's coat on. How does that make sense? I am sure they are young and not just short.

‘Tariq, did you see that?' I look at him and point at the young boy pushing an old man in a wheelchair who is bleeding from his right eye.

‘They need people, doctors die every day.'

‘How do they know what to do?'

‘They learn quickly!'

‘Can I do it Tariq?'

‘NO!'

I look around and don't say another word. Does Tariq like me? He doesn't let me do anything. Why are other kids helping out but I can't? I don't know how to do anything but if they can learn then I can too. But I don't want to be a doctor anyway I want to be a painter.

Yasmine comes out holding onto Amira. Tariq runs to her and carries her on his back. Nobody says anything and we slowly walk out. Everyone's eyes are on us as we walk through blood and tears.

Amira doesn't even look like she is breathing. She is limp on Tariq's back. I try to stare at her closely to see if she is breathing. I think I can see her back move up and down slightly but I can't really tell.

‘Is Amira okay?'

Yes Adam, don't worry.'

‘Is she breathing?'

‘Yes, where did you get the honey from?'

‘It's Amira's, she said it was for her baby.'

Yasmine doesn't reply so I look at her. Her face looks like a puzzle, it's scrunched up and her tears are rolling down through the creases trying to find a way to a smooth surface. It looks like a pinball game. She wipes her tears and looks at me.

‘Why are you crying Yasmine?'

‘For life…'

‘What does that mean?'

‘You always know how to make me stop crying,' she says as she laughs.

‘Why Yasmine? Why are you crying for life?'

‘Because there's no feeling like losing a child.'

‘I didn't know she was pregnant Yasmine. I thought she was just saying it.'

‘She really was Habibi.'

She wipes her tears again and tells me to run to the door and open it so they can follow. We are not home yet but close enough for me to run and have some fun. I run fast and feel the air hit my face over and over again. It's like someone is slapping me. I like the feeling, it's waking me up.

I open the door and go inside. I keep it open for them and look for Ali. He is still sitting outside the bathroom in the same position. Why has Ali changed so much? He is no fun any more. At least I have Liquorice now.

Tariq lies Amira down and she starts whispering Khalid's name and crying.

‘Let's leave her to rest a bit.'

‘Yasmine do you want to see my paintings now?'

‘Okay, come on, let's have a look.'

I am so excited to show Yasmine my paintings. I skip to my room and start whistling. I wonder why when someone's happy they whistle, skip, jump or move around. I have never seen a happy person just sit in the same place and not do anything. It's like happiness is something we need to shake out of our system straightaway by doing something. I sound clever in my mind but I wonder if I would sound as good if I said it out loud.

I start showing Yasmine my paintings from when she left but she doesn't say anything and keeps her eyes on the painting on the canvas.

‘Is that blood Adam?' Yasmine points and her fingers are shaking.

‘Yes, does it look good?'

‘Where did you get it from?' Her voice is cold. Ice cubes come out of her mouth. It makes me shiver.

‘From outside Yasmine.'

‘You're gathering other people's blood Adam? Are you crazy?' She shouts really loud: so loud that I have to cover my ears before the ice goes into them.

‘Adam! Are you crazy?' Yasmine pulls her hand up and before I can pull my hands down from my ears she slaps my cheek very hard. I hear the sound of her hand on my face echo. My whole body suddenly turns purple and for the first time I feel the way I see Yasmine. Bruised. My mind is like a war zone. I hear bombs go off and see explosions. I move back and fall to the ground and rock myself violently waiting for the war to stop. I HATE WARS. I start crying. The more I cry the quieter the war zone gets. The bombings and explosions lessen and then disappear. I look up and can see Yasmine's mouth moving through my tears. Even though my mind has calmed down I still block out her voice. She puts her hand on my arm and I move back quickly. I don't want her to touch me. I don't know what to do with myself. My mind is shutting down on me. I'm desperate for an answer, for something to make me come back to reality. I am losing the battle. I can feel my eyesight dimming and my heart beating faster. My tears are hot on my face. So hot. It feels like my head is being dipped into hot water. Liquorice comes and rubs her fur on my leg. I can't hear her purring but I know she is. Can she feel that I am upset? I want to run away. The pain on my cheek is stinging me. I can feel the shape of Yasmine's hand. It has made an outline of pain. Liquorice starts walking away and I crawl after her slowly, I don't want her to leave me, I don't want to be left alone with Yasmine.

I run after Liquorice and can hear Yasmine calling out to me. I don't want to answer though. The front door is open and Liquorice runs out.

‘No Liquorice! Come back!'

Yasmine says my name. Is Liquorice ignoring me like I am ignoring Yasmine? But I didn't do anything wrong to her. I run after Liquorice and don't look back. I don't know if Yasmine is following me or not. I run so fast.

Liquorice hasn't stopped running. It's like she wants to get away from everything. I run after her and try to forget what happened. I would have had nowhere to go if Liquorice hadn't run out. I am thankful to her.

‘Liquorice!'

I see big men in the distance walking down the street. I run faster after Liquorice but I have no energy. I can feel the bones in my right knee pressing on each other. It hurts. I stop and massage my knee because I can't move with the pain. I look up and see one of the men pick up Liquorice and start stroking her. She is not squirming in his hand so I guess he is a good guy. I reach her at last and start panting. If I look back I am sure it won't look like I ran a lot but I still can't stop panting.

‘Can I please have my cat back?' I open my arms so the guy can give me Liquorice.

He laughs in my face and some spit lands on my eye. I wipe it off and smell it. It smells like blood.

‘This cat is mine now.'

‘But she lives with me.'

‘What are you? Stupid? She. Is. My. Cat. Now!'

My heart hurts me when he speaks to me like that. Why is he being horrible to me? Have I ever done anything to harm him? Why would he want to take away my Liquorice? I don't even know him. I start to repeatedly click my fingers and tap on my hip. I'm confused. The other men around him don't say a word but I can feel their eyes on me. They're piercing through my head like they're trying to read my mind.

‘Walk on boy!'

I start humming loudly so I don't hear what he's saying. I want to drown out everything. This feeling of unease is building up, I try to contain it but it gathers in my mouth, urging me to spit it out. I just want Liquorice back. Liquorice squirms. I think she can read my mind.

‘What is wrong with this boy? Does he not know who I am?' The guy looks back at the others. They don't even flinch. Their eyes are still set on me. I want to go home. I'm scared. But I don't want to go anywhere without Liquorice.

‘I'll teach you a lesson for getting in my way. I don't have time for stupid boys like you,' he says and looks back at his men.

I quickly jump to pull Liquorice out of his hands and end up pulling her tail. She screeches. I'm sorry Liquorice; I didn't mean to hurt you.

The guy looks into my eyes and I can see evil in him. He has seen a lot of blood. I think he wants to see a lot more blood. I thought he was good at first. I want to go home. I don't care that Yasmine slapped me any more. I just want this horrible feeling to go away.

‘Are you going to hurt me?' My voice shakes.

The man laughs again. Why does he keep on laughing? It's rude to laugh at someone who is asking you a question.

‘I guess you're catching on,' he sneers.

My mind is popping words like popcorn. I keep staring at the man but the moment I remember to say something it pops; my heart is clenching.

‘Liqu…' I whisper but the popping sound in my mind gets louder and I can't finish my sentence. The guy looks down at me, right into my eyes. I close my eyes and put my hands behind my back and scratch them. I wish I didn't bite my nails. I don't like strangers. I want to run away. I want to run away. I keep repeating it in my mind but my legs aren't moving. I am stuck. Voices are reaching my ears but they pop the moment they enter my ear. My mind feels like hot oil. I open my eyes slowly and see the guy throw Liquorice at me. I quickly open my arms but don't catch her in time. Her claws hold onto my leg and pierce through my skin like a knife. I scream from the pain. I can run away now. What am I waiting for? Run! My mind isn't listening to me! I stomp my feet and start running around but I can't run away.

The men all start laughing at me. My face is going red and I feel like my cheeks are going to explode.

‘He's asking for it isn't he?' the main guy says and walks towards me slowly like he wants to scare me. I freeze and stare at his feet while rubbing my fingers against each other. I think he wants to help me. I smile a little before he spits at me.

‘Yasmine!' I shout and start crying. My voice echoes in my ears and reminds me of the cry of a horse. Whenever I hear someone shouting in pain it reminds me of an animal. Are we all animals when in pain?

‘You know what we do to little boys like you?'

I can feel Liquorice scratching at my leg but I can't look down at her. I feel like a statue. The man pushes me down to the ground and I scratch the palm of my hand on a stone. I look down at my hand and twitch my finger. He grabs a gun out of his pocket and points it at me. Why is he pointing a gun at me? I… I'm confused… my head… my head hurts… I pick up the stone under my hand and throw it at him. I never knew I could do such a thing but I can't even think. It's like my hand has a mind of its own.

‘Ya Kalb!' the man shouts and I hear the shot of a gun. I didn't know a bullet could travel this fast. The moment I hear the gunshot I feel a burning sensation in my hand. I look at it and see two of my fingers blown off on the ground. My hand is pouring with blood. I scream so loud and cry while screaming. This is the feeling I was talking about before death. The guy is rubbing his eye where my stone hit him. His eyebrow is bleeding and he is spreading the blood all over his face without realising. One of his men is trying to help him but the others don't even flinch.

I look around looking for Liquorice and don't find her in front of me. Liquorice. I see her sitting in the corner looking towards me. She looks scared.

‘Liquorice come here.' I close my eyes and scream for mama.

The pain in my hand is making me shake and feel dizzy. I keep my eyes closed so I don't have to look down at the blood. I hold onto my hand tighter so I can stop the pain from spreading down my body and then hear the guy speak again.

‘I'll show you what it means to mess around with Khanjar!'

I have heard that name before… I have heard that name before. He's a bad guy.

I open my eyes and see him point the gun closer to my face and I say the prayer in my heart. I'm sorry I ran away Yasmine. Where are you?

Two of the men standing behind him suddenly fall to the ground after loud sounds of shooting. I put my wrists on my ears so I don't have to hear the bad sounds. My hand is dripping blood down on my ear. I hate the hot sticky feeling but I want to cover my ears. I look up and see the three men pointing their guns at someone on top of me. I lean down and rock myself while covering my ears. I keep my eyes open. I reach out one hand to my fingers and try sticking them back onto my hand. They're not sticking back! They're not sticking back!

‘Are you okay?' A man leans next to me and I start rocking myself harder and making a sound from my throat to make him go away.

He picks me up and I kick and spit on his back.

‘Stop it!'

I ignore him and keep doing it till he puts me down.

‘You're fine now, those bastards are being dealt with by my men.'

I just want him to leave me alone.

‘Liquoric…'

‘Huh?'

I look behind him and see Liquorice coming towards me. I start crying and get up slowly and run before the guy holds me again. I can see Liquorice running after me so I run faster.

I
WAKE UP
to my floor shaking. It feels like it is going to split and suck me in. I jump up quickly and run out of the room. I see Yasmine and Khalid standing outside their doors in their pyjamas. I think they feel it too.

‘Yasmine, I'm scared.'

‘Don't worry Habibi, it should stop soon.'

I run to her and we wait for the shaking to finish. It feels like we are on a roller coaster that has a problem with it. It is shaking and my heart is constantly falling to the ground and jumping into my throat within seconds. My whole body feels the tremors. We start to hear bombs and can see explosions from the sitting room window. I have never seen so many bombs at once. The bombing seems far away.

‘Yasmine let's wake everybody and run to the cupboard room.'

‘Okay, you go wake Baba up and I'll wake up the rest.'